Author's Note: AU from this year's Glee Christmas episode, this is my installment to the St. Berry Holiday Competition, by st. Kaimily (who runs the awesome Army blog over tumblr, where she has nominated my St. Berry one-shot collection here, there, everywhere – thank you, by the way!)
Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me, my darlings, otherwise Jesse St. James would have never left for starters.
make my wish come true
a Christmas gift for Ellie. I love you, baby.
Mercedes is excitedly rocking out to one of Rachel's favorite Christmas carols (daddy's family is Catholic, so Rachel has, during holiday visits, listened to a handful of thematic songs), and everyone's dancing and having a good time. Finn is dancing with Quinn, both laughing and playfully flirting, while Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury, still in the honeymoon phase of their newly-revealed engagement, are dancing and talking quietly to each other on one corner. Sam is sandwiched between Santana and Brittany, still overjoyed by the new, welcome change in his life.
She sees a flash of black on the corner of her eye, along with slightly wavy hair, and her heart speeds up in her ribcage, reacting to what her mind is screaming to her that it's impossible. She knows Jesse's back at Carmel, back at Vocal Adrenaline, this time putting to good use the coaching techniques he picked up during the four winning years under her mother's successful tutelage. There's no need for him to come lurking at McKinley, not when he has his work and his team and the quite talented Sunshine Corazón as lead.
But she can't help but hope, for a wild minute, that Jesse is there at her school, to see her even if from the shadows. She and Finn have been broken up for a few good weeks now, a friendly a parting as possible given the circumstances (he wanted to hold tight to her for their one year together, especially after... after; she was desperate to break free, especially after), and there was no doubt in her mind that this was it – she has moved on from Finn, loving him as a dear friend, nothing more. Her heart now wished for the kind of burning, all-consuming, all-encompassing love she has only found once.
So, her heart breaks when instead of Jesse confidently strutting into the choir room after her, it's Blaine who walks in to sweep Kurt off his feet. Even though she's thrilled that her best friend and fellow diva has finally found some stability and happiness in the love front, she can't help but burn for the same for herself.
That's when she makes a decision. She's no guest-star in the movie that she calls life – she's a strong-willed, driven leading lady, so she is going to take control of her own life. She sneaks out unseen from the choir room, quickly leaving the loud noise behind for the safety and the relative quietness of the parking lot. She sees Shelby starting her own car, and waves a little, a small smile in her face – Shelby honks in response, also smiling – and Rachel decides it's a sign from whoever there is up above.
She slides into her car, turns the ignition on and drives away.
Jesse is sitting in the darkened Vocal Adrenaline's auditorium, on his desk, surrounded by notes about the flaws in their latest performance. Rehearsals had ended just a while ago, Sunshine having left after loudly complaining she was to miss her plane to Philippines if they kept the usual drilling schedule, and after a few agreeing grumbles he decided they (he)could afford to be generous. In the five-plus months since he took over his former team after Goolsby's disastrous reign (breaking a four-year-consecutive winning streak was the deal-breaker for the school board, apparently).
He has no idea why Shelby hasn't agreed to come back to Carmel; they haven't spoken since he drunk-dialed her to bitch her out for the way she treated Rachel, nearly eighteen months ago. His shattered heart had done the talking that fateful evening, where he basically called Shelby a heartless bitch for replacing Rachel, who is beautiful, talented and the best person he ever met, with a stupid baby-sized Quinn Fabray. He knows Rachel knows he is back to Carmel as Vocal Adrenaline's coach – she's too immersed in the show choir circuit not to know, and his return to his roots after his stint consulting for New Directions is the biggest buzz since Blaine Anderson's defection from the Warblers to McKinley – but so far they have managed not to run into each other.
He honestly doesn't know if that's a good thing or not. If there is one thing he knows with a hundred percent certainty, it's that he needs Rachel in his life, to share it with her, her shining by his side on Broadway, years from now. He needs the strong-willed, driven, ambitious girl he knows exists deep within her, buried underneath layers of self-esteem issues, anxiety and insecurities. He wants Rachel.
He hates that Finn has her, and she willingly – and humiliatingly, for him – went for... Finn Hudson.
(Even his thoughts of the boy are full of contempt)
He hears the door being pulled open, his sensitive hearing picking up the almost-nonexistent creak the hinges make as the door gives way to the person behind. Thinking it's one of his pupils, he doesn't look up from his papers, choosing to call out instead, "Do whatever you have to do and please leave. Don't forget we come back from winter break in ten days".
He hears a tiny breathy hitched sigh coming from the person standing in the lit doorway, and something stirs deep within him, somewhere that was dormant since Rachel. He grits his teeth together and proceeds to ignore whomever it is. The door clicks softly behind the person, her steps light and almost silent in the eerily quiet room. He hears a deep breath being taken, and his heart speeds up. What the fuck? Rachel, Rachel, think. of. Rachel!
Then, like she was invoked by his thoughts, her voice comes from the person standing slightly away from him; his spine stiffens, the hair on the back of his neck prickles up and his heart beats so fast he thinks it's going to pop out of his ribcage.
I... I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know
Make my wish come true – all I want for Christmas is you
Rachel's surprised with the softness of her own voice. She never sounded so frail, almost fearful. The song seems slower on her rendition, close to ballad-like. Mercedes' version was full of life, joy – the request more a demand than a plead. Rachel herself is pleading to Jesse, as she notices the small changes in his demeanor in reaction to her voice. He turns around slowly, a blank expressionless shock in his features, jaw almost dropping to the floor. She has to fight back a smirk, because, when has Jesse allowed himself to show his emotions so freely? Not even with her, not even in the high of their relationship (the first time around), he has allowed her such a wide glimpse into his feelings.
She takes a few slow steps towards him, towards the desk that once belonged to her mother, her voice slow and soft as she serenades him. The last time they met, they made a duet out of her solo, and it was beautiful and painful, but healing at the same time, if such a thing is possible. She's hoping to achieve the same effect with her song, her solo (she'll kill him if he steals her thunder). Jesse was never a big fan of Christmas, but she thinks he'll appreciate the timing and that will make him more willing to reopen his heart for her.
I don't want a lot for Christmas, there's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking there up in the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day
I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know
Make my wish come true: all I for Christmas is you
She's not singing – saying – what I think she is... Is she? Her eyes are locked with his as she slowly crosses the space between them, her voice soft and beautiful, so fragile it almost seems breakable. His palms are clammy, and the singer in him is basically ordering him to join his voice to hers, to revel in the beauty of their voices together. They never failed to make beautiful music together, Rachel's soprano a perfect vocal match to his baritone that he doesn't think he'll ever find someone so fit to duet with him.
But something keeps him from doing it. It's her song, her apology, her move, and he can't steal her thunder like he did the previous year. Last year, he was the one in the wrong and he used her Rolling in the Deep as an apology. It worked, of course it did (he's Jesse St. James, after all, and if there's one thing he's absolutely certain of, it's that his voice is basically his best asset in winning over Rachel). But this time she was the one to break them up, and in a very shameful way, so he won't make it easy for her. A small smirk curves his lips.
You want me, Rachel? Then prove it.
Oh I won't ask for much this Christmas – I won't even ask for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it to the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click
Cause I just want you here, tonight, holding on to me so tight
What more can I do? Baby, all I want for Christmas is you
You, baby!
He smirks. And suddenly her heart is torn between the joy of hope and the terror of the humiliation. What if he has moved on? What if he is dating some beautiful, talented girl that won't kiss her ex in front of a packed audience during a Nationals performance? Her mind keeps feeding her insecurities with those scenarios, while her heart tells her to power through and finish it. If he's with someone, then it's his move to make. His news to tell. She's doing the best she can and if he doesn't want her then she can leave, sure, with her heart in tatters, but with her conscience clean.
But that smirk... That infuriatingly beautiful, terribly sensuous, malicious tilt of his lips... He only gave it to her when they were dating and he was daring her to do something out of her comfort zone (the first time around. The second, they didn't have much time for him to do that). So maybe he's daring her again? She doesn't know what, but she allows that small glimmer of hope to shut the pessimistic voices in her brain, infusing her performance with as much emotion as she possibly can.
You're daring me, Jesse St. James? I'll take it.
Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas – this is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby, standing right outside my door
Oh, I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know
Make my wish come true: all I want for Christmas is you
All I want for Christmas is you...
He grins now, because something in her posture is telling him she recognized his expression for what it was, the dare, and she has taken it. They're standing a few feet from each other now; Rachel's panting slightly, her cheeks rosy from the exertion (even though she didn't dance, she has put all her energy in her singing, and it shows), her eyes sparkling with a mix of joy and hope. But, deep down, he can see the flash of fear in the brown pools, and it warms his heart. It's his Rachel, the Rachel he met at the music store close to two and a half years ago, that was just singing for him, and his grin softens in a smile.
"You're Rachel Berry, and you just sang All I Want For Christmas is You. Mariah Carey totally lacks your emotional depth. Luckily for her, she's talented".