Disclaimer : Not mine, not mine. It belongs to Akira Amano and only Akira Amano.
Hey, everyone. This is my first story for KHR. I didn't beta this, so sorry for the errors -which I think is a lot-. It is written in 2nd POV, I hope I managed to pull it off. Please be nice to me =)
Pairings : D18 / tint of 8018
Setting : 10 years later.
The first time you and him got into a fight, you decided that it is all his faults.
It was unexpected. You know that he got few problems with his familia but since he said nothing, you think it would be better if you just stay away from it. His expressions, most of them are fakes since the problem occurred but still, you said nothing. You don't want to burden him more with your presence; he should know that if he needs you, you'll always be in his reach.
You never thought that, that morning, standing beside Yamamoto Takeshi, companying him to visit his father's grave would cause you a problem. A huge problem. It is not your fault but everyone is looking so down. All those herbivorous actions. How should you know that Yamamoto will wrap his arms around you and start to cry on your shoulder? You just knew that the herbivour had politely asked you to company him –since he saw you doing nothing but wandering around the Vongola's base-, you thought you had found a reason to give your partner some personal space.
You thought of hitting Yamamoto with your tonfas but somehow, the atmosphere is so depressing and you rather have this herbivour clinging on you like you are his lifeline rather than having him more depress after you rejected his quest for comfort. But you know you did nothing wrong there. Your arms unmoving beside you, you did not embrace him back, nor did you close your eyes and say anything comforting. You are not capable of it.
When you are incapable of understanding what your partner needs, how should you be capable to fulfill Yamamoto Takeshi's need?
Nonsense.
You said nothing when Dino Cavallone shouted at you later, that night. You said nothing when he kicked the nearest table, causing all those files and materials to fall on the floor. You stared at it, ironically when a thought of those broken glasses, almost resembling your heart at the moment. You did not blame Dino for being jealous, it is normal but why pouring all his anger on you? And why can't you say anything to defend yourself? That's what you do every time he accused you for something. Wait, he never did accuse you for anything.
Except for this time.
You stared at him all the time he shout, shout and shout. He shouted that you should know your presence is the only thing that can make him remain sane. He shouted why you left him and that your reason for personal space did not give any logic meaning. How should you know? If he didn't tell you, how should you know?
He accused you for cheating on him. He shouted that when he is your lover, why did you go to comfort other? You wanted to tell him, 'I did nothing, that's his doing' but you knew that even if you shout back, the insanity surrounding him will be the barrier inbetween.
You know that Dino is having a lot of problems these few days. You know that he always return home late, hugging you while thinking that you are still asleep –forgetting the fact that you are a light sleeper-, and crying his heart out while whispering 'I'm sorry', 'I'm sorry', 'I'm sorry' all over again.
You wonder what he is apologizing for.
But you never question.
You have never been in a good relationship with emotion.
All you do is bite people to death.
So when the head of Vongola died and the atmosphere slowly eating everyone away, you thought that it would be good if you put a safe distance between emotion and yourself.
Blinked away from your thoughts, you realized that Dino is staring at your eyes. His own are almost dead, almost scaring you, almost make the guilt eat you alive. But wait… you did nothing wrong. Why are you feeling insecure?
You refused to look away. You stare back at him; you will not allow your pride being punished for something that is not your doing.
"I don't understand you, Kyouya… I thought we are lovers."
Foolish herbivour. Always acting so herbivorous.
"Then what do you think we are now?"
The air is thicker, you noticed.
"I think we are over."
And suddenly you can't breathe.
Words shouldn't hurt much. They are just alphabets, put together to form a word and words to form a sentence.
Dino did nothing to hurt you physically. You did nothing to hurt him physically either.
But why does it hurt like hell?
Your guts weakened a bit; you didn't expect that to come out, did you? After chasing you for almost 5 years, he finally decided to let you go only because some herbivours told him that they saw you and Yamamoto Takeshi, hugging at the cemetery? If it would make it better, one-sided hug?
You said nothing.
What else to be said?
You've done nothing but stupid Dino with his stupid problems and stupid issues had caused this stupid situation to happen.
You will not apologize.
You saw his expression, that pathetic expression, his eyes lowered down in depression in having you not saying anything to against his final decision. You don't want to be involved in this sickly emotion called love ever since you were young. Because you know, if you happened to be, it will be your cause of downfall.
Guess that you've failed yourself quite successfully.
"I… when I return home, I don't want to see you here anymore."
Your eyes saw nothing but you heard a slam of the door.
He left without hesitation.
And it hurts you a lot more.
That late night, you didn't sleep.
It is not like you refusing to but you can't.
Laying down on the soft mattress, the large king sized bed that was supposed to carry the burden of weight belongs to you and Dino, you can't help but staying awake. You never have problem sleeping before, even when Dino is not around. Maybe because you know that he is returning home no matter how long it would take.
And his words echoing in your surroundings, your hearing.
"I… when I return home, I don't want to see you here anymore."
Why the hell are you still here? Didn't he clearly have stated that he wanted you to get out?
You told yourself that it is not because you don't want to go. You just feel that the herbivour deserve a chance to take back his words. And you are giving him time until sunrise, which are around 3 more hours.
But why is your hand holding the cellphone in your grasp, tighter? You keep on checking the inbox, the call logs, and the mailbox every five minutes in case if you didn't realize something come in.
You insist that it is not because you want him to stop you from going. It is because you want him to apologize and realize his mistake.
The comforter, it smells like him. His soft, yet masculine scent of Acqua Di Gio, you never complain on his choice of perfume. You didn't know if he noticed that.
You can almost feel the heat, the warmth of his body, still on his side of the bed.
Even when it is empty.
You remember the Italian lullabies he always hums for you. Most of the time, when he thought you are already sleeping and he will end his humming with a soft whisper of 'Good night, Kyouya, I love you, Kyouya'.
You wonder if he noticed that you had your eyes open against the pillow during all those times, listening as he talks about his problems, saying that how much he wanted to tell you all of it but you were happen to just lost your family leader and he said, 'I don't want to make you feel miserable'.
You never noticed until that moment, that one thing that is missing between you and Dino is trust.
It doesn't mean that you don't trust Dino and vice versa.
But the trust that you are emphasizing on, is the trust that Dino should have, the trust that Dino should be able to grab on, that Kyouya is not weak. That Kyouya is able to move on no matter what. That Dino doesn't have to keep anything from Kyouya because Kyouya can take anything, everything without a single difficulty. Dino should have trust Kyouya with his ability to accept everything.
You blinked your eyes. Why is your sight blurry? Why your eyes are so warm?
You reached out and touched your cheek.
Tears?
You chuckled as you stared at your wet fingers, at all times, why must now?
Tik tok.
Tik tok.
Tik tok.
Why Dino Cavallone did not call you yet?
Finally the time has come.
"Kyou-san, if you are ready, we can go now."
Your assistance peeks from the slightly opened door, informing you that he is ready to go before closing it again.
You stand up from the bed, looking around the large bedroom for awhile. You are returning back to Japan in 2 more hours. Your flight is around 7 am, time sure moving so quickly.
You think that maybe you will miss this room. You have packed all your things, refusing to even let a little thing belong to you to be left here. You put your cold mask as your façade, walking ever so slowly towards the door.
Why is it so hard for you to move your legs?
Is it because you are hoping that Dino will come and stop-
You think it is déjà vu when the door suddenly slammed open, a mass of blond hair blinding your sight as you are pulled into a tight hug.
Your eyes widened as the scent of familiar branded perfume filled your nostrils and your right shoulder is soaked with…tears?
"Don't go! Please don't go! I'm being stupid, don't go, please!" words murmuring against your right ear and you swear he is going to kill you with his arms tighten more and more around you.
"Let me go, Bucki-"
"No! If I let go, you'll slip away! Don't slip away from me!"
"If you didn't let me go in 3 seconds, I'll bite you to death."
The threat still work –you amused- and he let you go automatically. You look up and you saw what you didn't expect.
The man standing in front of you is nothing like the man you know, the man you once look up for.
His eyes and nose are red, there are black circles underneath his eyes and his expression resembles a tired man. Tired with anything and everything.
You look away; proceed to walk your way out but his hand gently holding onto your left wrist. You can almost feel his depression, his longing and his guilt.
"I'm sorry I accused you for cheating, Kyouya… You would never do that."
"If you were sorry, you won't do it at the first place."
His eyes widened in surprise and pain. You know that your words hurt him like thousands of needles but you want him to suffer. You want him to feel what you felt when he said the same to you.
He fell on his knees, wrapping his arms around your waist as his face buries on your stomach. You are not ready for this; you regretted you didn't leave earlier when he started to cry harder.
"I'm sorry I released all my tension and anger on you, this isn't suppose to even be a problem but I'm so stupid! I'm sorry that I never spend any of my time to discuss all my problems with you or this thing won't have happened! I'm sorry that I never trust you enough, never trust us enough that we can overcome everything that want to push us apart! Punish me if that you think can make you happier, hit me as much as you want, I won't fight back! But please don't leave me!"
His pathetic wails make you rolled your eyes but you know he won't be able to see that. But now you know what is it that he always apologizing for.
He was apologizing for himself.
For not being able to trust you a bit more.
At this moment, somehow your heart softened at his effort to not having you leave him. You thought that he must had spent his night restless too, trying to figure out which way to go before it is too late. You noticed that he still wearing the same clothes as yesterday too and wonder how the Cavallone Boss is going to survive afterwards if you left.
Stupid herbivour.
"If I punish you but you didn't fight back, you are a waste of my time, Bucking Horse."
At your statement, his head titled upwards and his eyes meeting yours. You never realized how fragile those golden orbs are until now. He is, however trying his best to interpret your statement, licking and biting his lips when you continued to look down emotionlessly at him.
"Does this mean… I'm forgiven?"
You think twice. Maybe you should leave because he is being so damn slow and pathetically emotional.
"Yes-" before another insult come out from your mouth, you found yourself no longer on the ground. He holds you up against him, kissing your face lovingly and happily, as if you just said yes to his marriage proposal.
"Let me go-"
"I love you, Kyouya, I love you more than my life and my soul-"
Phank!
A hit of your tonfa and he is out cold.
You looked at the unconscious man on the floor, he must be really tired to pass out just by a slight hit from you. However, you let a small smile slip out, kneeling down beside him and gently tucking his golden locks behind his left ear. A small whisper to his affection would be enough for now.
"I love you too, Dino Cavallone… more than I can ever promise."
The first time you and him got into a fight, you decided that you don't want to have the second one.
End.
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=)