Lovable Losers.

Chapter One: When Losers Shag

If Xander could growl, he would've; the point was that he couldn't. But at least he could grumble. A grumble was a show of annoyance and always helped to block the irritating sounds. Grumble. Grumble. It wasn't working! The sound was awfullyloud. Good thing he had his eyes closed. Seeing a British smirk would really send him over the edge.

Gulp. Gulp.

He could handle it.

Gulp. Gulp.

He freakingcould handle it.

Burp.

Oh, no, he couldn't.

"Spike! Can't you drink your goddamned blood silently?"

"But how will that get on your nerves?" He sounded so innocent.

Xander's eyes snapped open and he glared at Spike from his place on the couch. "Bad enough you sent Anya away, now you gotta ruin my Friendstime, too?"

"I did apologize about ruining your two seconds of pleasure, didn't I?" Spike, with his blood mustache, replied, giving him an offended look.

"No, you didn't!" Xander retorted. Blink. "Hey, it's not two seconds. It never was in the first place!"

"Sure, mate." Spike carried on gulping from his cup, which never seemed to get empty.

Xander gave an annoyed groan, looking back at the TV. Chandler came out of his room, pissed. Apparently, Joey had almost killed him with an electronic drill. Joey acted as if nothing happened and that frustrated Chandler more. Normally, Xander would have rooted for Joey, but right now he gave all his sympathy to Chandler.

Why he had agreed to have Spike as a houseguest was beyond him. Giles could be a selfish bastard sometimes, dumping Spike on Xander so he could have sex. What if Xander wanted to have sex? In fact, ever since Halloween, he'd had sex with Anya every single night... except for tonight. Damn you, Giles!

Suddenly, Spike jumped up and plopped next to him on his foldout couch. His arms were folded behind his head and his legs were propped up on the table. "You're watching this? Change the channel. Passionsis on soon."

Xander's eyes were beaming fire balls at Spike's legs. His burning eyes turned to the smug looking idiot. "What do you think you're doing?"

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Watching telly?"

"Get your feet off the table!" Xander yelled, shoving Spike's legs away. He looked back at the TV. The laughing audience irritated him even more. "You know what? I'm done watching TV. Get up!" He literally pushed Spike off of the couch and started pulling it out to a bed. He should get a real couch in the future.

"It's all right, I need my beauty sleep, too," Spike said, stretching. "A night in this trash heap sure does a vampire all in," he mumbled.

After Xander was done with the bed, Spike threw himself fully in the middle and pulled the blankets to cover his body.

"What? No, no, no, no, get up!"

Spike looked at him, confused. "What?"

"You're not seriously considering sleeping in my bed."

"You're not gonna make me sleep on the floor, are you?"

"Why? Vamps are allergic to the floor?"

"No," Spike replied in ridicule. Then he pouted. "It's cold."

"Spike, you'recold." Xander glanced at his recliner chair, and without a thought, he decided, "You'll be sleeping on the chair."

"What? C'mon! It's not like I can bite you."

Xander regarded him with narrowed eyes. Sure, Spike couldn't hurt him. That didn't mean he wouldn't do something. 'Pranks' was the word that crossed his mind. Oh, no, Xander was not having any of that. He walked to his closet, searching for Anya's ropes. Feeling blood rushing to his cheeks when he found them, he remembered why they were here. Anya had promised to tie him up tonight and act all Mistress-y. Damn you, Giles!

He turned around and made sure the ropes were visible to Spike, who grunted, "Oh, you're bloody kiddin' me!"

"On the chair," Xander ordered, picturing himself in a circus.

Spike looked like he wanted to protest but wisely shut his stupid mouth and sat on the chair. Xander tied him up and mentally smirked at Spike's grumbles. At last, the roles were reversed.

Once he was finished, Xander turned off the lights. "Don't see why I have to be tied up," he heard Spike remark from behind him.

"It's just while I'm sleeping."

Walking towards his bed, he heard Spike sneer from behind him, "Like I'd bite you anyway."

Xander turned around to glare at him. "Oh, you would."

"Not bloody likely."

Turning off the lamp on the other side table, Xander replied, "I'm very bitable, pal." He sank down on the mattress. "I'm moist and delicious." He closed his eyes, feeling sleep creeping on him.

He heard a scoff. "Oh, yeah, you're a nummy treat."

Pointing a decisive finger at Spike, Xander said, "And don't you forget it."

Spike checked Xander's heartbeats; they were regular and even. The boy was finally asleep. With a dark smile, Spike tore off the ropes that tied him to the chair with ease. He stood before Xander and smirked down at him. Well, well, Twit; think you could humiliate Spike like that without paying?Boy should have known better than that.

Mimicking Anya's high pitched voice earlier to annoy Xander wasn't enough. Spike was going to make him pay well and proper. He walked around the basement, looking for something useful. He started searching the drawers in Xander's closet, and his eyebrow rose when he found a bunch of similar boxers. There must have been a dozen for half price at a cheap market that day.

Snapping the drawer shut, he looked around until his eyes caught a black marker on the desk where the mechanic tools were. He sighed. It wasn't that much of a revenge play, but it would do, for now. Gazing at the marker, he grinned when it turned out to be a permanent one.

He made his way onto the bed and rolled Xander over until he was lying on his back. Spike grimaced at the drool dripping from Xander's mouth. Very moist and delicious indeed.

He frowned at that last thought. Just a minute before he was thinking of drawing a moustache or writing 'Small Willy' on the boy's forehead, however, now…

He moved his hand to Xander's boxers until his hand got a hold on his chopper. He gave a gentle squeeze. The sleeping boy's breath hitched but he didn't wake up. Spike squeezed again. Xander's brows furrowed but nothing else happened. A third squeeze and, uh huh, here it was. Xander moaned as his penis stirred.

Spike smirked and continued the process. Little Xander seemed to like the attention, there was an erection. How easy it was to make teenage boys with rushing hormones hard. Now playing with sleeping teenagers was fun, why hadn't he tried it before? Xander's heartbeat quickened. He would wake up soon apparently.

A small groan escaped Xander's mouth, and an eyelid half opened, staring confused at the ceiling. "Wha…" He opened another eye and both sleepy eyes fell on Spike. "Spi…"

Spike just smirked and squeezed harshly. Xander gasped. Spike was amused. The squeeze was a little painful but the chip hadn't fried his head like it should've. Harris must be enjoying the little force.

"Wha… what are you doing?" the frantic voice exclaimed.

"I'm bored."

"Bored? Oooooh…"

Spike stuck his tongue to the back of his teeth and leering. "You know, maybe I should take these boxers off, don't want to get them messy."

Now Xander pushed him off the bed, and stood in all his loser glory, fixing his dopey eyes on him. However, Spike's attention was not on Xander's sodding eyes. He looked smug as he laughed, "I knew I was good, but never thought you'd give in this fast."

Xander blinked, and looked down at the wet, sticky spot in his boxers. "Shit!" he exclaimed, rushing to the bathroom. Spike lost himself, breaking into gales of laughter, before getting up and grabbing a pair of boxers from Xander's drawer. He stood by the door and yelled, "Hey, Xander, you needn't worry. All your boxers look the same. Demon girl won't know a bit."

"Screw you, Spike!"

"Seems more like me screwing you, mate."

A heavy object hit the door making Spike withdraw, laughing. Two minutes later, Spike hadn't stopped laughing yet, and Xander opened the door slightly so that only his hand appeared. "Give me the boxers, and they better not have any gum stuck in them."

Spike cursed himself for not thinking of that, and he cursed himself more for handing the boxers to Xander. He should have just lain in bed, fixing smug eyes on the bathroom door until Xander came out with his flabby American arse jiggling as he went to get more boxers. The red blush would have been a plus.

He grumbled at his slow thinking, walking to Xander's bed and lying there. He was about to sleep when Xander's awful shriek startled him, "Get off my bed!"

"I was about to sleep, you twat," The minute he growled it, Xander had him smacked onto the floor for the fifth or sixth time since he'd stepped foot inside this rat's hole.

"I'm tying you to the chair again! How you got yourself free is…"

"I'm a vampire, lack-brain." Spike rubbed his throbbing head, which pitifully wasn't throbbing because of the chip. He glared at Xander's blinking dumb eyes. How disgraceful that he had lost his battles in the past to people like this. "Are you completely dense? Vampires are strong. They can just rip the sodding ropes off."

"I know!" Xander yelled back, obviously lying. "But I'm tying you up anyway."

"And I'm ripping 'em off minute you sleep."

"I don't care!"

Spike glared as Xander literally dragged him by the collar like a dog to the chair, and he was tied up again. Watching the boy walking to his bed, Spike smiled.

"Hey, Xander."

Xander turned around once he settled in bed and groaned. Spike waved untied hands at him.

"Spike, please, I have work tomorrow."

"Love that frustrated 'please', mate. Care to repeat it again?"

"Damn it, Spike," Xander yelled, sitting up; his unruly hair sticking up in different places, making him look like more of an idiot than he already was. "I really need to get some sleep!"

"Me too!" Spike yelled. "I can't sleep sitting up."

"Yes, you can. I saw you at Giles'; you slept like a dead guy with an open mouth. I even threw popcorn, trying to score one into your mouth." Xander grimaced. "No success."

"That was you," Spike hissed dangerously. He remembered waking up surrounded by greasy popcorn, the smell stunk for days. Giles had told him he was exaggerating, but what did Rupert know? He wasn't a vampire with a dog-like, sensitive nose.

Xander sighed. "So what? You'll keep annoying me?"

"Unless you let me sleep in that double bed."

"No freakin' chance."

"Then I won't cooperate." With that said, Spike ripped the ropes tying his legs.

Xander stared levelly at him. Spike returned that stare with a more dangerous one. Xander lost the staring match when his beady eyes looked down, defeated. "I really need to sleep, Spike."

"Just let me sleep in that bed."

Xander's eyes narrowed at him. "I don't trust you."

"That's very wise of you."

With a grunt, Xander pulled the sheets over, creating an empty place on the other side. "C'mere, Spike!"

Spike bounced, making sure his knee smacked Xander's face as he jumped into the bed. It was worth the little zing in his head. He smirked at Xander's nasty look and then watched him warily settle in bed, eyes still on Spike. "Don't try any of your twisted games," he ordered.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "What twisted games?"

"You know, like you just did before."

"You liked that," Spike leered.

"Stop it," Xander hissed, uncomfortable. "And I-I didn't." A deep blush filled his cheeks.

"You don't have to hide it, mate. You lost it before I even began the fun part."

"I'm not gay."

"No one said you are."

"I was… I was just pissed I didn't get any with Anya," Xander justified, but the confusion reeking from him was so clear, and Spike gave a wolfish leer, pretty much wanting Xander to spot it.

Xander did, and automatically pulled the covers up to hide his body. "What about you?" he almost spat. "You're gay."

"I'm bored."

"And jerking people off is what you do for fun?" Xander squeaked.

"No, I kill people for fun," Spike corrected. "Now that I can't do that, I'm going for the second best."

"Which is?"

"A good shag," Spike replied, grimacing as his eyes looked Xander's body over. "Though not sure I'd qualify you as one."

"Hey," Xander yelled offended. "I'm a good shag, I have Anya to prove it."

"Right. An ex-demon who hadn't been shagged for centuries and now will accept any offer."

"Oh, yeah?" Xander glared aggravated, trying to find a witty comeback but obviously couldn't. "I gotta sleep." He turned around, taking all the covers with him. Spike pulled the covers his way, leaving Xander's form bare.

"Hey!"

"I need my blanky, too."

"All right, just don't hog it all."

Spike smirked. Living with the wanker sure was more fun than the Watcher. Look at that, it had been awhile since he had rhymed. Grimace. That was a bad sign. But Spike hadn't believed in bad luck before, so he waited until Xander seemed to relax in bed. Later he moved closer to Xander, but very slowly. Closer. Slow. Closer. Slow. And then he slipped his hand inside Xander's boxers, cupping one butt cheek.

"Spike? Why is your hand on my butt?"

"I'm evil."

"Spike, your fingers are slipping..."

Xander turned around quickly, and Spike seized the moment to smack his lips into the boy's shocked ones. Xander's sudden movement made Spike's fingers hit the semi-erect penis. Now Spike's hand was grabbing Xander's penis, flesh on flesh. The kiss was awful. The boy was trying to talk through the kiss and Spike couldn't even reach the tongue.

He drew back, looking at Xander in disgust. "You're a rotten kisser."

"I'm a distracted kisser." Xander defended his poor kissing before his hand smacked his forehead. "I can't believe I'm talking about kissing with you."

"Shouldn't be talking about it at all." Spike pulled the covers to his body, still giving Xander a disgusted stare. "Didn't know there was anyone who kissed this badly."

"I know how to kiss."

Spike scoffed.

"I was distracted."

Spike scoffed again.

"Shit!"

In an instant, Spike had warm lips crushing his. He opened his mouth to see what the boy was capable of. Xander dove right in, sucking Spike's tongue into his mouth, long, smooth and gentle. Titling his head, Xander did the same thing in a different direction. Out of the blue, Xander bit Spike's tongue to the point of drawing blood.

Spike hadn't realized when Xander had drawn away and was resting on his elbow, waiting for Spike's opinion.

"You were trying too hard to be forceful," Spike commented, giving Xander a wary gaze.

"Whatever. Did you like it?"

Spike stared into Xander's hazel eyes; he'd never known they were hazel, simply because he had never thought of Xander's sodding eyes. Now, he was supposed to rate Xander's kiss? Tasting his own blood, Spike had the urge to throw the stupid tosser on his back and bugger him silly. Blood had always been a weakness to a vampire, and the sneaky little sod must have known that when he sunk his rotten teeth into Spike's tongue.

Not wanting to give an answer, Spike just glared at his little tent, declaring defeat.

"Good," he heard Xander say. "Now go to your chair."

He heard the back door of the basement open, and the smell of smoke and blood drifted to his nose. Spike. The bastard.

"What? Where's the bird?"

"Gone."

"Why? Thought I'd walk in on you two shagging like bunnies."

Why? That was an excellent question. Why had Anya left? Well, the answer was simple. Anya's fingers. Yep, that was the answer. Anya's fingers were small and slender. Anya's grip was soft and weak. Anya's fingers couldn't get Xander's gun going. That drove Anya mad, and it seemed he wanted to break up with her because his penis hadn't liked her. These were her exact words. The thing was, no, he didn't want to break up with her and, damn, his penis definitely liked her lots.

It sure seemed to like her when she had gestured sex in her Anya sign language back at Giles'. It was even better when their voices had returned, because Anya's dirty talk was very appreciated by Xander's penis. However, it seemed that what Anya had offered wasn't enough, even though it was more than enough the night before last night, and the night before and the night before that.

Xander's sexual experiences so far were two. With Faith, it was fast, forced and hot, but fast. So fast that it was like a blur. It wasn't good. But it was sex, and like any horny teenager, Xander wanted sex. Then Anya had showed up and it was… longer than what he had with Faith. It was better. He had never felt that sensation with Faith.

Anya was very gentle, soft and sweet. Kind of kinky sometimes, but in the end it was sex. Even though her demands for sex were tiring sometimes, but he had never confessed that, especially not to her, because basically he was a guy. The best thing was that she had always been impressed by his performance. He had worked really hard to satisfy her, and thankfully she was fulfilled. His sexual life with her went fine, until…

He glared at the amused vampire who still waited for his answer. "We're done. Then she left."

"What? No snuggles?" Spike was enjoying this. He settled next to Xander in bed. "Guess I was right about the two seconds." The awful smirk was cast his way.

"Go to your chair," he ordered.

"Like I'll stay there all night. Second you fall asleep, I'm sleeping here."

Xander cursed. "Tomorrow I'm getting handcuffs."

"Well, mate, didn't know you had it in you."

"It's to keep you tied up to the chair, you moron!"

"So, it's blow job then."

"Get the hell out of my bed, Spike!" He punched Spike in the face, knocking him off his bed. He was really furious. Last night had ruined tonight. Anya's pathetic attempts to make him grow hard hours ago were no match against Spike's hand job yesterday.

He had always been confused. Everybody had talked about sex, how irresistible it was, how thrilling. Yet, Xander had always struggled to satisfy his partner, and hadn't felt what everybody had talked about with either Faith or Anya. But he had adjusted. He had gotten obsessed with sex like any teenager his age.

He had remembered the first time he had slept with Anya. He wasn't as excited as she was. It had angered her when he was okay with her decision to leave the next day. He just didn't feel it. Right now it was a little too clear. He had only kept Anya around because he had liked company. Lately, everybody was moving on with their lives and there was no time for townie Xander. He had always hated being overlooked, and that was probably why he had settled with Anya.

But it was creepy. This realization meant one thing. Faith and Anya hadn't satisfied him. Two gorgeous women with a lot of sexual experiences hadn't satisfied him. A soulless, male vampire made him reach climax with only a hand job. Still, was that what his pervert body wanted? His body had responded to Faith and Anya, but it wasn't enough.

Faith wasn't really an issue, since it was nothing but sex. But with Anya, he had expected more. He had already called her his girlfriend. He cared about her to an extent. Yet, something was missing. Was Spike's lousy hand job the missing piece?

Shaking his head to clear away the crazy thoughts, Xander lay back in bed. "So how did we get our voices back?"

"What? Gang didn't tell you?"

"You know Giles. He usually gets flustered when sex is mentioned. And he knows me and Anya are having sex."

"And you never told him how long that lasts?"

Xander jumped off the bed to smack Spike some more.

"Yeah, beat up the man who can't defend himself, why don't you? Show me how much of a loser you are."

Grabbing Spike's collar, Xander stopped as if he was slapped. He looked down into Spike's challenging eyes before he threw him back down at the ground and started pacing in the room. He was not that man. He was not that man. He would notturn into that man.

"Poor little Xander, he's of no use to his little cluster and his bird; better not get fired when you're pizza delivery boy or what use are you?"

"Oh, like you're any better," Xander snapped, turning around to shoot Spike a glare. He had always tried to keep his temper down, but that was impossible around the annoying bleached freak.

"A Scooby who can't be a Scooby, like a vampire who can't be a vampire," Spike said with a smile. Not a smirk. A smile. Xander was taken aback, staring at Spike who threw himself on bed and leaned against the headboard. Xander sighed and sat next to Spike in bed.

Spike stuffed his hand in his pocket and grabbed his lighter and a packet of cigarettes and began to light himself one.

"No smoking," Xander whispered.

Spike scoffed. He blew smoke at Xander's face. Xander coughed hard for awhile before he heard Spike ask, "Wanna snog?"

Xander glared at him. "No, thanks."

"You seemed to like it last night."

"Oh, right, you're the one who started it, and as I recall, you're the one who liked it." Finally, it was Xander's turn to smirk. "I saw the tent."

"So? I'm a vampire. I like some sucking and biting during sex."

"Yeah, well, not me."

"Then what is it you like?"

"You really want me to kiss you, don't you?"

"I want sex. Don't care who I'm getting it from."

Xander sighed, looking back at his lap, turning unsure eyes at Spike, before looking back down.

"Stop it with the shy virgin act. It's a great turn off."

"All right," Xander spat; he moved closer to Spike and brushed his lips to the cool ones. It was a gentle, lingering touch of lips before Xander sucked softly on Spike's lower lip, very softly. Then, he gently urged Spike's lips to part before feeling the inside of his mouth, so slowly, and then drew back, unable to see Spike's eyes.

He heard Spike scoff. "That's the poofiest kiss I've ever had."

"Yeah, well, I like poofy kisses," Xander admitted blushing. He settled back in his place, confused. That what Anya had usually given him, and it had always affected him in a positive way. The kiss he had given Spike yesterday was a Faith kiss, which had also affected him in a good way. God, all of this was confusing. He didn't know what he liked anymore. Before it had seemed clear, or that's what he had thought. Right now, it was all confusing and had already started affecting his sexual life with Anya.

He glanced, uncomfortable, at Spike as he smoked. "Y-you wanna have sex?"

Spike blew a drag of smoke before looking at him, bored. "You offering?"

"I don't know. You wanna?"

"'Course, been saying so all night." Spike gave him a challenging gaze, seeming very confident that Xander wasn't up to it. Xander was nervous, sure. It was a bad idea, it was beyond badness. It was beyond the creation of the word bad.

But Xander needed to know. He needed to know.

Bad. Bad. Bad. His brain kept yelling. Xander closed his eyes, hearing Christina Aguilera singing, 'My body is saying let's go, but my heart is saying no.' He inhaled a shuddering breath before opening his eyes, looking straight into Spike's. Bad!His brain gave one last yell, desperate.

"All right," Xander answered.

His brain dropped unconscious.

Spike looked down at Xander, who shivered slightly under him. Now if Spike wanted to take Xander's cherry, he should expect the chip to start stinging. He wasn't telling Xander that because the boy had already offered to top, and there was no bloody chance that would happen. Too bad Spike had lowered himself to sleep with the lowest creation of humanity, but he would not take the humiliation of this waste of space to top him.

"S-shouldn't there be something t-to use, like lube or… lube?" Xander stuttered; his body wouldn't stop shivering.

"Have lube?"

"N-no."

"Then there's no lube."

Xander jumped up, knocking Spike off the bed. Groaning, Spike took a pencil and grabbed the paper he had hid under the bed. He crossed the number 9 and wrote 10 indicating the times he was pushed off the bed to the dirty floor. A vampire his age should be treated with respect, not pushed off the furniture. He glared up at the fretting boy; he intended to show him pain through sex, but the stinging in his brain made him think it over, unfortunately.

"I'm not having sex without lube!" Xander exclaimed in the highest pitch of voice Spike had ever heard.

"Then go buy some."

"What? No way. What if someone saw me? Willow, Buffy… GILES! No way!" Xander shook his head quickly, his locks jumping everywhere.

"Then be a man and just take it!" Spike roared, standing up and casting a hateful stare at the wanker. How humiliating it was to be desperate for sex and to ask for it from Xander of all people. Spike had principles! Shagging the witch would have been lovely; hell, shagging the bleeding Slayer would have been better than this humiliation. The fact that Xander was having second thoughts, making Spike more desperate, was mortifying. This moment would be marked as the most degrading one in William the Bloody's unlife.

"But wouldn't it hurt a lot?" Xander asked pathetically.

"Yes, it will hurt, but you're a bloke, you can handle it. I did."

Xander's eyes widened more, if that was possible. "You slept with other guys before?"

Only one vamp. One time and great animal sex it was. Too bad Angelus had been cursed with a poofy soul too soon after that night. "I'm full of depth."

"Yeah, right."

"'Nough of that. Now are we shagging or not?"

Xander shifted nervously, looking like an eight-year-old boy, making Spike feel more disgusted at how low he had sunk.

"Okay. But…" Spike had the urge to kill him so he could shag Xander's dead body in peace. The chip stood in the way. "…Can we use some lotion instead of the lube?"

"Bring anything, just let's get started."

Xander walked towards his drawer with raised eyebrows. "You really wanna screw me, don't you?"

"Don't get all high and mighty. Just wanna have a shag, is all." Xander handed him the Vaseline, and stood in front of him like that skinny pet slave he once had, except Xander was more built than the little tosser. It was very satisfying when Spike had broken off the foot of the bed and smashed his head in with it.

"Lie on the bed," he ordered.

"On my stomach?"

"Unless you want it harder."

"O-okay, on my stomach then."

Once again, Spike climbed the bed and pulled down Xander's boxers quickly. "Hey!" Xander exclaimed angrily. Spike gave him a raised eyebrow. "S-shouldn't you undress, too?"

"Will do after I finish preparing your hole." Spike leered wolfishly, watching Xander roll his eyes.

"You speak romance, Spike."

"Ta, mate."

Spike cupped Xander's buttocks, feeling the warmth reach up to him. Humans, forgot how warm they were.The warmth was doing it for Spike, and he felt a stir.

"Best ass you ever saw, huh?"

Spike blinked, waking up from basking in the sensation. "What?"

"Get on with it!" Xander yelled. Spike jumped.

Xander shivered under Spike, losing himself in the feeling of the coldness inside him. Spike had hit that spot, sending him waves of pleasure. He had never felt like this during sex, not with Faith or Anya. The fact that this one had felt more awkward than any of his earlier sexual experiences made Xander more confused. He couldn't remember ever being this aroused, especially when Spike had touched that spot inside him. So what did this mean? Xander liked taking it up the ass more than sleeping with beautiful women? Not to mention that this was Spike; he hated Spike, he loathed him. How did Spike make him feel this aroused when Anya, the woman he liked, couldn't even get his penis stir earlier this night?

Sick. Pervert.That was him, enjoying sex with a vampire more than a beautiful woman.

Women.

Xander shut his eyes tightly, feeling Spike pull out of him and lay on the other side of the bed.

He turned around, looking at Spike's content expression, feeling even more disgusted with himself. He had always criticized Buffy for sleeping with Angel, now Xander did the same thing with a soulless vampire. But this was an experiment, right? He just wanted to know, needed to. It wasn't like he had fallen for this freak of nature. Yeah, he was saner than Buffy, that was for sure.

"No one knows about this, Spike, ever." Xander warned quietly.

"Right. Don't want other demons taking the piss with me." Spike turned to look at him. Xander could barely keep his eyes open, but he was able to make out Spike's smug expression. "That was good, wasn't it?" Spike asked.

Xander resignedly blinked. "Yeah."

"You're tired. Go to sleep," Spike spoke like he actually cared about Xander's rest. He watched Spike relax in bed in an attempt to sleep.

"Spike," Xander whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Go to your chair," he sleepily ordered, closing his eyes and already knowing that Spike wouldn't move to his chair.

Hours later, Xander woke up due to a shaking bed. His eyes flew open, and he watched his closet about to drop from the hard shaking. After little blinking, he realized it was an earthquake.

"Bloody hell," he heard Spike yell. That was when the pipes started shooting water.

Thankfully, the earthquake had stopped. Xander's eyes were still wide from shock; however, it wasn't because of the sudden earthquake, it was because Spike had actually slept in his chair.

Xander relaxed into his pillow, letting out a tired sigh. They had just stopped another apocalypse, although the word 'apocalypse' had stopped being scary after stopping so many. Maybe Xander could stop the next one by himself. Yeah, he could only dream.

An unexpected bomb fell on his bed, causing a heavy vibration that was about to lead Xander to fall off the bed. His eyes snapped open, while his limbs mechanically moved to grab onto something so he wouldn't fall. He shot the unmoving, smug looking blond his best glare. Even the earthquake earlier hadn't made his reflexes go crazy.

Spike lay back, folding his arms behind his head with a stupid dreamy expression stuck on his face. "You know, your chair feels lonely without you," Xander quipped.

Spike turned to look at him with a wide goofy grin. "I can hurt the demons."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Spike, you're a hero. Now get off my bed."

Spike narrowed his eyes. "Now why would I do that? You almost got me caught by Captain Cardboard."

"How? You said you were my friend in that horrible Southern accent. I kept quiet and let it be."

"You could've put more effort to it. Besides, we're lovers of a sort," Spike leered.

Xander grimaced. "No way, pal. We just had sex, and can I tell you, my ass is still throbbing."

Looking as smug as ever, Spike relaxed in bed. "Still got it." Looking back at Xander, he asked, "Wanna do it again?"

"Didn't I make myself clear? My ass hurts!" Xander closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then looked back at Spike. "Unless I do you," he suggested, feeling weird. The last two days were weird. Well, living on the Hellmouth meant being subjected to weirdness. Xander would accept a flower to be a demon, a bug to hold them hostage, panties to rule the world, but not sleeping with Spike. That had given the word 'weird' so many new levels. AskingSpike to sleep with him was on the highest level of freaking weird.

Spike opened an eye and gave him a look. It was an 'Are you kidding me!' stare that made Xander's blood boil. He tried pushing Spike off the bed, but Spike was too aware by now to allow himself to be pushed off the bed. "What? I'm not good enough or something?"

"I would have sex with you if I top. Other than that, forget it."

"You've topped yesterday; today is my turn."

"You think I'll let a lousy human shove their cock in my arse? Not bloody likely."

"Lousy human? I've saved your life tonight, asshole!"

Spike scoffed. "When? When you offered to have me staked?"

"No! When that part of the wall had knocked you down, and I'd jumped in there, regardless of the falling rocks and helped you out." Great. One night of 'passion and love' made Xander turn into a softie, and of course, Spike would dismiss that because hello, Xander. Vampire.

Spike blinked. "Hmm, guess you did." He turned to Xander. "Doesn't change anything. You're the same loser boy with stupid flowery shirts."

Xander raised both eyebrows, eyeing the shirt Spike was wearing. Spike rolled his eyes. "I only wore it because I shrunk my shirt."

"And if youweren't a loser, you'd know how to wash your shirt without shrinking it."

"How was I supposed to know? We didn't have washing machines when I was a human, and as a vampire, I had minions doing it for me."

"Whatever. Now will you let me top or not?"

"Said no way, didn't I?"

Xander stared at him for a brief moment. "Then get out of my bed." This time he took Spike by surprise and shoved him off. He pulled the covers over his head and huddled in bed.

"Oi," he heard Spike groan. "I bloody will get out of this hellhole."

"Why don't you? After all, you're all big and mighty 'cause you 'cun hu't the deamons'," Xander mimicked Spike's accent.

Spike glared at him. "I don't need this. I need to be respected!"

"Me too," Xander whispered angrily, closing his eyes shut. He tried to block the noise of Spike traipsing all over his basement, breaking his stuff in anger, because Xander was too fed up with him to care. The feeling of inferiority was too much to handle these days, especially around his friends. The fact that Spike, the joke of a vampire, saw him as inferior was a huge blow to his ego.

To make things more complicated, it seemed that every guy at work was suddenly a sex god. His boss had caught him gazing at John's pants and threatened to fire him if he was distracted again, staring at other guys' butts. That was the first time Xander was called a fag. He didn't care because he discovered that, yeah, he was gay. Mystery was finally solved. Thanks to the vampire who was probably smashing his TV by now.

A loud slam of the door upstairs followed by a yelling match between the folks had made Xander grab the pillow to cover both ears in annoyance. Great. So freaking great.