Yup, another RENT fic. I really am that obsessed at the moment. I know I said I'd stop with the angsting and referring to Roger's death but I mean...I tried! That counts for something! Anyways yeah. I was over-analyzing 'Goodbye Love' because I was super bored and the pause between "Perhaps its because I'm the one of us to survive." and "Poor baby." really bothers me. And when something bothers/amuses me, I write about it. Written in MARK'S POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, or Roger, or Mark, or Goodbye Love
"Perhaps its because I'm the one of us to survive."
Roger flinched, and had I not known him as well as I did I would have expected to be hit. My words were low and uncalled for and I felt guilty the moment I'd said it. Roger, he'd dealt with April. And now he didn't want to do it again wit Mimi. But I just dealt with it with Angel and now, I think it first hit us both.
Roger was dying. Not today. Probably not even this year. But he was; slowly but surely. And it was little things neither of us could ultimately control that alerted me to the fact.
He still hadn't responded, and I had to bite back an apology. Yet, he got it. Finally, after two years Roger was realizing he couldn't laugh his way past death. And if he pretended everything was alright, that wouldn't make everything alright.
I knew he knew it, and I also knew he wouldn't say it. I knew he'd still go on, pretending to be jealous, or even admitting his worry for Mimi. But never would he say that he was scared. He'd say he didn't want to go through the pain of loosing someone. But for once, I want him to say he's scared to loose her. I want him to admit he's scared of dying.
I'm scared of him dying. I'm scared of him going through the agony Angel went through, even thought I know he'll take it without complaint. I'm scared of him being gone. I'm scared of being left alone. And -I didn't lie- that's why Roger. It's why I busy myself with work. Because then Collins, Angel, Mimi; then you, even thought I'm scared, you wont know it.
Finally you responded and your voice was full of a spite that I couldn't take personally because it wasn't natural. But the thing is, even if you were venomous about it, I still would have agreed that its true.
"Poor baby."
It's short but well, between three and five second pause can't have all that much going on. Yeah, I'll admit, writing angsting Mark is just as fun, if not more fun, that Roger. Well I'm pretty happy with how this turned out and reviews would be much appreciated.