I love her. I loved her since I met her when I was 5,I didn't realize the way it was until 7th grade. When we were freshman I realized we could get physical without getting emotional. It seemed perfect. But I always knew that she loved me back. And I trusted that if I was ever ready, we could bring that love into the open. But then she started to try to open it up. A little PDA was nothing, we were both girls. But then she started to stare at me in class. It made me jealous in a way, I wanted to stare back but I couldn't. I told her to stop. She did. I wish she hadn't. Then the duets. It didn't seem like a big deal, I just didn't feel comfortable singing that freaking song. It was way to fitting. Then she went running to he-who-shall-not-be-named. It bothered me, but I knew it wouldn't last. I didn't know it would restart. He's in love with Tina for God' s sake! But maybe he's over it. Maybe he really loved Brittany now. Maybe she really loved him, and it wasn't just an act to make me jealous. I am so, so, so jealous. I always trusted that she and I could be together, properly together whenever I was ready. It's selfish, it's so selfish, I know that. I regret that. I wish we had talked about it. I wish I'd told her. I know she knew I loved her, and I know she knows I still do. But it's not enough. It's not enough because I'm not ready to love her in the open. Just behind closed doors. Closed doors. Damn , I am seriously in the closet. I love my best friend. I love a girl. I know that it's a fact, and I've accepted it, but I'm still coming to terms with everything it means. And that's the hardest part.
I'm sorry, Britt.