Envy sighed as he pushed his shopping cart in front of him, nearly running over kids and teenagers, alike. His little Edo was at work, undoubtedly talking with that Colonel Bastard. Just thinking about the Flame Alchemist hitting on his Chibi-Cheeks was enough to bring Envy's blood to a boil.
Restraining himself - using an iron-grip on the shopping cart - Envy made his way down the frozen-foods section. He shivered, thankful that he had chosen to wear "normal" clothes today instead of his usual, skimpy ensemble. His black sweater clung to him like a second skin, and for that he was thankful.
Dumping random boxes of food into the shopping cart, Envy thought about the money in his wallet. There was a lot of it. Ed had given him more than enough cash to buy enough food for a small army rather than a small alchemist. Once the homunculus had found everything on the grocery list, he looked at the long line leading to the check-out counter.
He huffed, pushing his half-full cart toward the dreadfully long line. And then something caught his eye. The hygiene and personal care section...? Glancing back at the line, which hadn't even moved yet, Envy decided that it wouldn't hurt to take a little detour.
He turned the cart to the left, veering into the nearly empty aisle. His eyes lit up as he saw all sorts of hair scrunches, hair products, condoms, lube.... Was he in heaven or the grocery store? He couldn't remember.
"And they have so many different kinds of condoms! How are they all still here? Why haven't people bought them all yet?" Envy pondered aloud, causing the few remaining people to look at him nervously.
Humming happily, the green-haired homunculus grabbed a small box of condoms. Hmm.... Would that really be enough? Deciding that it would not be enough, he grabbed another. And - ooh, flavored condoms?! Envy grabbed a few different flavors and happily dumped them into his shopping cart.
A small yellow and black sign caught his eye - a sale on lube! Envy grinned wickedly as he grabbed no less than five tubes and tossed them into the more-than-half-full cart. He grabbed a package of hair scrunchies and dropped them into the cart.
He looked down the length of the aisle and saw nothing else he was interested in...until he spotted the ice cream section at the back of the store. He dashed down the aisle, his Chucks making slapping noises against the big, pristine, white tiles. Pretty soon, he was darting all around the store, snatching random things off of the shelves.
Chocolate syrup, cherries, caramel, sprinkles, oreos, candy bars, lollipops, aprons, more lube, gum, popsicles, cake mix, frosting, brownie mix, peanuts, ice cream of all flavors, and many other sweets filled up Envy's overflowing shopping cart.
Whistling a random tune, Envy pushed his cart up to the front of the store, earning many, many open stares. His cart was filled with sweets, condoms, and lube. He mentally shrugged. People could think what they wanted.
Then, he remembered Edo saying something about a bag of ice. Deciding to show that he could listen (and do dirty things to Ed at the same time), Envy grabbed a bag of ice from the ice storage box and pushed his cart up to the front of the line. The cashier sighed and began to scan the sweets with his beepy-thing.
The cashier's look began to grow more curious (and horrified) as Envy put more items upon the mini-conveyor belt. Seeing the man's expression, Envy chose to enlighten the cashier.
"My boyfriend sent me grocery shopping," the homunculus stated, smiling politely at the man.
The cashier looked at the items on the counter. Loads of condoms, tubes of lube, and a bag of ice littered the barely visible counter top.
"What the hell are you gonna do to him? Jesus!" The man's expression grew horrified. "Poor guy."
Envy snickered.
Yes; poor, poor Edo.