Saudade
Characters/Pairing: Elena Gilbert/ Elijah Mikaelson
Summary: Elena has a secret
Author's note: The title derives from a unique Portuguese word that has no direct translation into English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone. This one shot is based off a tumblr request.

Mystic Grill was buzzing with the chatter of its customers and the music blasting in the background. Whenever it was this wretched outside, the Grill was the main place to be since there wasn't much else to do in town. Her and Caroline had met there for a couple of drinks, but Elena was distracted, distracted by the busy surroundings and her own thoughts.

"Earth to Elena…" Caroline tapped her glass at the bar, watching her friend with confusion.

"Sorry." The brunette immediately apologized, looking up to her friend and taking a small sip of her drink.

Her friend wasn't having it, knowing something was on her mind; "You haven't stopped checking your phone since we sat down." She pointed with an arched brow and shaking her head.

Looking to her hand, Elena realized that she had been playing thoughtlessly with the slide key, checking the time over and over again. Pretty soon the screen would stop working if she kept going.

"What? Do you have a hot date or something?" the blonde accused, moving to grab the cell phone, but Elena was quick to whisk it away.

"No!" Elena snapped defensively, shoving her phone into her pocket, avoiding the temptation at her fingertips to check it again. She hated waiting.

Caroline's inquisitive nature was parasitic by default, and usually quite effective at pulling information from her friends. It was irritating, but it made her lovable…but not right at that moment. Caroline couldn't know what she was waiting for.

"Yeah okay I do." Elena finally returned after getting a scolding glare from her friend, "I have a hot date with my bed and textbooks." She had replied all too quickly, wary of making Caroline suspicious, and explained, "I have a Skype study date with some of my online classmates."

Most of that was true at least.

Attentively, Caroline nodded and returned her focus to the strong bourbon in front of her taking a long swig and scrunching her face as it burned down.

"Don't you ever relax during your weekend?"

"Nope." Elena told her casually, and jumped at the feeling of her phone vibrating in her pocket. Finally.

"Someone sure is on edge." She wouldn't look at her friend, but Elena could read the disappointment as her expression fell.

"Yeah, sorry." Sliding her phone from her pocket, Elena hopped off of the bar stool. "I just can't be late, we don't get together too often." The best way to stay to a story is to keep close to the truth, and it had been a while. "I'll call you tomorrow, all right Care?"

Elena allowed her glance to waver over her friend apologetically; feeling bad for abandoning her but saw Stefan stroll into the bar, wet from the rain outside. She waved him over frantically, silently begging him to keep their friend company so she could slip out into the wet and foggy darkness.

The rain had slowed, leaving shallow puddles in the streets as she walked, cursing herself for forgetting her umbrella. Her mind told her to turn back, but she was driven, she had a goal to see him, even if she couldn't stay with him long.

Elena turned down a dark alley way, a gap between two older buildings that lately, one had been used as a temp shop for Halloween stores and the other was derelict, left abandoned after the owner passed away. It was a vampire's heaven of a feeding ground but luckily wasn't worse for wear, making it easier for one to lead its prey into the shades. It also helped that it was only a couple of blocks from the Grill so the danger only had to lead you a short distance away. Shaking off the feeling of maniacal intentions, Elena looked around her to make sure she wasn't being followed and ducked underneath an awning shrouded in the darkness, taking a deep breath when she felt comfortable.

"You look cold." a voice came from the shadows. On a usual day, she would have backed away in fear, but this time, Elena's skin itched as her eyes focused to the sounds. Elation, safety and a pure harnessed good feeling kept her from going over edge and crying out.

"Took you long enough." She returned confidently with a grin, stepping forward as her companion did the same. "Elijah."

She just loved to say his name.

"I apologize," he stood before her, stepping out of the shadow, his hair falling damp over his eyes, just rimming the brow and an umbrella held over his head. Even his black suit had seemed darker in the harsh light from the moon and street from the rain water. "I forgot my umbrella."

Meeting him halfway, Elena took him by the hand and pulled him under the awning, wrapping her arms around his neck. He smelled of fresh rainfall and brand new car, and her sweatshirt-drenched as well- stuck to his jacket.

"I missed you." She brushed her lips against his jawline, his skin rough from the light stubble that had formed. "Did you have a good flight?" It had been a week since Elijah had left Mystic Falls, since the last time she was able to see him, but they managed to keep in touch, enjoying their relationship for what it was.

With a gentle nod, Elijah eased into her embrace, backing away to look clearer into her eyes. "It could have been better." If you had been there, as he had told her a few times over the webcam, it is always nice to have someone to talk to.

His thumb traced her lower pout, holding onto her chin to bring her lips closer to his, closing in without other words when there were none to give.

They tasted like salt, though not with the thickness of tears, but the gentle drip from his nose onto hers had been the rain, still even with an umbrella, Elijah had gotten soaked coming to see her.

"I'm really glad you're back." Elena breathed as she pulled back from him again, his hands stroked his cheekbones, wiping the drops of rain form his skin with doe eyes. He held her tight against him, bunching up her jacket between his fingers as if he was afraid to let her go.

"I just wish it could be in a more…appropriate location, you deserve more." Glumly, Elijah replied. "Are you sure you can't get away?"

Biting her lip back innocently, Elena shook her head. "I wish we didn't have to go behind everyone's backs…" but it was safer this way, and as long as no one knew about their relationship (which had been going on for quite a while,) they wouldn't have to deal with the wrath of Klaus, or Stefan and Damon.

"Me too." He swept her hair reassuringly behind her ear, "We can go out of town for dinner tomorrow if you would like?"

Gratefully, Elena nodded, her eyes smiling brightly and allowed her lips to slide over his again smoothly, her teeth clashing playfully against his as his tongue traced over hers.

The fear of being caught, their relationship forced into hiding unknowingly by her friends and his family, made each second they spent together that much more appealing, special and at times…erotic. Sometimes, they could only meet for moments, a run in like tonight, or when they were lucky, he would go to her home when Jeremy was out, but as if her brother knew something was going on, that was a rarity.

Even now, in a moment of a passionate kiss, their bodies were tense, pressed intimately against each other, hands exploring each piece of skin that they could reach, they could feel their parting horrifically nigh. They both hated it, hated feeling pressured and rushed, hated having to lie, and having to pretend they weren't together stealing sleepless nights every chance they could.

"I'm sorry I can't stay…" Elena groaned, after regretfully pulling away, not removing her hands from his face, "I just really needed to see you."

Smiling softly in understanding, Elijah pressed a kiss on her forehead, knotting the hair behind her head with his fingers, "I'm glad you did."

"I hate this." She whined, her hands sliding down the front of his arms so her fingers ghosted his, barely molecules between their touch. "I wish things could be different." Their nights were many times consisting of wishes, most sadly left unfulfilled.

Elijah stepped forward, his shoulders broadened as he held onto hers, pushing her backward so her back was against a dry piece of cement and leaned his forehead against hers. "Me too Elena, me too."

With her legs strategically pressed between his, Elena leaned into him resting her head against Elijah's chest, wedging it in the opening of his coat. The rain was beginning to pick up harder now, pelting against the awning above, and signaling it was time to part ways.

"So dinner…" lifting her head, she kissed him on the throat, "tomorrow. Somewhere far away?" smiling teasingly into his neck, she traced a vein up to his jaw in which he turned in to meet her lips. Far away was good for them, far away was all that they had.

There was something about parting ways with him that made the kiss desperate, inseparable, like the sky pulling away from the Earth, physically impossible and knowing it didn't want to, but worse off was the feeling that if it did, they didn't know when they would be together again, lost in the abyss.

There was a euphoric solace in their secret however; knowing that with each other nothing else mattered. There was no judgment, no expectations, no fears and nothing unpredictable. He could bask in her ambience, and she could feel safe in his arms, against his lips, rather than being torn in two, they had no one clamoring over them; it was near peaceful, even in the turmoil of the separation.

They were more than their secret, and maybe it didn't work out in their favor to be together, but as one they had strength and balance. It was an unmistakable bond of understanding.

Elena's fingers burned as they grazed the back of Elijah's neck, her teeth tugging gently at his bottom lip which hardened his gaze. Her body was begging him to ask her to stay, but he wouldn't, and she knew that, since that would change everything.

"Let me drive you home at least." Downtrodden with pursed lips, Elijah cupped her face in his hands so Elena couldn't refuse.

"I'd like that."

The worst part of it was that they both knew he would have to drop her off a block away.

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