"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!"
Meet the Magnificent Marauders
Hogwarts' Pranking Masterminds!
The Marauders are seventeen, top pranksters, sneaky, wicked funny, hilarious, charming and unbelievably clever. WiziVogue went to meet them at Hogwarts (in a weird room opposite a strange tapestry on the seventh-floor corridor) – our reporter Christiana Starseeker was thoroughly charmed (and slightly scared)... and when you read her EXCLUSIVE interview, you'll know why – prepare to be mystified, tickled with laughter and to fall in love with the most amazing boys ever to walk this planet...
WV: So, how does it feel to have a reputation for pranks and mischief that goes out of Hogwarts and into the wizarding world?
Sirius Black: It feels absolutely GREAT. What's even greater is that they send fit girls to come and interview us in the Room of Requirement... when are you free?
Remus Lupin: Padfoot... you must have spoken about twenty words and already you're trying to ask out Miss Starseeker. Do you HAVE any manners to speak of?
SB: Yes I do, actually, Moony. Miss Starseeker, could I please have the pleasure of your company next weekend at the Three Broomsticks? See Moony. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
RL: Yes I do. I have lovely manners which you seem to lack.
James Potter: I agree with Moony. Pads, calm down and answer the questions properly! Fine, seeing as Peter is so ENGROSSED in his Chocolate Frog [James looks at Peter disgustedly; Sirius looks at him hungrily], I shall answer the question for you, Miss Starseeker. It feels pretty good. Do we also have a reputation for kindness and helping out students in distress against bullies and Slytherins? Because if we do, could you please tell Lily?
WV: I'm sorry, I don't know who Lily is, but I assure you–
JP: Lily Evans is the most beautiful girl alive. She has soft, silky auburn hair and the loveliest emerald eyes and I love her very much but she says that I, um, am, er...
Peter Pettigrew: Lily says that he is an arrogant toerag.
JP: Yes, THANK YOU, Wormtail. And when was the last time you had a girl fall at your feet?
SB: Two hours ago.
RL: No need to be rude, Prongs. And Sirius - we do not want the sordid details of your love life.
JP: Sorry. Please continue.
SB: You sound like that time we were in detention with McGonagall and you started ranting at Snivellus because he said you had a big head. That was hilarious mate!
JP: It was, wasn't it? Comic genius, thy name is James Potter!
WV: Um, yes, now, we had loads of questions sent in by our readers.
SB: Were ninety-nine-point-nine percent of them "Sirius, will you go out with me, you sexy beast?"
JP: Nah, why would they want to go out with you?
SB: I radiate sex-godness. I am fit.
RL: Go off and kiss your reflection in the mirror.
SB: Come again?
RL: Seeing as you so OBVIOUSLY fancy yourself.
JP: Ha! Now that was funny!
WV: Hmmn, yes, it was, but I have a list of questions to read you. The first one is for, um–
SB: MEEEEEEE!?!?!?!
WV: No. It's for, um, all of you. It is "What is your favourite song and why?"
SB: That's easy. It's "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. To know why, just use your imagination.
RL: Not all our minds are in the gutter like yours.
SB: [Said in a sarcastic voice] HA HA HA! Aren't you funny? I was only joking, faithful Sirius fans. My favourite song is in fact "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams because not only is it an absolutely brilliant tune, it features lots of guitars and it feels really summery so it reminds me of sitting by the Black Lake in summertime and laughing with my friends and annoying the hell out of Lily and Isabel.
WV: Isabel?
PP: Isabel Willoughby is Lily's best friend but also Padfoot's best friend who is a girl.
WV: Ah, right. So what are your favourite songs, Remus, James, Peter?
JP: I like "You Really Got Me" by the Kinks and "I'm A Believer" by the Monkees. I'm sorry, I can't pick between the two – I think they both sum up how I feel about the lovely Lily and they are just brilliant to dance to at our Marauder parties, which, surprisingly, Lily comes too. Though I suspect Isabel has something to do with it...
RL: It's a tough question, but I think I am going to have to say "(Remember the Days Of The) Old Schoolyard" by Cat Stevens.
WV: That's my favourite song too! It's so catchy, isn't it? We have so much in common!
SB: Well why don't you just get married and have sixteen children, then?
PP: Ignoring Sirius' BITTER comment–
SB: Who said I was bitter?
JP: Pete did. Now shut up, I want to find out what his favourite song is – he's created the perfect cliffhanger!
PP: Er, thanks, Prongs... my favourite song is "My Generation" by the Who, because it's just a good song.
SB: Excellent analysis, Pete, that's equivalent to you saying carrots are orange or I am gorgeous. Though I would be a bit worried if you were saying I was gorgeous.
WV: Right, now, moving swiftly on, next question from the fans of you guys: "Who is your one true love?"
JP: My one true love is–
WV&SB&PP&RL: Lily?
JP: How did you guess? Are you psychic?
RL: No, James.
JP: Wow, that was a lucky guess. Yes, Lily is my one true love. I would climb the tallest mountain for her, swim to the bottom of the deepest ocean for her, kiss the Giant Squid for her...
SB: Prongs, mate, she actually suggested that.
JP: Hmmn, yes, well...
WV: So, Sirius, who's your one true love?
SB: You.
WV: [Too bewildered to reply]
SB: YOU LOVE ME TOO, DON'T YOU?
WV: [Still too bewildered to reply]
SB: I might just throw myself off the Astronomy tower. You're rejecting me, aren't you, Andrea?
WV: Um, my name is Christiana, not Andrea.
SB: Whoops, sorry, Christiana.
JP: He made that mistake with Marianna Daly in Hufflepuff the other day. He called her Andrea too, and she slapped him.
PP&RL&JP: SLAP HIM! SLAP HIM! SLAP HIS UGLY FACE!
SB: [Stands at the window as if about to jump out of it in the style of Spiderman] I am going! Nobody loves me!
JP: Sounds about right.
SB: Goodbye! I'm going... going... GONE! [Jumps out of the window]
JP: Oh bloody hell, I didn't think he actually would jump out of the window!
RL: What a stupid fool.
WV: Oh my God... I am so going to get the sack for this! Nobody else has ever dived out of a window during an interview before! I worked so hard for this job!
PP: And how do you feel about that?
WV: Extremely tense and worried–
JP: HELLO! WE NEED TO LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW! MY BEST MATE JUST JUMPED OUT OF THE WINDOW!
WV&RL&PP&JP: [Sprint to the window]
JP: Bloody hell, where is he?
RL: Oh my... do you reckon that was the end of Padfoot?
Ghostly Bodiless Voice: Yes it was.
PP: AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
JP: Where's the ghostly bodiless voice coming from?
GBV: Everywhere, and nowhere. Sometimes at the same time.
JP: Whoa, a complex being!
GBV: Yes. I am the ghost of Padfoot present...
PP: Ooh, Padfoot's giving us presents from beyond the grave?
RL: Be quiet, Pete. I think something suspicious is going on.
GBV: Nothing suspicious is going on here. You have to review what you are doing to Padfoot and why he jumped out of that window. Will you miss him?
JP: Yes.
RL&PP: Sort of.
JP: HE WAS YOUR FELLOW MARAUDER AND COMRADE!
RL&PP: Yes, we will miss him.
JP: What about you, Christiana?
WV: I've only known him for fifteen minutes, but I suppose we had a hidden bond.
GBV: Good. Now, what would you give to have him back?
JP: Everything!
GBV: Everything? You did value him. Can anybody top that?
RL: You don't sound like a ghost. There's something fishy going on around here...
PP: I'd give the five-hundred-grams chocolate bar in my pocket.
[Sirius Black's head pops up at the window]
WV&JP&RL&PP: AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
PP: I want to be back in Kansas, not here with the ghost of Sirius!
WV&JP&RL&SB: Kansas?
PP: Hey, it's what Dorothy said!
SB: Weirdo.
PP: The ghost of Sirius insults! AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!
SB: I'm not the ghost of Sirius, you prat, I am Sirius! I was standing on the balcony below the window.
JP: SIRIUS! YOU'RE ALIVE! HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!!! Hang on...
SB: What?
JP: Who was the ghostly bodiless voice then?
SB: Uh... nobody... [laughs wildly as if hiding something]
RL: Oh come on, you don't have to be Nancy Drew to figure this out.
WV&SB&JP&PP: Who on earth is Nancy Drew?
RL: She's a character in a Muggle detective series. Therefore you don't have to be a detective or have advanced deduction skills to work out who the ghostly bodiless voice belonged to – obviously it was Padfoot thinking he could get stuff out of us and then pretending to be a random ghost thing.
SB: Oh, er, right...
WV: Well, after all the, er, excitement [snorts sarcastically] of the past few minutes, perhaps it's time we moved on to some questions where you can all demonstrate the fact that you are actually sane. So, another question from a fan of yours: would you ever release a single?
SB: Wow, brilliant idea. I always fancied myself as the next Celestina Warbeck – or perhaps, more appropriately, the next FREDDIE MERCURY!
JP: Personally, I believe Padfoot has a very high opinion of himself and I can vouch for the fact that he cannot sing therefore releasing a single would be impossible if he were to sing on it.
SB: Some best mate you are.
JP: I still haven't forgotten the ghostly bodiless voice thing.
RL: To be fair, Sirius can play the drums rather well. James can play the guitar extremely well, I play a little bit of guitar and Peter...
PP: I can play the triangle.
JP: Therefore there is not likely to be a single any time soon, unless we bring in a singer. OH MY MERLIN I HAVE HAD THE BEST IDEA EVER!
SB: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
JP: Probably not. A lot of your time is spent thinking about cheese, which I often neglect to think about. But my best idea ever is that ISABEL AND LILY CAN SING! We could, theoretically, make a band!
RL: Can we just say this is a possibility?
WV: Yes, I suppose so. Anyway, I have to be back at the office in half an hour so we have time for perhaps one last question as it will probably spring up a huge debate which will last for a long time... some readers of our magazine ran a poll to find the sexiest Marauder. Who do you think won – I can tell you the results after your guess...
SB: What a surprise! ME!!!
RL: Aren't you modest about the fact that girls fall at your feet?
SB: A gift, my dear Moonykins, a gift.
JP: Perhaps Sirius isn't the sexiest Marauder. Perhaps it is a certain messy-haired, hazel-eyed, Quidditch extroadinaire...
SB: Not bloody likely. Who is it who has been vying for the romantic attentions of one girl for practically six years and been denied at least seventeen times a day?
PP: [cough] ... James ... [cough]
JP: Subtlety, thy name is Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew.
SB: Don't be horrible to Wormtail!
JP: Says you who spends half your life being horrible to him.
SB: How could you say that? I love my little Wormy! [Pauses thoughtfully] In a purely platonic way, of course.
JP: Yeah?
SB: Yeah?
JP: Yeah?
RL: STOP IT NOW! Perhaps it would be a good idea for Christiana to tell us who the sexiest Marauder is, according to the poll.
SB: Yeah, take it away, Christy!
WV: Thank you, Sirius. Well, in fourth place, with one percent of the votes, was Peter. In joint second place, is James and–
SB: REMUS LUPIN!
WV: Sirius.
SB: WHAT?
WV: Yes, Sirius and James got thirty percent of the votes each.
JP: So that must mean...
WV: Remus came in first place as the reader's sexiest Marauder, with thirty-nine percent of the votes. Readers said that his "supreme intelligence", "sandy hair", "twinkly eyes" and "pristine manners" are extremely attractive and sexy. Congratulations Remus – and before Sirius can protest or ask me out again – thank you for taking the time to speak to me. Goodbye.
SB: So, we still on for drinks later?
I hope you liked the Marauder's interview with WiziVogue - I don't know whether to do other characters in the same way, what do you think? PLEASE leave a review, they mean a lot to me!
:) x Lily Orange x (: