Chapter One: Year Six Begins
Harry, Ron and Hermione walk. They walk a lot. Hogworts is big. They walk to get snow cones. Ron wants peaches. He gives Fred and George a hug. Hermione smiles. "I like to walk." she says.
"I like you Hermione," says Ron. He has a peaches snow cone now. Fred and George dance the dots Polka. And then the half blood princess appears.
"I am a princess." the princess says. "I am half blood because both of my parents are wizards too"
"I am a half blood brother." Harry says.
Fred and George talk about twins and then they kiss. They kiss Hermione.
Fleur admits she's Draco's real mom. Draco discovers his veela powers and seduces Harry and Ron. Fred and George kiss them. And the princess is happy like a flower.
"I am not gay." says Neville.
"I like to fly with drugs." says Ginny.
"I DON'T LIKE THAT!" says Ron.
Ron kisses Ginny because he wants her.
"Oh my god they killed Kenny!" says Harry and cries. Harry cries.
Fred and George make out.
"I want to have an adventure." says the princess.
"I love to ski." says Pansy.
"Griffindor and Hufflepuffs are cool." says Draco.
They went to the beach. There was a lion. The lion was in the water. They had bathing suits. Harry drank the water and cried.
"We are twins against that." say Fred and George.
Draco kissed Harry. The princess kills Voldemort.
"Voldemort is dead," says Ron and takes off his bathing suit. He swims naked.
Ginny kisses Voldemort.
"I have seven books." says Hermione. She studies in the library.
"I am scared." says Harry. He is worried about revenge.
"The princess is having an affair with Dumbledore." says Ron.
"I am in book seven." says Hermione.
Vicktor kisses Hermione.
"Now I'm in book seven," says Goyle. Goyle plays soccer.
The twins kiss while playing soccer. "It's love" they say.
Harry picks up flowers, even aunt Petunia, Pansy and Lily Potter. And Fleur too.
"There are eight books you have to read to pass." says Snape. He hits them with a ruler. Hermione cries. Neville throws his books everywhere.
"I don't like it I want to pick flowers." says Ron.
Harry bites a cat. "I WANT TO BE IN BOOK EIGHT!" Harry says.
"You die in book seven," says Voldemort and kisses the twins.
"Voldie," says Ginny. Ron gets mad. Ron spanks Ginny.
Everybody cries together because they're sad.
"WAAA," says the princess and dies.
"I love to dance and I hate James Potter." says Flitch.
"I'm looking it up on the internet." says Draco.
Hermione is on the roof. She has a magical thing but it doesn't fly. "Shoot." she says.
"I am a princess why not?" says the princess.
"Because you're not magical enough." says Hedwig.
Draco finds porn. Draco blushes.
Hermione dances with Flitch and they kiss the twins. The twins die from an overdose.
"Harry I love you. Your eyes are blue like the blue sky and the blue ground from the water on our blue planet. When I look at your eyes I feel like I'm looking at the earth itself only two. You have two eyes. They are beautiful and I love them. I love you too. Can we be together? Your eyes are blue like a blue sunset. They are blue like the sky above the school. I love you so much." says the princess. She kisses Harry. Her eyes open and it is not Harry. It is Lily Potter from so long ago.
Lily kisses the princess, she doesn't like James Potter either. "I love you too, princess, James potter is a prick, he's bloody. He has lots of blood. He's a wanker too. He goes wank wank. You are beautiful." And then they kiss again and Ron throws up.
Harry looks in the mirror. "I am ready for my date with Snape." he says.
"That's gross." Dean says. He tells Dumbledore. The Princess kisses him.
"I have to go to wizard court." says Snape. Snape wears a pink dress to impress the wizardmaggot. Harry stares at the pretty Snape. He likes dresses.
The princess is half unicorn. That is why she's a half blood princess. Everybody stares at her horn.
"Pretty," they all say and she's happy.
"Kawaii," says Cho Chang and nobody understands.
"Lily Evans was my girlfriend in high school." Snape says.
"Let's go listen to Evanescence." Draco says.
"OK." Crabbe and Goyle follow him to the Slytherin dorms.
"Stop!" the half-blood princess kills all the wizard lawyers and judges with her horn. She wakes up from rage and sees. "No! What have I done!" she screams and cries.
When she sees the dead people Hermione turns into a goth. Goth Hermione likes Brittany Spears. Britney Spears kisses Draco but Draco breaks her heart.
Dumbledore kisses Snape. Snape looks hot in a dress.
The half blood princess is a noisy bitch. Can I say bitch on TV?
"Stop watching Spongebob. It's time for class." says Percy to Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle. He is head of Slytherin while Snape is away. Draco laughs like Spongebob and then Crabbe and Goyle laugh too.
Goyle wants to be Squidward but JK Rowling is Squidward already so he cries. She's a meanie. The princess comes back and flies like a unicorn but she hits the ceiling and dies. Harry Potter cries. Ron Granger cries. Angst.
"I love you most of all, Draco" Joanne the princess's fairy godparent says.
"Sorry I love Harry Potter." Draco says.
The princess neighs and flies over Harry.
Harry is eating a pumpkin. Then he throws up orange all over the place. Hermione cries because her book is ruined. Poor Hermione.
Then they all undress and run around naked. Fred and George kiss.
"I don't like the new wizard jail. It is in a pineapple under the sea." Snape says.
"Twincest is best. I read it in book nine." Hermione says.
"I didn't mean it! Honest!" Harry cries.
"It's all right. We can fix everything." the princess says.
To Be Continued in Chapter 2