DISCLAIMER: I don't own ....Yada,yada,yada,yada. I'm a lazy person.;)
NOTES: I wrote this a loooong time ago when I was really bored so bear with me. This is from Amidala's POV after Ani turns and the twins are seperated.
There is no darkness, just ignorance.
All my life I've strived to understand everything. Somethings I did, but others were beyond me. Many times I would I would stay up late, gazing at the silent, cold moons, wondering about my life. Why was I here? Were all my struggles going to someday count for anything? Would I ever truly be happy? Or was I just a small part in a grander plan? Questions would swim around in my mind, bugging me to no end.
But, then again I suppose in some ways, I did find complete happiness, though it was only for a short time. Yes, I guess that was what it felt like to be happy, like the kind in fairytales.Fairytales. How come real life could not be like a fairytale? Happily ever after. Was it because then the galaxy would be too perfect? I mean, just think how much simpiler everything would be if it was like that? No darkside or loss. No sadness or hopelessness. Just a perfect little spinning life, consistent but exciting; full of love and happiness. Happiness. Why does this word always creep into my thoughts? Is it because I am lacking it? But I'm not missing it. I am happy.I think.
Oh, there are so many questions. Why won't you just come home to me Anakin? If you would recognize what it is you're doing maybe you would understand. No, you are not dark. Not my Ani. Noone is born with a darkness already in their heart. Every child has a naive innocence about them no matter who they are or where they are.We all have the opportunity to become what we want to be. It is ignorance that grabs the soul and puts it under lock and key. And unfortunately, Anakin, you have it in handfuls. You are so blind. I do not understand. How can you not see this? Everyone else sees you. Why can you not see yourself? Are you scared or afraid of it? That what you might see is something you would rather not look at? You can not hide forever. Someday I know you will have to aknowledge the inner Anakin buried deep inside of you. It's there. I know. Noone with the heart and courage you had could disapear that fast.
Maybe you do not realise it or think this is true, but you have no idea how much I miss you. My yearning for you is burning a hole through my heart. This pain is far worth then any physical pain you could even dream of putting my through. It's like a pair of shackles you can not escape. Always rubbing at you, not too severly at times, but always letting you know they're there.
Once again, my thoughts have turned to what I would wish to not think about. Thoughts I do love to think about are the twins. Yes, that's right twins. Luke and Leia. Angels. Gifts from the gods themselves. My own tiny treasures that I cannot keep. I miss them sometimes even more then you. Atleast you went away on your own. The twins were stolen from.me. Snatched away far too quickly. After being a part of them for 9 months, to give them up that soon........it is unbearable. What did I ever do to deserve this pain? Did I go wrong somewhere along the line? Is this a punishment? Obi-wan says everything in my life has been preparing me for this; building and strengthening me. Thewars and struggles. That does make sense I suppose.
But those happier times haunt me every night. Anakin, you have no idea how much of an impact you had on my life. You were my sun, and you told me I was your goddess. Was that the truth? What happened? All those times we spent just doing nothing. Nothing. Each of us was enough for the other. What happened? Was it me? It kills me to think I might have done something to drive you away. Obi-wan says I have done nothing in my life that could have possibly been the cause for your turning. I guess he's right yet again. I laugh when I think that. It reminds me of how we used to make fun of Obi-wan always being correct. That man is honourable and trustworthy. A good freiend. Why did you throw away your friendship? A friendship that had been growing for over 10 years? Why does this not make sense? I cannot figure it out.
I am very tired now. Everyone else has long gone to bed. The moon has risen fully. As I lay my head down against my soft satin pillow, I can't help but remember all the friends and people I have known who are gone, both in body and in soul. And others who live but have to carry on a huge task. Bail Organa, Mon Mothma. What path will they're lives take?Obiwan. I know he will be strong right up untill the final minute. Luke and Leia. I wish for nothing more then to be able to see into the future and assure myself they will be alright. Somehow, though, I know they will be the biggest hope and light the galaxy has seen. And Anakin. Someday he will see the light . He wiill aknowledge himself. No longer will the darkness blind him.
For we are the tragic first chapter, but Luke and Leia, they shall write the second, and fill it with hope.
There is no darkness, just ignorance.
NOTES: I wrote this a loooong time ago when I was really bored so bear with me. This is from Amidala's POV after Ani turns and the twins are seperated.
There is no darkness, just ignorance.
All my life I've strived to understand everything. Somethings I did, but others were beyond me. Many times I would I would stay up late, gazing at the silent, cold moons, wondering about my life. Why was I here? Were all my struggles going to someday count for anything? Would I ever truly be happy? Or was I just a small part in a grander plan? Questions would swim around in my mind, bugging me to no end.
But, then again I suppose in some ways, I did find complete happiness, though it was only for a short time. Yes, I guess that was what it felt like to be happy, like the kind in fairytales.Fairytales. How come real life could not be like a fairytale? Happily ever after. Was it because then the galaxy would be too perfect? I mean, just think how much simpiler everything would be if it was like that? No darkside or loss. No sadness or hopelessness. Just a perfect little spinning life, consistent but exciting; full of love and happiness. Happiness. Why does this word always creep into my thoughts? Is it because I am lacking it? But I'm not missing it. I am happy.I think.
Oh, there are so many questions. Why won't you just come home to me Anakin? If you would recognize what it is you're doing maybe you would understand. No, you are not dark. Not my Ani. Noone is born with a darkness already in their heart. Every child has a naive innocence about them no matter who they are or where they are.We all have the opportunity to become what we want to be. It is ignorance that grabs the soul and puts it under lock and key. And unfortunately, Anakin, you have it in handfuls. You are so blind. I do not understand. How can you not see this? Everyone else sees you. Why can you not see yourself? Are you scared or afraid of it? That what you might see is something you would rather not look at? You can not hide forever. Someday I know you will have to aknowledge the inner Anakin buried deep inside of you. It's there. I know. Noone with the heart and courage you had could disapear that fast.
Maybe you do not realise it or think this is true, but you have no idea how much I miss you. My yearning for you is burning a hole through my heart. This pain is far worth then any physical pain you could even dream of putting my through. It's like a pair of shackles you can not escape. Always rubbing at you, not too severly at times, but always letting you know they're there.
Once again, my thoughts have turned to what I would wish to not think about. Thoughts I do love to think about are the twins. Yes, that's right twins. Luke and Leia. Angels. Gifts from the gods themselves. My own tiny treasures that I cannot keep. I miss them sometimes even more then you. Atleast you went away on your own. The twins were stolen from.me. Snatched away far too quickly. After being a part of them for 9 months, to give them up that soon........it is unbearable. What did I ever do to deserve this pain? Did I go wrong somewhere along the line? Is this a punishment? Obi-wan says everything in my life has been preparing me for this; building and strengthening me. Thewars and struggles. That does make sense I suppose.
But those happier times haunt me every night. Anakin, you have no idea how much of an impact you had on my life. You were my sun, and you told me I was your goddess. Was that the truth? What happened? All those times we spent just doing nothing. Nothing. Each of us was enough for the other. What happened? Was it me? It kills me to think I might have done something to drive you away. Obi-wan says I have done nothing in my life that could have possibly been the cause for your turning. I guess he's right yet again. I laugh when I think that. It reminds me of how we used to make fun of Obi-wan always being correct. That man is honourable and trustworthy. A good freiend. Why did you throw away your friendship? A friendship that had been growing for over 10 years? Why does this not make sense? I cannot figure it out.
I am very tired now. Everyone else has long gone to bed. The moon has risen fully. As I lay my head down against my soft satin pillow, I can't help but remember all the friends and people I have known who are gone, both in body and in soul. And others who live but have to carry on a huge task. Bail Organa, Mon Mothma. What path will they're lives take?Obiwan. I know he will be strong right up untill the final minute. Luke and Leia. I wish for nothing more then to be able to see into the future and assure myself they will be alright. Somehow, though, I know they will be the biggest hope and light the galaxy has seen. And Anakin. Someday he will see the light . He wiill aknowledge himself. No longer will the darkness blind him.
For we are the tragic first chapter, but Luke and Leia, they shall write the second, and fill it with hope.
There is no darkness, just ignorance.