Moss Green

Rifiuto: Non Miriena

Summary: Jason reflects on the birth of his oldest daughter. TMI setting.

She was unexpected, that's for sure.

Our little surprise, our little Laney.

When Ela had told me that she was pregnant, I'll admit, I didn't have the best reaction. My mind was shooting off a thousand questions in rapid succession, that I couldn't have answered the way Ela wanted me to if I'd tried.

How would we feed her? Clothe her? Would we be able to take care of a baby? Did we have the room? The money? The time? Did we even want a baby?

Ela, of course, took it the wrong way, and I don't blame her. Finding out your pregnant, and then telling your husband; expecting to get a certain reaction from him and not- I would have reacted the same way, were I her. After, when we'd discussed our options (abortion was not one of them), we...decided to have the baby. What harm could it do?

A lot, apparently. In the form of my wife's body.

For nine months, it was morning sickness, cravings, swelling ankles, back pain, mood swings, weight gain...and then Braxton Hicks contractions. Thrown in, were several threats of castration if I ever came near her again, for good measure.

It didn't seem worth it. This....hell....for one little human being. But...every doctor's appointment, every checkup, every lamaaze class, every time we passed the section of the store with the baby clothes....it seemed worth it.

Seeing our child on the ultra sound, feeling her kicking underneath our hands, watching her belly grow...made it worth it.

And then she went into labor on May 29th. Great.

At first, it was just....contractions...regular contractions. And then they got closer and stronger.....and in between her breathing exercises and checking on her dialation...were more threats. Not just of castration.....divorce, annullment, murder. My wife does not work well under stress. Especially when it's her job to bring another life into the world.

And then her water broke.....and she started pushing.

There is nothing worse than seeing the one you love in absolute, complete pain. Especially when you are the one responsible for putting her through it.

Believe me, I recieved plenty of threats and insults during Ela's labor. Her absolute favorite was, without a doubt, "If you ever- and I mean EVER- touch me like that again, I'll castrate you so badly your ancestors will feel it!"

I had no idea thoughts like that were even running through her mind. I guess it takes childbirth to bring them out.

Well, she let me touch her like that again- twice resulting in pregnancy and childbirth. They say it doesn't get any easier however many children you have, and, hey, I believe it. My wife and our four gorgeous children are living proof.

She's gorgeous. And she was gorgeous the night she gave birth to our daughter- if not more so. I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my entire life, than the woman who was bringing my child into the world. She was in absolute pain, yes, but...

I keep...remembering the night our Laney was born. Almost every push Ela gave was accompanied by a scream, and every scream meant our child was entering the world a little more. I said something to make her mad- not even realizing that it was pissing her off- and she snapped back,

"Let's see, you try pushing a living, breathing human being the size of a small watermelon out of an opening that is originally the size of a grape, and doesn't get any bigger than the size of a plum and see how you like it!"

A scream and our baby's shoulders accompanied that statement. But...

I don't regret being there when our daughter finally entered the world. Most fathers would probably...leave the room or faint...I know they'd all cringe and agree that childbirth is the most disgusting thing to ever take place on the planet, but...I'd have to disagree. It's...an absolute wonder. A real...miracle. Seeing this....tiny human being you and your wife created coming into the world. It's...the most beautiful thing on earth, watching your wife give that final push, seeing your child- your child- come sliding into this world- or even catching them, like I did with our youngest. Hearing your baby take their first breath.

It's beautiful.

And Laney....god she was gorgeous. Granted, she was still slick with afterbirth and amnionic fluid, but she was absolutely gorgeous. Thick, black hair, a...diamond birthmark on her shoulder, and....moss green eyes. Those gorgeous moss green eyes.

I couldn't help but wonder at the time if Ela's skin had transferred to our daughter's eyes. We'll never know.

Seeing Ela cradle her in her arms, seeing her wiggle and move, seeing her eyes, watching her....seeing my wife guide her tiny mouth to her breast....I'd never felt more proud of something in my entire life. Until that moment, as my wife held our daughter- our daughter- in her arms, against her breast, everything else paled in comparison. It was also when I realized that...I was responsible for protecting this tiny little life.

And I have. Even fifteen- no, sixteen- years later.

She's grown up in sixteen years. Gotten to be more like her mother.

And I couldn't be prouder.

There she is, coming into the room, her mother at her side. Even though she's a teenager, she still calls Ela and I, "Mama and Daddy." It's the best gift she could give us.

She's my little girl.

But, my god, she looks so much like her mother that it's scary. She's Ela at.....

"Daddy!" I snap out of my reflection to wrap her in my arms and kiss her cheek.

"Happy birthday, sweet pea."

She's my baby girl.

And she's turning sweet sixteen today.