( Hey guys here's a one shot with H-centric things. H/Mari, H/Cali implied of course. ^^ Inspired by The Cary Brothers song, Honestly. I used the lyrics as H's thoughts, but some of them are his own of course. I think it fit. Please R and R, I might do one with Cali. I'm on vacation and need something to do. And if you RP, please tell me. )

One Track Mind: Honestly H ( H's P.O.V )

It was late and everyone was gone. Everyone who was on my team anyway. Speed was gone. His death was still something I thought about when I was alone. And thoughts of Marisol came to me as well as if all of my mistakes were somehow attracted to me when I was the most defenseless. I was sitting at my desk, looking at a photo of my brother Raymond. Nothing seemed right.

'I think I'm goin' home…think I'm gettin lost for a while.'

I needed to leave but sometimes I felt like the lab would be my grave. I stood up and walked out, the lights were already off. Yes, I was sitting alone in the dark. It's not like me but then again, I haven't been my self lately. I got into my car and sat there for a moment. There was someone who I wanted to suppress more then those mistakes. It was a blond girl who just seemed to smile like nothing was wrong. I turned the key in the ignition and the engine started up. As I drove my eyes stared ahead but I felt like I wasn't seeing anything. I reached home and got out, making it to my door and unlocking it. I wasn't sure how I did though, I felt quite numb.

'I'm tired of getting stoned. And thinkin' about you in the night.'

The way Cali looked at me, it turned me to stone. Marisol never had that talent; she usually just me feel like jelly. And Marisol had a fear of the darkness, and I'm sure Cali might, even if she wouldn't admit it. We all have a fear of the unknown. It's human nature. Though I think Calleigh would be stronger then Marisol. But comparing her to someone as stunning and strong like Cali wasn't fair. Marisol had cancer and I couldn't let someone as delicate as her die alone. Was that my real reason for marrying someone? That was like giving my heart a death sentence. I wanted a family, and so did Marisol but I know we couldn't make one. And I hate it that the woman can still get to me after passing; I just want to move on.

'So I'll file away all my dreams, though I still believe in everything.'

I sat on my bed, it was made and empty, the way I left it this morning. I really wouldn't mind having someone call me daddy or have a lovely woman waiting for me at home. I want something to come home to. I know it's a risky wish but it's true. I believe that it's still possible. Maybe with Calleigh, I really hope so. Her smile takes me away from the dark corner I've hidden my self in. Like tonight. I looked at the cell phone in my hand and wondered what to do. I knew it was silly to want to call her, but she was my hope. And as I begin to smile, Marisol's image came to my eyes. It's not like I wanted to forget about her, but I wanted to move on.

'I wished your love away. I wished your love away…I tried, I'm still trying.'

I managed to fall asleep and the next day came. The sun was peeking through the tree by my window as I got up and looked off, loneliness setting in once again. I got up, dressed in my usual attire and put my sunglasses on. They hide my sadness. I got into work and was outside when Cali walked over to me. We were standing on the grass, out of everyone's way. I felt like I couldn't look at her with this shadow over me.

'Honestly over you, honestly over you…one lie short of truth.'

Cali and I chatted for a bit, I think we were both hiding something that we couldn't admit to. It's funny, we're trained to get the truth but when the time really comes, we're no better then these criminals we go after.

"Horatio." She said to me, her voice ringing with clarity as she removed my shades. I watched her and wondered what she was doing. "Why don't we go get a drink tonight?" She asked me with a smile.

"I don't think that's a good idea Calleigh." I said, though it hurt me to do so. I saw she was disappointed and just handed my glasses back and walked back into the lab. I should have said yes, I know she was looking for someone to save her from her own worries. And maybe we were the best cure for one another.

'Honestly over you, Marisol.'

I enjoy lying to my self, even if it hurts me. I think most relationships I've been in are self destructive. With Marisol, I knew she was going to die. With Belle the poisoned woman, I knew she would die soon too. With Rebecca the D.A, I knew there would be some potential snag that we'd have to break up. With Julia, I knew I was working undercover and that we wouldn't be together soon. And all the others who caught my eye, I think I was setting my self up too soon for defeat. And with Cali, when I met her, something about her stuck me that maybe she could break that curse I had cast.

The day passed and we hardly spoke. I missed her. As I walked out, the sun was just setting, the sky mixing together a hazy purple and orange mixture. It seemed to remind me of how we'd be. My darkness and her light. Marisol was surely not as bright as Calleigh. Not even close. I need to stop doing this. I got home and set my keys on the table and walked into the kitchen. I now wished so badly that I had taken her offer.

'Lookin' for some hope. I polished off the whiskey tonight.'

I grabbed a bottle and poured some sweet aged whiskey into a small glass and leaned on the polished counter. I hardly cooked so the kitchen was usually clean. I took a sip and closed my eyes, I really needed some company. And what I needed was Calleigh. She was a one of a kind. She dated as many (probably more) men as I have women, and yet she still was her self. She was too perfect for any of them I think. I closed my eyes and set my glass down and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had no idea how to escape the mental war of my ex-wife Marisol and the woman who really had my heart, Calleigh.

'And yet you turned a man to stone, for lookin' at you straight in the eyes.'

Calleigh…Cali…Cal. Her name is sweet and yet I know underneath her optimist features lies a firecracker. She knows what she wants. So…maybe I do too and yet we're still not matching up the way normal people would in the movies. Not that I'd base real life off of fiction or think that Cali and I were something normal. We had hard upbringings, she was raised by a Nanny nd I was raised in foster care. At least we both weren't fed from a silver platter. Her parents divorced and were hardly around. My father beat my mother and I killed him for that.

We're so far from perfect. And with Marisol…she was raised with Eric and some sisters, her life wasn't that hard. And yet I'm going from Cali to Mari once again. I looked up and saw that it was a little past nine. I walked over to the door after snatching my keys and walking out. I got into my car and started to the one place I know I could find peace. The cemetery I finally reached it and got out, I took a flashlight and crept along until I reached Marisol's grave. I knelt down and touched the cool stone with the back of my fingertips as if it were her pale soft face staring at me for the answers. I'm the one who needs them right now though and here I am at a headstone. Some logical CSI I turned out to be.

"Marisol…I love you. I never wanted to see you sad or hurt." I spoke in a raspy voice. "But I can't keep living with a veil over my head. I need to live again." I said, and now thought of how selfish I might have come off as. "You faced things that most people would never want to. You were brave, we both were…I never..." My voice trailed off as I looked down. I was crouching and now I was hanging my head. I wasn't doing so well and yet there wasn't even a real person in front of me to respond.

I rose and looked down at the headstone; I really wanted to move on. I knew I could, but I was still hesitant and I had no idea why. I started back to the car and tried to keep my head raised. But right now it was hard to access my usual confidence and cool composure. I got in the car and rubbed my face, it was late and I didn't want to think that it was too late for me and Cali.

'So I'll drive away with all my things…though I've a faint belief in everything.'

So I started back home, an empty home with half of an empty heart. I didn't have regrets about making Marisol's last few months happy, but I wondered now, if this was the last nail in the coffin. Once I reached home, again, I went past the kitchen and straight to bed.

The next day came, a sunny Thursday and I was working in my office. Maybe Marisol never loved me, maybe neither of us were in love and we were just putting a show on that we knew wouldn't last. That makes me appear too cynical though. I looked up as I heard knocking and saw Cali standing in the doorway. "Hey." She said and walked over, smile in place.

"Hey." I replied and set my pen down by my stack of papers.

'I wished your love away, Marisol. I'm sorry.'

"So…want to grab some lunch?" Cali asked and I knew that someday she might get tried of perusing me and stop. I knew I had to take this chance. It felt right.

"Sure I would." I smiled and straightened up, trying to act natural.

'I wished your love away, Marisol. It's all for the better.'

"Great I'll come back and we can leave together." She said and walked out, I wanted to say something more but I guess everything will be baby steps. But at least we were going somewhere.

'Honestly, I am over you.'

Maybe I wanted to believe I was over her and moving onto someone else. Someone who was looking in the same direction as I was.

'Honestly I want to be over you.'

Noon came and I was eagerly awaiting a nice setting away from work to spend with Calleigh. And she came and we left together, trying our hardest not to talk about work. We took my car and went to a nice Café by the ocean, it was nice. The blue water matched her eyes and the golden sand matched her hair. I tried not to stare off too much though.

"So Horatio…." She said and placed her softer hand on top of mine. "Will this be okay with you?" She asked and I knew that was a bold question. I could assume she was talking about us and not just the hand or something.

'Don't worry…and I'll tell the world.'

"Yes." I smiled to her and held her hand, I didn't want to move or break the moment we had, though I was hoping that we would have more.

'Honestly over you and onto someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. I hope.'

The rest of the meal flew by before my eyes and we were going back to work. I knew that we weren't even close to being a couple yet, we had some things to get over. Past and present. But for now I knew that we had hope. And hope made all the difference.

'I wished your love away.'

( So that's it, though I'll be using different tracks from The Cary Brothers, here's the first chapter. They will all flow together, so I hope you like where I'm going and review because then I know I should continue. Please review! :) )