If Things Had Been Different…
JACK
Who knew? Who knew that five little words could make someone so crazy they wouldn't know what hit them? When she said that, it was all I could think of, but I left it up to her to interpret. 'If things had been different…' she said, I looked her in the eye, stating quietly. 'I wouldn't be here.' But of course I am here. I'm here today because of her, her willingness to put aside all differences, to make things work. And to show an old, war-hardened General that giving up is not an option. I left it to her. Where would her imagination take that statement: 'I wouldn't be here.' Would she interpret it as we would never have met? Or would she interpret it as I wouldn't be alive? Or even that we would be together? I look back now and I regret all the times I boxed things up, pushed people away. She would see my vulnerability and I would throw up the walls. I comforted her, but I wouldn't let her comfort me. I was such an ass. Okay, I still am. I denied my feelings, not wanting to hurt her, but denying them did hurt her. She was the one who felt that we should keep it in the room, leave it in there and never discuss it, but I shut her out when she needed me. I still do.
Now her dad is dying. Jacob Carter, the man I thought would live a helluva lot longer than me, but I was wrong. Selmac's dying, and its taking Jacob with. I can see the pain in her eyes, I know the feeling. My heart raced a billion miles an hour, but I knew I had to tell her. "You know, in a way you're lucky." I said quietly. "Why do you say that?" She asked, looking at me, her eyes full of sadness. "When Charlie died, there was no saying goodbye. The doctor came out, told us he died on the table, that there was nothin he coulda done. You get to say goodbye." I said, the last part coming out in a harsh whisper.
SAM
The sound of his voice brought tears to my eyes. "You get to say goodbye." My heart ached for him. He had never spoken to me about the death of his son. He had never opened up to me in a personal way at all. He was closed off. "I'm sorry, that you never had the chance to say goodbye." I said. He shook his head, lowering his gaze to the table. "It wasn't that I didn't get to say goodbye… it was that I was careless enough to leave my gun where he could find it. I knew I shoulda hidden it better; he was a smart little shit." He said. "…Come with me?" I asked. He looked over at me, confusion gracing his handsome features. After all this time, I was still taken aback by my complex reaction to that simple look. I was in love with him, I still am. "Come say goodbye, with me." I said, my voice shakier than I wanted it to be. I saw the muscles in his jaw ripple and a strange look cross his face as he looked away. "Jack?" I asked. My question registered, he knew what I was asking. He nodded, his face grim.
JACK
"Jack?" I heard my given name, and from her lips. Her question clicked. I knew what she wanted me to do. I needed to be there for her, and this time I wasn't gonna push her away. I nodded. She took my hand, walking into her father's room.
JACOB
Sam came in the room, followed closely by Jack. -LOOK AT THEM, THEY HAVE MADE THEIR DECISION- I heard Selmac say. 'I know, took them long enough.' I glanced down at my daughter's hand, entwined in Jack's, and I knew what he was going to do. "Jack." I managed to whisper. Sam looked over at him, nodding. He leaned down by me. "Take care of my little girl, or I'll haunt you for the rest of your life." I said. He looked at me smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Sam leaned down next to me, her eyes filling with tears. "I love you." I said.
JACK
I couldn't watch. I couldn't stand there and watch the man I considered to be one of my best friends slip away. I'd seen too much death. Sam had too. I stayed, watching her lean down next to him, nod her head, and kiss him on the forehead. I glanced up at the Tok'ra standing next to his bed. He made eye contact with me, bowing his head. Sam turned around, her face calm, but the quiet tears falling betrayed her appearance. "Don't try to be the good soldier now, Sam." I said, she nodded, stepping into my outstretched arms. I held her tightly to me, feeling every ounce of strength drain from her. I walked her out into the hall, wiping away the stray tears that had fallen. She smiled, which turned to another round of tears, and she buried her face in my neck. "I can't believe he's gone."She whispered. I rubbed her back, trying to calm her down. I didn't think it helped.
SAM
I knew nothing could have prepared me for losing my dad. I lost my mom at thirteen, and I never really got over the fact that she was gone. But now, my dad, whom I had become closer to in the last seven years than we had been my whole life, was gone. I just wanted everything to change, to go back to the way it was. I didn't want any more pain. I wanted to live in the world I had pictured. Everyone healthy and safe, no one dead. No harm coming to anyone. A place where I could sit on the dock of a cabin in Northern Minnesota, relaxing and soaking up the sun. That world would never be possible. Lives would always be threatened, people would be killed. Right now I could take comfort in Jack's arms, knowing that no matter what happened, he would be there for me. His strong arms made me feel safe, and the sound of his voice was soothing. "You should probably get some sleep." He said. I shook my head. "I have to call Mark." I replied, mulling over the billions of things I had to do before I could even think about sleeping. I looked up at him. "Thank you, for being here for me." I said.
JACK
I smiled. "Always." I said. Something crossed her face, and she looked away. "Sam?" I asked. She looked at me, a question in her eyes. "What?" I asked. She opened her mouth, thinking about it, but thought better and closed it again. I had known she was with that cop from Denver, but I had tried to forget the ring she showed me. I hoped she had said no, but that was a hope that I knew would've been dashed long before it was even thought up. I had been tempted more than once to tell her what that bastard had done, how he had followed her to that stake-out, and especially how he had run a background check on her. She tried to stifle a yawn, which didn't go unnoticed. "Come on, I'll walk ya to your quarters." I said. Her shoulders dropped. "Okay. That doesn't mean I'll sleep, though." She said. I smiled.
SAM
The first thing that came to my mind was that I needed to tell Jack it was over. I was done with Pete. Things had moved too quickly, and I should've noticed it before. But I didn't, and I had let things get too far. Now I was definitely up shit creek without a damn paddle. But I didn't care. My dad was gone, and the man I really needed at the moment was giving me all of his attention. I realized at that moment that he did still have feelings for me.
JACK
I could tell how exhausted she was by the time we got to her quarters. Her eyes drooped shut when she sat on the bed. I smiled. "Lay down." I said. She shook her head. "I can't." she said. I nodded, sitting down next to her on the bed. It only took a few minutes; her head was on the pillow, her hand in mine. I got up to leave. "Jack, please stay." She said. I narrowed my eyes, lookin over at the door. "I can't." I replied. "Just until I fall asleep." She said. I nodded, sitting down on the side of the bed. I brushed the hair off her forehead, and she leaned into my touch. I leaned down, kissing her forehead. "Go to sleep." I said. Her eyes drifted shut slowly. "I love you." I heard her whisper.
TEAL'C
I observed O'Neill coming out of Colonel Carter's quarters. "Hey T." He stated. "O'Neill, how is Colonel Carter?" I inquired. "She's exhausted. She's asleep now." He motioned toward her quarters. "Jacob Carter and Selmac will be greatly mourned." I observed him intently. He rubbed the back of his neck, his mind occupied by something. "Is there something you wish to speak of, O'Neill?" He replied negatively, turning and following his path back to Colonel Carter's quarters.
JACK
I needed to stay with her, and it wasn't just for her. I needed the reassurance that what she had said was true. I walked in the door, closing it quietly, and headed to the side of the bed. I crawled in next to her, laying my hand on her arm. She rolled on her side, scooting closer to me. "You left." She said sleepily. "I know. But I couldn't stay away." I said, kissing her forehead again. "I love you, too." I whispered.