A/N : This is written as my January entry for the monthly competition in the ATLAFC forum.The Prompt: Write about a character's deepest darkest fear.
Warning: This is an AU where Zutara is married and have a daughter together.
HUGE THANK YOU TO ELATIONS FOR MY AMAZING COVER ART!
Zuko's POV:
"And furthermore…" I sighed, listening to the speech the head of my military was giving wondering how much longer this meeting was going to go on for. It had already been a good ten hours of lectures on our offensive military tactics, and I was growing irritable. I had just witnessed this man set up our positioning on the map for a good 45 minutes.
"How much longer will this take Admiral?" I frowned slightly when I heard the door swing open. How dare the guards let anyone interrupt my meetings! I watched as a bright blue ball came bouncing into the room, my four year old daughter chasing after it. My eyes widened as the ball bounced again and hit the setup that the Admiral had just worked so tediously to set up.
"Hi Daddy!" Azaria smiled up at me, taking her ball off the table, knocking over more pieces in the process. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I was not happy. The rest of my group stayed silent, watching to see what I would do.
"Azaria, you just knocked over a very important model that Admiral Chang was showing me. What do you need?"
"Nothing! I just wanted to see you Daddy, you've been busy all day and I'm bored!" She threw her ball into the air again and it came crashing down onto the Admiral's head. Azaria giggled before noticing the disapproving look on my face.
"Azaria! You can't just come barging in here interrupting important meetings! I know Mommy's not home and your bored but now this meeting is going to take even longer because of you!" I couldn't control my anger anymore, I'd been sitting in this meeting for far too long. "What do you have to say for yourself young lady?"
"I… I'm sorry Daddy. I didn't mean to interrupt." She frowned. "I just wanted to spend time with you." The other high up officials in the room were watching my daughter with disapproval, whispering things to each other around the table. My temper flared.
"Azaria just get out! You don't belong in here! Do not interrupt me again! Do you understand me!?" That was when it happened, I heard myself become my father, instantly I regretted being so hard on her. Azaria's eyes filled with tears as she turned and fled the room, stopping in the doorway.
"Daddy you're mean!" She screamed at me before disappearing. Every pair of eyes in the room were on me after we heard the door slam shut. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I wanted to go apologize to her, but I'd sat through too much of this meeting to call it off and start over tomorrow. I waited for Admiral Chang to continue talking, but nothing happened. I looked up and saw them all still staring at me, most of them at my scar. They knew the story.
"What are you all looking at! Reset the board and resume your reports! I want this meeting to be finished sometime tonight!" I sat back in my throne, crossing my arms. I didn't pay attention through the rest of what anyone was saying, I felt incredibly guilty. This was the first time I'd ever yelled at my daughter and I didn't like the feeling one bit. All I could hear were her words ringing through my head, 'Daddy you're mean!' I shook my head, those three words hurt me more than anything anyone else had ever said to me in my entire life.
By the end of my meeting I had resolved that I would never yell at Azaria again no matter what she did. I only hoped that she didn't feel as awful as I did when I'd interrupted my father's war room meeting all those years ago. After everyone left I picked her ball up from under the table, shaking my head. How could I have been so... mean? So much like my own father? I made my way through the corridors of the palace, stopping at Azaria's bedroom. I rested my hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath as I pushed my way into her room. I frowned slightly when I saw that she was sleeping, I'd wanted to tell her I was sorry before she'd gone to bed. I sighed and returned her ball to her toybox before gently pulling the headpiece she wore out of her little bun. Her face was slightly pink and puffy, she'd most likely cried herself to sleep and that made me feel awful. I remembered what it felt like and I was furious with myself for letting Zari know the feeling. It had always been my biggest fear that I'd turn into my father. Before leaving her room I fixed the blankets, pulling them up around her shoulders.
"I love you." I whispered, making sure I didn't wake her up. "I am so sorry I disappointed you." I kissed her head and sighed, walking across the hall to my own room and got ready for bed. I stared at the ceiling for a long time before sleep finally came.
The room was filled with people who had come to watch the public spectacle that was the Agni Kai I'd challenged my daughter to for interrupting in my war room. I was standing in the shadows, watching as Azaria was thrown into the ring before me. She had only her water pouch to use to defend herself. She didn't get off her knees.
"Daddy I'm sorry!" She started as I came into the light, bowing to me. "I didn't mean to interrupt!"
"Rise and fight!" I took a few menacing steps towards her, stopping about a foot away.
"Daddy please! I didn't mean it! I only wanted to spend some time with you before bed!" Tears were streaming down her face, still she made no move to fight.
"You dishonor me!" I screamed, watching as my daughter cowered at my feet.
"I didn't mean to interrupt! I am your loyal daughter, I meant no disrespect!" Her body trembled before me, terrified as flames lit in my palm.
"Stand and fight!"
"I won't fight you Daddy!" More tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched me.
"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher!" I let go of my fire directing it towards her. Azaria cried out in pain as I seared the left side of her face.
"AHHH!" Azaria's screams turned into my own as I sat up in bed, breathing hard. My heart was pounding and my throat was tight. I ran my hands through my sweat-drenched hair a few times before squeezing my eyes shut. All I could hear was Azaria screaming as I burnt her in my worst nightmare, my breath caught in my chest. The image of tears streaming down her face as she took my place in the Agni Kai that changed my life forever haunted me. My hands shook and tears spilled down my cheeks. My nightmare had played out my biggest fears in agonizingly lifelike detail. I couldn't take it anymore, all I could hear were my daughter's cries of pain. I struggled with trying to pull my blankets off, anxiety building in my chest until I eventually lost my patience and burnt my way out of the covers. I raced across the hall, my heart in my throat as I slammed Azaria's door open. I didn't know what I expected to see as my daughter stirred and turned to face me. I felt like I was going to be sick.
"Daddy?" She mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. I crossed the room in a few steps and knelt beside her bed looking at her beautifully unmarked face, relief washed over me.
"You're okay!"
"What?" She had no idea what I was talking about but I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders as I crushed her to my chest. I hadn't turned into my father after all! Or had I? I frowned remembering the events that had led up to my nightmare in the first place.
"Azaria, Daddy is so, so sorry for what he did to you earlier. I was wrong. So wrong. I shouldn't have yelled at you or sent you away. Baby girl I love you more than anything in the whole wide world please forgive me." I pulled back feeling the tightness in my chest starting to return as I waited for her answer.
"You made me cry." She frowned, her eyes misty as she spoke. "I just wanted to spend time with you!"
"I know sweetie. I am so sorry. I never wanted to make you cry." I cupped her cheek in my hand, moving a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You're my special little buddy and I never should have taken my frustration out on you." I frowned, wiping a tear off her face with the back of my thumb.
"You stole my ball." She sniffled. I frowned, walking over to the toy chest, pulling the ball out.
"No, I brought it back." I gave it to her, watching her hug it to her chest. I sighed, my heart aching. "I promise you I will never yell at you again. I am so sorry Zari. Really I am."
"Shh. It's okay. I still love you." She let the ball roll to the foot of her bed as she pulled me into her chest. "I forgive you." She kissed my nose, melting my heart. I felt a few relieved tears slip down my cheek.
"Thank you." I whispered, resting my forehead against hers, she pulled me into a tight hug.
"Are you okay? You look sad Daddy."
"I had a nightmare." I replied, not wanting to elaborate.
"Do you want to tell me?" She asked me anyway, it was the same question I would ask her when the roles were reversed. I shook my head.
"No. I don't want to talk about it." I frowned, she slid over in her bed, making room for me.
"I'll keep you safe Daddy. I won't let the bad things get you." She pulled the blankets around me and cuddled into my chest as soon as I took my spot next to her. I felt myself finally begin to relax a little bit as she absentmindedly rubbed my arm. I smiled a little bit, Azaria made me realize that I had nothing to really be afraid of in the first place. My worst fears could never come true. I loved my little girl too much to ever have to worry about turning into my father.