Saying Goodbye

She heard someone approaching and turned, expecting it to be Adam, but her eyes fell on the one person she'd half-hoped, half-feared would come - Harry.

"I told Adam not to tell you," she said with a sad smile.

"I told him I'd give him the sack if he didn't," he replied.

He slowly walked up to her on the dock and stopped right in front of her. The sadness in his eyes took her breath away. She couldn't believe that it was only the day before yesterday that they'd spent the night together. And now, they would be saying goodbye forever.

"I don't know what I'll do without you, Ruth," Harry sighed. "What are you-?"

Ruth shook her head. She couldn't tell him where she was going; she hardly knew herself.

"You take good care, yes?" Harry said.

"Yes. And you. Don't get shot," she smiled in an effort to make light of the unbearable situation they now found themselves in.

Harry smiled briefly at her attempt at humour and replied, "I won't."

"And, um, can you feed my cats?" Ruth asked. "Actually, take them to your house. Will you adopt them?"

"Of course," he chuckled.

They looked into each other's eyes for a long time. There was so much pain and regret over what was and what could have been. She couldn't do this any longer; it was agony.

"Goodbye, Harry," she said.

"Goodbye, Ruth," he replied.

Ruth looked down. How could she bear this? She knew why she'd done it. She'd sacrificed herself to save him, and she knew that she'd do it again in a heartbeat if she had to. She would no longer be able to return to her home or her country. She was officially dead. That part was hard enough, but to never see Harry again? That was heartbreaking.

Ruth began to move away from him to get on the boat. This was torture. He could feel his heart being ripped to pieces. "Ruth," he murmured, blocking her way to the tugboat.

"Harry," she said, "please, don't."

"Come on," came a loud voice from the boat.

"I'm coming," Ruth called back. "Please, don't say anything. Leave it as something that was never said. Okay?" she pleaded. Her hands were cupping his face now. Gently caressing his cheeks. "Something wonderful that was never said," she whispered.

She brought her lips to his and kissed him, and he could feel all the love that she felt for him in that kiss. His breathing was heavy as he kissed her back, his heart overflowing with love for her. He did not trust himself to touch her in case he lost his self-control and did something stupid that would put her in danger. There was no way to save her, to stop her from doing this to protect him; no way to hold onto her and never let her go, like he so desperately wanted to. He closed his eyes and tried to brand this last kiss into his memory forever.

"Let me go, Harry," she whispered against his lips.

She gave him one last, brief kiss and walked away. He took a moment to compose himself, and when he turned around, she was already on the tugboat looking at him with eyes full of sadness and love as it began to pull away from the dock. He swallowed hard and watched her leave as the boat moved down the Thames. And just like that, she was gone, taking his heart with her and leaving him completely empty inside.

Nine months later

Ruth was looking down at her infant son as he slept cradled in her arms. Her heart was overflowing with love for this tiny person who had come into this world just one week ago. He was strong and so beautiful. His name was Peter, Peter Harry Evershed. Well, technically his name was Peter Harry Eaves, just as hers was Anne Ruth Eaves, but she still thought of herself and Peter as Eversheds. She looked up at George, who was reading a book nearby. She was happy with her life in Cyprus. It was so wonderful to have a life outside work; to be able to do her job well, and at the end of the day, to come home or go out. Gone were the days of working day and night in a dangerous job where everything was frequently on the line. She wondered what life would have been like for her had she stayed in London. Would she still be working for MI-5? Would she still be with Harry? She was able to admit now that it was unlikely. They would have been torn apart by Mace and others, who would not hesitate to use her as a weapon against Harry. She didn't think she would have been strong enough to fight for them. She would have backed down to save Harry, and now, Peter. She often thought about Harry, wondering how he was and what he was doing, and she knew that no matter what happened, he would always have a place in her heart.

He missed Ruth. He realised that he would always miss her. Sometimes he would picture her sitting at her desk, working on some research or talking on the phone. At work, he missed her presence, her analytical skills, her caring attitude, her smile, her companionship, but most of all, he missed the moral guidance and grounding that she had always provided for him. Without her, he felt a little lost, off-balance, and alone.

At other times, he would see her sleeping next to him, comfortable, relaxed, and beautiful as she had been the one time they'd shared a bed. And then there were the times when he was alone, and his mind would drift back to the night when she'd made passionate love to him.

He had been tempted to look her up and find out where she was and what she was doing. However, he didn't trust himself with that information, and in the end, he'd asked Malcolm to do it and let him know if she was okay. Nothing more. He had to be content with knowing that she was safe.

He sighed, and with some effort, shifted his thoughts back to work.