A/N: One-shot time! I actually wrote this one a LONG while ago (which, really, is about three/four weeks ago). I was about to upload it, but I really didn't like it. It was too sappy for my liking, and I didn't really get why I wrote it. But I guess I need some fluff right now that I just decided to post this one, and see if you needed some happy sappy times too :D.
It starts off really Angsty, but it'll be fluffy eventually.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
"I don't want to talk to you."
Lisbon crashed down on her couch.
Another lonely night, just like all the other nights in the last twenty-six weeks. Six months sounded less.
She acted as if on the automatic pilot these days. Getting too attached to something – or someone, for that matter – could get her hurt again, so emotions and feelings were completely out of the question.
She had tried to find herself again, but every time she accidently looked at his empty couch, she would have to fight the tears. And the battle got worse with the days passing.
She turned on the TV without thinking about it. Great, another re-run of Bones.
She sighed, but then, a knock on her front door came and she closed her eyes. You didn't need to be a mentalist to know who was behind that door.
"Lisbon," came the muffled voice of her consultant.
"I don't want to talk to you," replied Lisbon. She heard a faint sigh.
She waited for a remark, but there came none. He must have left.
She sighed and focused back on the TV.
It didn't take long until her door swung open, and in stepped Jane.
She wanted – needed, more – to scream at him, scold him for forcing the lock on her door, but she couldn't think of anything to say.
Jane looked at her, and Lisbon almost suffocated. So much emotions were suddenly out in the open, just by looking in his eyes.
But she didn't want to see it. He'd hurt her, this time like mad, and he had to suffer the consequences.
She closed her eyes and turned around, before she felt strong arms turning her around and she felt warm lips on hers. She froze, and immediately reached out her hands and pushed Jane away from her.
Jane looked at her, before swallowing and running his hand through his hair.
"Lisbon, I-"
"Shut up Jane," Lisbon hissed through clenched teeth.
"You have no right to come here, pick my lock and then kiss me. Haven't you learned from your mistakes?"
She turned around again, and hugged her body with her arms.
"I've worked with you for almost eight years now. I've always put your safety above mine. I needed to. You lived in a daze, your stupid chase for revenge turned your whole life into a game, a fantasy and a nightmare."
She paced through the room, but Jane kept on the spot where she had left him.
" Everything I did, I did it for you. Breaking the laws, manipulating my team and jeopardizing their careers, lying to my superiors. For what? To be used as an accessory, to be thrown away and left behind when I served my purpose? I let you risk my life several times. Without complaining."
She sighed.
"I need to protect myself, Jane. I didn't do that the past few years, because I trusted you and I didn't find it important. But right now, the two biggest threats in my life are you and my feelings. I can't let you hurt me again, Jane."
She sighed again, and hesitated before she continued.
"I need you to go, Jane. Not just from my apartment, but from my life."
Jane's eyes widened, pulling him out of his statue-like stance.
"Lisbon-"
"I mean it, Jane. You can tell me hundreds of times that you're not going to leave me again, but I can't live with the thought of losing you, or never knowing for sure if you'll still be there the next day."
Lisbon looked at him, and both their eyes started watering.
Lisbon blinked to get rid of the tears.
"You can find your way out yourself," Lisbon whispered, and turned around towards the stairs. She walked upstairs and looked at him for one last time.
-YulianaHenderson-
Do something, you jerk, Jane told himself when he listened to Lisbon's words. They all felt like single bricks hitting his head full force, pulverizing his brain, piercing through his heart and other vital organs.
He knew he'd hurt her, how could he not. She always was an easy book to read. That moment in the church had been heartbreaking to him. He had longed, craved for that beautiful smile, that smile Lisbon only reserved for him.
Yet she hadn't smiled. Instead, she was angry, furious and had been on the edge of crying.
"You can find your way out yourself," whispered Lisbon, and Jane had to focus to hear it.
She got up the stairs.
Stop her, you idiot. His mind was overworking, he had no idea what he should've done.
He heard a door closing, and that was when his legs started of their own volition.
He ran up the stairs, feeling with his internal Lisbon-radar where she was. He opened the door, and his heart broke into a million small pieces when he saw Lisbon, sitting on the floor, heavy sobs already controlling her body.
He crashed down beside her, feeling lost already, and pulled her tight against him.
She started sobbing almost violently, but she didn't move into Jane's embrace. She tried to push him away from her, but he wouldn't give in. So she just placed her head against his chest, and wrapped her arms around him.
"Why didn't you tell me anything about your plan?" asked Lisbon, her voice suddenly small.
Jane pulled her even closer, and stroked her hair.
"I'm sorry, Teresa," he whispered in her hair.
"I thought that you killed yourself, or hated me-"
"If I would kill myself, I would only do it when you're in pain or worse. And I can't hate you, Teresa dear, not after everything we've been through together."
"Then why did you leave me?" asked Lisbon, her voice even smaller than before.
He pulled away slightly, and looked down at Lisbon. He then saw the truth, what he'd feared for six long months, but never thought possible: her emerald eyes were full of fear, confusion, pain, longing. He could see in them how much Lisbon had actually missed him, but most of all: he could in them the pain he had caused her.
That was when also Jane lost the battle against his tears, and they fell freely now.
"Oh Teresa," whimpered Jane, "I never should have left. The pain I have caused you isn't equal to anything, especially not how little information we got from Red John. It was not worth it."
Lisbon buried her face in the crook of his neck, and Jane did the same, placing small kisses in her neck whenever the pain in his heart became too much.
When his sobs subsided a bit, he lifted her bride-like and placed her on her bed. When he went to tuck her in, she grabbed one of his hands.
"Don't leave me alone," she pleaded, and again the heart-shattering at Jane's side.
He didn't bother tucking her in fully, and laid down beside her, immediately in each other's arms.
"I promise you, Teresa: I'm never going to leave you ever again. Six months without you felt longer than the eight years without Angela. I'm not trying to compare the two of you, trust me," he said, and stroked her hair again.
He pulled away slightly, to look at her. Her eyes were almost dark red, her cheeks moist by all her tears.
He wiped her cheeks dry, before placing a small kiss on her lips. When he pulled away, she whimpered, moving closer to get a better kiss. He pulled her against him again.
"I will give you many kisses, Teresa, as much as you want and more. But I want you to sleep for now, my dear. I can see you haven't slept much. That's okay, Teresa, I have you. And I will be still here when you wake up. From now on, I will always be here for you, my love. Forever."
Jane could feel her smile faintly, before sleep overtook his little firecracker. He watched over her the entire night.
A/N: So? What do you think? Let me know in a REVIEW, thank you!
