Hondo Ohnaka x Cad Bane drabbles

Rated: PG-13ish

Series: Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Romantic

"My darling," he lamented out over a glass of spiced ale, waving the item to and fro above the bar with much gusto; sending most of it onto the counter top and floor in doing so. "I toast to our great friendship. To the glorious victories over our foes; to our spoils of war and swindles of spice and treasure; to every single time you grace me with your unforgettable presence. I cherish our fights, our passion, our entwined beings down to the very last drop of ale in my mug. Let me honor your rebellious spirit by holding it for one more night and making it mine. Let me sate you with drink and fill you with my deepest desires. My Friend, My love. Cheers!"

Drunken red eyes stared at the Weequay pirate for several long moments from under the brim of that half-cocked hat in a sheer irritated confusion. Finally the duros just barked out: "What de CRINK are you talkin' about, PAL?"

Hondo only sighed and slapped the bounty hunter on his back. "I was just saying ..let me buy you another drink, my darling, and then we'll see just how much of ME I can fit into YOU."

"See, now.." Cad downed the rest of his glass with a smirk, "dat's de way t'my heart, boy."

A Woman Can Shoot Your Shit Too, Son

Florrum was not exactly the bounty hunter's particularly favorite place to be but when he needed to lie low from Republican dogs there was no better hiding place than among pirates.

Drunken, prone-to-violence, drink-spicing Weequay pirates. Only a fool came to Florrum uninvited.

Cad Bane stood before one of the windows of the Ohnaka gang's compounds staring out at the sulfuric-geyser laced desert. The planet was nearly barren save for the occasional Skalder lumbering by. The only signs of civilization was the compound itself and the miles of ion-charged power-lines that disappeared off into the distance. A backwater planet indeed. Not exactly a place for a high-maintenance creature with a flair for pay and technology.

Cad would be leaving as soon as his trail chilled.

"How are enjoying your stay, my friend?"

The bounty hunter did not remove his red gaze from the window even as the leader of the pirates tromped his overly-cheerful self into the room granted to the guest. Hondo Ohnaka was a 'friend' in the same way everyone else in the galaxy was of use to Cad. Only when he needed them. Still - Cad didn't mind the pirate's company. Most of the time.

"Gratin' 'n' borin', Hondo as usual," the bounty hunter's cybernetic gutter-purr gritted out. "I'll be takin' my leave as soon as de coast is clear. I have other business to attend to on Nar Shaddar - dat Rodian heartworm of mine you had de pleasure of meetin' found a little side job dat I'm not exactly fond of. I tink I shall drop by unannounced 'n' see what she is up to."

"Hahahaa - always scheming, I like that about you. You tell Torani she is always welcome on Florrum!" Hondo had strolled up right behind the bounty hunter, chuckling and clumping noisily on his boots, "and so are you."

THWAP!

Honestly, it wasn't the contact of Hondo's rough skinned hand slapping the bounty hunter on the ass that actually SHOCKED Cad - it was the fact that he'd had the gull to do it! Cad retaliated almost immediately - but not in such a playful manner. The duros swiveled on his rocket boot heels with a hiss and slammed his fist into Hondo's smiling goggled face.

"Arrrrghhhh! Crinkin' HELL!" Cad swore as his blue knuckles split on the exceedingly rock hard skin of the Weequay pirate.

The punch, it seemed - did little more to Hondo than make him stumble back slightly wrinkling his nose. The pirate shook his head, making his gray wired braids swish before grinning at the bounty hunter with the green-bloodied hand. Hondo broke out into a laugh and slapped his hand onto Cad's slim shoulder and joked: "Hahahahaa! You hit like a girl, my friend!"

The pirate was giving two extremely obvious warnings of impending death at that statement. One: the duros eyes narrowed to red slits on his face. Two: those breathing tubes of his gave one hell of a displeased rattle just like a snake about to strike. Cad wasn't exactly know for his brute physical prowess no...

..but Hondo had a hell of a time leaping out of the way as the bounty hunter snatched up his twin silver blasters and began lock popping both of them at the pirate. PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! The Weequay's boot soles were flaming red as he was forced to comically dance and dodge out of the way.

"DO I SHOOT LIKE A WOMAN, HONDO?"

"I was joking! I was joking! I buy you a drink!"

"YOU KEEP DANCIN' FUNNY BOY! I KIN DO DIS ALL NIGHT."

Business

"And you do know that for an extra thousand credits I WILL personally deliver this shipment for you... I'm so VERY glad every time we can conduct more business together..."

"Hn."

"You know, my friend - if you are ever needing just a little bit more help on your next job I can offer my services for a nominal fee - of course, negotiable. I noticed you've not complained before."

"Sure..su-"

"Perhaps I'll even invest the Repair One for the time being. She is a small ship but VERY fast perhaps faster than that little cargo hauler you're usually running around in."

"..."

"You do agree, don't you?"

The only answer Hondo received was the sound of Bane's forehead hitting the wooden table. Plif chattered loudly and the monkey lizard leaped from the weequay pirate's broad shoulders to give chase to that over-sized hat as it nearly rolled off toward the floor. Hondo blinked a few times from under his goggles at the face-planted form of his drinking buddy. Perhaps he should have paid more attention to the duros' own pheromones and cut him off before this happened. (As it often did.) Weequay noses were always good for this kind of thing.

Well! Details could wait til morning! No point wasting words (and an opportunity) on ears too drunk to listen! The pirate captain slammed the rest of his own drink down and stood from the company drinking table. He had to fight with Plif for a few tugs before the nasty little critter finally relinquished Cad's lid to him. Without a word, which was a mixed blessing for the crew considering how much Hondo loved to talk, the weequay pirate heaved the drunken, cyber-laced bounty hunter over his shoulder and went tromping toward his quarters with him, whistling merrily.

He booted open his bedroom door and wandered on over to the bed. His unconscious skinny load was deposited down much like one would a bundle of washed clothing. Hondo grinned down at his rumbled, drooling, spice-addled friend-for-the-night and chuckled. This was becoming all too familiar a sight. -Not that Hondo minded! His bed could have a drunken duros decoration any time it liked.

And after all. Waste not; want not!

The pirate was in the middle of shrugging out of his red armored admiral's coat when he became very much aware of being watched and light whispering. Pausing with one arm out he glanced over his shoulder and realized he'd not shut his door.

A door whose open pathway was filled with several curious, snickering weequay faces.

Hondo tilted his head at the crew members. "And just what do you think you're hoping to see tonight?"

"Business, Cap'n.." one piped up, scratching his chin. "Me 'n' t'boys were talkin' 'n' well, we wanna be in on t'business.."

"The business? My business!" Hondo corrected. He motioned toward Bane's unconscious form. "My Personal business at that. Not exactly a company policy."

"Well yeah, Cap'n. We understand that but... when we signed up 'n' all it was for shares of t'loot."

Hondo had to chuckle. Loot. If Bane had been well..not drunk, he'd had have one less crew member. This was pretty audacious but he had to appreciate his crew's determination.

"Perhaps," he finally said as he stepped toward the door and placed his hand upon it. "But one must not forget that the spoils of business are only for those willing to work..." and then with a sudden light in his eyes, the pirate captain added, "..or make a deal for it."

His crew looked between each other and then nodded with grins. "Yeah, Cap'n. You jus' name t'price."

"Hahaha! Learning for me are you?" Hondo smirked and then proceeded to shut the door in all their spiky faces. "However, this little endeavor is already sealed. We'll discuss this..in the morning."

Ignoring his crews complaints the weequay captain locked his door tight and turned. Shrugging off the rest of his coat he headed back over to the bed and reached down to unhitch the duros' belt.

"..de hell was dat all about?" Cad guttered out barely awake without opening his eyes.

"Business!" Hondo replied with a smile as he popped Bane's britches open. "Lots and lots of business for you."

"De kind dat pays?"

"Loads!" The pirate captain lidded his eyes in secret. "But first - my commissioner's fee."

Which he took - repeatedly.