This oneshot is a bit depressing…which fits since I came up with it at work, which makes me depressed. I came up with another idea for a short story too, but I'll get to that in another story. this is pretty short, but its pretty detailed considering my weak attempts to be detailed in the past...anyway, enjoy
As always, I Own nothing.
This is it. this is the end of everything. I can't say anything, and yet, i wish I could since I know this is wrong. I have to tell him...but I can't...there's just no way. What will I do when he figures out what's going on? What if he doesn't figure it out? What if--?
Nowaki hastily put a stop to all the insane thoughts running wildly through his head. This worrying was doing no good to anyone. He would just have to deal with the consequences when they finally came...whether they killed him or not.
In the meantime, though...
"Hiro-san, can I stay over tonight?" Please, please let him say yes…
"No, brat. You have your own place to live in. I've got studying to do." No, no, no, no!
"Please Hiro-san, I love you/"
Unable to refuse Nowaki anything for long, he sighed, making a much bigger todo about it than necessary. "Fine, but no funny business. I have a test tomorrow." And with that, Hiroki turned and went into the bedroom, Nowaki tagging along behind.
In bed, Nowaki wrapped his huge form, lovingly, around his Hiro-san. He stared into his lover's light brown locks. He was so unaware of Nowaki's current treachery. He fought and failed to hold back his tears. At least Hiro-san was asleep now and couldn't witness his struggle. He held the older man tighter. This was the last time he could hold Hiro-san. The next time he saw him, Hiroki might hate him.
He lay on the bed, thinking about all the nights they'd shared here. And all the nights soon to come that he would be spending alone. It burned to contemplate that future. He wanted to scream. He wanted to rip out his heart for not being able to bring up what he had done, and what he was about to do. He'd only mentioned it once. Back then, it had only been a mild interest. But when Hiro-san had approved…
And now he couldn't tell him it was tomorrow. He couldn't say anything, it was just too hard. If Hiro-san knew, he would be all for it, and that would effectively kill Nowaki. Hiro-san's willingness to allow Nowaki's dreams into their lives was so strong that Nowaki worried that Hirosan wouldn't truly care if he was around or not.
Nowaki did not…could not bare for Hiro-san to be there. No, he would go it alone. This pain would be his to bare, and Hiro-san would never know.
Then a brief fear touched his heart: What if Hiro-san forgot what he had said? What if he didn't remember Nowaki's dream? If that was the case then he, Nowaki, would just be gone, with no reason at all. Impossible, Hiro-san always remembers everything. He listened to Hiroki's heart as he thought at the stupidity of that thought. Hiro-san will remember, and then he'll wait…or he won't. He still hadn't ruled out his temperamental lover's hating him upon his return, even if he did remember. Nowaki sighed, and held Hiroki still tighter.
"Too tight," Nowaki loosened his grip as Hiroki struggled in his grip, his breath labored. He sighed and murmured, "Stupid brat." Nowaki laughed, knowing that this would be the last time he heard Hiro-san say that for a really long time.
Smiling now, despite all his doubts, Nowaki closed his eyes and kissing his beloved's hair, he fell asleep.
…
He awoke early, knowing Hiro-san would not awaken for some hours, he hugged the smaller man one last time and got up. Getting a shower, he returned to find Hiroki's eyes half open. "Nowaki, what?"
Nowaki nearly said everything right then and there. But choked on the words. Hiroki, sensing something was up, struggled to shake sleep from his mind and body. Nowaki dropped back onto the bed and murmured, "You should sleep some more. You never get enough." Then he kissed him. Unable to stop himself, knowing that by doing this, he would hurt them both all that much more. He put every ounce of love he possessed into this one good bye kiss. He kissed Hiroki until neither had any breath left. Hiroki dropped back, asleep once more, and Nowaki tousled his hair. Then he reached down under the bed, pulling out an already full suitcase and carry-on bag. He stood and whispered, "I love you, Hiro-san. And that's why I have to leave. I hope you understand."
Hiroki, hearing none of this, only the sound of Nowaki's calm, voice, marred slightly by tears, muttered, 'I love you too, brat."
Nowaki turned and left then, knowing if he stayed another second then he would never leave. He cast a look back before hailing a taxi. "Good bye, my love, my Hiro-san."
"Where to?" the cabbie asked.
"Tokyo Airport, please."
"Going anywhere exciting?" Evidently, the cabbie was a talkative one.
"America," Nowaki replied, without inflection as the taxi pulled away from his lover's apartment.
This is just a one shot. If you want something more, I'm starting a spin-off in a couple of weeks. It's and AU where Nowaki drops the letter he didn't send from America and a Mailman found it and assumed the wind had blown it out. And it gets mailed to Hiroki.
Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! This is my first oneshot for Junjou Romantica and I would like as many reviews as possible.