Darkness lazily floats around in my room; the only source of light comes from out the window, from the sky above. A silver crescent shining mockingly directly at my non-clothed body. Tonight's a perfect night to make love, but where's my partner? I have none. She left me, not before taking my heart and ripping it into pretty shreds. It must have been fun to see all the red leak through the pieces... I wouldn't know, I've never done such thing before.
Tears fall from my eyes, as I shiver from the brutal cold coming from my window. I'm in no shape to get the fuck up and close it. Maybe it's better this way; it matches how I feel inside. Cold. Fucking alone. Mainly cold. My body craves her warmth so badly... My gelid fingers trace the once throughly marked patterns on my skin; my sobbing increasing violently as I remember the tenderness of her hands on my flesh. How they burned through my icyness, how she made my dead body feel. I close my eyes and pretend she's with me, just pretending she's here loving me one last time... Her hands touch my aching breasts, my nipples sensitive and peaked like rose buds. How her fingertips lightly trace their contours and made their way to the valley of my breasts. Pure jolts of electricity run down my spine as I imagine it's her hands moving down to my navel, agonizingly slow, teasing me, killing me... But no, it's not her hands that reach to the place I want them to be. They're my hands. More tears fall as I feel how wet I am just by thinking of her. How she manages to turn my body -me- on without having to be present in this infernally cold room. I feel how subconsciously my fingers penetrate my entrance effortlessly and begin pumping away to get me to my lonely release... Memories of the past begin to flood my brain: our first kiss... how her tongue sensually played with mine; our first sexual encounter... how amateurish we were, just experimenting with our bodies, how we tried to guess what felt right to the other... My fingers speed up. I'm getting close, and I really don't want to get there. Not without it being her the one who's taking me... I remember how she used to moan every time my fingers were inside her. Such a beautiful melody for my ears. I wonder for whom is she making that melody now? More tears. I loved to see her, hear her begging me to go faster, harder, deeper... Writhing in pure ecstasy as her orgasm came crashing to her... I shall see that no more. Who's seeing it now? I'm really close now, and I hate it. I hate it so much because it's not me who's supposed to make me feel something again, it's her. It's fucking her... Another memory manages to slip by me. Her velvety voice bathed in pure lust whispering in my ear... "I want you to cum for me..."
Suddenly, I feel something breaking in my stomach. It's like liquid fire going through my complete anatomy in waves, and then after a moment, I feel no more. I blindly reach around my bed till I find a pillow to cuddle with... Once more pretending it's her, one last time with me.
Finally, I can't handle it anymore and begin to cry fully. Because I'm an idiot to have expected so much; because I was in a false state of bliss; because she's not here making me feel human again. Closing my eyes, I try to sleep, my own sobs lulling me to Morpheus's arms. Maybe tomorrow it won't matter that my heart is in shreds; maybe it won't matter that I'm solo; maybe nothing will matter anymore because maybe my wishful thinking to stars will pay off. Maybe I'll finally feel as numb as I can go, and all that's gonna be left of me is the empty corpse of the person I used to be so many yesterdays ago... Maybe. Just maybe, someday someone will bring life to that corpse again, and bring me back from the land of the living dead. Till that day comes, I'll just wander around, permanent tear marks etched onto my skin, clinging to that tiny piece of hope I've got left, wishfully thinking it'll be her to come rescue me... My red-haired beauty knight in shining armor.