Hello everyone! I'd like to start this by saying that I was a die hard jolex fan until the beginning of season 13…then Shonda and the writers made me kind of hate those two…until 13x09! I mean, all of my Jolex feels came back at once with the "I'm sorry" and the elevator scene. I just love those two 3 so, anyways, I hope you like this story…and I'm sorry if I make too many grammar mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker :B

At least this chapter will be all set in Jo's mind, because I just find her quite interesting as a character, although the writers have wasted a lot of her potential, but hey! That's what fanfics are for

She had felt alone for so long, even before that terrible night. She was caught up in her lie, she felt trapped, alone, scared, sad. She wanted to tell him, she did. She wanted to tell him, she wanted to be able to explain him why she couldn't marry him, because it broke her heart to tell him "no", she could see how that hurt him and she knew how he wanted to have a family and stability, how he wanted to have what neither of them could have as kids. And she wanted that too, she wanted it so badly and she knew that if she had told him her story, he would have tried to help her, and, if he had been lucky, maybe they would be married by now, with everything solved, none of this would be happening.

But this wasn't some perfect fairytale. If anything, Jo's life had been a terrible nightmare, except for those 5 years with Alex Karev. And she knew that if she had told him, chances were he would have gotten hurt, or killed, or he would have ended up in jail. She couldn't be that selfish. She couldn't put Alex at risk just so she could have some peace of mind. He deserved more, she had decided. And the best thing she could do, was to let him go.

But then again, here we were. Everything had gone wrong, not because she told him, but because she didn't. And because she was stupid enough to get drunk. She always did it. She ruined every good thing she had. Some years ago she had lived a perfect life, married to a popular and loved man. But she wasn't good enough, she never was. She hadn't even been able to make her husband happy, how could she ever think she could be good enough for Alex? She was trash, he had said it himself, just like her husband had so many times. She was born as trash, she grew up as trash, she was trash and she probably would end up being trash. Nothing could ever change that. And now he was going to find out about her husband anyways, he was probably going to end up in jail and she would have to run from her husband and start a new life again, so it had all been for nothing.

And just as she was thinking all of this, he walked into the storage room.

Jo couldn't look at him. She had hurt him so much, she probably ruined his career, she broke his heart, she made him waste 5 years with her…she just couldn't.

But he was there, she had to at least say something to him.

-Did you hear I was subpoenaed?

-uhm, yeah, my attorney is really good, she says

-Probably I don't…I don't think that we should talk about it-What was she doing now? She was completely off. She walked to grab some things.

-Yeah, I don't want to, it's just…After tomorrow we might not have a chance to talk. I might not see you after-He said as he was looking at her-I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

He looked scared and vulnerable. She hadn't seen him like that in a while. They hadn't talk in a long time.

-Alex, you've said that, I know.

-I mean for the things I said. You are not trash, don't ever let anyone say that-he just kept looking at her. Staring into her soul.

Jo felt cold. How could he, after everything that had happened, still think she was not trash? She had abandoned him.

-You're not trash Jo-And with that, he left.

She stayed there. She wanted to cry so badly. She was so sorry for everything that had happened. She realized she still loved him so much. She had thought that maybe if she stopped talking to him and was distant for a while, all of her feelings would just go away. But apparently, they hadn't. She would always care.

She decided to leave that storage room right away. She had to work. That would make her feel good again. Being around people with problems worse than hers always seemed to make her forget about everything.

This time it was different though. She knew that she had to do something. She had to tell him. He deserved it. And he wouldn't do anything now, after all, he was probably going to end up in jail and she would flee as soon as he was locked up and safe.

Her mind was worried, thinking about all of this as she was doing some stitches.

-Ouch-said Lisa, her patient. She was a fifty-something woman. She had been walking near the building when it collapsed. She was not in danger, but she had some pretty ugly wounds.

-I'm sorry-Jo said.

-Honey, you've said that at least ten times in the twenty minutes I've been here

-I'm sorry-she said again, her mind everywhere but in her patient- I don't usually make all of these mistakes, it's just that with this accident, I'm out of focus right now-she lied

-Oh sweetheart, you might be a good liar, but your puffy eyes tell me the accident might not be the only thing that has you worried

-It's just allergies mrs Harrison, nothing to worry about.

-Dr Wilson, you might be a doctor, but I am an older, wiser woman and a mother of three daughters. Not to mention I'm also a psychologist and you, honey, seem destroyed. So you either tell me what's going on so you can take it out of your head, or you find a way to forget about it and focus on me, because I swear this hurts like hell.

-Don't worry Mrs Harrison, I'll focus 100% on you now.

-Oh you're just like my youngest daughter Cassidy, she like to put on her brave face. She hates to talk about what's on her mind or heart for that matter, but trust me, if you say it I can everything gets better, even if you say it to someone who is not your friend and who doesn't even give you some advice-Jo was crying now, tears running through her cheeks. Her heart felt heavy, her whole body felt bad. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be anywhere.

-Excuse me Mrs Harrison, I'll get you another doctor-Jo said, without looking at her patient's eyes. She paged De Luca and left her waiting there. She walked slowly, painfully. Moving, breathing and existing took her an awful lot of her energy.

She felt like her world was falling apart, this wonderful world. She no longer had Alex, she ruined his life, she wasn't a good surgeon anymore, she was caught up in all of this drama…and she probably would have to leave after tomorrow.

She headed to the elevator, it opened and he was there.

-Hey-he said

She hesitated. She knew what she had to do. She had to do it now. It was her time, there was nothing to lose. She entered.

She was scared. But she loved him. She had to tell him, he deserved to know. It didn't matter if he hated her after it, at least he wouldn't hate her during the trial and do something stupid, or say something stupid, that could change the judge's opinion about his case.

But she just couldn't. She froze.

-For God's sake, just do it-she told herself, and without having time to think twice, she stopped the elevator.

-Hey-Alex said again once she did it.

She took one more breath, the last one, she thought, before everything changed.

-I'm married

-What?-He asked

She started second-guessing her decision right away. Why, oh why did she tell him now? She thought, but it was too late, and nothing mattered anymore, so she continued.

-I'm married-she said looking down. Her whole chest ached.

-Hell are you talking about?-Alex asked

-Since before I met you-she paused-I should've told you, but I'm married to a guy who almost beat me to death, and I can't divorce him, because I ran away from him, and I'm not…Jo Wilson isn't my real name-God, this hurt so much. Saying it out loud, sober, to him, made all of her past seem real. She had somehow managed to push it in a place in her brain where it all seemed like a dream, almost as if it hadn't happened.

But now, her past was here, she could remember it as if it was yesterday, and her husband was still ruining her life. Here, in a place where he didn't even know she was at.

-That's why I couldn't marry you- she continued -that's how this whole thing started and I should've told you- She finished. She couldn't breathe. She was scared. She felt sorry, so sorry for everything, but she didn't know how to fix it now. She hated herself for being in this situation. If she had just known better.

-You're married?-he said after a long pause.

Jo turned to face him, her eyes watery, he was there, looking at her in disbelief, waiting for more answers.

-yes- she answered

-And you didn't tell me?-Alex asked her half pissed, half hurt.

-I was scared, I was-She started to explain, but he cut her off.

-Scared of what?-he asked her mad. She looked at him. Of course he wouldn't understand-did you think I'd get mad? You thought I'd get mad at you for trying to do something…

-No, no,no-she interrupted him, before he could continue.-Not at me, him, I-I-thought you'd wanna kill him, and then you'd try something stupid and you'd get hurt, or killed or you'd get in trouble and you, you'd…-she stopped there. And looked at him deeply into his eyes.

-Wind up in jail-he finished for her.

-It might all come up in the court tomorrow. I wanted you to hear it from me-They were looking at each other so deeply. Looking at him always made her feel at home. He was not mad. He was actually okay with it, she thought.

She pushed the button again, and the elevator started working.

She got out. Walked a few steps, and remembered it. Izzie. She was about to do what Izzie did. She was about to leave him. She had to explain it to him. She just couldn't leave him thinking it was all his fault. So she came back and stopped the elevator's door.

-After the trial, if I just take off, if I leave, it's not because of you-she said, reassuring him with her eyes-it's because my testimony will be a matter of record or whatever, but I don't want you to think it's you, ever-She wanted to say he was the best thing that had ever happened to her. That he would always be the love of her life, her best friend, her partner in crime, her everything. That she didn't want him to spend his life feeling like he was the reason why girls left him, he would never be the reason she did. If anything, he was the reason why all of this was just so hard. She just turned around and left.

She had walked a few steps

-Hey-he stopped her-don't go anywhere, no matter what happens, okay?-he was just making this harder.

-I don't want him to find me, he can't find me-she was scared again.

-This is your life, you're Jo Wilson, you belong here-he told her, and he left.

3 phrases, 3 phrases and she felt safe now. But how long would this feeling last? What would she do without him? She had to do something, he couldn't go to jail, he just couldn't. He was the best person she knew, she had to help him.

So, yes, Jo is kind of depressed. It's not my fault though, it just happened. The character took life by itself. The next chapter maybe will be Alex centered.

By the way, I'm new to this thing (well, not really new, when I was younger, I started writing a fanfic for Victorious hahaha, but I never finished it, so, uhm, yeah. I hope you liked it!