the waste land

by eu-nao-sou-um-chapeu

She swore if she had to listen to one more of My Husband's obnoxious comments about her cooking skills or his husband thighs, a murder would be happening. Or: a fic based on @dadvans and @lazulisong's My Husband AU!

Based on dadvans and lazulisong's My Husband AU
(this au is great and there's even a fic written by dadvans on ao3)

Set in the same universe as my other fic anonymous, but can totally be read alone and in any order.
All I have to say is that I love this headcanon very much.
If you spot any mistakes or whatever pelase do tell me, I simply CAN'T read this story anymore -q

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"Pork cutlet?" She repeats.

"Pork cutlet bowl ."

"Why would you take this order?"

"Look," Gale says as he casually eats one of the fries from table four: "this man gave me the highest tip of my life and I didn't do anything yet. I mean, Nora's the one serving him drinks. He asks for a pork cutlet bowl, he gets it. Just google it and cook the first recipe you find."

The boy winks before leaving the kitchen with the fries and Leah can only stare at the closed door before rolling her eyes and typing 'pork cutlet bowl recipe' on her phone.

There are a dozen different recipes and she doesn't have the ingredients most of them ask for and neither the patience to look for an easier recipe, so she puts the cellphone back in her pocket and opens the fridge:

"Alright, Leah, show them you can do it."

One pork cutlet bow later, it becomes clear she cannot do it.

She rings the bell anyway, because the dish isn't exactly wrong. What does something as vague as 'pork cutlet bowl' even mean? There's pork cutlet, rice, eggs and some onions served in a bowl. That makes a pork cutlet bowl, right?

She rings the bell again.

It's not the first time Gale comes with some weird request that doesn't exist on the menu. She is definitely talking with Joel about it. That is, if she gathers enough courage to stop avoiding the man like the plague- then she will talk about it with him.

"Gale! Nora!" She finally shouts; screw that damn bell no one ever listens to. Except no one listens to her shouts either, so she sighs and counts to seventeen before sighing once more and taking the bowl herself.

The pub is empty except for the couple close to the wall eating the French fries with so, so much ketchup she can't help shivering. She glances to the other side of the room and finds both teens – " Young adults, Leah." - perched on the counter.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Oh, Leah!"

"Ah, it's ready?" Gale steps aside and she then notices the man sitting on the stool.

The man meets her with a heart shaped smile and a shake of his silver hair. "Thank you!" He takes the bowl from her hands and stares at it. "It looks nothing like katsudon . But it's ok, this is not an Asian restaurant anyway."

Nora giggles, Gale nods enthusiastically and the dog- oh God, there is a giant poodle sitting on his lap and barking all over the food.

Nora turns to her with a big smile, not minding the man tossing a thousand words per second ("It's my husband's favorite dish and also our first meal together, but not together together because-").

"This is Leah, our cook!"

He swallows both the pork and the words and smiles at her. "Pleased to meet you, Leah! You cook well, though not as well as my mother in law!"

She blinks once. And Twice. Is he really complaining about her cooking?

"Leah, this is-" Nora's smile falters and she turns to Gale with a frown. He shrugs and Nora coughs before smiling again. "This, ah, lovely patron moved to town with his husband a while ago!"

"Uh, welcome."

"Thank you! I'm glad I finally found this place. Now I can take Makkachin out with me always!"

"What the hell is a 'macacheen'? Oh , the dog." She nods and tries not to glare too hard at the old dog. "Yes, Joel likes dogs a lot, so he allows pets here. Though I don't think he ever pictured a giant drooling dog over the counter, among the drinks and food, haha." She adds the last part with weak laugh, but can't stop her fingers from tapping loudly against the wood and her right eye slightly twitches.

Macacheen barks and the man cuddles him more, ignoring her remark.

"That's nice! People always let me take Makkachin in at restaurants back in Russia, but I don't get the same treatment here. We have to leave her at home whenever we have dinner dates." He sighs dramatically and she can only stare puzzled.

"That's, uh, a pity?"

The thing is: Leah knows she is helpless when it comes to social interactions, but this whole conversation feels more awkward and odd than normal.

Or maybe not, because Nora nods, pets the dog and asks him something just as nothing's out of ordinary.

Leah takes this moment to grab Gale's arm and whispers: "Who is him?"

"Ah, just a Russian who moved to town recently and apparently has the greatest husband in the world."

"Yeah, that and no common sense apparently . What's his name?"

"Uh- I'm pretty sure he introduced himself when he arrived, but he said so many things I kind of forgot. I think Nora forgot too, and now we can't ask his name again because we've been talking for so long and he gave us so much money it would be rude."

"Ah." She nods, because that sounds exactly like a situation that would make her want to crawl under her sheets and avoid said person for the rest of her life.

(Because that's all she does, honestly: avoid people.)

Gale doesn't seem that disturbed, though, and instead joins Nora excited questionnaire and plays with the dog. Leah rests her arms on the counter and stares in disbelief.

By the time the man finishes eating, she knows his husband's Japanese, his favorite color is blue, that when he was young he had a poodle like Makkachin (M-a-k-k-a-c-h-i-n; two k's and chi , God forbid she spells it wrong) and that he's the one who proposed by accident (how does one propose by accident she refrained from asking because it biped her 'endless and pointless story' alert).

"I'll come back!"

"And we will wait you with a proper katsudon the next time!" Nora says and waves back until he is out of sight. "Wow, did we just meet Prince Charming?"

Nora sighs and then Gale sighs too and Leah can't help a snort.

"You are both my daughter's age and you" she points to Nora "are engaged. Besides, he talked about his husband the whole time."

"Well, yeah. And that was the sweetest thing ever." The boy says.

"I can't wait until he comes back." Nora agrees.

Leah chuckles and stares at the door a while more before she finally realizes why does something feels out of place: she's been there (listening to them) chatting for almost half an hour!

With a startled squeak she excuses herself and runs back to the kitchen, where she should've been all this time instead of- whatever this was.

You see: by now, she has a list of people she tries very hard not to see:

Michael, her ex-husband (who she holds no grudge against, but it's just too weird); Michael's mother (because that's even weirder); Her mother (weirdest); That Blond Attendant from Tiffany's (don't ask); and Joel - who's also her boss, which makes the whole 'not seeing you ever again' a little more difficult (and is exactly why she should be quietly doing her things in the kitchen and definitely not slacking off by the bar).

She shakes her head and starts cleaning the damn bowl.

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The next day, she has barely walked through the back door when Gale calls her, a piece of paper and a plastic bag in his hands.

"I researched this 'katsudon' and here's the recipe. Do it, the next time. Here's the proper rice and even seaweed."

Leah stares at the paper a bit unsure. "Did Joel agree to buy ingredients for a dish only a single customer may ever ask for?"

"Ah, about that…" He scratches his head and offers an embarassed smile. "Nora and I bought it with the tip he gave us yesterday."

"You guys have it real bad for Mr. My Husband."

Gale immediately snorts and almost drops the bag with the ingredients: "Oh my God, Nora you need to hear this-"

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.

In the end, she agrees to follow their recipe and to use their ingredients because that's their money and they choose how to waste it.

When the patron comes back, Nora stays in the kitchen the entire time she's cooking, saying everything about katsudon she read (even though she doesn't know the first thing about cooking rice) and when Gale comes to take the order, they both drag her with them and make a scene of putting the bowl in front of the man and saying 'surprise!'.

He doesn't disappoint – he goes along with their little show and claps his hands excitedly.

"Wow! See Makka? A katsudon!"

"Right? We researched." Nora says very proud of herself.

"What do you think?"

My Husband takes the fork to his mouth, swallow and after what seems an eternity shows Gale a thumb up. "It's amazing!"

"I'm glad you liked it." Leah says and allows herself a smile.

"But" He turns his gaze to her and blinks innocently: "my husband always puts some carrots and peas. Maybe you should try it next time?"

" Haha , should I?" The nerve! Complaining about her cooking – which is great, by the way – when she's already attending such an annoying request?

"Your husband cooks?" Nora intervenes, jumping between them before Leah throws the bowl on his head.

My Husband nods. "He even studied Russian cuisine for me."

"How sweet. He sounds like a great husband!"

"Uh-oh," Gale shoots her a quick glance, as if finally realizing her presence: "maybe we shouldn't be talking so much about great husbands and successful marriages?"

She rolls her eyes. It's cute that he cares, but unnecessary. "I divorced three years ago. I don't hate happy couples anymore, Gale."

"I can stop talking about my husband if you're uncomfortable?" My Husband immediately offers.

The "kicked puppy" look he gives her says the contrary, though. From the previous day, Leah's convinced he is physically unable of spending five minutes without gushing about how perfect his husband is.

"Please don't mind me. Besides, we're in good terms, Michael and I."

"Ah, that's good to hear!" He quickly nods, relieved, and then makes a pained face: "There was a time when my husband said he wanted to end everything between us and I just-"

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"How come it's the third time you come here and your perfect husband never came along?"

"Ah, that's because he doesn't know I'm here."

She raises a brow and he smiles guilty.

"I only eat here when he has classes and we can't have lunch together. He thinks I'm home right now, cooking for myself."

"And you don't like to cook?" She guesses, running a hand through Makkachin's mostly gray fur. Seriously, how does he manage to sit on a stool, hold a giant dog with one hand and eat with the other?

"I enjoy cooking! It's the cleaning that uh-uh."

He shivers dramatically and Leah glares. "You don't help with house chores then?" So much for loving his husband.

"Of course I do!" My Husband replies offended and Makkacchin barks together. "I clean the whole house most of the time! Just not the dishes." He quivers. "Just thinking about the wet food makes me sick."

She shakes her head. "So you eat here instead?"

"Yes. I used to eat at the restaurant near our house, but not only I had to leave Makkachin all alone, our son caught me there more than once and was threatening to tell my husband."

"You guys have a son?" Nora butts in, nearly dropping the whiskey bottle. "Why don't you2 have lunch with him?"

"I do when he's at home, but he has ballet classes most days, so we usually meet at practice later. It's just me and Makka during lunch time most days. Everyone is so busy."

"That's a pity." She says and Nora pats his shoulder, but internally she feels relieved to know My Husband's the only senseless one in that family, wasting all his money and time at overpriced pubs around town.

"Besides, our son is more like a stray cat. He comes around when he wants food and petting, but prefers brooding alone most of the time."

"You should bring him anytime. You said he has ballet lessons? Leah's daughter is into arts too."

"Hum, yeah. Rachel is majoring in arts, actually." Leah frowns. "Maybe it's something artistic kids just do? She's always been a bit lonely and shy ever since we adopted her too."

"I don't think Yura falls on the 'sensible and misunderstood artistic soul' type." My Husband snickers and shakes his head. "Definitely not. What does Rachel likes?"

"She's into drawing. She makes digital art every now and then, but watercolor is her thing." Leah sighs. "Well, I'm not sure what's her thing anymore. I'm worried she may want to change her major; she's taking Russian classes this term."

"What a coincidence!" He claps his hands and Makkachin yelps. "My husband is going to study Russian too! He said he wants to properly learn my language."

"Cute." Gale approaches them and takes Makkachin from My Husband's embrace. "Leah, french fries and three strawberry waffles."

"Alright. And you're washing your hands before I give you anything."

He shrugs and buries his head on Makka's fur. She shivers.

Before entering the kitchen she hears Nora asking: "Do you have any pictures of him?"

The excited squeal My Husband gives is enough indication to Leah that they just made a Bad Choice.

She is proven right when she comes back, moments later, and finds Nora, Gale and the three customers from table six sitting around My Husband.

"Here's your order…" She murmurs and carefully puts the waffles and the fries on the table, with a pointed glare at Gale, the one who's paid to do this. She is ignored, though. Nora only acknowledges her to pull her by the arm and make her sit by her side. The next thing she knows, everyone is eating the customer's french fries while My Husband explains each photo.

"The best photos are the ones I take when he's not ready, so I'm always with my cellphone at hand-"

(There are 2.744 photos on the folder.)

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"Hi, girls."

"Good morning, is Rachel ready?"

"I think she's brushing her teeth." She closes the door and points to the couch. "What are you doing here so early?"

"What are we doing here?" Tsuki exclaims and falls on the pile of cushions with a dramatic sigh. "I do wonder what are we doing here too, Mrs. Holloway. Being greater friends than Rachel deserves, you could say."

"We're taking Russian classes too." Hana translates.

"Oh, you too?" She rests her hips by the dinner table. "I thought it was an odd choice of language, but I guess Russian is popular nowadays."

Tsuki perks up from the cushions and raises a brow: "If by popular you mean 'there's a cute boy taking Russian classes and your daughter has no chill' then yes, it's really popular."

Ok, that's new.

"Well- Paul and other twenty people are taking the class too, so I guess it is somewhat popular?" Hana wonders and serves herself some juice from the fridge.

"Paul, is it?" She handles some cookies to Tsuki. (Common knowledge: Tsuki is always more open to talk when eating.)

"Yep- She's been fawning over him since last term." Tsuki says between bites and Leah suppresses a smile. Strike . "It's fun. You just have to say 'Paul' and she jumps and starts looking around like a frightened doe."

"I'm putting all my faith in this class. It's going to be hilarious." Hana says and giggles.

"It better be!" Tsuki munches. "Or else there's no point in waking up this early."

"Well, you guys are a bit early. Classes start at 9, right?"

"We need to get early to the first class!" Hana explains, and heads to the sink. "Otherwise, we may not be able to get Rachel to sit next to Paul. Where do I put the glasses again?"

"Right cabinet." Leah points, and Hana nods.

"And" Tsuki adds: "there's no point in going to this class if we don't make any advances on Rachel Has It Bad."

"That's not the mission name, Tsu! I voted for Lovebirds-"

"Good morning! Sorry, I slept too much-" Rachel stops at the kitchen door and narrows her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, nothing." The girls laugh off. .

Rachel doesn't look entirely convinced, but doesn't pursue the issue. She kisses her cheek. "Bye, mom."

"Bye, honey."

Leah waves back and smiles, but can't help tapping the table.

When she leaves the house, Gale's already waiting by his door, chatting with Lysa, who's watering her red roses.

"... because your dad is sensible about it, you know it- Ah! Leah, good morning!"

"Good morning." She approaches them. Gale starts walking towards her and the woman's gaze leaves the flowers for a second and turns concerned to her.

"Everything alright?"

Leah opens her mouth but then bites her tongue. She forces a smile instead and runs a hand through her hair. "Yes. With you?"

"Well- There's these cottony cushion scales on my roses. Why does such a terrible thing has a cute name?" Lysa glares back at the roses and groans. "But I think I can handle this. Again, just don't tell your father, Gale. And even less your mother, Maker knows she would tease me to death that I'm letting our flowers die."

Gale laughs. "Good-bye, mom."

Leah laughs a bit and almost wishes they talked more – they are a nice family.

"Sorry." Gale says while entering her car. "She's been crazy about these flowers for a while. I told she should just use some insecticide, but she's stubborn." He falls o the seat with a sighh and starts telling her all about the 'roses drama' and how that'll probably be the cause of his parents divorce.

Leah laughs and almost forgets about the 'Paul issue'.

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Key-word: almost.

When Nora greets her she gives a weak smile in response and bites off another nail.

Just as usual (they have a routine already, oh God), Gale calls her when My Husband arrives and she's the one to deliver his order when it's ready. Except today the pork cutlet feels like a personal offence. Damn these people, keeping secrets and doing unhealthy things. Like eating fried pork three times a week and compromising studies because of pretty boys.

When she drops the plate in front of him, My Husband immediately gives her a heart shaped smile. "Thank yo-" His smile freezes and he furrows his brows, staring at this plate and then back at her. "I think you got my order wrong, Leah."

"It's not healthy to have pork every day. Eat the salad."

"What?" He looks at her and at the plate, and at her and back at the plate again: "But- Leah!" He sends her a hurt look and muffles a cry into his dog's fur. "Is this what it feels like being denied katsudon? Makkachin, it's horrible! I can't believe I've hurt Yuuri like this."

Makkachin barely huffs, not impressed with his owner's antics. With a pout My Husband takes a deep breath and starts poking the tomatoes. He looks at her once more, with watery blue eyes, and she regrets everything at the same second.

"Oh my god, I'm a terrible person! I shouldn't have leashed out on you. I'm taking it back and making a proper katsudon, on the house!"

"No, no." He drops the pout at once and stops her hands from taking the plate. "You are right; it's not good for me. I've been testing how long I could get away with eating unhealthy food until my husband or Yakov stopped me." He smiles and takes a carrot to his mouth. "Guess you were quicker."

"But it's not my business. Really, I'll make you the best katsudon ever right now."

"Please don't mind, it's not like you could cook the best katsudon ever." She gasps and stares shocked at him, but before she can start throwing a fit, he asks: "But is everything alright? You seem a bit off today."

She swallows and stares back at him uncertain. He's just being polite, but-

But she's endured the man talking nonstop about his husband for over three weeks and complaining about her food. She's entitled to rant a little bit, right?

"I'm worried about Rachel." She finally says, deciding that yes, she is.

"Hum. Does she really intend to change her major afterall?" He bites a tomato and takes a piece of chicken with his bare hand and- and gives it to Makkachin .

Leah exhales, holds the counter surface tighter and decides to focus on the fact that My Husband remembers something she said weeks ago. "No ." Don't look at the dog. Deep breath. Don't look at the dog. "But I found out why she's studying Russian: it's because of a boy."

When she doesn't continue, he raises a single brow. Or maybe it's both, she can't really tell with his hair covering half of his face.

"Is that all?"

"Am I overreacting? I'm worried she may be putting her study life aside. Taking a difficult class that will not add much to her resumé because of a crush. Isn't that too much?"

"Ah." He taps his chin and looks thoughtfully at Makkachin. No, not good. Don't look at the dog, Leah, even though she's eating directly from his hand- "Have I told about when I was crushing my husband?"

Reluctantly, she takes her eyes away from Makkachin and exhales."Surprisingly, no."

"Well. I met him- at a party, you could say, and I had the best night of my life. He changed my whole world in a couple of hours." He smiles fondly. "But then he didn't call me back and I was really broken hearted. Until he gave a sign that could or could not mean he was into me too. Then I went after him."

"That doesn't sound so bad actually. I mean, aside from you not being sure about his feelings but that's only natural, right?"

"To Japan." He adds, dead serious. "I went after him to Japan because he might 've feel something for me too, Leah. Packed everything, took Makkachin and got in the first flight from Russia to Japan I could get."

"Wow." She blinks. "I admit I was expecting something big but...Wow."

He nods. "Yakov still yells at me about it from time to time. I'd say she's fine in levels of pining."

She's compelled to agree.

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"Are you sure you are not coming, Leah?" Nora puts on her jacket and stares at her expectantly.

"Ah… No, thanks. I'm closing and going home." She flips the keys on her hands and shrugs.

"Really?" Gale's face falls a little but he soon smiles again and waves. "Bye, then."

"Why don't you go with them?"

She turns around surprised and drops the keys. "What are you still doing here?"

My husband stares at her undisturbed and doesn't make a move to catch the keys he (indirectly) dropped. She sighs and takes them, petting Makkachin quickly while she's down.

"Gale has been talking about this movie the whole week. Why didn't you go with them?"

"Why would I?"

He tilts his head and frowns. "Because they invited you?"

"Ah." She shoves the keys into her purse. "They did it because it was the polite thing to do. I mean, I'm three times their age. I'm sure they don't really want me to tag along." She offers a laugh but My Husband just stares in silence as she searches for her car keys.

"You know," He starts: "I used to be a very reserved person."

She stops looking into her purse for a second and looks at him, not helping a snort. "That's simply not true."

She met him a little over a month and knows his husband birthday, that they first kiss was in China, the exact words of their marriage votes (Why are there so much gold metaphors involved? And what does 'L words' stands for?) and that they may or may not have a very intense coach-student kink. Reserved isn't the first word she would use to describe him. It's not even in the top 100.

"It is!" He laughs too. "I used to be very lonely and only had Makkachin, until-"

"Until you met your husband." She completes playfully rolling her eyes because that's expected.

He giggles and nods. "Until I met my husband. And the funny part is that he made me realize I had never been alone. There were people that loved and supported me already, and that had always been there for me, only waiting for an opening."

He plays with his dog's leash and looks back at her with piercing blue eyes.

"I guess sometimes we just get so distracted with ourselves we don't realize there are so many people caring . I-" He breathes and closes his eyes. "I broke a promise once because I didn't take the person seriously and didn't think he cared and he did. I was a jerk many times because I didn't account other people's feeling. I'm trying to say that sometimes we close ourselves so much that we end up hurting others?" He taps his chin and ponders for a second and then smiles, satisfied. "Yes, that's what I'm trying to say. Now I'm going home."

It's just long after he turns the corner that she runs a hand through her hair, almost pulling some strands out, and types Nora's number on her phone.

"Hey, have you guys bought the tickets already?"

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"- our apartment in St Petersburg. But, honestly, I miss Japan most. I'd like to go back there." He has that lost, dreamy smile he often wears when talking about home. He turns to her and his smile change to that dissimulated one she's learnt to recognize by now. "And there's decent katsudon there."

Leah swallows the anger and makes a surprised face. "Oh my, did you call your mother-in-law's katsudon 'decent'?"

He drops his fake stupid smile and opens his eyes with a whine. "What? Leah, you know that's not what I meant!"

Gale takes the drinks from Nora and leaves, shaking his head. Nora gives an amused smile and pours some whiskey in My Husband's glass. "Why did you come to America?"

"Hum, the reason we left Russia in the first place was because of our son. He lost his grandpa last year and it was hard on him. He even had to take the season off." He empties the glass in one go and asks Nora for more. Leah rolls her eyes. "So we thought a change of environment would do him some good."

"That doesn't explain why you came here instead of going to Japan."

"Our son is a... complicated child. While he likes being supported and taken care of, it can't show; otherwise he will close himself in his shell. Japan was my first choice, but my husband thought it would seem too obvious what we were doing, so we came here instead. My husband studied here when he was younger and he wanted to study again, so I guess things just fell into place."

"Isn't he lonely here?" Leah asks.

"Well, we visit everybody whenever we can and he skypes his friends every night – though he doesn't know we know. We've hinted about going back to Russia, but he hasn't said anything about it, so I guess we'll just stay here until he's ready." He flips his phone and then his face lights up. "They were having a tickle fight this morning and I took the cutest picture. Who wants to see?"

"I do!" Gale exclaims jumping on them.

"Do we have a choice?" Leah asks and My Husband, with all his maturity of a grown up, shows his tongue.

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"Leah! Come here a minute!" Nora shouts.

"Nora, this is not a party. I'm working."

"Oh, hush. There are no clients here now, come quick."

She leaves the dish covered in soap in the sink and dries her hands on her jeans.

"Surprise!" My Husband says with Makkachin on his lap, barking over the counter.

Ok, she needs to have a conversation with him anytime soon. Just because they're animal friendly, it doesn't mean your dog can put his paws on the tables and bark over the food-

"What is that?" She asks, finally noticing the plate with… bread?

"My husband and our son made katsudon yesterday and I brought some!"

Leah frowns. "This is not pork cutlet bowl." She shakes her head and looks at the plate and then back at him in a loss of words. "It's not- It's not even in a bowl? I thought the bowl was a requirement of a pork cutlet bowl . What is this?"

"This is pirozhki katsudon! It's katsudon but in a pirozhki. Taste it, taste it."

She looks at Makkachin's tongue, suspiciously close to the pirozhkis , takes a bite and-

" Oh my god. "

"Yes." He beams.

"This is great!"

" Yes ."

She chews it and swallows. "And completely different from what I've been cooking all this time."

" Yeees ." My Husband nods with a heart shaped smile. "You should taste momma Katsuki's Katsudon! Yours tastes like garbage compared to hers."

Nora barks an amused laugh and Gales gasps. Leah drops the pirozhki and stares.

"Ok, enough is enough. I'm kicking you out."

"Leah!" He cries in between laughs.

"Get out. Only Makkachin gets to stay."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

"No, you're not. If it tastes so bad, you should try cooking yourself some food for once-"

"Hello?"

Leah stops playfully pushing My Husband and freezes.

"Ah, Joel! Long time no see." Nora greets.

"Good timing." Gale puts a hand on My Husband's shoulder. "This is our honor guest! And that" he motions with his chin towards the bearded man who just sneaked in: "is Joel, our dear boss."

Leah swallows and dries her hands on her pants.

"Ah, so you're the one everyone's been talking about?" Joel offers a hand and My Husband shakes it. Joel's eyes fall on Makkachin and his eyes sparkle. "What a cutie. Aren't you a cute buddy?"

My Husband seems just as pleased as Makkachin.

"How come we haven't met yet? I'm always here."

Leah stops cursing herself for letting her guard down to roll her eyes and click her tongue. Even My Husband himself admits it.

That is not her wisest move, since Joel looks up at the sound and meets her eyes. His gaze warms a bit and she flinches, feeling her cheeks go stupidly hot. Is it warm warm our just normal warm?

"I take care of the drinks at night." He says and gets up, caressing Makkachin's nose. "Leah."

She sinks as much as she can behind the counter and greets with a nod. "Joel." She turns a bit and pretends to look at Makkachin, only to find My Husband staring at her with a raised brow.

"It's a good thing you came today." Nora says, extending Joel a pirozhki. "My Hu- aaaaah , his husband made these. Take one."

My Husband stares at her one more second before turning with a smile. "My husband and our son. It's their favorite dish!"

"And yours." Joel takes a pirozhki. "Or so I heard."

"Thinking again, maybe you shouldn't taste this one first? You won't be able to eat Leah's katsudon after."

"Ok, my pork cutlet bowl may not taste like authentic Japanese katsudon, but it's good, alright? My cooking is good."

" That I have to agree." Joel nods and bites the pirozhki. "And your musical taste."

"And my musical taste." She nods and gives My Husband a triumphant grin.

"But your fashion sense is a bit off."

"And my fashion sens-hah?" She turns to Joel, who's grinning at her and shakes her head. "Says the man with peas in his beard."

"I do not have- oh, I do." He takes the pea with a frown, shrugs and takes another bite of the pirozhki. Joel can be such a dork sometimes. Leah snorts.

Until she meets My Husband gaze and realizes everyone's staring at her.

She chokes in the middle of a snort and feels like hitting her head on the wall. So much for not wanting attention, huh?

"I need to- uh, I, the dishes. Finish cleaning them."

And the next second she's back at the kitchen, groaning into her hands and fighting back the heat on her cheeks. Wow, you are such and adult, Leah!

She jumps and almost screeches when the door is open, later, but it's only Gale with a new order. She's so relieved she almost hugs him.

It's almost a blessing when the clock turns 13:30 P.M. and she finds Joel has already gone. She gets into the car and turns off from Gale blabbering.

Why does she always make things awkward?

Rachel doesn't even asks when she gets home and goes straight to her room; she just brings a cup of lemon tea minutes later and starts telling her about how angry shouting teenagers are the best way to learn Russian swearings.

"-stands for 'stupid old man'."

"Please, lets not talk about Russian stupid old men." Leah begs with a whine.

"Wha- Mom, now you're just being mean. I thought My Husband was nice?"

"He complained about my cooking again." She pouts and Rachel jumps from the bed.

"Alright, let's do it now."

"Do what?"

"Katsudon! Let's practice until you make the best katsudon in the world."

"Now?"

She nods, determined "Let's kick his ass."

.

.

.

"I think our son hates me." He whines before she can turn around and leave, Makkachin cradled like a (giant) baby in his arms.

"Oh?" She says reluctantly and tugs her sleeve. "Why do you think so?"

"Well," he pokes the pasta (Rachel would be very disappointed to know he didn't order katsudon today) with a fork. "I'm trying to create a family tradition but he just yells at me and my husband only laughs."

Leah smiles amused and leans on the counter. "What is it you want to do?"

"Well, there is this costume- I wore it, and my husband wore it and I wanted our son to wear it too, but he won't even listen. I tried saying it again yesterday, but he called me stupid, and my husband told me he even went to his college and asked him to make me stop." My husband cries into the poodle's fur (Leah flinches when Makkachin's nose is almost shoved into the plate). "And soon it will be October and the season will officially start and I won't have convinced him!"

She laughs into her hand and discreetly pushes the plate a bit to the left. Is he really that worked up because his kid doesn't want to wear his Halloween costume? God, who passes a Halloween costume through generations?

"But why is he fighting so hard?"

"My husband says it may be a bit too much for him and he said it isn't his style. I say it's nothing compared to that obscenity of 2016." My Husband shivers. "Sorry, I try not to think about that costume."

Leah snorts. The boy looks like he's around fifteen; of course he would want to wear his own costume and not some old fashioned costume. "What is the costume about?"

"Eros."

See? Isn't that, like, the cupid or something? Old fashioned and probably ridiculous. She smiles sympathetically.

"Why must things be so complicated? My husband let me dress him whenever I want to. Right, Makka?"

"He obviously sacrifices for the sake of the family."

"What?"

Leah dismisses the subject with a hand. Gale then asks about what is so bad about 2016 costume, and My Husband's immediate scowl and ranting is her opportunity to sneak away.

She muses, with growing respect, that My Husband's husband is indeed a great person for going along with his antics and saving their kid from dealing with it alone.

.

.

.

"My dear husband is worried about our son."

Leah groans.

"Don't tell me it's the costume thing again. I thought we were over this." God, it's been two weeks already. If she has to listen one more time about the Halloween costume drama-

"No, I am banned from talking about it."

"What is the drama of the week then?" She asks, with some suspicious. Unlike the other days, My Husband isn't the emotional wreck, weeping over Our Son's behavior. In fact, he has a rather pleased smile on his face.

" Well … Our son lovely pointed out last night that he wouldn't wear such a 'ridiculous costume' because he was no 'bronze worthy old man'." He smirks and tilts his head innocently: "So I helpfully pointed out that yes, he was a golden boy, indeed and oh, shouldn't he be going to college just so we know for sure he'll have a future as golden?" He takes a sip of his beer and his smirk grows. "My husband agreed."

"So you're blackmailing your kid."

"Yes." He agrees without blinking. "But I'm not doing this out of pettiness."

She raises a brow.

"Not only out of pettiness at least. He's really devoted to skating, maybe more than I ever was but- We can't take it for granted. Last year he had to drop the competition because he wasn't emotionally stable. What next? And it's not exactly a safe sport. It doesn't hurt to have a backup plan."

"I didn't know he skated." Nora comments.

"And you never commented he competed?" Gale falls on the stool at My Husband's side. "That's cool."

"It's not like you to not brag about it." Nora nods.

"Ah, it's just sometimes skating kind of take over our lives? I love it, but it's nice to just talk about other things and… you know." He shrugs.

"Ok." Leah nods. She understands, to an extent, what it is like to love and being proud of something, but not wanting to make everything in her life about it. "About college then… He doesn't want to go?"

"Yeah. But now my husband thinks he really should. It would be good for him to make friends and grow some sense of responsibility." He taps his fingers on his lower lips and sighs, dropping the smile. "He got angry because I myself never studied, but I have the best husband in the world, who's happy to have me as his trophy husband. Not everyone is this luck."

"No, I don't think so."

"But" Nora interrupts: "there's still time to discuss about college. He's like fifteen, no?"

My Husband stares blankly at her for a second and then-

Bursts in laughter. To the point there are tears at the corner of his eyes.

"Oh, he would- ha, would be so pissed." He drops the fork and snorts a bit more before turning to Makakchin. "You hear that, Makka? Nora thinks Yura's fifteen. He turned twenty this year."

Leah nearly drops her phone and Gale and Nora let out a high pitched " whaaat ".

"That's- how old are you?" She always thought he was too young to have a fifteen year old son, but this is just ridiculous. She eyes his silver hair suspiciously. Could it be that it was really gray? What. And his husband looks so young in the photos?!

My Husband stares at their horrified faces for a second in confusion before flashing a smile.

"Ah, you mean I look young?" He makes a flourish with his hand and runs it through his hair and then fucking winks. "The truth is: I have amazing genes. And it was only recently that we got Yura's guardianship."

She refrains from point out that it still makes no sense and nods instead. Sometimes it's easier to just go along with the things My Husband says.

"Huh, if that's the case- What about a job? If you want him to meet people and learn to be responsible, maybe a part time job will do? It will not take so much of his time as college would and he can still focus on skating or whatever."

My husband studies her idea for a second and then nods. "I think it's actually a good idea. And he will be so pissed!"

.

.

.

"I am so excited!" Carolina says for the twelfth time and plays with her apron. "Why don't we have interesting patrons at night? They're always drunk or assholes or drunk assholes."

Leah shrugs and peeks at the door. It's about time My Husband arrives.

"Well, he is a drunk-"

"Leah!" Nora protests and then turns to the other woman. "He is very nice."

"I can't say I'm not curious. Joel told us some stories-"

Leah ignores the pounding in her ears and focus on the familiar silver head passing by the window: "There he is."

My Husband opens the door with a barking Makkachin in his arms.

(She's only come to think about it now, but Makkachin is a big dog. She wonders if My Husband works out- oh, what is she thinking? Of course he works out.)

He stops by his usual spot at the counter and tilts his head. "You're new."

"This is Carolina! She's the waitress at night."

"Gale couldn't come today, so she's here." Leah adds.

"It's nice to meet you!" Carolina says and My Husband smiles back.

"Nice to meet you too. This is Makkachin!"

"Ah," Nora says, a bit unsure, playing with a lock of her hair: "we were just telling Carolina about your husband..."

That's literally all the incentive needed. His eyes sparkle – probably at the thought at retelling every single thing to a new listener – and that's how the storm of words starts.

Leah leaves at some point to cook his lunch and when she comes back with the bowl in hand, he's still speaking. Carolina has an amused smile.

"Let me show you a picture of him." He taps his phone while Leah puts the katsudon in front of him and wears a silly heart shaped smile while looking at it. "I took it this morning and it's the greatest photo ever."

He turns his smartphone at them and there's My Husband's husband (She really needs to work on this) looking at the camera with sleepy eyes and wearing a white and red jacket that's a bit too big for him.

"Look at those thighs."

Leah takes her eyes from the picture and turns unbelieving to My Husband. "Are you- are you seriously telling us to look at your husband's legs?"

"It's okay, it would be too selfish of me to keep all this eros from the world."

Carolina pushes them out of the way. "Let me see, let me-" She takes a sharp breath and the three of them turn to her. Except Makkachin, obviously, since he- oh God, why is she taking account of Makkachin's actions?

The woman gives them a shaky laugh. "He is-uh, adorable!"

"I know, right? Breathtaking."

"Yes! And I, uh, would love to see more photos after we do that thing in the kitchen." Carolina says.

Leah raises a brow. The kitchen is her territory.

Nora takes her eyes from the photo. "What thing?"

"That thing Joel asked us to do. In the kitchen. Now." She turns to My Husband. "We'll be right back." And drags them both to the kitchen.

"What is it?" Leah asks as soon as Carolina closes the door.

"That is not his husband."

Leah raises a brow. "He showed that photo and said it was his husband. I think it means it's his husband."

"No." Carolina shakes her head. "Sam, my daughter, she has this thing for ice skating. That's her idol, Yuuri."

"What?"

Nora gasps. "My Husband's husband is wearing ice skates sometimes!"

"See?"

"My Husband's married to an athlete, so what?" Leah asks tiredly. "What's teh point of this conversation?"

"Yuuri is married already!" Caroline hisses. "With a super famous skater or something. It's like, the most romantic story in the world and there is something about ships and victories."

"What does a ship have to do with figure skating?"

Nora hums. "But what if- Ah! What if My Husband is this other skater?! He has the body-"

"Please." Carolina cuts her. "From what I heard, the guy eats here alone with his dog every week, right? Doesn't sound worldwide famous athlete to me."

They stare at each other. Leah doesn't want to believe it. But- "He never appears in any of the pictures he shows us. And sure he said something about skating but… If his husband was a famous athlete he surely would've mentioned it, right?"

Nora shakes her head. "Does it mean none of it is true? What about Our Son?"

Leah doesn't have any answer and instead turns to Carolina. "Are you sure of it or you're just screwing with us?"

"I'm sure, I swear!" She raises her hands. "I just really know because I saw that exact picture this morning. Yuuri's real husband posted it, I guess, and Sam was talking about it and making me look at it."

"But- but why would he lie?"

"Don't know. But we can't take this anymore."

"Wait, wait, wait." Leah interrupts them and raises a hand to Carolina. "No one is going to say a thing."

"Why?" She exclaims. "He's lying."

"You don't have a saying in this, you don't even know him."

"Well, neither do you."

Leah closes her eyes and counts to five.

"But why would he lie about it, Leah?" Nora's voice is small and confused. Leah takes a deep breath and opens her eyes again.

"I don't know… But I don't think he's purposefully deceiving us. He's not mean ." Leah sighs and pulls a strand of her apron. "We see him on a daily basis and the only company he ever has is a dog. God knows what he goes through. What if his life is, uh, shitty? And talking to strangers about his happy fake family makes him happy?"

"That's… tough."

"Well, yes." She pinches and rubs her fingers and admits unwillingly: "And he is nothing but kind with everybody. Will it hurt if we just keep things how they are?"

They stare at each other in some kind of silent agreement. Nora shakes her head, unbelieving.

"He's the greatest person I know; he's always so cheerful and positive and supportive… and now you say he may actually have a troubled life?" The girl shakes her head again. " It's not fair, Leah. "

.

.

.

Things are quite awkward the next day.

Yesterday, Carolina did most the talking while Nora kept a fake smile with eyes too bright and a nose too red and Leah just stared, unable to do anything more complex than nodding. Joel came by at the end of the day and she didn't even remember to be the flushed walking mess of always.

They agreed on telling Gale together the next day before opening the pub.

(She may or may not have screamed in frustration against her pillow, later that night.)

Gale takes things better than expected.

"Is that so?" He says, barely lifting his eyebrows.

"How" Nora pulls his shoulder: "are you not freaking out?"

He shrugs and plays with his pen. "I mean, I am a little but… Isn't it more believable than if it was true? People don't have such perfect lives."

Leah makes a face. "You're not supposed to say these things before thirty."

"Mother taught me to be realistic."

"Anyway, we're not telling this to anyone ever and we'll keep acting like nothing happened, ok?" Nora says and raises her hand. "Pinky promise?"

He nods and takes his pinky to hers. "Pinky promise. I like him, he's nice. And Makkachin is cute." He adds as an afterthought.

Leah nods. "Makkachin is cute. Well, this went better than I expect-"

" Waah !" Nora half gasps half sobs: "I just realized- Makkachin is really, really, really, reaaally old. What will My Husband do when she dies? He'll be alone!"

Gale gasps and almost falls. "It's true, Makka doesn't have so much time left." He stares, shocked. "Leah, this is terrible!"

"Wha- Nora? Gale? We were doing so great right now. What-"

And that's why Nora and Gale are both wearing sunglasses when My Husband and Makkachin arrive.

My Husband, who lacks of common sense and dresses like a Vogue model 90% of the time, doesn't really questions anything.

That is, until Nora starts sobbing.

"Please ignore it. They're having a hard time." Leah says at his concerned look.

"Do you want to pet Makkachin maybe? That always makes me feel better when I'm feeling lonely-"

At that, Gale sobs.

"What about you two sit in the couch for a while?" She suggests. They nod and walk to the couch at table 11. Leah scratches her head.

"I don't really know how to deal with people crying." My husband admits, looking lost indeed. "It always makes me uncomfortable. Which used to be a bad thing, because my husband cries a lot and I always got desperate and screw everything up." He shakes his head and laughs.

"Uh…" She nods, not really sure how to proceed, and wonders if there's any truth to his stories; are they based off on things that happened in his life with other people or are they all made up?

"You guys are all weird today." He huffs and Makkaching whines too. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong! Everything's completely fine."

"Actually, you have been weird for a while. Things were getting back to normal, but now you're weird again."

"Excuse me? I've always been normal."

"Uh, no. You've been all evasive since that day I brought the phirozki. Is it because you're ashamed of your katsudon?"

"What? Of course no!"

"Ah, I see. So it's because of Joel."

She chokes and feels the heat creeping into her cheeks. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He wears a victorious smile and she taps her legs. "You got weird that day he came and yesterday he came again and you happened to be weird again ."

"Well, I'm not seeing Joel anywhere here, so he obviously has nothing to do with my 'weirdness'." She sends him a pointed glare and sighs. "Can we forget it and just talk, I don't know, about your wedding or something?"

"Fine, but don't think we're done here. Which wedding?"

"Huuuh, the one at Russia? You mentioned there was a dance off."

"There was!" He nods vigorously. Even Makkachin finds some strength to bark alongside his owner's giggles. "Phichit wanted to do a properly documented battle and Chris just wanted to make everyone pole dance again, so, naturally, they got everybody drunk and started filming it. I mean it: everybody . You should've seen Lilia and Minako's dance battle-"

.

.

.

"A katsudon, Leah." Gale says as he takes the pizzas.

"Ok, you're kidding me or Joel put this dish on the menu without asking me."

"What?"

"There's only one person who asks this damned katsudon and he is not here."

"My Husband's here."

"What?" She drops the spoon and turns around. "But it's Friday. Didn't he say Fridays is Family day?"

"Since he doesn't actually have a family and is a loner, I say it is only a matter of time until he spends all his time here. Next thing we know, he will come at nights too." Gale shrugs and she glares.

"Please, don't even joke."

"Just- can you bring it to him when you're done? There is a group of college students, I think, and everything's crazy. Also, he likes talking to you."

"My Husband likes to speak to a rock if it means gushing over his imaginary husband."

Gale laughs. "I'm counting on you."

She cooks it quite resigned. It's been a while since My Husband ordered pork cutlet bowl. He'd been on a mission of trying everything on their menu and only asked for the dish when he was overly emotional over something.

Today would be one of those days.

She's walking to him when she first spots the teenagers Gale talked about. There are some at the corner of the bar, drinking beer as if it didn't just turn noon and more sitting at the big round table number 11, who are mostly giggling and playing with the menus and obviously flirting while Gale and Nora laugh awkwardly.

These guys seriously need to learn how to cut patrons off. The last thing they need is another My Husband coming every day and pouring them with their non-stopping talking – ok, she's dramatizing a little. My Husband is nice, but they don't need another costumer hanging around all the time and feeling overly familiar.

She keeps her way towards the silver haired figure when she spots the disturbed looking girl at the corner of the counter, amidst the young men drinking. A quick glance at Nora and Gale tells her they're not leaving the giggling girls anytime soon, so she sighs and changes her path. My Husband could wait a bit for his meal.

She gets close to them and is ready to take the man by his collar when a silver head appears between the man and the girl:

"Excuse me, excuse me." My Husband says with a smile and pushes a stool between the man and the girl, almost making the man fall from his own stool, with a tongue dripping Makkachin in his arms. He sits and smiles to the girl. "Hi. Do you like dogs?"

"Uh-" The girl looks at my husband, lost, and then at Makkachin: "I- I never had a dog? But I find them really cute."

"And what about cute boys?"

The girl frowns. My Husband shoves Makkachin in her arms and she hugs her with a startled yelp, and he takes his cellphone form his pocket.

Of course . Leah thinks, with a grin.

"This is my husband and he is the cutest man in the world. This photo I took-"

"What the fuck are you doing? Can't you see we were talking?" The man finally speaks, his look going from disbelief to anger.

My Husband barely looks at him. "Oh please, we are clearly looking at pictures of my husband." He turns back to the girl. "This is our son."

She buries her face into Makkachin's fur and nods to the screen. "He is adorable."

"I know right?"

The man's face starts going red and Leah makes a face.

"Here's your katsudon."

"Ah, good night Leah! You know," He turns to the girl again, who watches them very attentive: "this is my husband's favorite food, though he couldn't eat it all the time when he was younger because he is a little piggy and gains weight so fast. Our son calls him Katsudon because of that-"

Leah sends an amused look at My Husband and turns to the other man.

"You. Get out."

"What? I'm-"

"Now." She says inclining over the table. "Or I'm calling the staff and it's going to be ten times worse." He doesn't need to know she and the teenagers blushing over there around some giggling girls are the only staff.

He ponders for a moment before reluctantly shoving some notes on her and leaving with two other men, who laugh loudly on the way out. Leah rolls her eyes and finally turns back to the girl.

Ok, time to save her from the other creepy.

My Husband is engaged on a conversation about how precious and perfect their rings are and which are the best lights to reflect them.

(That is a recurrent topic and she know his top three by heart now: the morning sun at a beach – any beach is just fine, though Hasetsu's preferable; Christmas tree lights – the colorful lights reflect so nicely on the gold bands and remind him of Barcelona; his husband's cellphone light, when he goes to bad in the middle of the night– just when he is going to sleep, other times the cellphone screen is simply wrong.)

"Hey, are you alone?" She asks nicely to the girl. She looks from the phone, a half laugh still on her lips and nods.

"I'm meeting some friends, but I got here earlier and that guy wouldn't stop saying creepy things and all those other kept laughing." She shivers.

Leah nods.

"Hey, Amy." My Husband asks suddenly: "Do you want a katsudon too? It makes everything better."

"I don't think-"

"Don't be silly. I'm paying. And it's delicious; Leah's almost getting 1/8 as good as my mother in law."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" She narrows her eyes and My Husband shrugs.

"Well…"

"I'm going home, sorry." Amy interrupts them sheepishly. "I'm not really comfortable here right now."

"Of course." Leah nods, turning away from his annoying smirk. "There's no problem, darling."

"If you ever want to see cute photos and stories about my husband, you can find us here."

"That's true. He's always here."

Amy laughs and gives the dog back to her owner. "Thank you very much."

It's only when the girl is out of their sight that she turns to him and raises a brow. "Why are you here today?"

"Uh?"

"You always have family lunch at Fridays, no?" She asks.

Ok, she admits: she's only pressuring him because of his earlier comment about her katsudon. But My Husband doesn't look taken aback and only whines.

"He has an essay due to next Wednesday and is meeting with his classmates."

Leah nods. Now that she knows it's all made up it's easy to spot the lies and even where they come from. My Husband is not really creative; basically everything he makes up for Yuuri is based off on things other people told him at some point.

By now, his husband studies at the same college Rachel does, has Russian classes too, a study group the same day Rachel has and now even an essay due to the same date. (She told him that three days ago, can his memory be that bad that he doesn't even remember where he's getting his excuses from?)

She tries not to have mean thoughts, because he is really kind, if only a bit annoying most of the time, but the word pathetic crosses her mind one time or two.

.

.

.

Rachel's with that expression again. The one she uses when she's especially worried about Leah.

Thus Leah is not entirely surprised when she stops her painting and tilts her head: "Mom, do you feel lonely?"

"Hum?" Leah takes her eyes of the TV. "No? I mean, you are right here. If anything, I'm feeling even crowded right now." She gestures to the mess of books, papers and brushes all over the room and makes a face – she's only half joking, you see. Rachel has the ability of occupying every empty space of the house. It's both comforting and annoying.

"No." She rolls her eyes and yelps when her brush falls on the paper on her lap. "No, no. I- ah, damn." She desperately wets a towel and tries to clean the paper.

"I told you to use the table."

"I mean" Rachel ignores her, but still stares dumbly at her mess: "lonely as in don't you want to go out with someone?"

Leah raises her brow. "Again, go to the table. And I'm happy. Isn't your romantic life troubled enough?"

Rachel makes an indignant sound and leaves the paper for a second to send her a hurt glance. "My love life is doing just fine, thank you very much. Besides, I don't mean it only in a romantic way. Don't you, ah, go out with friends and stuff?"

"Ah."

She stares emptily at her daughter before laughing and pushing her feet slightly. "Of course I go out with my friends."

"You have friends?" Rachel blurts before blushing. "I mean, I never see it."

Called out by her own daughter. Ouch.

It's really hard to keep the smile but Leah does it and even rolls her eyes. "Of course you don't, you're barely home nowadays with classes and work. I went to the movies with Nora and Gale these days." And, because the surprised look at Rachel's face is just too much and she's feeling a bit petulant and in need to prove her wrong – even though she's not – she adds: "And I'm going to a new, uh, coffee shop with Nora and Carolina today."

"What? Really? You didn't say anything!"

"Because you wouldn't be home anyway. Then your class got cancelled and I forgot to tell you."

Rachel is still staring at her and Leah smirks, too taken by the emotion, and looks at her cellphone. "Oh, by the way, I should get ready." She gets up and Rachel follows her with her gaze.

"Hum uh- good. That's good mom!"

.

.

And that's why now she's sitting alone at some random, far coffee shop that is way more expansive than it should be with an overpriced tea and slice of cake in front of her.

She sighs and bites the chocolate cake while flipping through her phone, wondering how long until she can go back home. At least it's delicious.

"Leah?"

She jumps and drops the spoon. It takes her a while to realize that the man standing in front of her, with an expensive looking suit is My Husband.

"Oh, hi." She blinks and says stupidly: "Where is Makkachin?"

My Husband gives her a pained look and sits on the chair in front of her.

"Had to leave him at home. Sad, I know."

"Ah. And, uh, what are you doing here?"

"Working. I had a meeting with some sponsors here and was just leaving when I saw you."

She stares. "You work?"

Because this feels nothing like My Husband; no Makkachin, responsible looking and working? What?

"-enough and I'm better at talking with them. What about you?"

"Oh." She jumps, not listening to a word he just said. "I'm just… hanging out I guess."

Responsible doesn't fit My Husband. It feels wrong. Like when the cook from the night shift decides to clean the drawer and rearranges it like spoons-knives-forks instead of forks-knives-spoons and all her world feels out of place.

"Nice. You're alone?"

She opens her mouth to answer and closes it again.

God, she always thought of him like a loser with no life. Seeing him here makes her wonder if they're that different. He has a job and a life and sometimes likes to pretend he has a husband; she pretends she has friends, apparently.

At least he's rich. Who's the loser now, huh Leah?

"I am pathetic." She ends up saying.

"Ah. Want to talk about it?"

She tries not to take too much offence that he doesn't even tries to disagree.

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a bother to everyone."

"Hum…" He taps his lower lip and studies her for some seconds. "I thought you were more of the selfish lonely type like me but- I think you're more like my husband maybe?"

She groans. Why does everything have to be about his imaginary husband? She takes it back, she's obviously not the bigger loser here.

"I mean, it's not because you think no one gets you that you don't open up, but because perhaps because you think no one wants you to open up? Is that it?"

She just rests her forehead on the table and groans in response.

"This is seriously the last thing I imagined happening when I left home."

He ignores her. "Why would you think so?"

"Why? I'm hardly interesting, I have no common interests with anybody I know, I turn every social interaction I take part awkward and I overreact about everything."

"So you don't have anyone you consider close? School friends, neighbors, family?"

"I never really made friends at school. Not because of them, everybody was always nice, but I was awkward back then." At My Husband's silence she adds: " More awkward. The whole figuring out gender thing got me really lost during my teens. Michael was my friend, but things didn't work out between us and now it's just uncomfortable."

"And there's Joel." He offers and Leah buries her head even more in the table. "Come on, you have at least some intimacy."

"We are friends, I guess? Were. I don't know. We talked a lot. He used to show up at the pub more often and show me some stupidly unknown songs he enjoyed and it was fun."

"And?" He asks, his voice strangely muffled. Leah just sighs and turns her head in her hands.

"He asked me to go out for dinner, just the two of us and I kind of freaked out? Lucky Gale came in time and I had an excuse to leave. And I was doing a great job avoiding him until you appeared."

"So that's why you were weird that day."

"Ugh"

"But what's the problem? Don't you like him?"

"Romantically? I don't know."

"Then you could just ask to take things slower, right?"

"But what if he didn't mean it this way?"

"Then you stay as friends and nothing changes."

"Well, yeah, except then I'm assuming and being full of myself when he never liked me that way and things will be uncomfortable."

" Alright . Because never talking to him again is perfectly comfortable." She groans against the table and he laughs. "Ok, let's leave this issue by now. About the other thing: you are nice and pleasant. I'm talking to you right now and I don't feel the least bored."

"Yes, you do." She peeks at him unsure.

"No, I don't."

"But you'd prefer to be somewhere else?"

"No, I don't. Oh wait, I'd actually prefer to be with my husband right now but-"

"Oh shut up." She laughs and sits straight up again. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." He flashes a dazzling smile and she rolls her eyes. Completely unnecessary. "Now I really should get going. But I see you on Thursday?"

"Sure. Bye."

"Bye, Leah."

It's only then that she takes another sip of her peach tea and goes back to her cake- that is not there anymore. Her plate is completely empty except for the spoon.

She stares blankly at it before groaning and turning to the door, but My Husband is long gone.

"That- uhg!"

.

.

When she gets home it's barely 5 P.M, but she's feeling a lot better – even though that shameless man ate her expensive cake. She unlocks the door but stops before opening it. On the yard next door, Lysa is bending over the roses while her daughter stares with that bored to death expression only a teenager can muster.

Leah laughs against her mouth and walks towards them. She rests her elbows on the fence: "Need some help?"

"Ah, hello Leah! I'm just- brushing them off now- but there are so many."

"She just doesn't know when to give up." Pandora says and sighs. "I say we buy a new plant and throw this one away. Dad won't notice the difference, he is a bit dense."

"Pandora!" Lysa huffs but laughs and turns to Leah. "I could use an extra pair of hands. But only if you're not busy! I got this, really."

"I'm coming in a second."

She enters the house and Rachel is still glaring at the paper – to be honest, she spends more time glaring at her canvas than actually painting anything.

"Rachel, leave this dirty water and come here a second."

She looks up offended. "Mom, watercolor is not dirty water-."

"Yes, yes, come here."

She whines but get up curiously.

The next thing she knows, after brushing the little insects off for what feels like an eternity, they're all eating cookies at their neighbor's living room and Rachel is even making plans of coming back to paint Lysa's roses.

"You'll be coming too, Leah?"

She stares at Lysa, surprised, and reluctantly remember My Husband's words from earlier. Could it be people enjoyed her company as much as she enjoyed theirs?

It's surprisingly easy to say 'yes'.

.

.

.

"Leah, two katsudons."

"Hah?"

She turns to Gale. He just shrugs and leaves.

She sighs and cooks it anyway, because that's her job, and takes the dishes to the counter ( This is not her job, but she does it anyway because she's dumb).

Gale and Nora are, as usual, slacking off talking with My Husband. Leah rolls her eyes. "Here are your two katsu-"

They turn to her and, by My Husband side and hugging Makkachin is the black haired girl from the other day. Leah drops the bowls on the counter and gasps.

"Oh dear god, they're multiplying."

Nora frowns. "Who's multiplying?"

"Annoying cust-"

"Leah!" Gale reprimands, but she can see he's suppressing a smile.

My Husband points to the girl.

"See, Leah? Amy really came."

Leah rolls her eyes. "Now isn't it great?"

"I didn't think you would be here for real! I missed Makkachin." And to prove her point she buries her face into Makkachin's fur. The dog barks and licks her face.

Leah shivers and takes a couple of steps away.

"Now" Nora calls very serious: "Amy will try her very first katsudon."

"Leah's almost good katsudon. And sake."

She sends My Husband a glare.

"We don't have sake- oh forget it; you brought your own sake." Nora says, taking the drink and pouring it on a cup before Amy.

"Whoa, no way!" Leah jumps and takes the glass from the girl. "She's barely fifteen."

"I'm twenty." She huffs.

"Still not 21." She puts the glass in front of him. "It's a katsudon and an orange juice-"

"Grape."

"-grape juice for her, Nora."

When everything's settled – a can of grape juice resting in front of Amy – everybody stares at her expectantly. Even Leah, though she is a bit ashamed to admit. Amy takes the fork and knife amused, finally looks at the bowl and-

"Is it pork?!"

"Ah, yes. It's a pork cutlet bowl." Leah clarifies. Amy makes a face and pushes the bowl away.

"I'm vegetarian."

"Oh." My Husband says.

Everyone just stare a bit lost. Makkachin barks.

"I can cook you some waffles maybe?" Leah offers when it seems no one will say anything.

"Ah, yes." Nora nods, coming back to her senses and smiling. "Leah's strawberry waffles are famous."

"But what will we do with this?" Gale asks, disheartened.

My Husband stares a second longer at the bowl too, before turning to her. "That means Amy will never know the wonders of katsudon?"

Leah face palms. "I'm going to cook the waffles."

.

.

.

Amy, as it turns out, enjoys Leah's waffles very much and comes back to the pub a lot.

She's nice and not as much extra as My Husband, so it's ok for Leah's part. Nora is a ray of sunshine that's unable to not befriend everybody she knows and Gale easily gets along with her too, so everything's just fine.

She really likes Makkachin and loves seeing My Husband's son photos and hearing stories about My Husband epic love story. They go as far as exchanging phone numbers and sometimes My Husband even drives by her house before going to the pub and they have lunch together.

"Vi, your hair is so beautiful!"

That is another thing. Without anyone noticing, Amy asked My Husband his name and started calling him by this nickname. And, when Gale explained to her the whole situation and asked if she could tell them his name, she just laughed and said no.

Gale googled 'Russian male names with v' and Joel organized a bet involving the entire pub's staff. ' Vladmir ' is winning with six votes, but Carolina insists it's ' Valerik ' because it's hot and My Husband certainly has a sexy name. Leah herself is betting on ' Vyacheslav ' because it was the most extra name on Gale's list and, while Leah's special power is to make things awkward, My Husband's is to make things more extra .

"Thank you." is his answer to Amy's compliment. "I used to have it by my waist when I was young."

"No way!"

" Yes ."

"It must've been gorgeous!" Amy beams and sighs dreamily against Makkachin and Nora, who's currently mixing two shakes on the sink, eyes them curiously.

"It was, indeed." He sighs and plays with a few silver strands. "I explored my sexuality and played with both genres. But then I decided to explore a more masculine sensuality, so I cut it."

Amy nods. Leah thinks they should not be talking about sensuality to a fifteen year old girl. ("Twenty, Leah! T-w-e-n-t-y .")

"Except it's a lie." My Husband drops the silver locks. "I was playing with bubble gums and it got stuck in my hair."

Amy frowns. "That's anticlimactic."

My Husband only shrugs. "The only people who know it are Lilia and Yakov because they were the ones that fixed my hair." He considers. "And Chris… Which, now that I think about it, means everybody knows and that's why Mila and Georgi were threatening me with bubblegum that day. Oh"

Amy shakes her head reprovingly and turns to her with an excited smile. "What about you, Leah?"

" What about me?"

"Your hair! Did you always have it so long and beautiful?"

"Ah." She blushes at the compliment and takes a strand of hair and examines it. "I started growing it when I was sixteen. It was when I realized the reason why I felt so uncomfortable with boys stuff was because I was a girl. I never cut it since then. It's like a, uh, personal reminder I guess?"

" That 's cool." Amy exclaims. "Sorry Vi, but now Leah's the coolest person in the group. You proved yourself to be a dork."

Leah, who certainly had never been the coolest person in any group, can't help blushing more. My Husband gasps and pushes the katsudon away – that's how offended he is.

"Excuse me? People call me 'Ice Daddy'. That's how cool I am."

Leah glares at him. "That… was wrong in so many ways."

Amy, who obviously lied about being twenty, giggles and blushes. " Kinky ."

"It's true! My husband had all these pictures of me on his bedroom walls-"

She raises her hand and shakes her head. "Enough information."

.

.

.

"Leah!"

She turns with a jump and nearly drops the carrots she was so carefully arranging at the dish.

"Gale? What are you doing here? It's your day off."

The teen looks at her, disheveled and breathless. "Our Son- Amy found him and he's coming and I never ran so much in my life-"

Leah shakes her head and raises a hand. "You're not making any sense. Breathe."

He opens his mouth to protest, but then sighs and breathes in and out three times. "I was at a coffee shop with Amy and she found My Husband's son."

"How did she find Our Son if he doesn't exist?"

"Well, he does? I mean, My Husband takes his photos from somewhere. Amy started gushing when she saw him and he looked really pissed. And then they left in a hurry and I immediately ran here because if they arrive here My Husband will get caught in his lie!"

"And?"

"And he will never come back!" He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. "I knew we should've told Amy the whole situation. Now we have to make My Husband leave before they arrive."

"Well, good luck with that. That's what I've been trying to do since day 1."

The teen sends her a concerned look. "Leah."

"Ok, sorry."

"What's taking so long?" Carolina peeks through the kitchen door. "Gale?" She walks over them and takes the bowl. "What are you doing here? Oh, forget it."

Leah stares with a frown as the woman leaves. Gale shakes her by the arm: "Leah, you need to do something!"

"Oh, right. Carolina, wait, wait, wait!"

She runs after her and Gale follows, shouting. My Husband and Nora stop talking and stare at them as if- well, as if they just came in screaming and running.

"I- ah." She offers a yellow smile and takes the bowl from Carolina's hands: "Ah, uh… You shouldn't eat here today! We should go to table 7! Lovely and out of sight table 7!"

"Why?" My Husband asks.

"Because... Today is a special day! Right Gale?"

"Yeaaah, very, very special because, uh..." He claps his hands. "Today it's been exactly six months since you first came here. It's like our anniversary!"

"Uh, guys, I don't think it's been five months yet-"

"Yes!" Leah cuts Nora and nods. "Six months! We've been planning all week and today will be a special day. So you're sitting on our best table."

"I thought the best table was number 11?"

"Nah, couches are overrated." Gale explains as they walk around the corner.

"Here, here!" She pushes both My Husband and Makkachin towards the table and ignore his protests. "Okay, sit here. You, sit with him."

"Leah what is really going on?"

Leah sighs and studies him. She didn't want to it, but it's probably the only way to get him to sit there quietly.

"You know, I didn't want to tell you this because today's a special day, but..." She sighs dramatically. "Gale said Chihoko is obviously more flexible than you."

There it is. Chihoko gate is open. My Husband gasps and turns to the teen offended. "Excuse me?"

She shows Gale two thumbs up and runs back to the bar where Nora and Carolina wait confused.

"What's going on?"

"We need to close the pub now-"

"Ah, you're closing already? Why?"

She turns around and Amy's behind her, with a familiar blonde teen and-

"My Husband's husband!" Nora screeches.

"Leah, you're closing? But Vi told me he would be here today."

"Uh-" She glances at man whose face she has grown so familiar with during the last months. Is a bit disconcerting actually. She gulps. "Uuh I don't know what you're talking about. Actually we're closing early today…"

My Husband's husband looks at them confused and then turns to Our Son. "Are you sure Yura?"

"Yes, I'm telling you, that old man is doing it again. It makes me sick."

The Japanese looking man takes a deep breath as if this scene is not new. Wait- what if- What if it's not the first time My Husband pretends they're related and it has happened before? That's why the teen is looking so pissed. Oh God, what if they even have a restriction order against My Husband?

"As I was saying, we are closing-"

"Closing?"

She jumps again and yelps. "Joel! I mean, we are closing at 13:30pm as always. Please take a sit."

"Do you think Sam gets here in time if I call her now?" Carolina muses. Nora just stares open mouthed.

"We're not usually this weird, I promise." Amy whispers to them.

Joel claps his hands. "You are My Husband's husband!"

"I'm sorry?"

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you! My Husband talked so much-"

"You." The blond growls at her while Joel excitedly corners the other man. "Where's the old man?"

"Uh… not here?" She tentatively shrugs. The teen clicks his tongue.

"He asked you to cover him, right? That's what he always does, makes himself look charming and nice instead of the annoying creepy he is." Oh God, if she still had any doubt they are all gone now. My Husband is a stalker. My Husband stalks these guys and they definitely have a restriction order. "I'll find him."

"What? No wait-" She protests anyway, even though it makes no sense to protect My Husband anymore if he's a dangerous creepy instead of just a harmless one.

"Nikiforov!" The kid shouts and begins to walk around the pub.

"Wait-"

"Oi, Viktor!"

"Can you just-"

"Viktor- Hah!" He smiles viciously as he spots My Husband, who seems engaged in an angry discourse. Leah speeds her walking and pulls the teen by his arm. "Huh?"

"Look," She pleads: "I know he's a pain in the ass but can you just leave him be? He's nice to everyone here so could you not take this away from him? Please."

He stops trying to get away from her and frowns. "What?"

Ok, if she do it right she could convince him. Maybe. She swallows and looses her grip on his sleeve: "Just-"

"There he is!" Joel's voice resounds and she looks away to find him dragging My Husband's (fake) husband to table 7, where My Husband's still shooting Gale with a thousand words per second.

"You're fucking kidding me!" She exclaims, dropping the kid's arm slapping her own head incredulous.

Nora and Carolina come right behind them, one in shocked, helpless silence and the other suppressing her laughter (guess who). Gale makes a high pitched noise and My Husband interrupts his ranting to look around and gasps.

They stay like this, in this stunned silence, for a minute or two. Until-

"Viktor, why is Makkachin over the table?"

.

.

"Who would've guessed My Husband is a world famous skater and actually married to Yuuri Katsuki?"

Leah turns to Carolina with a dirty glare. "Shut. Up."

Carolina raises her hands and murmurs "Sorry" even though she sounds way more amused than sorry.

Gale is sitting at the couch arguing with Amy ("Do you have any idea how stressful today was?"), who frowns and repeats "what" for the fourth time. Nora taps his shoulder comfortingly and nods at each accusation. Amy furrows her brows even more and Yurio just scowls.

My Husban- no, Viktor.

(It turns out nobody won the bet. It wasn't even an option on their poll. Now it's obvious why Amy laughed so much when she saw the votes.)

Anyway, Viktor buries his nose in Yuuri's neck. Yuuri has the consideration to look the least embarrassed, though he wears a pleased smile all the while and caresses Viktor's hair. Makkachin, thank God, is finally lying at their feet, nowhere near the table. Blessed be Yuuri and his ability to do simple reasoning.

"I still don't get what happened here today."

She looks up where Joel's standing beside her. "No one really does." She taps her fingers on her thigh and tilts her head. "There's another thing I don't get."

"Hum?"

"Did you mean going out for dinner as in a date?"

He takes his eyes from the couple in front of them and looks surprised at her. There's a light red slowly growing on his cheeks and he chokes out a small laugh. "Ah. I- Yes, I did."

She hums and pinches her fingers.

She's not sure how she feels, but who is, really? Well, with the exception of My Husban- damn it, Viktor , and his undying love for his husband. Normal people live in doubt.

She stares back at him, unblinking and studies her options. It sure is nothing as romantic and big as flying to another continent, but maybe it's the exact risk she can take. She breaks a nail:

"Alright."

"Alright?" He chokes and fully turns to her. Carolina lowly whistles. "As in, yes?"

"Yes."

"Like, 'yes we're going out on a date' yes?"

" Yes. " She nods, offers him a tiny smile and turns to the snuggling couple. "Hey, Viktor."

He huffs some sound against Yuuri's neck and she rolls her eyes.

"How come you are married to an olympic medalist athlete and you never happened to mention it?" He barely mutters a response she can't hear, obviously, since he's glued to his husband and she sighs before smirking. "One would think you're not proud of him-"

"Leah!" He pushes himself away from Yuuri and gasps. Makkachin whines too - they have a real connection, My H- Viktor and Makkachin, even Leah is obliged to admit. "It's not like that." He promises to Yuuri, who watches the whole exchange very amused: "You know it's not like that, Leah."

"I don't know anything."

"No, but really:" Carolina interrupts with curiosity: "why you never mentioned it?"

"It feels good to be just Viktor, Yuuri's husband, instead of most condecorated ice skater and greates coach in history." He flips his hair and sighs, sounding exhausted.

Yurio scowls and Leah agrees. (Quick question: is it possible to agree with a scowl?)

"We had this conversation already, didnt we? Besides, what's the point of talking about how amazing my Yuuri is on ice to you? No offence, but would you properly appreciate the beauty of his Ina Bauer followed by a flawless Axel?"

"Uh?"

"I thought so. There was no point in mentioning it. Hence I focused on things you would be able to understand."

"God, you sure are annoying."

"I sorry for all the trouble Viktor caused." Yuuri smiles apologetically.

Leah is quick to shake her head. "I'm sorry for you. "

"But I have to say-" Yuuri gestures to the bowl in front of him and Leah lowly groans and braces herself: "Your katsudon is delicious! It tastes different from mom's but it's delightful nonetheless. I love that the carrots are glazed."

"Right?!" Yurio says, leaving Gale and Nora's drama and displaying an emotion other than anger and annoyance for the first time in that day: "We need to try it in the pirozhki."

Leah blinks stupidly at them and stammers at least four "Thank you"s before turning to Viktor, watery: "They're amazing. Your family is amazing. Why can't you be more like your husband and your son?"

"My Yuris are-"

"Hah?! Don't tell me you've been really telling people you're my fucking parents."

"Yuri! That's how you talk to your father?"

The teen groans. Nora slaps the table:

"You're really not their son after all?"

"No fucking way."

"Yuri, I'll have to ground you."

"Listen here old man…"

Yurri sighs and offers another sweet smile. "Sorry, they're very excited today. Maybe we should have lunch at our home sometime? Then we can get to know each other properly and you can see we do have manners." He looks at the teen, now showing his both middle fingers, and at Viktor, now showing his tongue, and sighs. "Most of the time. Probably."

Amy squeals:"Only if you show us your wedding photos!"

Viktor brings back his attention to them and nods.

"Of course! And the video-"

"Not the videos."

"But Yuuri -"

"Viten'ka…"

Viktor huffs and pouts, but eventually moves on. He turns to her, then, and raises a brow in a silent challenge. "Will you come, Leah?"

She ponders for a moment. Yuuri takes another bite of the katsudon and moans another praise. Viktor perks up at that just like Makkachin does when Amy brings some snack, and Joel laughs.

She can't fight a smile from taking over her lips.

"Of course! I would love to."

---

I don't know how it grew into all these words help me.
Hope you enjoyed it, it was fun to write!