Tamaki's Greatest Dilemma is part of the Zit Series with other zit-related fanfiction from From Spark to Flame, larrythestapler, asianangelgirl, and kasplosion. If you like Harry Potter, Twilight, Naruto, or Avatar, please go check out their stories as well! More info on this weird series is in my profile.
Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran.
TAMAKI'S GREATEST DILEMMA
Part 1
Oh Tamaki, Tamaki, his beauty fairer than most. His eyes, a dazzling pool of azure and gleam; his hair, the soft locks of blonde curling with the gentlest touch; his lips, the ones that speak such bold and heart-racing words. You long to touch those lips. You long to caress that hair. But more than ever, you long to touch that beautiful face. Everywhere, anywhere, his eyes, his lips, his skin, his…
Wait.
What is that on his nose?
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
---
All the maids in the Suoh Mansion #2 knew Tamaki Suoh was a morning person. He didn't need alarm clocks or stern reminders to change clothes for school today – he had a natural sleeping schedule already lodged into his brain, and often even woke up just when the maids were yawning sleepily at the crack of dawn. Rise and shine!, that was his motto. Embrace the start of a new day! Jump out of bed with a smile!
That's why, Monday morning, the servants of the second mansion were fretful for their master. They did not wake up by the happy rings of his 'good mornings', but had leapt out of bed, startled by a shrill scream that shook the walls of the Suoh residence. When they knocked on the door, the response was utter silence. There might have been some quiet, muffled sobs if they pressed their ears hard enough against the door, but the lack of answer when they called his name was concerning.
Before anyone could make a phone call to Ouran for an absence, the door eventually unlocked, and out strolled their blonde master. He did not seem to be in any pain, but did walk briskly out the door with a paper bag over his head. He also bumped into a wall while walking his way out, but that was not the point. The point was: something god-awfully dreadful had happened to Tamaki.
Evidence of that notion arose when the maids peered into his room after he left. They were positive a tornado did not hit this area in Japan this morning, and yet the blankets were strewn across the floor, the table was cluttered with knocked over bottles, and the mirror – the mirror, perhaps Tamaki's favorite object in his room – was cracked.
Something was wrong. No one had the faintest of ideas. All servants of the mansion were unaware that this was, by far, worse than any raging typhoon, worse than any worldwide earthquake, even worse than waking up Kyouya at 6 AM in the morning—
It was the end of the world.
But more importantly, Tamaki Suoh had a zit.
---
"My loyal subjects, I have an important announcement to make!"
The host club turned their heads and gawked at the paper bag adorning their king's face. 'Commoner Food Snacks' was scrawled upside down on the wrinkly material. The seventeen year old folded his hands behind his back and took a deep breath before speaking.
"I know it is short notice, but today's cosplay theme will be this! I am sure most of you are unfamiliar with these clever commoner devices called 'paper bags'—except for you, Haruhi!" A wide grin was hinted behind the brown paper as Tamaki peered down over a confused Honey. "We'll hide our beautiful faces behind these paper bags, and because of the concealment, the customers will become even more attracted to our mysterious aura!"
He waited for a response from his club members, but only received a long period of silence. The heavy weight of their stares seeped through his bag. Finally, he heard Haruhi made a comment.
"Senpai, did you hit your head on something this morning?"
"I ran into plenty of walls earlier, but otherwise, no! Well, are you going to put these on or not?" The king stretched out his arms to display an excess of paper bags.
"Uh, no." A twin's voice quickly shot him down. "That's got to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Why don't you tell us the real reason you're hiding your face, Boss?"
The other twin added, "Yeah, and Kyouya-senpai, how did you even agree to this anyway?"
The small click-clacking of the cool type's keyboard stopped. Predictably, his friend tilted his glasses as he spoke.
"I never agreed to such things. The host club sells because of our looks, and sales would definitely hinder if we were to hide our faces. However, I will allow Tamaki to continue wearing a bag, due to special circumstances…"
Special circumstances. Those words did anything but ease the curiosity of the host club members. The twins were the first to jump by the end of the sentence.
"Whoa, whoa. Special circumstances? Just what exactly happened to his face?"
"N-Nothing happened to my face, you nosy twins!" Tamaki shouted, and almost smacked Mori in a fit of blind rage.
"Hmmmm, oh really?"
Their question was not out of concern—no, it felt more sinister than that, and he could tell both redheads' lips curled up with all sorts of ideas circling their heads. They pressed on with more questions, more theories, anything that could spark up some trouble, as they whispered loudly in each other's ears.
"I bet you he got a nasty disease and now his face is all deformed. Eww, don't let him touch you, Haruhi."
"Yeah, or maybe he got into a freaky car accident so everything is all disfigured! His left eye's in the center of his face and his nose is hanging off of his chin—"
"That's gross, Kaoru, and Hikaru, stop creeping your fingers on my shoulder, I know it's you."
"I know! Our boss was a test subject for a mad scientist but then the experiment went all wrong so he ended up with a nasty disease, and as he was trying to escape the scientist's lab by car he got into a freaky accident when he crashed into a house and then their guard dogs started chasing after him so he tried to run but tripped and fell so then the dogs caught up to him and began gouging their claws into his—"
"SHUT UP! That is NOT what happened!"
This time, Tamaki was positive he was facing towards the right people, paper bag clouding his vision or not. He huffed angrily at the two. They failed to stifle their snickers, as they continued to chortle next to a frowning Haruhi.
"Well, if that's not what happened, what have you got to hide? It can't possibly be any more grotesque than what we said, right?"
Tamaki swallowed the lump in his throat. That was true, but he knew that if the host club members, no, the twins, saw his zit on his once perfect complexion, he'd never be able to live it down. He was a teenager, but he believed himself to be not just the normal teenager – he was supposed to be the one with smooth skin, the one who possessed flawless texture one could not help but envy! What would happen to his host club king position if everyone knew of the boy's drastic dilemma?
"I want to see it too, Tama-chan! I'm sure you look just fine!" Honey piped up. Though only the twins nodded eagerly with their senior, the rest of the club members were just as curious as well. Except for Kyouya, whom Tamaki had revealed his zit to earlier during class, only to have the shadow king turn away back to his paperwork and say, "Let's just get back to work, Tamaki."
That reaction to his zit earlier did not boost his confidence much. Tamaki sighed. Even so, the logical side of him knew he couldn't keep up this façade forever. And besides, if he had to show it to someone, it should be his friends – friends, like family, should always be there and comfort each other through these issues, right?
"Alright, but you have to promise me you won't laugh."
The twins jumped up, smacking their right hands on their hearts to pledge their oath. "We solemnly swear that we will never judge our boss no matter how hideous, disfigured, and mutated his face is."
"Good. Now, anybody I can actually trust?"
"Me too!" Honey waved a hand in the air, and Mori nodded with an "ah". Haruhi grimaced, mumbling "I guess, but does it really even matter…" and Kyouya continued typing silently on his laptop, because, well, seeing it once was probably enough.
And so, Tamaki took a deep, long breath before the great moment of truth.
And once he plucked the paper bag off of his face, in one swift motion, his vision was struck by the blinding lights of the third music room. When his eyes readjusted to the new settings (he never realized the world was so bright!), he stared back at the host club members, who all gawked back up at him. A pregnant silence followed, until all of a sudden Hikaru and Kaoru crashed onto the ground.
Tamaki Suoh, a man who was once so perfect, once so faultless, had the biggest, reddest pimple on his nose.
The zit was so distracting, in fact, that no one noticed the Hitachiin twins were confined to the floor, howling and clutching their stomachs.
Just like the twins, Tamaki's eyes began brimming with tears. "You JERKS!! I knew you'd react this way!!" His nose flaring did not help the duo much and they began gasping for breath, desperately needing oxygen and a tissue to wipe their eyes. But mostly the oxygen.
"I-It's not that bad, Tama-chan…" Honey spoke up. "Actually, if you look at it this way, you look just like… um… oh! Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer! Right, Takashi?"
"… Ah."
Haruhi gave the twins, who desperately needed stomach surgery by now thanks to Honey's thoughtful comment, a wary look. She then sighed and tried to retrieve Tamaki from his corner of woe. The brunette tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to her with puffy eyes and an even redder nose. She put her hands on her knees and bent down to his crouched height, eyebrows furrowed with general concern.
"Look, senpai. I know zits can be embarrassing to have, but it's really not that big of a deal. Nobody is going to notice it, and…"
"Haruhi."
"Yeah?"
The blonde hugged his knees closer to his chest. "Stop staring at it."
Haruhi snapped her head up and met his eye level. "Huh? Oh! Sorry!"
He wailed and stained the black pants of his uniform with tears. "Even Haruhi thinks I'm hideous!"
Suffice to say, none of the host club members were all that helpful in consoling their king. Lying was one thing, but trying to convince each other that Tamaki's zit was not the biggest, reddest, most disgusting looking thing they had ever witnessed was another. And that was not a hyperbole.
The host club was certainly struck with a huge dilemma, indeed. The clients were coming to visit the music room any time soon now, and Tamaki was definitely not in any condition to recover in just a few minutes. And so Kyouya, being ever so conscious over the safety and settled stomachs of his clients (and the profit), stepped in and efficiently took charge of the matter.
"It seems like I've underestimated your acne. It looked much smaller when you showed it to me in class," he noted, not mentioning that it probably grew bigger throughout the day, and took out a cell phone from his pocket. "We'll just call your mansion and ask them to send your usual skin care products over here."
The blonde cried, "You can't! They all ran out! That's why I have this monster on my nose!"
"Then we'll simply buy a new one. What was the product you used to have?"
"W-Well, umm…" Tamaki stopped and pondered over the question. "It's called Doux, but it's a rare product in France. I got a whole bunch of them before I went to Japan, but the last one ran out today."
After dialing a few numbers, Kyouya held his phone to his ear and responded coolly, "With my connections, we should be able to import this product over here in a day or two. In the meantime, you can temporarily withdraw yourself from hosting until the acne clears up."
As the shadow king waited for the other receiver to pick up, the king himself stared at his friend in wide-eyed amazement. His zit might have also gleamed, just a little.
"Err, that seems a bit ridiculous to go through all that for a zit," Haruhi said. "Why don't you just—"
"Kyouya," Tamaki interrupted, not paying attention to the previous speaker, "you're… amazing! You're my hero, Kyouya! No! MY GOD!" He leapt into the air for a giant embrace, enthralled that his best friend had saved him from the dark, pimpley clutches of acne, even though the boy's idea was pretty much common sense anyway. But oh, that unconditional act of kindness proved Kyouya cared about him!
Well, of course. The host club, his closest friends, always cared for each other.
"Yes, yes," the dark-haired boy absentmindedly agreed, nudging him off. "Whatever it takes to keep earning regular profits from our customers."
Eh?
The other line on the phone finally picked up, and Kyouya went off to discuss skin care related matters. Tamaki fell silent as he was lightly pushed off, and he stared at the backside of Kyouya, his friend quietly giving orders in his usual business-like manner.
For profit…
But before he could ponder any more over the vice-president's unfeeling words, the twins interrupted from behind him, having recovered from their stomach surgeries. Since the whole zit situation had been seemingly resolved, the rest of the host club members had went on with their usual activities.
"So Boss, what're you going to do if your doux thing doesn't get shipped in one or two days? I mean, you did say that product is rare in France," Hikaru mentioned. They had overheard his conversation while their stomachs were getting pumped. Too much laughter and mockery really was hazardous for their health…
Tamaki shrugged. "What does it matter? I'll just resign from hosting a little while longer until they finally come. My only concern now is how my beloved ladies will cope with my absence."
He sighed dramatically, hugging himself with hands on both shoulders. Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged odd glances.
"Uhh, I think it does matter if that thing isn't here in less than a couple of days," Kaoru said.
"Because," Hikaru held up a finger and explained, rather bluntly, "all clubs have to take pictures for the yearbook this Friday."
Immediately, Tamaki froze.
And immediately, the twins found another opportunity to taunt their boss.
"Gosh, our boss is the chairman's son and he didn't even know what's happening on Friday," Kaoru mocked.
"Yeah, but imagine Haruhi opening her yearbook in the future to reminisce her great host club memories, and then she sees HIS zit every single time!"
The two both snickered at the scenario as their king turned pale. Haruhi, remembering him forever as not the amazing, handsome prince charming she had a mad crush on back in her high school years—but as Tamaki the Red-Nosed Host-Reindeer? And, and what if his future children rifted through his belongings one day and laid their eyes upon that shameful picture?! No! His legacy would not be lived down that way!
With gritted teeth, Tamaki declared with every ounce of seriousness, "That's not going to happen."
Hikaru and Kaoru stopped their laughter and gaped at the host club president. His eyes flared with fiery determination, and so did his zit. It made them almost afraid the pimple was about to blow. (Seriously, it was scary.) He stood up, and shouted unnecessarily, "Before we take our club pictures, I am going to do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO RID OF THIS INCONGROUS INFLAMMATION!"
The twins blinked as he dramatically marched out of the music room, bidding goodbye and leaving the rest of the hosting this afternoon to them. They had no idea what he was planning, but shrugged it off anyway, concluding that their boss was most likely just being an idiot.
And he was, he was.
But they did not realize that when the king said everything, he really did mean everything.
To be continued.
Author's Note: What? You thought one chapter was going to get rid of a pimple? Acne is serious business, you know.
This is my first ever chaptered fanfic (and only because I keep dragging things on way too long and suck at pacing), but I have no idea why, out of all story ideas I've written, the zit one ended up being chaptered. What does this mean…? Anyways, I am estimating this story will have three chapters in total. (Oh, geez.) I mean, if anyone is actually going to read it, haha. Cue the rolling tumbleweed!