Sasuke the Onmyoujutsushi!

Summary: In which Sasuke wakes up to see the ghost of a war veteran,

Explanation notes: According to Wikipedia, Onmyoudo (literally yin yang path) is a traditional Japanese esoteric cosmology, a mixture of natural science and occultism. It is based on the Chinese philosophies of Wu Xing and Yin and yang, introduced into Japan at the turn of the 6th century, and accepted as a practical system of divination. Ideas about onmyoudo were used in animes like Tokyo Babylon, Shaman King and Shounen Onmyouji. Onmyoujutsushi can be roughly translated to mean a person who uses Onmyou Jutsus.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.

The old man was sitting cross legged in mid air just above the foot of his bed. Sasuke calmly examined him. His face was scrunched up in the weirdest expression that made his closed eyes blend in well with the horizontal wrinkles on his face. He was also slightly translucent; Sasuke could see his dresser through the guy.

"…," said Sasuke as he decided to ignore this figment of his imagination. After all, figments of his imagination were no help in killing That Man.

Brushing past the ghost as he got up to prepare for the day, Sasuke couldn't help the involuntary shiver. Even the air around the ghost felt cold. The ghost's reaction was mildly amusing. He had jumped up as if someone had shoved a lightning rod up his ass and had fallen into a stance with his hands in some sort of seal before relaxing with a bewildered look on his face. Pushing his amusement down, Sasuke merely spared the old man a glance before continuing about his business.

To his irritation, after a distance of around two meters, the ghost started to follow Sasuke around like he was on an invisible leash. If it had been female, and young, Sasuke would have accused it of stalker tendencies. As it was, Sasuke was thankful that the ghost had the decency to turn his back on him while he was in the bathroom.

Sasuke sat at his usual seat in the academy and assumed his usual pose of Broody Indifference ™ although he was contemplating shifting into his pose of Annoyance©.

"If that old man doesn't stop spinning around in circles around me," Sasuke swore to himself, "I will retract my decision to ignore him and start researching Onmyoujutsu. Even if it does not help me kill That Man."

The old man continued to spin, except that there was now a faint "wheeee!" coming from him.

Sasuke felt his eye twitch in annoyance. By now he had already switched to the pose of Foreboding™. It did not help that the class harpies were screeching by the door.

By now, one of the harpies had kicked the orange eyesore out of his seat and was smiling coyly at him. He shuddered. The thought of researching onmyoujutsu seemed even more appealing now. He heard that it was also useful in warding off evil, even the ones of non-dead variety.

The orange eyesore was squatting on his desk, with their noses almost touching. Even the old man had stopped spinning around at this new development. Said old man also seemed to be trying to haul Eyesore away from him. Hmm... perhaps the ghost was of some use after all.

…

…

…

…NOT.

Sasuke gagged as he wished for water, tomato juice, anything to get the horrible taste of Eyesore out of his mouth. There was quite a commotion as the harpies beat the tar out of Eyesore. Sasuke took that as a sign of his potential in onmyoujutsu, in the branch of controlling youkai at least.

Iruka-sensei entered just then and used his Demon Head no Jutsu to coerce the class into behaving. Sasuke perked up. "A lead!" he thought to himself, now all he had to do was find a way to blac- to persuade Iruka-sensei to cough out all his secrets. Meahahaha.

The ghost was watching Iruka with a nostalgic look on his face. Not that Sasuke paid any attention of course, he was busy Plotting.

"Team 7: Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke was rudely jerked out of his Plotting by the sound of his name. looking at the dejected Eyesore and the madly cheering Vice Head Harpy, he felt his mood plummet.

AN:

As far as this story goes, it's not planned out at all and is highly experimental. I just want to see your reactions (if any) so please review and tell me what you think.

Also, I'm not a very good writer of humour, in fact I don't even think I'm a funny person. Every time I get laughs in a conversation I'm actually being rather serious while people think I'm joking. (On a side note, when I'm actually joking people don't laugh at all =.=)

In other words, I have no idea why this fic became like this. And I don't really think it's very funny even though the genre is 'humour'. Although my counterpart laughed the first time I let her read it.

I'm also bad at writing, in the extremely slow writer/updater and the write at a speed of one paragraph per hour even when I know what I want to write about. If you look at my profile, I'm the one who can't write, but I'm slowly getting better. I think.

I won't really say anything about the inspiration of this fic and its possible variations until the identity of the ghost is known. (No, he's not an OC) Not that his identity is hard to guess, I wasn't trying to hide it very hard. Feel free to submit your guesses.