disclaimer: i don't not own gmw.

i.

It's in the eighth grade and he has this unofficial thing with Riley going—or at least he thought he did, now they're apparent siblings—and he's so confused; his mind is tripping and stumbling, begging for a kind hand to guide him.

He stares at her, long and hard, wondering how on earth he missed it. Maya likes him? It's not possible because to Maya he is a huckleberry, he is Mary's little lamb, he is Lucas the Good. Girls like Maya aren't into guys like him, and he's pretty sure Riley just has to be delusional, but what if she's not?

He stares at her like he has many times before but this time she's looking back, demanding that he stop, but he can't because she is literally the only thing on his mind and his heart's racing faster than it was before he sat on that bull.

She wants him to drop it, but something has come over him and it's like he just has to know. He won't be able to cease his mind and avert his stare if she doesn't tell him the truth.

But it's Maya and she's incapable to budge, too stubborn to just be serious with him for one freaking moment. It's Maya and she's being the normal Maya, avoiding his question, and making fun of him instead, calling him a huckleberry. Then, like she has one, two, three times before, she gets up into his face and shouts out a, "HA HURR!" and instead of just standing there, taking it, he grabs her face in between his hands, a heedless action that shocks both himself and the girl with soft cheeks and vulnerable, round eyes.

She stands there, looking up at him with those big sapphire eyes of hers, and he looks back. He shuts her up—finally. He's finally found something that works to shut her up.

He wants to kiss her. He looks at her and just wants to kiss her, and he's wondering if this is the first time he's wanted to. He's pretty sure it's not, but he's suppressed so much and ignored so many feelings for the blonde that his feelings for her are just scattered everywhere, a jumbled mess he's incapable of sorting out right now.

He lets her go because he can't kiss her, not when he's this confused. He lets her go, and when she asks why he did that, he says it was the only way he could think of stopping her. He apologizes and she tells him that it's not necessary.

"Of course I like you, huckleberry," she tells him. "You're a good guy."

He finally gets his answer.

ii.

The second time it happens is after their eighth grade graduation ceremony.

They all have decided to be friends because it's better that way. This way they'll all remain the same and be together without any hurt feelings or drama. It's better this way, he's convinced himself of it.

After the graduation ceremony, they all celebrate at Topanga's until the night comes in and it is time for everyone to head home.

Lucas accompanies Maya on the subway, sitting next to her. She falls asleep on his shoulder, tired from the long day. Lucas knows then that it is Maya but it is too late for making any choices. They're just friends now.

He walks her home, all the way to her apartment door. She thanks him and hugs him, for the first time probably ever, and he keeps his hands on her shoulders after she releases him from her embrace. She smiles at him with wide eyes and a sort of sad, toothless smile.

He wants nothing more than to kiss her—it'd be her first kiss, and it'd be him, but he knows he can't.

They get caught in this weird, unspoken gaze. He brushes one of her blonde strands behind her ear and her eyebrows furrow in nothing other than confusion. He tilts her head to the side, and gives her a small, rueful smile, his eyes soft and his fingers prickling against her earlobe.

He wants to kiss her so bad, wants to feel how soft her lips are and see if they are as soft as the rest of herself, but he stays completely still. He doesn't dare to even inch forward because they've made promises, because they've finally cleaned up the mess and he isn't looking to make another disaster.

For a brief second she looks up at him, underneath golden eyelashes, her lips parting slightly. She waits for him to do something—her eyes are open and she is too, her whole body gravitating towards him for a split second, but then, all of a sudden she regains control. She shakes her head and rolls back her shoulders, shooing away his physical touch.

"So thanks for walking me home, Lucas," she says, nodding, her eyes darting from his. "See you around."

He's left wondering if she'll ever call him huckleberry again.

iii.

It's the summer between sophomore and junior year. They're at a baseball game.

Maya has fallen asleep three times now. She is currently asleep now, her head resting on the back of the chair. Why'd they even invite her?

Farkle and Riley disappeared a while ago. Farkle was going to buy snacks for everyone, and Riley tagged along because ever since they started dating a few months before, they've been attached at the hip. They're probably off making out somewhere.

Zay sits beside him. He is the only person who seems into the game, and he wonders why the rest of the gang even came. It should just be him and Zay. None of the rest of them are into baseball? Riley wanted to come along because it's the Yankees vs the Phillies, and she wanted a reason to wear her used to be father's, then her mother's, now her hat. Because Riley was going, Farkle needed to be a part of it and well, it'd be weird if they'd exclude Maya, so here they are.

Some baseball chant wakes Maya up; a ready complaint already falling out of her mouth. "What's going on? Why does this thing got to be so loud?" she groans, holding her head and sitting upright.

"Maya why did you come? Seriously?"

"Oh, Lucas, don't be mean to the sleeping peach over there," Zay scolds his best friend. "It's always a pleasure to have you, Maya."

She nods at Zay, winking. She takes the bag of peanuts out of Lucas' hands, sticking her tiny hands in the bag and pulling out a handful.

"I'm not being mean," he defends, exasperated. "She falls asleep every other inning!" he objects, staring at Zay.

"She falls asleep all the time, and looks cute doing it," Zay fans him off.

"Thank you, Zay," Maya smiles at her friend.

Her smile drops and twists into a scowl when she shifts her eyes onto Lucas. "God, Lucas what's up your ass?" she jeers.

"The Yankees are down by three and it's the seventh inning."

"Okay, and they still have like five more innings to go," she cracks a nutshell and throws the peanuts in her mouth. "What's the problem?" Maya bugs out her eyes, giving him an incredulous look. She continues cracking peanuts casually as Lucas face-palms himself.

Dumbfounded, he pinches the bridge of his nose and then sticks out his hand in the air, "Maya, there is nine innings."

"We all know I'm bad at math, don't rub it in."

"You two are more entertaining than a rodeo fight," Zay cackles.

"OH," he nearly yelps out, "don't get her started."

"I'm not going to make fun of your Texas heritage, Lucas," Maya smiles too sweetly at him. She looks at him adoringly, like she really means that, when it's the least true statement that's ever come out of her mouth—and he's heard her lie a lot; making excuses for being late, for not having her homework, for not telling the truth in the first place. Maya smiles at him and he can't help but smile back. Her smile is so vibrant, her eyes so luminous, that if he didn't know any better he'd believe her.

Secretly, he wished she would though. He misses when she'd call him yeehaw and huckleberry and square dance around him, and he even misses her ha hurr.

"Oh now you guys gotta kiss!" Zay nearly shouts, excitement in his shrill scream.

Lucas turns his head towards Zay slowly, about to shut the idea down quickly, when he sees that he's pointing at something. He follows Zay's pointer finger, seeing that it leads to the kiss cam, and him and Maya are dead center on screen.

He doesn't dare to look over at Maya. At least not the Maya right next to him. Instead he focuses his eyes on the Maya on the video screen. She waves her hand and then looks at Lucas, laughing, and then looks back at the camera, shakes her head with a disgusted look and pretends to slit her neck. The camera is on them a second more, the crowd booing, and then it's on to another pair.

Lucas is speechless. He stares ahead at the field, his mouth dry. Zay nudges him, "day-ahm, Lucas," he says, stretching out damn into two syllabus, "you had an opportunity to kiss Miss Maya Hart and didn't take it?"

Maya reaches across Lucas and hits Zay on the arm. "Oh, stop kidding around, Zay, as if I'd ever kiss a huckleberry."

His heart drops into his stomach, a million feelings rushing back. She hasn't called him that since middle school. He can't stop himself from looking over at her, but she isn't looking back at him. Instead her eyes are trained on the game. She hasn't been interested in the game all afternoon, but suddenly it's the only thing her attention can grab.

Lucas tries to focus on the game, but his mind keeps wavering over to a certain blonde beauty sitting beside him. She's sparked something inside him with the old nickname and he's sure it will take a while to burn out.

…

iv.

It's the second month of junior year and Lucas' spark has ignited into a fire for Maya hart.

She's calling him huckleberry again, making fun of him again, and he's just waiting—just waiting for the HA HURR right in his face.

He doesn't know if he wants her to do it, or if he wishes that she'd refrain from it altogether, because he's not sure he'll be able to let her go if he gets that close to him.

Maya's kissed a lot of people now and so has he. He's kissed a lot of girls and has been on a lot of dates that led to nowhere. He's felt things for girls, had crushes, or whatever, but they never lasted. He liked them, then he didn't.

Riley's with Farkle, in love and happy, and Zay is on the prowl for love after seeing the two together. He's happy for them, he is, really, but jealous. Not in the way that people would think. He's not jealous that Farkle gets to hold Riley's hand and kiss her cheek, but he's just jealous of the obvious love they share.

They adore each other and Lucas just wants that.

And he's realizing now that he wants that with no one but the lovely Maya Hart.

He didn't think this would happen. After he tucked his feelings for her away, he thought they'd never return, but then, then like a villain, Maya took his heart again with a single nick name. Once she uttered "huckleberry", he knew it was going to be a long way back to normalcy.

She thinks he's acting weird, and it's because he is, but he denies it because she's acting different too, with the name calling and poking fun at his Texas heritage again. She quit that a while ago, and maybe she just thought it didn't matter anymore, that it's been so long that her making fun of him had no significance.

But when she used to make fun of him, it was said she did it because she liked him, right?

He isn't sure if it's a real correlation, and he is almost tempted to ask Farkle, the genius of love and science but he's unwilling to voice his feelings aloud.

He knows there all noticing though, especially Zay. Maya will make fun of him and Riley will give Farkle a knowing look then roll her eyes, not in a venomous, jealous way, but in a way that calls them both idiots.

Lucas wonders if Riley's said anything to Maya about it because she's her best friend and figured it out last time. Lucas wonders if Maya denied it or if she simply explained why it made sense that she could make fun of him in a total platonic way.

In any case, in any importance, his mind is always on her. She tangles herself in his thoughts and makes it impossible to go a day without thinking what'd it be like to have Maya as his.

He can't shake it. He doesn't know if he wants to.

One day, Maya slips.

It's just the two of them on the basketball court. She was playing with him, shouting in an announcer voice whenever she made throws. At one point, he had the ball, and she came up to him, grabbing on it tightly, pushing it into his chest, yanking it away. She left him with a loud HA HURR in his face, and then… then as if she realized the last time she did that he nearly kissed her, she stepped back quickly, but he didn't miss it. She tried to be casual, continuing the game like nothing happened. But he saw it, he saw the glint in her eye—the glint of nostalgia, the knowingness of what she was doing—the attempt at repeating history.

There was something of realization in those blue eyes and he hates himself for not being quicker, for not catching her before she could back away. He hates that his reflexes refused to work at that moment out of pure terror of his heart and of what Maya Hart was doing to it.

v.

Ever since that day, ever since she gave him another HA HURR, she has stopped calling him anything but Lucas. She has stopped, once again, with the fake Texan, mocking accent, and the constant teasing. It means something. He knows it means something.

They go about how they were before she reverted to her old ways, but there's still an altercation, still a rift. There's this undying tension between them.

He's more confused than ever and he just wants to spend some time apart from her because whenever he's with her his heart feels like it's going to explode but whenever he makes physically contact or borders on the line of romance and friendship, she retracts.

She doesn't want him like he wants her, but it's so confusing because the HA HURR means something. Her leaving behind all the Texas mockery after the HAHURR means something. The tension between them means something.

He needs some time apart, just some space, but this weekend they are going to a ski lodge with Shawn, Katy, Cory and Topanga, and of course Riley and Maya wanted all her friends to come along.

The ski trip is a disaster. Katy and Shawn are fighting the whole time about something that none of them quite understand, and Cory and Topanga are even at odds themselves. It's definitely not a weekend for love.

On their last night, Lucas can't sleep. (Guess the reason.) So like he did in Texas, he goes outside to look at the stars. He misses this the most about Texas, probably. In New York, the ambient light makes it absolutely impossible to see any of the stars, but out here in the woods, you can see a huge range of them. It's how he always used to clear his head and how he will tonight.

But then he sees Maya wrapped in blankets, in front of the fireplace on the bench, completely unaware of him. He could sneak past her, not deal with the heart ache that he always feels when she gravitates away from him when he gets too close or the way she averts his gaze constantly. He could do that, but doesn't because he hears her whimpering. She's crying.

He rushes towards her even though it's Maya and she hates when people see her cry and she's probably out here in order to hide her whimpering from Riley who she is sharing a room with.

She hears him before he can even get in eight feet of her.

She is wiping her eyes in an instant, looking away and pawing at her face with the wool blanket to dry her tears. She clears her throat, looking back at him, "Lucas, hey," she says.

He stands warily, afraid to take a step.

"What are you doing up?" he questions.

She looks back at the fire place and shrugs. "Couldn't sleep."

He feels bad, here he is fretting about her when she has so much more going on than romance drama. "Me either," he admits. "Could I sit with you?" he asks.

She looks at him, eyeing him up and down in his flannel pajamas. Almost to his surprise, she nods and he walks over to her, taking a seat on the bench with her. He makes sure to not sit too close. He doesn't want to chasee her away.

"In Texas," he starts, "When I couldn't sleep, I'd just hop out my window, sit on my roof and stare at the night sky. You could see a whole galaxy of stars."

"Must be nice," Maya voices, and it's probably the first compliment she's given to his homeland. Probably.

"It was," Lucas agrees, staring at the fire. "You'd like it. You know, you'd be able to draw the whole milky way."

She doesn't say anything. She just stares at the fire. He looks at her, and frowns. He wants so bad to take her hand. Maybe if things weren't weird between them he would be able to, but he's afraid if he touches her, she'll act like he just burned her.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" she inquires after a moment passes by. She looks at him and catches him staring. It causes her to look away again.

He looks at the fire instead of her. "Just couldn't."

She makes a sort of hmph noise, and he's pretty sure she doesn't believe him, but she doesn't press it, instead she says, "Why do things never work out for me, Lucas?" she turns to him, her eyes glossy, pink and puffy. It breaks his heart.

He frowns.

"Why—why can't things just once work out for me?"

"This is about Shawn and your mom, isn't it?"

She nods, heaving in a huge breath of air, her chest rising and shoulders rolling back. "They are going to break up, and well, bye bye Shawn."

"Maya, that's not going to happen," Lucas defends. "He was there for you when he wasn't dating your mother, what makes that different now?"

A tear falls down her cheek. "I'm just tired of compromising, Lucas. I'm… I'm tired of settling for all the crap that the universe gives me."

He sighs, and fuck it, he grabs onto her and slides his hand down her arm, taking her hand in his. Her eyes jerk open, following his hands, and when he squeezes her palms, her eyes gravitate back to his.

"You deserve more, Maya," he tells her. "You do, but you have a lot of stuff to be happy about—a lot of stuff that won't ever be taken away from you," and it's almost a whisper, a quiet whisper that's just a secret between the two of them.

She opens her mouth and after a second breathes out a raspy, "like what?"

"Like your mother—who loves you, unconditionally, who works her ass of for you because she loves you. I know she's not around much, but that's why you have the Matthews. You know they look at you as a daughter, Maya," he tells her. She swallows. She nods, accepting it as truth.

"And Shawn, Shawn loves you to death—he adores you, and if you think for a second that that'd change because he stopped dating your mother, then you have not been paying attention at all."

She looks down, sighing a little. She sucks on her bottom lip. She runs her thumb across his palm, wiggling her fingers around his slightly.

"And you have Riley," Lucas tells her. "Riley, who means the world to you. Who loves you endlessly."

Maya's hand goes limp for a second, her whole body goes still, but then she is back to holding onto him.

"And Maya you're a great, amazing artist, and just… person, and I know that you'll beat this universe's ass because you're you," he professes.

Her eyes are back on his in an instant and he's never seen her look so vulnerable looking at him before. Not when he first attempted to kiss her, or when she performed the last HA HURR. She smacks her lips together and parts her lips, licking them, her eyes flickering down for a moment before attaching to his again. "Do you really think that?" she asks.

"Of course I do, Maya," he tells her. He puts his other hand on her shoulder, and she glances at new physically contact briefly before returning her irises to his.

"And you have Farkle," he tells her, rubbing her shoulder now a little. "And Zay, and me."

She sucks in a breath when he mentions himself and whispers his name so hoarsely and quietly that it makes his heart skip three beats.

And she is leaning towards him and has a hand placed at his collarbone, and her blanket is falling off, and god, he could kiss her right now. He wants more than anything to kiss her right now, but then she is grabbing onto him and nuzzling her head into his neck, and she holds him so tightly that he is almost glad he didn't kiss her.

…

It's a month and half later when he sits with Maya on her fire escape, looking at the small amount of stars they can see through the ambient light.

Everything with Shawn and Katy ended up working out, but yet, Maya seems to have this whole huge hatred of love.

He doesn't get it, but honestly, he is having a really hard time listening.

She says that she doesn't understand love, and doesn't want to because she saw her mother crying about Shawn for days, and Shawn's heart crumbling on his sleeve, and now there together, and it doesn't make sense to her.

She says that there are so many single mothers in her building—so many children whose father left them, and she's one of them. She talks about Shawn's parents, and how her aunt just got down with a divorce, and how she annoyed she is with Zay because he keeps going on about wanting to find someone to love.

"But what he doesn't get is that loving someone hurts," she tells Lucas.

Lucas doesn't want to hear any of it. Even if he did want to listen to it, he's been way too distracted by her lips lately, and the way her the corners of her lips goes up when she says his name, and how her eyes sparkle when she talks about Farkle and Riley even though she claims to hate "love."

And god, oh god, it's getting warmer out and she's wearing less, and he's forgotten how wonderful her skin is. And did she always have a couple freckles on her shoulders?

She bashes love again and again, and all he wants to do is kiss her to shut her up, because he loves her, and loving her has been one of the hardest things in the word, but God, it's also the purest, realest thing he's ever known. It's made him feel more alive than he has felt his whole life.

Without a single doubt, he loves Maya Hart, with his entire heart.

And he's had so many freaking opportunities to kiss her—so many better ones than now, but as she bashes love, all he can do is stare at her lips and disregard the harsh words that come out of her all the rest perfect mouth, he has to kiss her. He has to shut her up and this is the only way he knows how.

So he says, "Maya," and she looks at him, furrowing her eyebrows at him.

"Yeah?"

And then he cups her face in his hands and brings her lips to his. He kisses her full on the mouth, breathing her in and running his fingers through her blonde locks. He kisses her tentatively and she starts kissing him back shortly after and he knew it was all a bunch of bull shit to protect herself, and she's grabbing onto him and touching him everywhere; they're on fire.

She opens her mouth to his and his tongue is in her mouth. Sshe has her hands wrapped around his neck and down his back; she is sucking onto his bottom lip and his hands are in her hair. Everything bit of emotion he's ever felt for her bursts into constellations and then galaxies. There is no ambient light, it is just them, their constellation alive and bright, and shining against the world.

When he can't breathe, he pulls away and Maya is looking at him, breathing fast and heavy, and says, "what the hell?"

"I couldn't take another minute of you calling love a sham."

She runs her hands down his and then places them on his chest, then her eyes lock with his. Her hands lock around his neck, and she is realizing just now that she is basically in his lap.

"And that was your best way of making me stop?" she furrows her brow.

"It was that or telling you that I love you," he tells her casually, smiling after.

She swallows, then smiles, and he knows—he knows she loves him too. He sees through all the bullshit. He has cracked her. She loves him, even if she won't say it aloud.

"Oh, huckleberry," she breathes, her shoulders falling. "Why didn't you say that earlier?"

She kisses him again and again and again until he leaves, but when she sees him the next day she continues where they left off, and they kiss until their lips feel like they are falling off, and they kiss more than they breathe for a week straight, and then Maya tells him she loves him, and that love is bullshit. Incomprehensive bull shit, but god, she's been in love with him since the seventh grade.