Pirate's Life For Me! (Hetalia)
Author: Ashynarr
Summary: Because of course it's Arthur's fault if the twins disappear just in time for pirates to appear on the west coast. It's not like he's secretly proud or anything, either, he just wants them done already so they can get back to work!
Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.
Warning: Piratey Shenanigans, State OCs, repost, first posted July 10 2015
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"What in the world are you doing?" Arthur shouted up at the ship, more baffled than anything by the reports he'd been hearing lately.
Alfred and Matthew disappearing just in time for a old style wooden ship to start terrorizing the western US coastline which just so happened to be led by identical twins? It seemed that whatever was going on, those two were the cause of it, and since it was apparently his fault they were going through a 'midlife crisis' or whatever (did Nations even have those?), it was his job to wrangle an explanation out of them.
Hence why he was now in Monterey, shouting up to the deck and feeling rather ridiculous (and maybe a bit proud) while waiting for some sort of answer.
Eventually someone leaned over, the ridiculous hat and glasses telling him it was probably Alfred, especially with the cheeky grin. "Ahoy thar, matey! Did those scurvy dogs finally be sendin' people after our crew?"
Arthur felt his eye twitch. Trust the idiot to twist pirate speech into something unintelligible as well. "That's not how pirates speak, you bloody arse!"
Alfred pouted heavily. "Dude, that's exactly how you hammed it up in stories when we were kids though!"
"That was completely different, and you should have known better by now." The Englishman sighed, ducking his head to hide the pleased flush that his boys still remembered the old glory day stories he told them. He wondered which one in particular had sparked this - maybe the time he'd made Antonio cry while watching his ships sink, or perhaps the time he'd stolen all of Francis' goods and left him naked on the docks screaming obscenities after him?
Wait, no he had a job to do. Looking back up with the best scowl he could manage (which wasn't very much of one all things considered) and asked, "Where's your brother?"
"You mean the captain?" The American grinned. "Busy detailing our next strike with our navigator. You want me to get them?"
"That would be somewhat helpful, yes," Arthur replied, before blinking in confusion. "Wait, captain?"
Alfred was already gone though, leaving him standing there while the tourists who didn't quite realize what was going on either stared at him in surprise or continued to take pictures obliviously. Really, why Isabel wasn't making a huge deal out of this right now was something he'd never understand, but considering he was talking about one of Alfred's States, that probably said more than enough on its own.
Within a few minutes Alfred returned, two people at his side. One was obviously Matthew, looking extremely pleased with himself and his oversized captain's hat that looked suspiciously like the one that had recently gone missing from his own storage room, while the other took him a second to recognize as Isabel herself underneath the elaborate pirate costume she was wearing.
Well that explained a little bit more, he guessed. Why hadn't he stopped to wonder who was crewing the thing?
"You rang?" Matthew asked, tipping his hat back so it wouldn't fall as he leaned over the rail.
"Your bosses have been bothering us for weeks over your disappearances and the raids along the coast, and since everyone seems to think it's my fault you're doing this, I've been forced to miss work and important meetings just to come all the way out here and ask you what the hell you're doing and to just drop this nonsense already."
"Damn, that sucks," Matthew sympathized. "I mean, me and Al being nostalgic over the stories probably helped, but it's not like you actually did anything. We just wanted a break to have fun, and Bella thought this would be a fun way to do it. It's been working out great so far!"
"I'm almost done with this part of the filming even," Isabel cheerfully informed. "After this is just a few fight scenes and then I'll be able to start putting together the full film!"
Arthur strictly did not gape. "You're making a movie?"
"Yep!" All three replied.
"I got some of the other States to help out too," She added, beaming.
Alfred stepped back in to continue. "And the places we've been robbing are pretty cool with it, since we've been giving them advanced warning and returning the shit once we're done. It's really only the people who haven't been reading the updates from our social media accounts that're freaking out."
"We've been planning this for over a year now," Matthew tacked on. "Since I was the first one to bring up the idea, I got to be captain, which upset Al until he realized he could get a scene where he nobly saves my life from my opponent at the end of the fim right when I'm about to be struck down."
"I've been practicing for months to make it look awesome," The American agreed pulling out the cutlass and waving it a bit.
"That's not even-" Arthur cut himself off with a sigh, figuring he might as well ask while he was here. "And who's going to be your climatic opponent, dare I ask?"
The three looked to each other, expressions dropping just a bit. "Erm…"
"You have a fight scene planned out with no actual actor at hand?" The Englishman shook his head in exasperation. "And here I thought you had prepared for this."
"I did!" Isabel protested. "But he just quit at the last minute and I haven't been able to find someone willing to replace on short notice."
"Hey, Percy wouldn't have been a good opponent if he was getting sea sick every time we started filming, and that wouldn't have been good, would it?"
"I know, I know," She grumbled before perking up in thought. "Hey wait, you're basically the original deal pirate king, right?"
"Well, I suppose you could consider me that, yes," Arthur tried to hide a smug grin at the flattery.
"Would you mind stepping in for us, then? You'd get a cut of the pay once the film airs, and it's definitely gotta be better than paperwork and stuff, right?"
The Englishman was well set to argue that their work was important and that putting it off for months would only make things worse. On the other hand, he mused, he really, really missed his glory days and recalled he had his favorite hat from those days still in his closet. "Fine, if it'll make your bloody movie finish up faster so you'll actually get back to work."
From his angle he failed to notice the twins slyly fistbump each other behind the railing.
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AN: Because honestly, the boys playing pirates is utterly hilarious and I would watch that movie with them in it. Also playing to Arthur's nostalgia is a low blow, Cali – of course, that's why you did it, but still.