Disclaimer : Nope, me no owny Yu-Gi-Oh... (Sobs). It's no fair.

A/N : Okay... this is... weird, with a crappy title. Consider this a very late Christmas present and an apology to not updating Shadows. I know it's very vague as to who it is and probably work with loads of other fandoms, but this one is for Yu-Gi-Oh. And cookies for whoever guesses who it is. :)

Afterwards

At night I am nothing more than a little child, weak and defenceless, cowering over some unseen monster because my façade has fallen.

I become vulnerable and my mask of smiles and joy slips.

I fall into a swirl, or sometimes, a void of emotions and I get swallowed by the intensity of which they scathe my heart.

Hate and love, fear and courage, hope and betrayal. The opposites all collide and sparks fly, burning whatever they touch. Corroding it, making my heart turn into a void nothingness.

And then I cry, cry till it fell like I had nothing left to cry but blood.

And then, I'm empty, nothing left to feel or say, or do.

I slip further away from reality and deeper into a fantasy. Darkness embraces my heart, numbing me just that little bit more.

I sit blankly, searching for a means to escape it all, and then He comes to mind, just when I think I'm fully numb.

I scream and cry silently in my head, trying to forget happier times, not willing to taint what we had with my hate, fury and betrayal.

But I can't. His face is the only thing I see. Everything else is clouded by a haze of my emotions.

I wonder why He comes to mind, try to deny what I feel. I want him, I need him. He is my anchor. My pillar to hold me strong. I curse feeling this way and then it hits me, spreading from my toes until every inch of me is warm.

I love him. Simple as that. But as soon as I think that, my body freezes once more.

He will never be mine. He has gone, never to return to us... to me.

I had my chance but I didn't move, simply waited in the sidelines.

But nothing happened.

So now I sit, waiting, waiting for my end. Wait... I think dully. Why wait when I can hurry this time?

I walk across the room to my desk. I scrawl down a note, then search for the means to bring about my end.

I smile sadly as it find it, but grin in happiness as my wish is granted and I fall into utopia.

I am free.

I can finally see him again.