Castiel was the kind of man who, once the temperature dropped below 55, would breakout sweaters, mittens, scarves and multiple boxes of hot chocolate. As a child he was absolutely infatuated with Christmas and the cold weather. He liked to keep his apartment's temperature moderately low, not freezing but cold enough to have to wrap up in a blanket with a cup of hot tea. That's how he liked it, he enjoyed having to wear two layers of clothing even in his apartment, he liked scratchy sweaters and thick socks. He loved the spread of warmth through your belly when you sip searing hot coffee that burns your tongue but you drink it anyway, desperate to warm your body from the inside out. When Christmas came around it was impossible for Castiel to feel an ounce of sadness, but this year was different. It was the beginning of December, the first snowfall was due in the evening, Castiel sat on his black leather couch watching the news. He sat hugging his knees, a dark blue blanket wrapped around him. He felt a slight tinge of sadness as he looked around his apartment. He stared at the framed photos of Paris, London, and all the places he would never visit. He looked at his kitchen table and thought of all the countless nights he sat alone eating dinner. He did have a big family but he wanted someone else to spend the holidays with. Someone special. He steadily got up, folding the blanket and placing it back on the couch, he clicked off the television. He picked up his ipod, scrolling through artists as he walked to the large window at the end of the room and stepped onto the fire escape. The steel was cold against his jeans, his legs dangled over the edge of the platform. He relaxed as he breathed in the cold night air. The cars passed below him, he stared absently at the building in front of him until he heard a low noise over the light acoustic album playing from his head phones. A smell of cigarette smoke stimulated his senses as he removed his headphones and listened. A low voice sung above him;
I can light up your smokes
I can laugh at your jokes
I can watch you fall down on your knees
Castiel looked up and saw a pair of legs hanging. The singing continued as he silently got up and walked up the fire escape. A man with broad shoulders and shaggy hair sat looking out over the street. The man's window was open, a James Taylor record played from an old turntable. A cigarette hung from his lips, his cheeks were pink from the cold. He wore a worn pea coat, the collar turned up. Cas cleared his throat. "I heard your singing." The man abruptly turned.
"I didn't think anyone heard me," he said, averting his eyes, the pink on his cheeks deepening.
"JT is a great album," Castiel took a step forward.
"Yeah it is." Seeing Castiel's warm smile he motioned him over. "Have a seat." The man scooted over on the platform making room. "I didn't think anyone enjoyed sitting out in the cold."
"Not many people do but I like the winter, the clean air, the sweaters. All of it." Castiel situated himself next to the man, their knees barely touching. "I'm Castiel."
"Sam," the man lit another cigarette, offering one to Cas, who shook his head at the offering. "Interesting name you got there. I see you around the building a lot." Sam picked up a bottle of whiskey next to him and passed it to Cas.
"Thanks. I see you around, too, sometimes." Castiel took a swig. "I have religious parents, my brothers have similar names. Do you have any siblings?"
"An older brother. How long have you lived in New York?" Sam asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Since I was a kid. How about you?"
"Coming up on three years now. Moved out here from Kansas," Sam flicked his cigarette bud down towards the street. Awkward silence washed over them as they passed the bottle back and forth between them. Then, just as Castiel couldn't take the silence anymore, the snow started falling. They both looked up and watched it come down. Castiel shivered as the cold snowflakes fell over his skin. They stayed out there a while, the James Taylor album repeating itself in Sam's apartment.
"I should go in," Cas said, not wanting to over stay his welcome. Sam got up with him.
"It was very nice to meet you," he outstretched his hand.
"You too," Castiel took it, eye's lingering on Sam's, his hand was surprisingly warm and soft despite the winter.
"See you around," Sam said watching Castiel walk down the fire escape.
They occasionally passed each other in the lobby after that night. Awkward little waves, shared smiles and small talk. Castiel was putting up his Christmas tree, swaying to a Chicago album, when his phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Cas! How are you? Getting ready for Christmas?" his brother, Michael, said enthusiastically.
"Yes, brother, I'm decorating my tree now."
"Now? You just started?" Michael exclaimed.
"It's only the seventh."
"I've had mine up since Thanksgiving. You're a disgrace."
"Is there any particular reason you called, Michael?" Castiel asked, impatience growing.
"Just checking in. Making sure we're still coming to your place this year."
"It is my turn."
"Caroling next week. You will be there, right?"
"Of course," his brother grew quiet on the other end.
"So, how's the love life? Any males you're interested in? It could be nice, you bringing a date with you this year for dinner."
"Goodbye, Michael." His brother's question did make his mind wander. Castiel finished the tree and put the kettle on in the kitchen. He poured a cup of hot chocolate and pulled a sweater up over his shoulders. He opened the large window and walked slowly up the steel fire escape. He peeked into Sam's apartment, checking if he was there. Sam was standing in front of an easel, his brow furrowed in concentration, the paintbrush in his hand making slow strokes on a canvas. Sam was wearing a pair of dark jeans that hung loosely on his hips, his torso was bare, his skin tan despite the cold weather and dark stubble lined his jaw. Castiel noticed a few smudges of paint on Sam's seemingly smooth skin. Castiel tapped on the window and Sam looked up, his features softened into a smile. He put his paintbrush down and walked over to open the window.
"Hey, Castiel," he said .
"Hi, I was making hot chocolate, I thought I would be neighborly and bring you a cup," he said extending the mug towards Sam.
"That's sweet of you," Sam said taking the cup, his fingers brushing against Castiel's. "Come on in." Sam walked to the record player as Cas stepped into the apartment. The dim lights shadowed the smooth curve of Sam's shoulder blades as he set his mug down and put a record on the turntable.
"I'll go grab a shirt," he said over the rhythm of She & Him, his hips swaying ever so lightly as he walked down the dark hall. Castiel looked around, pieces of art were placed randomly on the dark grey walls, books stacked against the wall, his couch was a dark shade of maroon. Cas moved around the easel to get a better view of the canvas. He studied a caricature of a blonde woman with elegant features.
"Do you like it?" Sam said from behind Castiel, his bare feet making no noise on the dark hard wood as he stepped closer.
"It's beautiful, Sam. Who is she?"
Sam began buttoning up a dark red shirt. "My mother. She died when I was small." Castiel looked down, embarrassment creeping up his back. "Have a seat." Sam picked up his mug and sat down. Castiel sat on the opposite end of the couch, racking his brain for something to say.
"Do you not decorate for the holidays?"
"Not really. I don't really have anyone to share Christmas with, so I kind of just let it pass. Even when I was growing up we didn't really celebrate the holidays much. It would usually be my brother, Dean, and I waiting up for my Dad to come home from work. We would always fall asleep before we got to see him."
"That's a shame," Cas watched as Sam wrapped his lips around the mug and sipped. "Where's your brother now?"
"We had a sort of falling out three years ago when my father died. I was the rebellious one, the one that would pick fights with my father about how he raised us, I guess Dean resents me for that. I haven't talked to him since. I never open up like this to anyone, it's so easy to talk to you, Cas," he said moving closer. "Tell me about your family."
"I have three brothers and one sister. We're pretty crazy about the holidays," they talked for hours, swapping stories from their childhood, discussing where they'd like to travel, everything and anything. Castiel felt a renewed sense of hope after talking to Sam.
The next day, Castiel's brother, Gabriel, came to the apartment to discuss Christmas dinner.
"I'm obviously baking cookies, but I can't decide if I should bake a cake or a pie. I could do the little chocolate-," a knock at the door interrupted him.
"Hey, I was on my way out and thought I would return your mug," Sam stood in the doorway with a grey scarf wrapped around his neck.
"Thank you," Castiel took the mug from him.
"I had a good time last night, we should do it again soon," Sam said walking down the hall.
"He's cute and tall! I know you like the tall ones!" Castiel swatted Gabriel on the head but didn't bother hiding his smile.
"We're almost there," Gabriel said over the phone to Castiel, who was hurrying up a flight of stairs.
"I'll be outside waiting," Castiel said, snapping his phone shut and knocking on Sam's door. He had a heavy jacket on, he clutched a plate of cookies in his hand and an old Santa hat laid atop his head.
"Hey, Cas! Nice hat," Sam smiled at him. "What can I do for you?"
"I brought you cookies." Castiel handed them over with a childlike grin. Sam took the plate, gestured Cas in and set them down on the kitchen counter. "My family and I are going caroling and I wanted to know if you would like to join me, I mean us," Cas tugged nervously at his sleeves. Sam hesitated before biting into a cookie.
"I don't know, I'm not really a caroling kind of guy."
"Come on, Sam!" Cas whined playfully at him. "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear," he batted his eyelashes stepping closer.
Sam smiled. "Okay, only because you baked me cookies, which are as great as your hot chocolate, and because of how cute you look in that hat," Sam stepped close adjusting the Santa hat and leading them out the door.
"Hey everyone, this is Sam," Cas announced to his bickering family.
"Hi, Sam!" they all said in unison.
"Okay, so I'm in the front, Balthazar and Gabe behind me, Michael, Cas and Sam will be in the back. Questions?" Anna dictated.
"Yes, just one, why are you in the front?" Gabriel teased his younger sister.
"Also, why am I always paired with the sibling that can't sing?" Balthazar said poking Gabe.
"Hey! I can sing!"
Anna rolled her eyes and began leading the group. "Jingle bells first," she said over her shoulder. They weaved through the streets singing loudly, stopping at a house now and again. Sam was embarrassed at first, singing along quietly until Cas would nudge him on the should forcing him to project his voice. Castiel was content with the evening, until his heart soared when he felt a warm hand slip into his. They all staggered into a cafe, throats sore, noses red from the cold.
"I had a really good time tonight," Sam said squeezing Cas' arm. "Who knew caroling could be so much fun and Gabriel is so silly."
"Yeah, I enjoyed it too."
"We're going to all head home," Balthazar said approaching their table. "It was great meeting you, Sam."
"You have a killer voice, dude," Gabriel said peeking out fro behind Balthazar.
"You really completed our group," Anna said, shaking his hand.
"It was great meeting you all," Sam said and they all filed out. The cafe had gone quiet, Castiel was looking out of the window at the passing cars. He hadn't noticed Sam had moved closer.
"You know," Sam's voice was low in his ear. "You really do look adorable in that hat." Cas turned, their faces inches apart. Sam's finger stroked his cheek, his thumb lightly grazed his lower lip. Their eyes locked, Sam moved closer, hesitant, then pressed his lips against Castiel's. Sam's tongue grazed Castiel's lip. Cas let out a low moan as Sam's tongue explored every inch of his mouth. The cafe melted away, all they focused on was the warmth of each other, the heat ricocheting off of their bodies.
"It's getting late," Cas broke the kiss, pulling away and getting up. They walked hand in hand the apartment building, not saying a word. Sam walked Cas to his door.
"Thank you for the cookies," Sam kissed him gently, "Goodnight."
Castiel sat on the chilly hardwood floor with Anna beside him. Various Christmas presents were stacked up, wrapping paper was spread out in front of them. Cas moved slowly, wrapping a scarf for Balthazar, his mind drifting.
"Dammit, Cas, you're going so slow. Get your head in the game!" Anna said.
Cas was too busy thinking about his night caroling with Sam to concentrate on much else. He thought of how his lips had tingled after Sam had kissed him. "What? Oh, sorry, I think I need a break," Cas got up slowly, stacking the present he finished wrapping atop the others.
"A break from what? You've only wrapped six gifts," Anna huffed. Ignoring the comment, Cas exited the apartment and walked to Sam's place.
"Hey," he said as Sam opened the door.
"Hi," he watched as Sam took a long drag from a cigarette and then exhaled from his nose. Cas stared silently at his lips.
"Come in?" Sam asked, Cas' odd behaviour making him nervous. "Are you okay?" Sam leaned down extinguishing his cigarette. Not noticing Cas had moved closer, he turned, face inches from the other man's. Sam leaned in fast, crushing their mouths together. He parted his lips slowly, sure of himself, and slid his tongue into Castiel's mouth. Cas met it with his own, hungrily, moaning low. Cas grinded his hips into Sam's as the larger man's hands moved down to his thighs pulling them up to circle around his waist. Sam carried him across the kitchen, parting from his lips as he set him down on the low kitchen counter. Sam attacked Castiel's neck with greedy kisses, biting down to his collar bone as his hands unbuttoned Cas' jeans. Cas moaned, circling his hips, grinding into Sam's hand. A buzzing in Cas' pocket interrupted them. Cas tried effortlessly to take it out and bring it to his ear.
"H-hello," he said.
"Cas, where are you? I need help," Anna's annoyed voiced said over the reciever.
"I-I," Cas stuttered as Sam's hand continued to move deliciously against him. "I'll be back in a minute," he said as he snapped his phone closed. He looked into Sam's darkened eyes. "I have to go." Cas tried to push Sam's hand away.
"No," Sam said, grabbing Cas' wrists and pinning them against the wall above his head. Sam kissed him hard, body grinding rough against Cas.
"I have to," Cas breathed against Sam's lips. He slowly let Cas' arms down and stepped away, which took tremendous effort. He watched as Cas zipped up his pants and got off the counter. They stood in the doorway, Sam fixed Cas' shirt collar and his disheveled hair.
"I'll see you later," Cas said over his shoulder.
Gabriel hovered over a sheet of Christmas cookies, delicately icing them. Castiel maneuvered around him, checking the ham in the oven. A black and white polka dot apron was wrapped around his waist and matching oven mitts protected his hands. He arranged cheese and vegetable plates on the counter next to Gabriel.
"Done!" Gabriel victoriously slammed down his icing bag. Castiel moved quickly past him, rushing to light the candles around the apartment. Gabriel set the table neatly, setting down serving bowls of vegetables and potatoes. A knock on the door sounded as Cas clicked on the CD player.
"Merry Christmas!" Anna, Balthazar and Michael said as Gabriel and Castiel stood in the doorway. They all hugged and walked into the apartmet.
"The presents can go under the tree, guys," Castiel said, pouring wine into five glasses on the coffee table. As his family talked and laughed, Cas quickly exited the apartment rushing up the stairs. He knocked on Sam's door pulling the strings of the apron he forgot he still had on and fixed his hair. He knocked again but got no reply. He took took out his phone and walked back to his apartment.
"Hey, Sam, it's Cas. I'm having Christmas dinner with everyone in my apartment, you're more than welcome to stop by. I would really like it if you did." Castiel dolefully lived through the evening, hoping a knock would sound from the door. It never did. He never came. They all sat on the floor, gleefully exchanging presents, Cas eyeing the door. His family filed out surprisingly early, they left an eerie silence in their wake. Cas cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher and picked up the wrapping paper remains. He filled up a container with leftovers and contemplated going to Sam's apartment. He settled down on his couch and put on a Doctor Who Christmas Special. It was nearing ten when he finally got up, grabbed a bottle of wine, tucked a present under his arm and took the leftovers to Sam's apartment. He knocked but got no reply, he sat down on the cold tiled floor, determined to wait for Sam. With his head resting against Sam's door his eyes drifted shut.
"Cas?" he heard a voice beside him, "Cas, I'm so sorry." He felt a hand cradle his face and he opened his eyes to Sam's staring back at him.
"I called," Castiel said.
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't come. I'm sorry you waited out here for me," Sam said looking away.
"It's okay, Sam."
"It's just...I've never had anything like that. I've never had a family that was so loving and that spent so much time together. I thought I would be intruding on something special. I've ruined a lot of things and I didn't want to ruin your favorite day. I wanted to come, I really did. I paced the block for an hour. I felt like it would be selfish, like I would be using you to pretend to have a normal life." Silence filled the corridor.
"You know, it's still Christmas for another hour," Castiel said smiling at Sam, he remember the present he was leaning against and handed it over. "Here." Sam gave him a puzzled look.
"You...you bought me a present?" he whispered.
"Do you know who I am? Of course I bought you something." Sam smiled and ripped open the wrapping paper. "James Taylor's Christmas album and Whiskeytown."
"I saw you had Ryan Adams in your collection so-," Cas was cut off by a firm kiss.
"Thank you," Sam whispered against his lips, his eyes welling up. They both stood and went into the apartment. Sam set out two plates and two glasses on his dining table. "Before we eat," he said. "I have something for you." Sam walked into his dark hallway then emerged again with a large wrapped gift that he set down on the edge of the couch.
"Sam, you didn't have-,"
"Just open it," Sam said kissing Castiel on the cheek. Castiel's mouth fell open as he stared at a framed painting. The painting as of him and his family standing on a snowy street, snowflakes falling all around them.
"Sam, it's beautiful, I don't know-wait. Is that the TARDIS?" he pointed at a blue figure in the background of the painting.
"Balthazar said you liked Doctor Who." Castiel hugged Sam tight, practically cutting off his breathing.
"I love you," he blurted out when they broke apart. Castiel's cheeks flushed and he looked down.
Sam's hand cupped his chin and titled his face up, "I love you, too." They drank all the wine and ate all the leftovers. They both collapsed onto Sam's bed facing each other, Cas' arm draped over Sam's waist, their legs tangled together.
"Merry Christmas, Cas," Sam said, his hand caressing Castiel's face.
"Merry Christmas," Cas mumbled half asleep, a please smile spreading across his lips.
THE END