A/N: How Sirius apologised for calling Lily names. Companion to HEB (née P).

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He may have called her a "dumb cunt".

And he meant it.

At the time.

Because, at the time, she was standing defiant in the face of absolutely certain death and he had an infallible plan and she was grandstanding and trying to die!

As it turned out his plan wasn't foolproof and she was right.

So.

In the big scheme of things this was the better outcome, obviously.

Unfortunately, this also meant he owed Snape a hell of a lot, but he wasn't going to think about that.

In any case, Lily and James were alive, Harry was alive, Remus wasn't a traitor and Peter was dead. The bloody rat.

The rat.

He still had a hard time with it, it seemed so impossible. How could one of them, much less Peter Pettigrew, turn traitor? Yet, he'd suspected Moony.

He supposed Lily did know what she was talking about and today, further removed from fear and the drive to save his friends, he could see the merit in her again. It was easier for her to judge them; she stood at a distance. He was too close, too prone to suspicion, and she was right about how he thought of Wormtail. Even when he stomped out of the room, furious and terrified, he knew her words to be true. Peter was the tag along. That certainly didn't mean he agreed, but that didn't matter because James was going to side with her.

Now, knowing that his bright idea would have murdered them both, he felt stirrings of regret and that was a rare emotion for Sirius Black. It was even more infrequent that he acted on it.

"I don't know what to say to her," he confessed, even toned. He wasn't desperate, just honest. "I would've got them all killed."

"Not the first time you almost ended lives."

His head whipped around to glare at Remus, though his friend didn't speak with condescension or even accusation. It was more sarcastic resignation.

"You could just say 'sorry'."

But, that wasn't how Sirius did things.

A home at Godric's Hollow was full of flowers.

But not lilies, those were often used at funerals and sometimes symbolised death ironically enough.

The Lily who lived there, a young red-headed woman, was in full eye-roll mode as each room she walked into was packed to the brim with floral.

This explained James' insistence on taking herself and Harry out for several hours, even past nap time.

She hoped Sirius had the sense not to-

But, as she pushed open the nursery door, she realised he didn't and there, too, were flowers upon flowers. In pots on the floor, in hanging baskets off the ceiling, sitting on the changing table and all around the crib.

It wasn't that she didn't understand the sentiment or that she didn't appreciate what he meant to convey, but for Merlin's sake!

Why was Sirius' apology more of a nuisance than the action he was trying to make up for?

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