When I was a kid, I read Mad Magazine a lot. And one of my favorite features was "Scenes We'd Like To See," usually a parody of an outstanding movie or television show of the time. So, in humble appreciation, I offer the following tribute.
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Tenchi sat on the dock, feet hanging over the edge, eyes closed. It was mid-morning, so the summer sun warmed the planks comfortably, the water was prodded by the wind into a soothing rhythm, and the air was heavy with moisture and the scent of resinous wood. The breeze skipped across the back of his neck, and he casually reached down and pinned the papers beside him, whose corners rustled and hopped restlessly. He had spent quite a lot of time and effort on those papers, and it would not do to have them snatched by the wind and tossed into the lake.
His meditation (or daydreaming) was short-lived. He felt the footsteps vibrating the dock gently, before he actually heard them. He was reluctant to release the quiet moment, and so waited until the footsteps stopped behind him, and a female cough issued politely. Taking a deep breath, he swiveled around.
Ayeka and Ryoko stood shoulder-to-shoulder, looking curiously at him and his papers, wondering why they had been politely summoned to such an isolated spot. Cyan and violet locks glistened brightly in the sunshine, the tips bending with the breezes. Tenchi indicated that they should sit.
"You wanted to talk to us?" Ryoko asked. Her eyes reflected a mild trepidation, as though she faced a rebuke for yet another action condemned by 'the family.' She saw little reassurance in Tenchi's face, which he was keeping locked-down and expressionless.
"Is there a problem?" Ayeka asked. Ayeka, too, was mildly concerned. She did not expect any form of censure, but this rendezvous was out-of-character for Tenchi. Small aberrations were usually indicative of deeper symptoms.
"Relax, ladies, you aren't in any trouble. I just wanted to talk to you both in private." His smile lacked spontaneity, and thus provided little comfort. He studied them for a moment, stalling for time as the last vestiges of his meditative state evaporated. Ryoko sat tailor-fashion, as was her habit, limbs sprawled gracefully and chaotically. She leaned forward, arms resting on her knees, staring as intently as any predator contemplating her next meal. In contrast, Ayeka knelt with her customary poise, hands folded collectively in her lap. Her head was bowed slightly, and she watched him through lidded eyes, calmly assessing his actions and intentions. So much alike, and yet so different he thought.
He decided he'd better proceed before his nerve gave out. He reached for the papers, placing one on his lap, the other before him on the dock. Both women watched carefully, examine the paper once he had had removed his hand. There was an image drawn on it, a symbol resembling a '6' and a '9' interlocked and intertwined. The '6' was painted violet, as was the eye of the '9'; the '9' was colored cyan, as was the eye of the '6'. Both ladies recognized the obvious reference.
Tenchi held the other sheet in front of him, angling it to reduce the glare. "I've been working on this most of the week," he explained. "I was going to try to recite it from memory, but you can guess how badly I flubbed that up." Both ladies grinned at him, knowing only too well his shortcoming at extemporaneous speech. "So, I just decided to read it to you directly. I hope you won't think any less of me for it." Their smiles softened, realizing that something important was about to happen, and encouraging him to proceed.
"On my world," he began reading, "there is a philosophy that embraces contrasts. The philosophy is called Tao in Chinese, Zen in Japanese. The ultimate goal is to achieve harmony by seeking the balance between conflicting natures. Male and female, night and day, strong and weak, love and hate. The seed of one value can be found in it's opposite, proving that there are no absolutes. Without both values, there can be no harmony."
Both women were silent, faces expectant. They knew intuitively where this was going.
"Whether by design or happenstance (another example of contrasts), my great-grandfather has taken two wives; one of Jurai, and one of Earth. If my fate is to assume the throne one day, then I would follow that tradition. I would take two wives, as well; one of Jurai, and one Earth. I would seek harmony in my home, a blending of cyan and violet, of Princess and Pirate. So, I humbly ask you *both* to share my heart, my home, and my future, to bring harmony and balance into my life."
Tenchi paused to wet his lips, too nervous to look at the faces of the women across from him.
"However, to increase one value is to decrease the other. Like this symbol, my heart has two halves -- without both halves, it will not function. Without you both, there can be no harmony. I love you *both*. I want to marry you *both*." He lowered the paper and raised his eyes, a lump in his throat.
Neither woman spoke, a single tear running down the cheek of each. There was an awkward silence that stretched out for many moments. Tenchi curbed his natural impatience, dreading to intrude on their private thoughts. Finally, Ryoko cleared her throat.
"That was beautiful, Tenchi. I've waited a long time to hear that. Or parts of it, at least. However, as much as it hurts me to say this, my answer is, 'No.'"
Ayeka nodded slowly. "I must concur with Ryoko. That was a lovely expression of sentiment, Tenchi. But I must refuse, as well."
Tenchi wrestled with his own thoughts, before responding. "May I ask why not?"
"Because I won't share you with anyone," Ryoko replied. "And since this is an 'all-or-nothing' proposition, then it has to be 'nothing.'"
"I see. Ayeka?"
"I agree. If I can't have you exclusively, then I won't have you at all."
Tenchi nodded once, then laid his speech upon the diagram. Without another word, he rose and walked between them, trodding slowly up the dock.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What's the problem?" Washu asked. She stood in the doorway, blocking Ayeka and Ryoko from entering the house. "Tenchi just walked through here looking like a zombie, and you two have been crying."
"It's nothing," Ayeka whispered.
"It's none of your business, Washu," Ryoko added.
"Rubbish. We're all family here, that *makes* it my business. Now, you can either cooperate, or I'll get the information other ways." The tone of her voice was a casually veiled threat, and both women knew what the genius scientist was capable of. Without another word, Ryoko passed the papers to Washu.
"Impressive," she decided, after reading the proposal. "I wish I'd heard him read it. So, what's the problem?"
"We said, 'No,'" Ayeka replied.
"What!? Why? I thought that's what you both wanted so badly!"
"We do want him," Ryoko answered, "we just don't want each other." She indicated Ayeka, who nodded miserably.
"Suit yourselves. That leaves him completely available now. And just wait 'till Mihoshi hears the news!" Washu cackled. Ayeka and Ryoko shared a wide-eyed glance. "If I were you, though, I'd give some thought to an old Earth proverb."
"What proverb is that?" Ayeka asked.
"'Half a loaf is better than none at all.' And you can get mighty hungry over the coming centuries..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tenchi lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, when he heard a knock at his door. "C'mon in," he called.
The door slid open and Washu entered, looking around. She closed the door behind her, pulled Tenchi's desk chair over beside the bed, and dropped onto it. The look she gave him was a curious probe. "Mind telling me what's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"Ayeka and Ryoko. You proposed, they declined. They're upset. You don't appear to be. It doesn't add up."
Tenchi sighed. "Last week I received a letter in the mail, notifying me that I have been accepted at the university."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks. Anyway, once the excitement wore off, I realized that I would be facing one of two choices in the near future. On one hand, I would be moving to Tokyo in a few weeks, living in a dorm, and starting a new life. It's the life I expected to lead all the years I was growing up."
"And on the other hand?"
"I go to Jurai. I lead a life I never even imagined until a year ago...I still have trouble believing it. But I take everyone with me -- particularly Ayeka and Ryoko."
"Which 'hand' do you prefer?"
"Honestly, I have no preference. Both options are attractive."
"You would turn down the stars to live here?" She canted her head, her long red hair tipping slowly to the side.
"Yes. I guess there's a lot of Grandpa in me."
Washu nodded. "And the proposal?"
"A sign: if they had accepted, I would go to Jurai; if they refused, I would go to Tokyo." He looked over at her, a lopsided smile on his lips. "I guess I got my sign."
"It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings," she replied.
"Huh?"
"Another one of your Earth proverbs." She stood, placing the chair back under the desk.
"Oh."
"Be happy, Tenchi, whichever choice you make."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tenchi was still on his bed, reading a manga, when there was another knock at his door. "Yes?"
Sasami opened the door, poking her head inside. She smiled at him. "Am I disturbing you?"
He shook his head. "Nah, just reading a comic book. What's up?"
"Can you come down to the kitchen?"
"Sure. Need some help with dinner?"
Her freckled nose wrinkled when she grinned. "Something like that."
"Well, whatever you've been cooking has smelled terrific all afternoon!" He tossed the book onto his desk and joined her at the door. Together they descended the steps to the main floor.
He waited for her to enter the kitchen first, but she hesitated. "I'll be in shortly."
Tenchi shrugged, and walked through the doorway. He stopped abruptly. Ayeka and Ryoko were sitting at the table, side-by-side, waiting for him. They smiled at him, with no trace of despair in their eyes. They gestured towards the tabletop. On it lay his diagram, and on each comma-shaped section lay half a loaf of fresh-baked bread.
"We've reconsidered your offer," Ayeka said.
"This time, the answer is, 'Yes!'" Ryoko added.
And as the women rose from the table and reached for him, Tenchi couldn't tell if the odd sound from the living room was Washu cackling or an opera star singing.
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Author's Notes
Yeah, this was a pretty maudlin, sappy story, but when the mood strikes what else can you do?
The characters of Tenchi Muyo were created by Masaki Kajashima and Hiroki Hayashi, and brought to North America by Pioneer LDC. This story, while incorporating names and situations held under copyright by others, is copyright 2002 by Jeffery L. Harris.
This story comes entirely from my imagination, and is not, nor intended to be, canon. Please do not send the legions of lawyers after me...it's not worth their time, or mine.