Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Bill'. Song (Where Does The Good Go) by Tegan and Sara. Referenced song (Never Leave You) by Tinchy Stryder feat. Amelle.
I won't be here for New Years (I will be in Rad-elaide, otherwise known as Adelaide) so this is a bit premature. But enjoy it and have a great NYE par-tay. See you all in 2010!
The Good, The Bad and The New…
A/N: Some mindless fluff/comfort/angst blahness. Forgive my soppy mood; I blame my iPod for randomly selecting these songs and then twenty or so other soppy songs…
Please note: I started to write this before I found out my favourite little Millie-bean is leaving us! Don't go Millie-bean, don't go!
Songfic/One-Shot
Millie and Max
Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?
Public Holiday/Day Off Checklist:
1. Comfy jeans
2. Ed Hardy t-shirt
3. Boots
4. Hoodie
Millie stopped and turned, taking in the bedroom. Where was her hoodie? It was too cold outside to brave an early-morning stroll to the High Street without it.
"LARA!"
A blonde bob stuck her head through the doorway and smiled sweetly. "You rang?"
"Don't go looking all innocent, where's my red hoodie?" Lara shrugged and Millie frowned. "I know you have it."
Lara held up her hands. "I really don't. When did you last see it?"
Millie frowned again, tracing her steps. "Yesterday. I took it with me to work and I…" she sighed and slapped her palm to her head. "I left it there because Nate wanted to go for a drink and I didn't want to lug it around with me." She growled to herself. "Does this mean I'm going into work today?"
Lara laughed. "Or you could go without it?"
Millie shook her head resolutely. "It's my day off gear and I'm nothing without it." Millie loved structure, right down to wearing much the same gear every day off.
"And the OCD strikes again!" Lara laughed, stepping out of the doorframe.
"I do not have OCD!" Millie called after her. Lara's laugh floated back towards her. "I don't." Lara's laugh didn't go away until, grabbing her keys and a black jacket that would have to do for now, Millie slammed the front door behind her.
What do you do with the leftover you?
"I'm loving you like it was the first time…" Millie sang along softly to the tune on her bright yellow iPod nano. The MP3 player had been a gift from her little sister for Millie's last birthday. It was mostly her sister's music too, Millie not one to spend time downloading tunes. This was one of the rare ones she had found herself however after hearing it on Lara's computer. That said, she still hadn't managed to remember the name. She fished out the iPod and glanced at the name again before realising she was right across the road from the station.
At a little after 8am on New Years Day she wasn't expecting it to be busy, but when she walked into the front office and found the place pretty much deserted she smiled. Looked like she wasn't the only one who'd managed to weasel their way out of a public holiday shift. Letting herself through into the back of the station, giving the service bell a cheeky slap as she did, she pressed play on her iPod and kept singing along.
"… trading the world for money, stars and power living my life at…" she faded off as she spotted a figure at the end of the hall, a bleary-eyed Ben Gayle who yawned then frowned as he spotted her.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, smothering another yawn.
"I forgot something. Big party last night?"
Ben frowned. "I was on a shift. What's your excuse for not finding a social life?"
She crossed her arms. "Who says I don't have a social life?"
Ben counted the reasons off on his fingers. "It's 8am on New Years Day. You're bright and cheery. You don't appear to have any kind of hangover. It's you. It's 8am. It's you. Uh, did I mention it was 8am?"
"Alright, point made. So I had a quiet one. So what?"
"So, couldn't've covered my shift for me then? My brother threw a big party down on the Broad Lane Estate." He openly yawned this time. "I could've been there instead of trudging down the High Street pulling kids out of clubs. It's like you mention New Years Eve and suddenly every fourteen-year-old has a fake ID saying they're actually 26." He punctuated his sentence with a yawn. "I must've sent home about 800 kids. Then again, some of them may have doubled up." He motioned past her to the men's locker room. "I better go. How's the weather? I haven't been out of the station since about four and let me tell you, at that time of the morning it's amazingly cold out there."
"Nice day." She smiled. "Just the kind of day you want to spend outside."
"Great, global warming gives London a sunny day and I get to sleep through it." He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. "See you." He trudged off as Millie beamed. Poor Ben. With a shake of her head, she headed for the women's locker rooms to grab her hoodie.
And how do you know when to let go?
Her headphones back in her ears and her hoodie snug within a crooked elbow, she didn't notice the two detectives until she almost ran right into them, Terry stopping her with a hand to her shoulder. "Woah there Nelly." He beamed and pulled the headphone from her right ear. He held it an arms length from his ear. "No wonder you didn't hear us coming. Have this loud enough?"
Millie took it back. "You're showing your age now Terry."
He grinned. "You'll be deaf before I am if you keep that level up PC Brown." Millie glanced at the headphones and frowned. She could hear the song from more than 10 inches away. She pulled out her iPod and turned it down.
"Maybe you've got a point." She re-pocketed the MP3 player and looked to him, pointedly ignoring the watching eye of the still-silent DS next to him whose eyes were dancing between the player and her face, almost like he was trying to connect the two. Millie wanted to frown at him and say 'yeah, I listen to hip-hop, so what?' but didn't have the nerve and stayed with a smile in Terry's direction. "What are you doing here on a public holiday? I thought CID didn't work outside 9 to 5 hours."
He gave a laugh. "Yeah, yeah, very witty, original too." She smiled and he shook his head. "I would ask you the same thing but I promised to pick Holly up from a party on the other side of town at 10 so I have to go. Happy New Year ladies." He beamed at them and left through the front doors. Millie watched him go then glanced back at the only other person in the front office.
"You draw the short straw sarge?"
He shook his head. "I'm not on duty, just chasing up some paperwork. You?"
She motioned to the jacket. "Waylaid belongings." She gave a nervous smile and motioned to the door. "I'll leave you to it s…" her sentence was punctuated by the appearance of two PCs, covered in party poppers string, entering the front office. Millie recognised them as a sour-looking Sally and a snickering Mel. "Good night?"
"Sally picked up." Mel taunted, slowing to talk.
Sally groaned and kept on to the door. "Shut up." She shoved open the door with another groan.
"He was 65, smelly, hairy and called Sally his 'New Year's resolution'." Millie glanced at the sergeant beside her as he smothered a smile. Millie just shook her head.
"Rather you than me."
Mel laughed. "I have my New Year's Resolution: no more New Years Eve shifts. Night Mill, night sarge." She hurried off after Sally.
A thought, an opportunity, occurred to Millie and she glanced at the sergeant. "Did you make a New Year's Resolution sarge?"
He gave a hiss of a laugh. "A promise you break within the first twenty minutes? Not for me."
"What does it hurt though? To test ourselves?"
He eyed her and she looked away from his judging gaze. "So you made one I gather?" She shrugged. "Go on then, enlighten me." She caught his eye with a frown.
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
They were quiet for quite some time before he removed his eyes from her face and made to walk away. Millie spoke up then, quickly forcing one word out between the top and bottom of a badly trembling jaw. "Honesty."
He frowned and caught her eye. "Honesty PC Brown?"
"Honesty sarge. Not just answering questions truthfully but also admitting things you wouldn't openly say before."
He nodded slowly. "That's a good way to live, but it's not exactly a resolution is it?"
"Maybe not." She gave a small smile then looked to the ground. She breathed in quickly, three short quick breaths as she frowned and hesitated, her eyes moving quickly beneath pressed-closed eyelids. She seemed to be struggling to form words as her lips moved wordlessly, picking just the right connection of letters to make the sentence. He began to look away when she spoke again. "I like you Max." He frowned back at her to find her face still directed to the ground, her brow furrowed and her eyes darting between his face and the floor, a nervous look on her face. But the honesty was there for all to see.
"What?"
She cringed. "Sorry, it's just… I don't know how to say this…"
"Then don't say it."
She caught his eye. "I…" he looked away. "I have to say something."
"Don't…" he shuffled, looking uncomfortable for one of the few times in his adult life. At least one of the very few times she had seen it. Maybe it was the fact that he was usually so cool, calm and collected that made watching him so difficult. He was agitated. Put off by Millie's admission. After what felt like forever he spoke again. "I already know."
Her face lifted at that admission and her eyebrows furrowed. Her eyes sparkled with the earliest hint of anticipation. This was the conversation she'd been willing herself to begin for months now. This was the moment she had pictured when things changed. Finally she whispered the single word. "And?" And the second she did, she knew he wouldn't give her the answer she wanted.
Look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken
His eyes bore into hers. Judgemental but with just the right amount of pained. Even before he said the words, she knew what was coming.
"I can't be who you want me to be." She looked away and he sighed. "I'm sorry."
"So that's it?" She frowned back at him and his eyes met hers. "That's the best excuse you can come up with?"
His eyebrows lowered and he shook his head slowly. "Don't do this. We don't have to make this awkward."
She bit at her bottom lip to stop it shaking then, after taking a breath, forced out her words. "It's already awkward."
They were quiet for some time then he spoke again, his hands shoved tight in his pockets. "I'll only make you cry."
She turned and walked away, not keen to show him that he'd already succeeded in that.
It won't happen
Her dramatic exit was ruined when a girl, barely older than 12, ran straight into her. Millie grabbed the child to stop her from falling and noticed her red face and tears. "Are you alright?"
The words seemed to wake Max from his ruminating and his footsteps came closer, joining her as the girl shook her head, unable to form the words on her lips. Eventually they came out. "My brother, little brother, I think something's happened to him."
Millie frowned and led the child inside, ushering to the seats. She sat down beside her and asked the girl to go through the whole thing, Max watching on with his arms crossed. They gathered enough in the space of the first few seconds. Her little brother, Nicky, had been at the park. She'd got angry with him for 'hogging' the swing and had pushed him away. He'd run off and hadn't returned. "Where's your mum sweetheart?" Millie asked softly.
"At home. Mum's sick. She's always sick."
"Okay. Can you give us your home phone number? We need to contact her, make sure Nicholas hasn't just gone home." Max pulled out a pen and his trusty notepad. The girl gave the number and Max went to the front desk to make the call, watching as Millie tried to get more information out of the girl. By the time he'd finished he'd established Nicholas wasn't at home, their mother had breast cancer and was bed-bound, their father was a 'useless piece of crap' and Emily (clearly the girl sitting in front of him) was supposed to look after her brother. Max had reminded the mother she was only 12 and it wasn't her responsibility. Max had been reminded to keep his nose out of other people's business. He'd also organized a social worker to come sit with Emily as the search for Nicholas began.
Millie met him as he returned to the waiting room. "If it's alright with you sarge, I want to stick with this one."
"It's New Years Day and you're not rostered on. Why would you want to work?"
"I could ask you the same thing." She gave him a blank look and any admissions she'd made before seemed suddenly recoiled. The look on her face was just asking for him to bait her so she could have an excuse to floor him. He decided to let sleeping dogs lie.
"Okay. You can take her to see the social worker, I'll round up some uniform to search the park, then meet me out the front in ten."
"Great." Her tone didn't match her words though and she left with the girl in hand. Max watched her go through the door with a frown then, shaking his head slowly and pushing open the door behind him, headed off to see which uniform sergeant had been coerced into working today.
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows?
Finding a child in a playground, even on New Year's Day, wasn't an easy task. The place was crowded. Millie and Max split up, taking the two uniformed PCs they'd seconded with them. Millie went straight to one end of the park, Max to the other. It wasn't intentional for Millie, more a kneejerk reaction to that morning's revelations. Max didn't want her. Probably would never want her. It was a New Year's wake-up call at least. Hello 2010, welcome to a year of trying to move on…
The first six or seven people Millie spoke to had only been there less than an hour, but by number eight she got an answer. A young man, about 30, here with his daughter, had seen Nicholas and Emily. He'd seen Nicholas run off after fighting with his sister and skulk about near the slides. Then he said the one thing that made Millie frown. He'd been seen speaking to a man. Millie asked for a description but it was a vague one; tall, dark hair, about 60. The man's excuse for turning away was that Nicholas seemed to know the man, spoke to him excitedly. He'd assumed it was a grandfather or family friend. He was sorry he hadn't looked deeper then wished Millie luck in finding the child. She smiled warmly at the man as he turned and walked away, glancing back to find Max deep in conversation with a pretty brunette just a little younger than Millie herself. Realising she was gripping the pen in her hand just a little too tightly, Millie looked away and her eyes fell upon the small mass of brambles on the edge of the park. There, amongst the green and yellow foliage, sat something red. She jogged over and picked it up slowly, checking the item for any kind of distinguishing features. It was a red jacket, just the right size for a small boy, and there inside the waistband was the name Nicholas, stitched into the fabric.
"Sarge," Millie called back. Max stood and left the woman who watched him go with a smile. Millie bit her lip to stop herself saying anything, certain that if she avoided that morning's issue altogether they could move on and forget, soon enough, that anything at all had been said. "It's Nicholas' jacket."
"Okay." Then, removing his phone, he wandered off whilst dialling. Millie dropped the jacket back into the scrub with a sigh.
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down?
"Without a proper description I'm afraid the 'dirty old man' theory is irrelevant. There's no CCTV footage and no proof Nicholas went off with the man." Millie had just filled Max in on what the man in the park had told her and as usual Max had shut it down.
Millie got unexplainably peeved by the comment. "Oh really, so what relevant information did the pretty, young brunette give you?" Max gave her a blank look and Millie frowned. "I think this is a serious lead sarge, so maybe we should look into it deeper?"
"Where do you want to start PC Brown? Trawl through every paedophile or name on the child sex offenders list and see if they're tall, dark and over 60?" Max snapped.
"So what should we do sarge? It isn't enough to just have uniform scouting around and door knocking if it is a paedophile. By the time we get a decent enough description it will be too late."
"The Super just issued a radio call out for information regarding Nicholas. I don't know who listens to the radio these days but I guess we'll have to see."
Millie frowned. "But what if he was taken by someone with less than good intentions? They're not exactly going to turn up in the front office with a child and the words 'I took him, I'm guilty'."
"Then I hate to say this but there's nothing else we can do. Anyway, if it is a paedophile then it's likely we're already too late."
What do you say? It's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
When Roger called from the front desk twenty minutes later it seemed like fate had stepped in. Max had been trawling through files on local paedophiles as Millie sat across the room in the near-empty CID ignoring that morning's dismissal replaying itself in her head and trying to write up a report on the whole thing. Max took the call and motioned wordlessly for Millie to join him downstairs. Taking in the pair in the front office, Millie felt a strange sense coming on. It was like a worm had curled up in her stomach and was calling it home. Call it officer intuition but there was just something about the older man that she didn't like one bit.
The other figure with him was unmistakeably Nicholas Cordoba, Millie having recognised him from a photo in Emily's phone she'd been shown by the social worker. "That's promising." Max muttered, having also recognised Nicholas. Millie wasn't so sure. Max pushed open the blue doors and stepped into the waiting room. "Hi, DS Carter and PC Brown. And you're Nicholas Cordoba."
Nicholas beamed as the old man held out a hand. "Arnold Floyd. I heard your call for information on the radio. This little man has been in the park at the end of my street since about eleven, just swinging. I heard the details on the news and went straight down to get him and bring him here."
"How did you know this was Nicholas Cordoba?" Millie asked, still fighting the nervous feeling.
"I asked him."
Max nodded. "Good police work." He waved Nicholas forward. "We've been looking for you."
Nicholas hung his head. "Emily was mean to me so I went to Salter Park instead." He looked up, wide-eyed. "I'm thirsty, can I get a drink?"
Millie nodded and took his hand. "Come on, I'll get you one from the canteen." They returned with a bottle of water a few minutes later to find Max finishing up Arnold Floyd's statement. As Arnold signed it Max grabbed his radio and called through to the IBO. Arnold smiled down at the child.
"Better?" Nicholas sipped his water in silence.
Millie smiled. "Thank you for bringing him here Mr. Floyd. Not a lot of people would take time out to do something like that." Arnold just shrugged. Millie glanced at Max as he finished up on the radio, confirming Arnold's details. He had a record, but it was for drink driving and nothing that warranted further investigation. As far as they could see his story was true, even if the niggling feeling in the pit of Millie's stomach just wouldn't let up.
"Thank you again Mr. Floyd." Max said quickly.
Arnold nodded. "No problem, happy to help." He took his leave and walked away as Millie led the kid back into the station.
"Okay Nicholas, time to go home."
It's love, it leads…
For Nicholas the sight of his house warranted giving Millie a hug. She smiled at the child. "Happy to be home?" He nodded eagerly, glancing between her and the block of flats. "What are you going to do first when you get home?"
"Play my Nintendo."
Millie laughed. "No, the first thing you'll be doing is dealing with lots of kisses and hugs from your mother. Then you can explain where you went." He nodded slowly, still looking up at the flats as Max opened the back door of the car and the child jumped out, taking the stairs too at a time. Max and Millie failed to keep up and so when they arrived Nicholas' mother already had her child in her arms. She glanced up at them, unsure who they were until Max showed his warrant card.
"Thank you for bringing him home." The woman smiled and Millie couldn't help but return it. Max however just remained frowning, her lack of concern from the earlier phone call still ringing in his head.
"We'll let him tell you what happened." Millie grinned, patting the boy on the arm. "Be good okay?" He nodded shyly. "Good boy."
As Millie and Max started back to the car Max finally spoke up. "Debrief in half an hour." Millie gave a curt nod, the smile already wiped off her face. They got back in the car in silence and drove back to the station much the same.
It breaks the seal of always thinking you would be real happy and healthy
The IBO was the only place with enough room to talk without having to stand too close to one-another. Millie preferred that, taking a seat at a computer as Max positioned himself on a writing table at the other end of the room and went over the details for their reports. It was pretty basic and the whole thing soon bored Millie. She could write the report herself and didn't need Max reminding her she was an incompetent, illiterate idiot who couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. She scowled and turned her attention to typing names into the computer at random. Curse stupid Max Carter. He seemed rather keen to get out of there as quickly as possible too, writing his entire report in shorthand and mentioning something about typing it up in the morning. As Millie started to put in her fourth name, a name that came to mind without any real explanation, he stood to leave. Millie's eyes, still focused on the computer, went wide at what she now read. She followed a link, brought up a picture, and nearly gasped. She stopped staring when she remembered Max was leaving. "Sarge, wait." Max turned back. "I did a PNC check on Arnold Floyd."
Max shook his head. "Leave it alone Millie. I know you thought something else was going on but we got the kid back, problem solved."
Millie fumed silently. "Really sarge?" She turned in her seat and slid aside, showing Arnold Floyd's face. "Then can you tell me why his brother, a Harold Floyd, looks just like him?" She raised an eyebrow. "And is on the child sex offenders list?"
Strong and calm
Young Emily opened the front door and looked up at the two police officers with wide eyes. "Why are you back?"
Millie answered. "We just want to speak to your mum sweetheart. Is she in?"
"She's in her room," Emily said with a nod, stepping aside to let them in. "She was feeling sick again." They left the child in the living room with Nicholas as they followed her instructions and found Ms. Cordoba's bedroom. She pushed it open softly to find the mother seated in a chair in the corner, reading a book. She glanced up with a frown. "What's wrong officers?"
Max held up the picture. "This is the man who 'found' your son." She shrugged and Max continued. "So you don't know him?" A shake of her head made Max scowl. "Well we checked his phone and financial records. Funny thing is that he and three other names on the sex offenders list have been paying you quite a bit of money lately. Any explanation as to why?"
Ms. Cordoba blanched. "What exactly are you saying sergeant?"
Millie answered. "Ma'am, just answer the question – do you know these men, who they are and what they're capable of?"
There was silence for a long time and then it all came out in a rush. "Cancer isn't cheap, isn't the cheapest way to die. These men, I knew them through my brother, I knew what they did but they promised that Nicholas would be fine and that they wouldn't do him any harm. They'd pay me, just to spend time with them. He was running late today, because Emily took him to the park, and so I told Harold to go straight to the park and pick him up. I didn't expect Emily to come to you…"
Millie couldn't form the words she wanted to say, her way to explain away this answer, but Max could, staring at the woman with contempt written across his face. "You prostituted your son to pay your medical bills?"
Her eyes slit, enraged. "Don't look at me like that, don't judge me." Millie averted her eyes, but Max's stayed burning, disgusted. "You don't know what it's like. No support, two young children, no money to work from."
"Government handouts Ms. Cordoba, you live on them. You have public health that covers half of the chemo. Don't tell me you're struggling so much that prostituting your son was the only way out of this. There are people you can ask for help."
"And you just said it – government handouts, public health, I don't even look after my family anymore! I'm useless and I just get in the way. If I asked for help I may as well just hand them over and lose myself altogether an…"
"SO DOING THIS SEEMED LIKE A BETTER IDEA?" Max's temper got the better of him and Millie decided to step in, stepping around Max so Ms. Cordoba looked at her instead. With his hands on his head now, Max turned away, the anger still boiling in his expression.
"Ms. Annette Cordoba, I'm charging you for soliciting and abuse of a minor." Annette's shoulders slumped, giving up. "You do not have to say anything though it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you may later rely on in court. Anything you do say will be given in evidence. Understand?"
"I'm calling child welfare, you take this." It wasn't so much a question or a suggestion but an order as Max grabbed his phone and left the room.
"So that's it then? They take my kids and I die in gaol?" Annette asked.
But Millie had no place for sympathy right now. "Ma'am, you should've thought of that before you did this to your children." Then, with a single frown in Ms. Cordoba's direction, Millie stepped outside to call for transport.
Where does the good go?
They sat quiet for the ride back, Millie contemplating everything and Max his usual quiet, brooding self. Eventually she spoke. "Makes you think, doesn't it?" She caught his eye for a second then he looked back at the road. "You know, about how long everyone has."
"You're not going to give me a 'seize the day' speech are you?" His voice was emotionless but Millie didn't buy it.
"I saw you in there sarge. That woman's problems, her ordeal, it got to you." He didn't meet her eye this time. "Why won't you just admit it?"
"Why won't you just let it go?"
"I can't just turn it off like you can sarge." He glanced at her as they pulled into the station backyard. "Emotions. I can't just flick them on and off." He frowned and she nodded slowly. "Oh right, sorry, you don't flick them off, that would involve having some in the first place." She got out of the car and Max followed.
"Where is this coming from? Because I didn't cry when the mother admitted to prostituting her son?" Millie glared and Max continued. "No? Alright then, what?" But it was a stupid question because they both knew what it was about.
Millie finally voiced it after a long, awkward pause. "Who are you to say what I want?" He sighed and looked away. "No, come on, that was your best excuse so tell me, how do you know what I want?"
"You don't know…"
"What? I don't know what I want? Because I'm a child? Or I don't know you? The mysterious Max Carter, an enigma wrapped in a riddle. It's like you want to remain a puzzle your entire life." There was a look in his eyes that Millie read correctly. "You do, don't you? You like being inhuman." His brow furrowed and he looked to the ground. Millie continued, knowing she was finally getting to him. "Does it get lonely up there? On your golden pedestal?"
"Hey," he glared at her, pointing a warning finger in her direction. "Just remember who you're talking to."
"You're not on duty sarge, and neither am I. Right now it's just you. Is it scary out in the open without your 'DS' to hide behind?" She gave a small smile. "No, that's what the wall's for."
"We can play this both ways PC Brown. You hiding behind your structure, order and everything else you love so much. You're a walking policing manual. You never step outside the lines, never take a risk. Are you scared?" He walked towards her, slow, threatening steps. She frowned and watched him, not breaking his gaze despite the fact his words were getting to her. "Scared of stuffing up? You want to pull the 'seize the day' bull on me. How about you take your own advice first?"
Her eyes narrowed instinctively. "What do you think this all was sarge? I'm seizing the day and telling you how it really is – everyone thinks you're a heartless jerk."
"Everyone thinks you're a pushover bookworm."
"Good to see we've regressed to name-calling. I think that answers my question." She made to turn but he grabbed her wrist and turned her back to face him, catching her lips with his. She frowned and pulled away from the kiss. "What?" He gave her another of his blank looks and she shook her head. "No, I can't do this right now." He let her go and she started to walk away but his voice made her stop.
"Happy New Year PC Brown."
Closing her eyes with a sigh, Millie touched her lips. They stung a little from the force of the kiss and her wrist showed little white finger marks where he'd pulled her back. A new year but the same messed-up relationships to deal with.
"You too sarge," she eventually shot back. Then, ascending the ramp, she left him behind.