WOW! It has been a LONG time since I have posted ANYTHING here! :sweatdrop: ^_^' Hehehe sorry guys. Anyway, I started this a long time ago, like over a year ago, and it took on a personality of its own as I continued writing this chapter. This is so NOT what I intended it to be. I'd like to thanks Dizzikatz for reading this when it was only halfway complete and urging me to finish it. Thank you so much for the support and encouragement! I hope it does not diappoint you.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the idea... well actually, that I don't even really have control over sooo.... yeah. I don't own the characters yadda yadda yadda.
Enjoy!
He is my best friend. I just keep telling myself that, for fear that I might lose my sanity if I found myself to be anything but mendacious, even within the confines of my own mind. I'd simply lose it if I were to ever admit...
No.
Like I said, I'd find myself drowning in a sea of truth that i want absolutely nothing to do with.
Because everything I feel for him creates a pain in my chest that I could never understand... Why my heart pounds and my knees get weak, as they tend to do when I think, even mildly, on the many ways I wish I could...
I shake my head, trying to expel the dreadful thoughts that have been intruding my mind more and more frequently. They will not get the best of me.
Yet I fear they already have.
"Hey, Sasuke!" My heart leaps into my throat. I turn and scowl at the knucklehead I call my best friend. I pray to every God I can think of that I can pull it off again; to keep him in the dark to the black hole of emotions he instills in me.
"Hn" I respond. He rolls his eyes at me, but nevertheless grins at me. I melt inside. It's as if his smile grabs a hold on my lungs and squeezes every last bit of oxygen out.
"Must you buzz-kill today, of all days?" He pouts jokingly and punches me in the arm. Oh, the other things he could do with those hands...
Must. Maintain. Self Control.
"Whatever..." I mumble. Of course I must buzz-kill... Especially today. Today is the day we graduated high school and as happy as I may be to be leaving this hellhole, I'm a bit downtrodden because I wont be seeing Naruto for a while. He's been drafted into the army. I was livid when he told me. Of course he was not happy either but I was distraught... Not that he'd ever know it. But how could I be mad at him? I mean he didn't want this, he didn't ask for it. But I can't be without him... I can't...
And I don't know why...
But that, too, is a lie. I sigh and glance at my phone. 4:15. Naruto is leaving tomorrow. What I would do to keep him here... With me... Safe... In my ar-
No. I mustn't think such things. Today must be for him and he damn well deserves my undivided attention.
"So, are you ready to go?" He asks, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I feel the goose bumps poking up on my arms and the back of my neck. I nod, fearing that my voice would squeak if I attempted words under such circumstances. He grins and pulls me off towards his car.
He drives away from the parking lot of my place of work and makes a left onto a side street we take to avoid traffic. He soon makes a right onto the highway and immediately speeds up to about 70 miles per hour. I am not surprised, but I still grip the armrest a little tighter, even though there is no one else on the road right now. "Where are we going?" I chance.
"The amusement park" He quickly replies before cranking up "War Pigs", his favorite song. I find this to be rather ironic, not that he'd notice something like that.
We arrive at the amusement park at about 5:45. The first thing we do is eat. I pay, of course. I space out a bit as I stand waiting for Naruto to decide what we're doing next when he grabs my arm and drags me towards the roller coaster. I blush slightly, but not noticeably. "Naruto what-"
"C'mon Sasuke! I want to ride the roller coaster! Roller coaster! Roller coaster!" We reach the line… Or lack thereof. This is a new ride and it's the largest, fastest, most thrilling piece of machinery today. Why hardly anyone is at the amusement park today is a mystery to me, but it made it much less irritating and I am thankful. I look up at it than back at Naruto who rushes to the very front, hands the man two tickets and drags me onto the ride before I even get a chance to protest. We get locked into our seats and are joined by a few other people. I hear the ride let out a puff of air as it starts. I look at Naruto, whose legs are bouncing up and down with anticipation.
"Naruto... I don't like roller coastERS!!!" I shout as the coaster takes off full throttle and I grab his hand.
It's completely unintentional. I swear.
Did he just squeeze my hand?!
If I didn't feel like I was going to faint, I'd faint.
Damn it, why must he give me hope?
I stare at him in shock. Did he not notice that he had done it? My question goes unanswered, for I have not asked it. Either way, he does not notice me staring.
I know I shouldn't, but I cannot help but stare at him. He is grinning and laughing, shouting like an idiot on this deathtrap he dragged me on.
Does he have no fear? Is that why he can stand going to the military?
Military? My Naruto- I mean, Naruto. Not My Naruto.
Naruto, in the military? I just can't see it. Especially right now as I watch him on this speeding, metal abomination that is somehow a form of entertainment.
Staring- Observing him as we ride, I see in his eyes something I haven't seen in the longest time. I see childhood in his eyes. I see youth and passion in those beautiful cerulean orbs. God, they melt my hear-
Again, no. I cannot go down that route. Unacceptable.
Naruto looks so young and innocent. This is what I observe. I desperately wish with every fiber of my being that that look would never leave his eyes.
I so wish that we were kids again, so Naruto still had that look in his eye, and that he wasn't going off to the military tonight, and that I didn't have all these strange feelin-
I would shake my head if it weren't being forced back by the speed of the ride. How long have we been riding anyway?
He's still holding my hand!
I mean, WHY is he still holding my hand?
This is not normal.
The ride jerks to a stop and I find it hard to catch my breath. The way he looks at me, laughter winding down... His hair is wind-whipped into even more disarray, but it is even more appealing. Excitement is still evident in his eyes as they pierce mine. I feel the urge to touch his hair. It looks so soft. I notice his cheeks are a bit pink and I guess it was from the wind rushing by. His lips begin to move, but I can't really begin to concentrate on what he is saying to me because I am so intently watching his lips. I lick my own. I notice his face turns pinker and realize he must be blushing. From what?
"Sasuke," He starts curiously, "the ride is over..."
Oh? Then why does my world still feel like it is spinning?
He shrugs at my lack of response, assuming I feel strange from the ride, I suppose. I did tell him I don't like roller coasters.
It seems to make little difference to him as he drags me out of the car and down the steps. How is he dragging me?
Oh, I am still holding his hand.
I feel myself flush at this discovery, feeling foolish and somewhat electrified.
What? That can't be right... Oh, I know. I am exhilarated from the ride. That explains the blood rushing through my body and pounding in my ears and the goose bumps on my arms and the sudden dryness in my mouth and the fogging of my mind. Of course.
None of that has anything to do with Naruto.
None.
Impossible.
I am setting myself up for a fall...
Well, I would be if I were accepting these feelings. However, I am adamantly rejecting and ignoring them. It is better for everyone this way.
Whether or not I accept and acknowledge this, it makes no difference in the end; Naruto is straight.
I allow this fact to float around in my mind and swallow the sadness that wells up in my chest.
This is all so stupid. I, obviously, am a little upset that my best friend is leaving tonight because he was drafted into the military. Nothing more to it than that.
Yet my face flushes once again as I notice my hand is STILL clutched in his.
I stop holding onto his hand a bit to signal that he may remove his hand from mine. I know he must have been a little perplexed by it.
But as my grip loosened his tightened.
What?
Naruto, you can let go of my hand, so why haven't you?
You don't need to torment yourself with this anymore. Men who are not intimately involved do not hold hands.
But he is holding my hand now.
We reach the next destination: The Matterhorn. Why me?
We are waiting on line for the ride and he flushes then mumbles something unintelligible and lets go of my hand.
My knees are not weak. Naruto just dragged me here and I am still trying to regain my footing.
We board the ride. We sit side by side and pull the bar down. The man walks around hooking the chains and locking the bar down. I look at Naruto. He is again bouncing in his seat in anticipation. He looks at smiles and me. It isn't like his usual ear-to-ear grin. It is different... Softer... Milder... Warmer...
My body feels warmer. Our legs are touching and I wonder if he can feel my body heating up. Please stop looking at me with that smile and those eyes... I could drown in those eyes. it is as if he sees straight through me sometimes. I wonder if he knows what I'm thinking and I look away, facing forward and slouching down a bit. I want to look as normal as possible with the "too-cool" attitude he accuses me of having. I wish he was right.
I see out of my peripheral vision that he has too turned his face away, though I can't read his expression form this angle. I think about turning to look again to see, but think better of it. It seems so elementary school.
I am yanked form my thoughts as the ride takes off, zipping around in a fast circle. I grip the bar in front of me so tightly my knuckles turn white. Naruto knows I hate these types of rides. Why does he insist on making me ride them with him?
His hand covers mine tightly and squeezes. I look at him. He is looking at me again with that same smile from just before and the excitement dancing in his eyes like they had on the roller coaster. My heart practically skips a beat and I pray again to every God I can think of that it was from the ride.
I, of course, know deep down that it is not. My grip loosens under his touch. He puts me at ease so simply and I understand why I like him so very much. It is such a shame he must leave me...
Maybe forever...
No. Now that is a thought I cannot be having.
My expression must have changed because his brow crumpled and he looks sort of concerned. "Sasuke, what's wrong?" he asks, squeezing my hand just a bit.
"N-nothing, nothing," I barely manage to choke out. I feel incredibly stupid and my face flushes, I can feel it. He doesn't look convinced. "Naruto, really, I'm fine. You know I don't do rides well" I explain, hoping it will be enough to get him to stop looking at me like that.
He does stop looking at me like that. Now he is smirking at me. Not much of an improvement. "Aw, poor little Sasu-chan can't handle the big scary rides?" He pouts for emphasis, which I find cute, but not amusing since he is mocking me. "It's okay, Sasu-chan, I'll protect you from those big scary rides." He smirks even more at me and gives my hand a firm squeeze. My heart leaps into my throat.
At this very moment, the ride thrusts my body in towards him and we are squished together on one side of the seat. I blush immensely at our proximity and try to avoid looking at him, but out of the corner of my eye I see he too has turned the lightest shade of pink. I am glad I am not the only person who is blushing, but I guess he is blushing more from discomfort than the closeness of our bodies.
I wish the latter were the case, of course.
The ride finally stops, much to my relief and disappointment, and we exit the ride.
"Sasu-channnnnn?"
My eye nearly twitched, much to his amusement. "Yes, Naruto?" I can't be mad at him. It is impossible for me.
He grinned. "I'm hungry. Let's eat!"
I chuckle, shaking my head and rolling my eyes. "I am not surprised. How about we go to that bar and grill that just opened in town?"
He taps his chin thoughtfully. "Do you think they have ramen there?"
I grab his arm and drag him towards the exit. "You're leaving tomorrow. I'm treating you to a decent meal tonight, moron," I chortle again.
He drags his feet. "Wait! Can't we at least get some ramen for the ride back?!"
I can't help but laugh out loud. I have a weakness for my friend and his shenanigans and agree to get him his precious ramen, to which he responds by hugging me and dragging me to the nearest stand.
"Okay, you have your ramen, can we go now?" I ask, ready to leave the park.
He nods, cuddling his to-go container of ramen, and tosses me the keys to his car. I shake my head and mumble, "the things I do for you."
He grins and wraps his free arm around me. "It's 'cause ya love me!" he says merrily.
I almost fall to the ground on the spot, right then and there. How could he know? I look at him and realize he didn't actually know anything, though I had just unconsciously admitted to it being true.
I love Naruto.
And there goes the only way I was able to protect myself from these feelings. Damn.
I drive back to town and pull in front of the restaurant. It appears crowded, as I had imagined it would be. Not a problem. I am Sasuke Uchiha. I can assuredly get us a table.
I approach the hostess and smile at her. She blushes and welcomes us. Well, me. She hasn't noticed Naruto yet and I feel a bit bad. I ask for a table for two and notice she looks a bit disappointed, but she then sees Naruto and assumes I am not here on a date. I inwardly roll my eyes and discreetly slide her some money, asking for a table on the deck. Her face falls yet again and obliges my request. That will teach her to be closed-minded.
A waiter escorts us to our table, and I watch as Nartuo takes in the ambiance, wide-eyed. I smile… Well, as much as I can smile, being me. He looks at me with that same wide-eyed wonder.
"Sasuke, this restaurant looks really, really expensive!" he exclaims incredulously, grasping my arm.
"It is fairly pricey, so?" I respond nonchalantly.
"You don't have to flaunt your money like this. You know I'm just as happy eating instant ramen in my living room. This is not necessary," he says.
It strikes me that he may feel out of place in this upscale environment and I laugh. "Naruto, this is completely necessary. I am treating you to a special meal and some drinks and there is nothing you can say or do to change my mind, so suck it up and enjoy it."
He concedes without further argument… Well, mostly. He grumbles a little bit, but his smile shows that he really isn't all that upset.
I smirk in victory.
Dinner goes wonderfully, though I feel Naruto may have had too much to drink. His face is kind of pink and his movements are sort of sloppy. Oh well.
He scoots his chair closer to mine. "Sasuke, this… This has been amazing. Why don't you take me to places like this all the time, you stingy bastard?" he asks, grinning like a fool and grasping my forearm.
"I'd love to take you to places like this more often," I respond, "but you never want to eat anything but ramen. I'd be more than happy to treat you to dinner at 5 star restaurants every night."
What did I just say???
Thankfully he laughs and says, "Hey! Ramen is delicious! It's the greatest food ever!"
I roll my eyes. "Yes, Naruto, I know how much you love ramen. I sometimes think that is the reason you don't really date; because you're so in love with ramen" I say with a smirk.
His face squishes into an unreadable expression. I am about to ask but he shakes his head, forcing a smile. "That's ridiculous, Sasuke. I don't date because I'm waiting on someone in particular who hasn't really looked my way. I'm not sure they ever will…" He pondered. "It's unimportant, though. Let's not put a damper on the mood. We're having an amazing night. I'd rather not ruin it with something so sad…"
Now I am more curious. "Sakura? Is it Sakura? I know you had a thing for her when we were younger but I had thought for sure you had given up on that-"
"It's not Sakura, it's…. Sasuke, please let it go?"
"Naruto, you can tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that". My hand itches to touch his but I stomp that down immediately.
"The food was delicious, Sasuke, almost as good as ramen. I'd like to go now, though, if you don't mind…" he sighs.
I breathe deeply, battling down my frustration with Naruto for not divulging this information, and myself for upsetting him. "All right. I had a bit more planned for tonight, but if you'd like I can take you home now-"
He starts. "Oh no, Sasuke, no. I didn't mean to put an end to the evening. I'd just like to leave the restaurant. I can't wait to see what else you've got in store for me!" He grins.
My heart sings the hallelujah chorus. HUZZAH! MERRIMENT! WONDEROUS GOOD FORTUNE! (No, that was NOT out of character! I can be cheerful, too, you know!) I thank all the gods I can think of, bring some cash up to the front and hand it to the woman behind the register. I thank her for a wonderful meal and tell her to let the waitress know the tip is included. She looks at the bill, then back at what I handed to her. Her mouth gapes open. She stares at me. I just smile at her (as much as I can, I am Sasuke Uchiha after all). I look to Naruto. "Shall we?" He nods silently and follows me. Once again my hand itches to touch his but I again refrain.
We get outside and Naruto grabs my arm. I wonder if he notices the goose bumps that suddenly sprung up over my arm. "Sasuke, do you realize how much money you tipped her?!"
I look at him quizzically. "Was it too little? Should I go give her more?" I really hadn't looked at what I had handed the cashier, but I knew they had to be large bills. I knew I was going to be spending money tonight.
He looks at me like he wants to hit me. "Sasuke, you tipped her, like, seventy bucks!"
"Oh?"
SMACK!
"Ow! Naruto, what the hell was that for!?" I (don't) shriek, rubbing my cheek.
"Are you crazy? Are you sick? There's got to be something wrong with you. You are not known for your astounding kindness and generosity" he exclaims.
I snort in a completely classy Uchiha way. Yes, that's how it went. Anyway, I respond to such an accusation with a roll of my eyes. "Thank you, Naruto, for thinking so highly of me". Yes, I add a scoff for effect.
He smiles and hugs me. "Aw, no worries, Sasu-chan, you know I love you!"
Is this heaven? Have I died? Maybe a car struck me. This certainly feels a lot like heaven. Naruto is so warm, wrapped around me, in my arms. I can't imagine him in the military. He's too pretty and perfect and kind. He isn't soft, but he is caring and friendly. I want him to stay with me this way forever, and even longer than that. I want him longer than forever. I can smell him. He smells like fresh summer air just before it downpours, and lemonade. He smells like sunshine and fun. I wonder if he tastes like he smells? Oh, that ruined the beauty of my thoughts. I feel slightly guilty for thinking that. Hey, don't think badly of me for it. I have needs and desires, and I desire the stunning, beautiful, godly being in my arms.
Nope. Not heaven. Can't be. He releases me and does that warm smile thing from earlier. Gods, please let that smile be mine, and mine alone. I don't want to share that smile with anyone. I want to be the only one who sees it. Ever. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. All mine, forever. Longer than forever. Mine.
His smile reminds me of that heavenly feeling from before. Can I kiss you? Oh, please, won't you let me? Can I keep you? What will I do without you? I sigh internally. Stupid hormones, making me all crazy. Grr, hormones, Grrr!
Oh, he's speaking to me. Oops. "Er, sorry?"
He deadpans. How cute. "Sasuke, were you not listening to me?" If my life was an anime, I'd sweatdrop right now. "Sassukeeeeeeeee!" he whines.
"Sorry…?"
He huffs and crosses his arms. "You sure are spacey today…". He sighs. "So, since I have your attention I'll ask again: What are we doing now?"
I grin (in a Sasuke Uchiha, non-expressive way) and start walking. I hear his footsteps following quickly behind me.
"Sasuke, the car is parked in the other direction!"
"Yes, I am aware."
"We're going the wrong way!"
"That we are. We aren't going to the car. We're taking a walk through the park. Is that a problem?" I turn and see his expression. I smirk inwardly. He looks pleased, but confused, though he isn't voicing any of it.
We walk side by side through the winding paths in the park. It's beautiful. There is a symphony of insects chirping and animals swiftly running through the grass. Fireflies dance through the air like they're waltzing to the musical styling's of nature, to the symphony. It couldn't be more perfect. I glance quickly at Naruto. He is gazing around at the scenery in wonderment. He looks angelic in the moonlight with the soft glow from the fireflies adding in warm yellow tones. He catches me looking at him and he flushes, looking at his feet. I thank the gods again because if he hadn't he would have seen MY blush.
"There's no way you could have planned this" he says.
"Money can't buy this. I just got lucky. I'm glad you like it" I say, smiling.
"I love it. It's breathtaking. Uh, Sasuke, where are you going?"
I stop and turn to face him. "I said we were walking through the park, and that is exactly what we are doing: walking through the park."
He looks at me and rolls his eyes. "You couldn't be more cryptic, could you?"
He sounds bitter. I smirk. "There was nothing cryptic about it. I said exactly what I meant. It is not my fault you weren't listening," I stated.
"Smartass. I meant you are always hiding half of the details from me"
Sounds like he's pouting. Do I dare look at him?
Naruto, do you know how irresistible you are when you pout that way?
Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto. Do NOT jump Naruto because he is your best friend and that would be incredibly rude though infinitely satisfying and- DO NOT JUMP NARUTO, DAMN IT!!!
Okay, hormones in check. Wonderful. Stupid hormones.
"Sasuke! Come on! Just tell me!" He groaned.
My eyes practically roll back at the sound of it.
Do you know how hard it is not to give in to anything you ask of me when you say it like that?
"Like what, Sasuke?"
Oh. My. Non-existent. Fucking. God.
I know I did NOT just say that out loud. It simply is not possible.
"Sasuke, like what?" He demands.
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. Fucking Fuckity Fuck-fuck.
I am so fucked. And not the way I'd like to be.
I look up to the sky. If there is any type of god or higher power in the world, they will do the right thing and smite me now. Come on, higher power; strike me with your bolt of lightening!!!
Nope. There officially is no god.
Think quickly, Sasuke, come on… Put your big ol' genius brain to work for something USEFUL for once!!! "Come on, Naruto," Fuck. Bad choice of words. "We're close". Still not the best word choice. Why is everything turning into innuendo???
Maybe there is a god after all, because Naruto lets it go and follows me in silence.
We finally arrive at our destination. I wish I had a camera to keep the image of his face when we arrived forever, but my memory will have to do. He looks awestruck. Simultaneously, the warmth of satisfaction washes over me as well as breathlessness. How does he become more beautiful with each passing second?
"Oh, wow…" I hear him breathe. "Sasuke," he starts without looking at me, "it's so beautiful…"
I wonder if he's gay. What straight man would describe something scenic as beautiful?
He continues. "I don't think I can remember having ever seen this place so…" He seems to be lost for words.
"You remember this place?" I am sort of stunned.
"Of course, I come here all the time". He still hasn't looked away from the scenery.
The lake is glistening under the light of what looks like a million stars. The moon is full and the sky is a cloudless dark, seductive blue. The cherry blossom trees are in full bloom and the surrounding woods seem to be humming. The fireflies are still waltzing around the air. A breeze blows through the area and some blossoms sail off their branches and float on the surface of the lake. It smells like summer.
Naruto sits near the lake and I join him. The grass is ridiculously soft. I would love to lay down in it and stare at the stars all night with him. Don't you dare call me sappy; I'm just a bit of a romantic sometimes. I'm deep, okay?
I deflate a bit, realizing he doesn't remember the significance of this location. It hurts.
"This is where we first met…" He says. My heart soars and sinks at this.
Although it was the day my life drastically changed, and one of the hardest days of his, it never seems so bad to me when I think back and remember it.
---
It was his birthday; he had no family and was living in an orphanage just outside of town. He had nobody. No one remembered to wish him a happy birthday, give him gifts or cake, or even a smile at him. No one knew he existed, and worse still, no one cared. Even he didn't care. What was there to live for when you had nothing and no one to look forward to?
And then there was me. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met Naruto that day. I had never had a good relationship with my parents. They were so judgmental and nothing was ever good enough. They drove my brother away and caused me to lose the one person in our family I was close with. On top of that, when they weren't criticizing me, they were arguing with each other. On that day, I returned home to an empty house. I figured they were working a bit late, so I went along with the daily routine. I did my homework, I had a snack, I practiced piano and guitar and then I watched my allotted one-hour of television. Still, my parents had not returned. It wasn't like them to be so late. I was getting hungry again so I heated up the leftovers from the night before. I wasn't generally allowed to do that, but it was past dinnertime and they hadn't come home. I had only just started eating when there was a knock at the door. I sighed exasperatedly. Why would they knock? They had keys! I schooled my face into perfect indifference and answered the door. "Itachi!" I exclaimed, surprised. Itachi never visited. He looked down at me, a conflicted expression on his face. "What are you doing here?" I asked, smiling. Two more men stepped up behind him, wearing dark colored uniforms. "Brother?" I asked, confused.
"Sasuke, let's go sit down," he said. I followed him to the couch. "Sasuke, mother and father have been killed in a car accident," he informed me.
I took in the information silently, then said, "Oh…"
The police officers attempted words of comfort, but I didn't pay them much mind. "So, what happens now?" I asked Itachi, pretty much completely ignoring the police officers, who looked awfully confused at my lack of response.
"Well, little brother, we have no other family members, so I am now moving back into the house and I will be your official legal guardian." He stated simply.
I nodded. "Well, I'm going to finish eating dinner and take a walk" I told him. He nodded and continued talking to the officers.
I ate quickly then headed to my favorite place in town: the lake. The lake was always calm, quiet and serene. There was no better place to be alone and think in the world…
Until that day.
I arrived at the lake, only to see a figure sitting by my lake. I was a bit irritated by this invasion, but he was being quiet and I figured that as long as he kept to himself it would be fine. So I took a seat by the lake, not too near the invader, and tried to enjoy the mellow lull of the forest. Then the sniffling began. I tried hard to ignore it, but it was wearing on my patience quickly. "Hey," I said through gritted teeth, "could you please keep your sniveling to yourself?" I said. And then he burst into tears. I was never one to feel guilt, but something pulled at me, and I grudgingly moved towards him. "No, hey, wait, I didn't... I mean, I've just had a… confusing day…" He didn't respond, but buried his face deep into his arms as they rested on his knees. I watched his shoulders shake. "Look, I'm not very good with people, and I'm… sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, but damn you sure are touchy."
He peered over his arms at me through his puffy, pink eyes and shot me a ferocious glare that just screamed 'get away from me, asshole, I don't need your shit right now'. That look felt so familiar to me. I must have given people that look hundreds of times. That's when I first felt connected to him… To anyone.
"What's wrong?" I asked, much to my surprise.
He continued glaring at me, sniffed, and said, "Why do you care?"
I shrugged and honestly told him, "I really don't know…" It was strange to me, wanting to know what was troubling him. Why did I want to know? "What's your name?"
He gave me a wary look and said, "Naruto…"
"I'm Sasuke," I said, and I found myself almost smiling at him. Almost. I sat next to him, facing the water. I picked up a small rock and tossed it into the water. "So, what's wrong, Naruto?"
"Everything is wrong," he said.
I tossed another rock, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn't. So, for reasons I didn't understand, I opened up to him. "I understand." I heard him scoff. "No, I do. My parents died today. Now my brother is my guardian," I told him, tossing another rock.
"I'm sorry," he sighed.
I shrugged one shoulder and leaned back onto my elbows. "I don't know if you should feel sorry. I don't know how I feel about it. My relationship with my parents was… complicated. I guess I'm really neither here nor there on it. I am glad to have my brother back though."
"Why was he gone?" Naruto inquired, sitting in a less closed off position.
"My parents drove him away. I always envied that he got away from them while I was still stuck." I tossed another rock and watched it skip across the surface of the water. We sat in silence for a while.
"I lost my parents too…" He finally said. I looked over at him. "Not today… Years ago…" he sighed. "I don't even remember them."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Is today the anniversary of their death?" I asked, realizing after that it was probably very insensitive to ask so bluntly. Oh well.
"No," he said, "Today is my birthday."
I almost said happy birthday, but realized it obviously wasn't. "So why are you so sad?"
He sighed, gave me a wary look and conceded. Tossing a rock into the water, he said, "Well, I got booted from the foster home again, so I'm back at the orphanage. It's my birthday, and nobody knows or cares. Not one person has even spared me a glance. It's as if I'm invisible…"
"Well, obviously not, since I'm talking to you," I stated. He looked at me and smiled. That smile said 'thank you', and so much more.
---
I think that was the day I fell in love with him. That smile… It sucked me in, grabbed my heart and ripped it out of my chest with hot, white fury that was so selfish yet so very giving that I hadn't realized I loved him until it was beyond my control. I never had a choice.
How could that day have been bad, when it brought me to Naruto? There was no way around it. I may have lost my parents, but I have always considered that the best day of my life.
"Don't you remember it, Sasuke?" He asks, finally looking at me, though also looking past me. He is far away, yet with me at the same time. He always had a knack for that.
I smile. "I just relived it," I tell him. I've never smiled so genuinely before in my life. "I still think that was the best day of my life".
He chuckles. "You devious bastard, did you really hate your parents that much?" he teases.
"Meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me, Naruto. I mean it."
"I agree," he says, "meeting me was definitely the best thing to ever happen to you." He smirks at me.
I roll my eyes, but still smile. I'm glowing on the inside. These are the moments I always cherish. Naruto and I, alone, just the two of us. It's never complicated. It's always simple. Whether we are fighting, or sitting in silence, we are exactly who we are and we are accepted by each other. There is nothing else to it.
This is why I fear my feelings for him. I never want to lose this. I never want to lose him. I would rather nothing change between us, ever, than be without him. Why, oh why, must he leave me?
I watch his hand rub the grass fondly. His smile is worn and weary, but warm and adoring all at once. "Exactly where we first met…" he whispers. His smile fades to something sad that doesn't seem to fit his face at all.
"Naruto, what's wrong?" I ask, genuinely concerned. The last thing I want to do is upset him. I nearly jump out of my skin when his hand grasps mine.
He looks at me, eyes large and stunningly blue. They're so clear and expressive I can't catch my breath. "Sasuke, we're best friends, right?"
My heart aches tremendously. "Of course! What kind of question is that?"
"Until the day we die?" he presses on.
I stare into his eyes, imploring him to never question anything I say. "Forever," I tell him.
"Forever?"
I squeeze his hand. "Longer than forever," I say with confidence.
I feel something building. There is a tension that is slowly threatening to suffocate us.
"Sasuke," he whispers, looking away from me.
I find myself holding my breath.
He looks up at me, into my eyes. I don't know what I see there, but it is powerful and knocks the wind out of me. He opens his mouth to speak and asks in a hardly audible whisper, "Do you love me?"
My mouth goes dry, my face flushes, my mind is blank and I feel like the world just sucked me downward into the earth and swallowed me whole. I am warm and cool and it's like I can't breathe.
This is the moment.
"Yes, I do" is my hoarse response, which is just as quiet as his question.
I am afraid of his reaction, but I can't peel my eyes from his. He is staring right back at me, just as silently.
And then his lips are on mine.
I am in heaven.
It is a simple kiss, but it says everything. It is not rough and forceful. It is timid, but confident and I wish this moment would never end.
And then it ends. And we stare at each other. We have nothing more to say. We love each other, and nothing else matters.
The rest of the night is mostly spent in silence. We lay on the grass, holding hands and hugging, staring at the stars and listening to the music the forest provides.
But that is over too. We walk to his house holding hands in silence. We know the dream ends once we get to his door.
I feel it in his grip on my hand. 'I love you, Sasuke. So much'. I squeeze his hand.
We are nearing his house far too quickly for my liking. He seems equally unhappy about that. We both know there is nothing to be done about it now.
We arrive at his house. Neither of us moves nor says anything. I wait for him to make the decision. He eventually turns to me. "I guess this is it…"
"Guess so…"
There is silence.
He kisses me quickly. "I love you, Sasuke. Don't forget your promise."
I look at him in dazed confusion. He shouldn't try to tell me things after kissing me; it fogs my head.
"You promised me longer than forever."
Oh, right. "I couldn't forget if I tried." He smiles. "You'll write me?"
"I will."
There is silence again.
Then I hug him desperately. I can't say what I want because it will only make things worse. I want to beg him not to go, to stay with me. I want to ask him to flee the country with me, start over, just the two of us. I want to break down and cry. I want to tell him I'm afraid. I'm afraid for him. I'm afraid of losing him. I'm afraid of losing myself while he is gone. I'm just afraid. But I refuse to tell him that. He is scared, too, I know he is. I can't make it harder for him. I won't.
So I say, "I love you. You will never be without me. You have me longer than forever. I promise you that." I refuse to cry now, so I pull away. "I have to go now." I give him a chaste kiss. "I'll miss you. Please don't forget to write."
"I promise I won't forget," he says roughly. We are both feeling very emotional.
I nod and wring my hands awkwardly. "Well, goodbye, Naruto"
"Don't say goodbye. Goodbye means forgetting."
I smile at the Peter Pan reference and kiss him again. "I'll be waiting to hear from you." We give each other a look, and then I start walking away. I turn at the end of the walkway and wave to him. He waves back, and I continue walking back to my house, each step I take making my heart sink more and more. I am completely miserable.
I think this is the worst day of my life.
Well that's all for now. I hope you all enjoyed it. I did put a lot of effort into this. Anyway, now the question is how long will it take me to post chapter two? I haven't even started thinking about it, let alone writing it. Oy :facepalm:
Well, reviews would be nice, and blah blah blah. I just finished this, and it is now 7:22 AM so I think I should go to sleep now. I've got to wake up in like 3 hours. YAY! (FAIL!)
Ciao!