All characters belong to the awesome Michael Grant. Plot is mine. Crackfic. Penny/Cleaning Product. If you review I will love you forever. IF YOU DON'T REVIEW I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. Just kidding…maybe. One-shot. Might be a two-shot.
Love: The Cleaning Product Version
Ever since Penny was a little girl, she had loved cleaning products. She hated everything and everyone else except her baby, Windex. It amazed her how something could be so destructive, yet so useful. If it was sprayed in your eyes, you would surely be defeated. But, on the other hand, if you wanted something clean, it would do it for you. Without question. You could be cleaning up a murder scene and it would never tell anyone what you did. (I recommend bleach. Not that I know anything about that stuff…) She loved his reliability. Yep. It was a he. His name was Curly Fry.
Penny had never told anyone about her love. They just wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand TRUE love. She was never loved by her family. She was always just plain old Penny to them. But one day, she knew she would be special.
One cold day in December, her sisters Rose and Dahlia were having some hot chocolate in the den. Rose had knocked over her hot chocolate onto the table. So had Dahlia. They had told their mother and she came in and started to clean the spill up.
With Curly Fry.
Curly Fry was dangerously low on his supply of Windex. He had told Penny his end was nearing. But Penny refused to believe it, even though deep, deep down it was bound to happen one day.
As her mother kept spraying Windex on the paper towel, Penny's horror grew with each spray. She was unable to move or breathe. Finally, no more of the cleaning solution came out. Penny had almost sobbed right then and there.
"Oh great! Now we are out of Windex," Penny's mother had said. Like it was no big deal.
But it was. Penny's pride and joy and reason for living was gone. Forever. From that day she had vowed that she would get revenge on her sisters. One day.
Penny eventually couldn't take it anymore. She dropped down to her knees and sobbed for what seemed like hours. In reality, it was for a couple of minutes. It felt like her whole world was crashing down, or her heart was being ripped out. She needed Curly Fry back! It was the only thing that kept her sane in this wretched world!
Penny had an idea. She could host Curly Fry's funeral! It was genius. It would surely put her aching heart at rest. Her road to recovery was foolproof! Right?
And with that she started her plans. She found a black shoe box that she could put Curly Fry in, a bouquet of roses that she drowned in some Windex (those were his favorite), Penny had even found a kid to announce the death of her beloved Curly Fry and she sent out some invitations. She invited her whole class and her whole family. Well, almost her whole family. Her dad had committed suicide after he had gone to prison. Oh well, she didn't need him anyway. He didn't love her.
On the day of the funeral, Penny wore her favorite black dress over some black tights and a pair of black ballet flats. She was the picture of sorrow. I bet if you looked up 'sorrow' in the dictionary, you would find a picture of Penny. I'll bet you money. Not really.
Before she left to go to the ceremony, which was in her small backyard, she grabbed Curly's favorite flowers, and her IPod and her so she could play some music. Curly's favorite song was on there. It was called "I Will Follow You into the Dark" by some band called Death Cab for Cutie. How morbid.
She arrived in her backyard and turned on the music. As she scoped the small space around, she noticed something peculiar. No one was there! Penny, with a rare burst of optimism, decided to just wait a little longer and enjoy the music. Penny listened to the lyrics and just waited.
Love of mine, someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son, fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Wow. She almost cried at the end of the song. It was so, so beautiful and so, so sad. She wished that she could share that song with everyone. Speaking of everyone, where was everyone?! Oh well, she thought. She knew what it was like to be alone.
She walked over to the "casket" and kissed the top. This was it. She was finally saying goodbye. She grabbed the shovel and started to dig up the dirt. When she was finally done, she put the box in the hole she had dug. Penny patted the dirt, and put a single Windex-drowned rose on the top of the mound of soil.
"Goodbye," she said.