The Night Before Christmas
0
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all the tower through
Not a creature was stirring, not even a bombchu.
The weapons were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the Hero soon would be there.
0
I, the King of Evil, was nestled all snug in my bed,
While visions of the Triforce danced in my head.
And I in my cape and my phantom in it's mask,
Had just given up waiting to attack.
0
When out in the lava moat there arose such a clatter,
I menacingly soared from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a keese,
And tore open the stained glass with my brows in a crease.
0
The moon covered up by dark clouds of a curse
Made the objects below look like the contents of a hearse.
When, what should appear to my wondering eyes like Bongo Bongo's ,
But a sleigh made of rock, and eight big dodongos.
0
With a huge, fat driver, so likely in need of a shrink,
I knew in a moment it couldn't be Link.
More fearsome than moblins his monsters they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
0
"Now, Stomper! Now, Romper! Now, Chomper and Dingy!
On, Vomit! On, Stupid! On, Bomber and Singey!
To the top of the tower! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Crash away! Smash away all!"
0
As redead that before you moan with remorse,
When they meet with your skull, start to suck your life-force.
So up bound the monsters sticky with lava like glue,
With the sleigh of great mass, with that maniac too.
0
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the ceiling
Booming and thundering; all the moblins were squealing.
As I pulled glass from my hand, and was making my deduction,
Down the chimney a Goron came with much destruction.
0
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with bomb powder like soot.
A bundle of rocks he had flung on his shoulders,
And he looked like a miniature mountain with miniature boulders.
0
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His gapped teeth how fun!
His cheeks were like rubies, his nostrils like plums!
His wide gaping mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And his tiny beard was off-white like soiled snow.
0
Some powder leaked down to his leg,
And in his arm was an over-sized keg.
He had a broad face and an enormous round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of chu-jelly!
0
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old Goron,
And I frowned when I saw him, thinking "Who is this moron?".
A wink of his eye and a friendly twist of his head,
Soon gave me the creeps and made me wish I was dead.
0
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And strew stones 'cross my room, like an insensitive jerk.
I said "Ah, I get coal for being naughty, not the Triforce of my wishes".
He looked at me, confused, and said "But this is much more delicious!"
0
He leaped to his sleigh, to his team, breathing fire as they sprang,
And as they flew away my fortress went up in flames.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to you, and take care not to make your keg ignite!"