Something was poking my arm.
I stirred, not quite ready to open my eyes. Thinking seemed more important, but my assailant now knew I was alive.
The poking intensified.
Nope, still not ready to open my eyes. Can't make me. Caaaaaaaan't make me.
Then I heard the clanking of armor, and a deep male voice.
"Please, Lady Lissa, step back from the stranger. She carried both a blade and a spell tome – she may be dangerous."
A shrill young voice, presumably Lissa's, responded, "But Frederick, she is out here alone and asleep. Who knows what happened to her! We need to help."
"Milady, you have already determined the woman is alive, and she appears unharmed. There is nothing more for you to do until she wakes. Do not place yourself at risk needlessly."
Alright world, you win. I'll open my eyes now. I didn't want to dream of electric sheep anyway. But if I don't like what I see? Well, I'll probably just keep looking. But I won't be happy about it, understand?
One
Two
Three
Aaaaaaand, OPEN!
Ugh, that took way more effort than it should have.
The fruit of my herculean labor was the face of a pale young girl with blond pigtails and a concerned look on her face kneeling near me, clutching a staff. My assailant unmasked!
Standing next to her was a tall man in heavy armor clutching a spear. The girl's bodyguard, no doubt. His face was worn and stoic – no doubt protecting this Lissa was a job two could comfortably share, if she expressed such concern over every stranger she meets.
Having at last opened my eyes and registered these two, I should probably say something.
"Uh, hi" was the best I could mumble. Nice going.
"Hey there!" chirped back the blonde girl with a smile. "Are you okay?"
Good question. "I think so" I responded sleepily. "What happened?"
"We found you lying here with a sword and a spell-tome. My sister has been trying to rouse you for the past quarter-hour" said a male voice from behind. I turned around to see an armored, young, blue-haired man with an impressive-looking sword at his hip. "And then you said 'hi'" he finished with a small grin before extending his hand. "Might I help you up milady?"
Yeah, Blue was worth opening my eyes for. I took his hand and wobbily rose to my feet. And then I rediscovered my talent for speaking without thinking. "Thank you, Chrom." How the hell did I know this man's name?
Chrom cocked an eyebrow at hearing his name. "You know me by name?"
"It just came to me."
His face found a wry expression. "Interesting. And would you care to tell me your name, madam?"
Well shoot. What is my name?
"I-i-i don't know" I said with a shrug.
"Are we truly to believe you know milord's name but not your own? What manner of fools do you take us for?" Fred the Less-Than-Worried-About-Me interjected.
I tried to come up with a response that wouldn't leave me feeling like to worst liar in the world. I failed. "I can't seem to remember anything."
"Except milord's name. And how to talk. And I suspect you 'remember' how to use your weapons as well." Fred shot back with an edge to his voice that worried me.
"Frederick! Be nice! I've heard about this before. It's called, uhh, amnesia! And it's totally a real thing." Blondie joined the conversation, seeming awfully proud at remembering the word "amnesia."
"It's called pegasus dung, milady."
"What do you suggest then Frederick?" Chrom's voice had changed from Affable Prince Charming to Irritated Boss Man. "Even if she is lying about having amnesia for some reason, we cannot disarm her and leave her here alone. And if she does indeed have amnesia, we are duty-bound as Shepherds to help her."
"The decision is yours, of course" conceded Fred, "But I insist she remain unarmed, for the safety of you and your sister, until we know more."
I'd feel better with my sword and magic book, but at least they probably aren't going to kill me. Could be worse, right?And Blondie is Chrom's sister, evidently. I should try to stay on her good side.
"Very well Frederick" Chrom turned to me. "I apologize that we must treat you so suspiciously, madam, but recent events have done much to justify Frederick's paranoia. Once we are able to establish you are not an enemy of Ylisse you will be free to go, you have my word."
"Ylisse? Is that where we are?"
Frederick found my question hilarious. "Hah! You may yet convince me of your amnesia, stranger." I was shocked to see his face break from the grimace he had been wearing since I woke up. His smile was actually unnerving.
"Frederick! Be nice!" Blondie rose to my defense yet again. "Yes, the country we are in is called Ylisse. Chrom and Frederick are worried because we have been having problems with our western neighbor Plagia. But that's no excuse for treating you like a bandit!"
At least someone is on my side, not that I deserve it. "Thank you Lissa, but they're just being careful. I'm sure I would do the same in their position." I turned to face Chrom. "Now that you've decided not to kill me, Prince Charming, shall we go?" That sounded less flirty in my head, honestly.
Fred had no more objections now that Chrom had agreed to keep little old me disarmed, and off we went. Blue took the lead, while Lissa and I followed and Frederick brought up the rear. We were marching north to some village and should reach the capitol the next day. Blondie, delighted at having met someone that knows even less about the world than her, kept busy telling me about Ylisse. I wasn't particularly interested in hearing about the druid that killed a snowstorm, but appeasing the girl seemed too important for me to just blow her off.
I found myself oddly enthralled by a story involving birds and bees when we were interrupted by a magical-looking blurple disc that appeared in the sky just long enough to spit someone out a short distance away. Naturally, Chrom and Lissa decided the safest way to proceed was to run heedlessly towards the stranger. Frederick drew his spear, a precaution I would have appreciated more had he not used it to insist I join them in this act of recklessness.
The stranger seemed to be in a daze when we approached. Our new best friend appeared to be a mildly effeminate man with blue hair, blue clothes, a blue mask, and a blue scabbard holding a sword that looked a lot like Chrom's. Do Prince Charming and Blondie have a long lost brother, or are there just a lot of men running around Ylisse with blue everything and fancy swords?
We were roughly twenty paces from the stranger when he gathered his wits. I couldn't tell what New Blue was thinking as he scanned the others, but the instant he locked eyes with me drew his sword and rushed forwards, shouting some gibberish. Maybe I owed him money? He'd halved the distance between us in the time it took Chrom to draw his own sword, which really looked the same the New Blue's, and Frederick to tell the stranger to halt. This guy is fast.
"Stand down stranger. There is no need for bloodshed this day." Is that really the best you could come up with Chrom?
At this, New Blue stopped and realized his approach had been taken as a sign of hostility and lowered, but did not sheathe, his sword. "Lord Chrom! My name is Marth, and I come from the future! That woman is a servant of Grima! In my time she has killed you and become the shadow dragon's mortal vessel! She must die now while there is still time to save your world!"
Well, shit. He's talking about me, isn't he?
Now, I am willing to admit my story about being an amnesic that knows Chrom's name is a little far-fetched, but that is a mere canary compared to the condor of a tale this "Marth" just fed us. I wonder if Ylissian swallows are bigger than Plegian swallows? Does Lissa really expect me to believe storks deliver baby bees to their hives? WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING ABOUT BIRDS STUPID BRAIN THEY'RE GOIN TO KILL ME -
"I am not the Marth, Lord Chrom, as you are no doubt aware. His name is a mantle I have adopted. In my time, hope and heroes are in great demand and short supply against the onslaught of Grima." I seem to have missed part of the conversation between Blue and New Blue while enthralled in my avian reverie. What the hell is Grima? Some kind of bird? Probably a really big one. Completely different from a finch or sparrow or...or...or a robin. Why are robins so important to me right now? Lissa didn't mention them at all.
The only outward sign of my internal monologuing was a glazed-over look on my face, which the others were no doubt used to after all the exercise I had with this look while listening to Lissa. I tuned back in to the blue boys still conversing.
"No doubt you have reasons of your own for concealing your identity here in the past. I shall not pry. But please, do not call me 'Lord'. Even across time and space we are still family; Chrom will be fine."
"As you wish, Chrom. However, if you accept that I am your descendant from the future, I hope you will also heed my warning. Every mom -" THAT'S IT! My name is Robin! Reaver of earthworms and small insects everywhere!
"- ent that Robin lives places this world at risk."
"MY NAME IS ROBIN! I REMEMBER NOW!" New Blue just said that, didn't he? Me and my big mouth.
I became acutely aware that Chrom and Marth had stopped talking after my little outburst. Prince Charming broke the silence.
"You put me in a difficult situation, Robin. As difficult as Marth's tale is to believe, I cannot dismiss a bearer of The Brand and wielder of Falchion. And now you have admitted that he knows your true name."
"Prince Chrom" Frederick began, "This Marth has done nothing to prove his Brand and Falchion are legitimate. Nor can you possibly take his tale at face value, for it is even more unbelievable than Robin's claim of amnesia!" Is Frederick really backing me up on this? "Any number of your foes would be well served by inserting a traitor into the royal family. Imagine the havoc Gangrel could wreck with a royal bastard carrying a bastard Falchion!"
The admonishment of his babysitter seemed to reach Chrom. His shoulders sagged a touch. "What would you have me do, Frederick? If I cannot trust someone with the brand and the blade, who can I believe?"
"You do not need to make a decision now, my lord. Take both strangers into custody. Neither will be a threat locked in the castle dungeon." I don't like my chances of ever getting out if these Ylisseans are willing to throw me in their dungeon just to be safe. Marth didn't like this much either.
"NO" he yelled, "Every moment she lives imperils your world! She is far more dangerous than she seems. Kill her here and now while you still can!"
"Even if what you say is true, Marth, I will not slaughter a helpless prisoner. I do not know what horrors you have faced, but in this world there are lines I refuse to cross." Chrom finally decided to break out his serious tone.
Even through his mask Marth seemed taken aback at Chrom's reprimand. "Forgive me, Chrom, but you cannot understand what Robin has done to my world. No words can convey the devastation wrought on not just Ylisse, but everywhere. Humanity is on the verge of extinction. Tarnished honor is a small price to pay to avert such catastrophe."
"I truly wish I could take you at your word, Marth, but I cannot do what you ask of me without proof. For the time being, Robin will bound and kept under guard. I trust this is an acceptable compromise?"
Like hell it is.
"For now it will suffice, but do not underestimate Robin. Even bound and unarmed she is a threat to us all."
This is looking bad. I won't survive the night if Chrom agrees to tie me up and lets Marth stay with us. Think brain, think; what do I know about these twits?
Chrom: Frederick referred to him as prince, and Marth called him lord. Chrom is royalty of some sort in this country. For him to be wandering around with his baby sister and babysitter looking for bandits means he is not some ivory tower aristocrat. He has also made it clear he does not want to kill me if he can avoid it (how noble). Appealing to his sense of justice could work.
Frederick: Baby sitter to these noble brats, and most certainly willing to kill me so Chrom won't have to. Not an ally, but he won't do much of his own accord.
Lissa: She hasn't said anything in a while, which seems very unusual for her. She can't be comfortable with one of them murdering me in cold blood, but I doubt she can do much to stop them except as a hostage, though that is very much a last resort. Marth might be willing to let her die just to kill me, and if I hurt her at all the others aren't going to let me live. Still, she might be useful if she takes my side.
Marth: I actually believe his story, more or less. Not that I'm actually a time-traveling agent of Grima (some sort of bad guy I'm guessing), though if I am I don't know it, but I think he really does believe his own story. Bully for him he couldn't make it sound reasonable.
This "Falchion" that Chrom mentioned both he and Marth carry is clearly their sword, and if Marth does indeed possess one than he actually is from the future (or possibly the past, but at this point either is pretty much the same for me). The "Brand" Chrom mentioned sounds like a birthmark. I don't see one on Marth, but Chrom seems quite convinced and he would know better than I about this.
So my situation is this: A relative of Chrom's from the future has told an unbelievable yet probably true tale of how I destroy the world, and wants to kill me so all that bad stuff doesn't happen. All I need to do is convince Prince Charming to doubt Marth's story. Piece of cake, if I could just get them to listen to me. I've got a plan for that, though. It's a pretty awful one, to be honest, but it should be good enough.
Deep breath, Robin, you're gonna need it.
"I AM AFRAID I MUST OBJECT TO THIS PROPOSAL LORD CHROM. I DO NOT FEEL THIS IS A COMPROMISE AT ALL." Yelling was enough to get their attention. Lissa even stepped back in surprise. Has she really not said anything this entire time or have I finally learned to tune her out?
'Why are you yelling Robin?" Blondie broke her silence with such a dull , unexcited, matter-of-fact question. I must really have scared her.
"I AM YELLING BECAUSE I BELIEVE I DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THIS CONVERSATION BUT I DO NOT HAVE A FANCY SWORD OR BRITHMARK OR BLUE HAIR SO I MUST COMPENSATE WITH VOLUME IF I WISH TO BE HEARD."
My snippyness earned me a strike behind my knee from Frederick. Not the pointy end of his spear, but it was enough to hurt like hell and drive me to one knee.
"Enough, fool. Be grateful Lord Chrom has let you live this long."
Time to switch from yelling to fake theatrics. Why does this come so naturally to me?
"Oh forgive me, Lord Chrom" I began with as much sarcasm as I could muster, "I apologize for my lack of gratitude. I was a fool not to recognize of benevolence in not murdering helpless prisoners on the hearsay of masked time travelers! No doubt all of Ylisse would benefit from the rule of such a merciful lord!" Stop glaring at me like that Frederick.
Marth clearly wanted to say something. He could see this was about to turn against him but had no idea how to respond. Fortunately for me, Chrom replied first.
"I make no excuses for how we have treated you thus far, Robin, but you must recognize the bind I am in. As dubious as Marth's story is, he knew your name. He bears Falchion, a blade he cannot have gotten from this time. You claim to have amnesia yet knew my own name." An exasperated sigh from Chrom. He doesn't seem to like being in charge. "Frederick's advice may not be merciful, but his path is the safest for all of us. Can you recommend a more prudent course of action?"
Oh Chrom, you're making this too easy for me. Marth was becoming visibly upset even under his mask. He doesn't want me to talk, but how can he stop me?
"I would like to ask the man that claims to be Marth a few question, Prince Chrom. Once I have finished I will submit to your judgment without complaint."
Chrom nodded. That's good. "That seems reasonable." Chrom turned to Marth, expecting an objection. Marth was sure trying to think of one that wouldn't make him look like the suspicious one. I didn't give him the time.
"My first question for you, Marth, is why the mask? What do you have to hide?"
Marth bristled just a touch at this one. "It is important for the stability of this time that I keep my identity a secret." Ooh, time traveling hazard eh? Not a good answer, Marth.
"Speaking of time, Marth, just how did you travel back in time anyway? That isn't common magic, is it?"
"I was sent back by the power of Naga the Divine Dragon. My future was lost – because of you."
"Interesting. And Naga told you that revealing your identity would imperil the past?"
"Yes."
"If concealing your identity is so important, Marth, why bring back Falchion? Isn't that something of a tip-off?"
Frederick decided to jump in on my side. "She raises a fair point."
Marth looked just as shocked at Frederick backing me up as I was, but he recovered faster than I had hoped. "Carrying Falchion is indeed a risk, but Naga said it is a necessary one."
I need to know more about Naga if I am going to push this any further. "Enlighten me, Chrom. Who is Naga?"
"Naga the Divine Dragon is the patron of Ylisse. She forged Falchion from one of her fangs and granted it to the original Marth to defeat Grima a millennium ago."
So Naga is some kind of goddess with a connection to both Falchion and Grima. Marth's claim is at least plausible, then, as far as Chrom is concerned. But that leaves another question.
"How, then, did you acquire Falchion in your time Marth?"
"After you killed Chrom, Falchion was passed to me."
"Me as Grima killed Chrom, you mean?"
"Yes."
"I'm guessing you don't know how Falchion was recovered after Chrom died, do you?"
"I do not."
"How convenient. Would it be fair to say, Marth, that in your time Grima has won completely?"
"Yes. As I said before, you and Grima have all but annihilated humanity in my timeline." Marth was struggling to keep his composure. Good. Less good was how close Frederick's spear had come to the back of my neck.
"In that case, I'm sure you can answer my last question. Why am I here?"
This one took everyone off guard. "I don't understand your question."
"Oh, I think you do. You said I won. Why would I come back in time if I won? Wouldn't it make more sense for the loser to go back and try again?"
Marth was grasping for something to say, so Chrom decided to throw in his two coppers. "She raises a fair point, Marth." Didn't Frederick just say that?
Marth found his composure. Frustrating. "Forgive me if I have misspoken. It was my assumption upon seeing Robin that she was from my time. I now believe I was mistaken. It seems more reasonable that this is the Robin of your time, Chrom."
"If that is the case, then Robin has done nothing wrong yet." I don't like that "yet" Chrom.
"We don't know that, milord. And even if that is the case, there remains the matter of Robin's supposed amnesia."
"Why don't we let our resident healer field that question, Sir Frederick?" I turned to Lissa. "Ever heard of amnesia caused by time travel?"
Blondie answered slowly, not certain if I was joking asking her such an absurd question. "No."
Bingo. "Then every case of amnesia you are familiar with has been caused by something other than time travel, correct?" Asking stupid questions seems to be my forte.
"Yes." She answered, slowly. Show some confidence girl, I need them to believe you. "I've heard of lots of things that can cause amnesia, but never time travel."
Good enough. "I believe our expert has spoken: time travel is not a known cause of amnesia" I shot at Frederick triumphantly. "As our confirmed time traveler has already made quite clear, haven't you Marth?" Couldn't hurt to draw some attention back to New Blue if Freddy was so insistent on stranger-danger.
Marth didn't bother responding, but Frederick did. "On this point it would seem you are correct, Lady Robin." That's practically a concession from the big guy. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. "However, as mundane as the origins of your supposed amnesia may be, the fact remains that your situation cannot be attributed to mere happenstance." Aaaaand, that's enough out of you. Better butt in before Marth does. I can use this.
"Oh, I could not agree more, Sire Frederick" I began with an extra helping of politeness and false sincerity. Frederick's grimace managed to communicate that he knew I was going somewhere with this and wanted me to get on with it before his lord would have to spend the night outdoors. Patience, buddy, I'm not gonna rush things when it's my life on the line. "Indeed, it can be no coincidence for your royal party to encounter both an amnesiac and a time traveler on a quest to...murder...said amnesiac." I paused for emphasis, savoring how Marth flinched at the word "murder". Just reminding the royal brats what you're up to, pretty boy. Turning to Chrom, I continued, "The prudent question to ask is, who is the active party? Whose actions have created this situation?" I tapped my chin with my finger, "With the information currently available, the individual is almost certainly" short pause, not that there was any doubt what I would say next, "Marth."
I turned to Marth, eager to continue my questioning before he could muster a response. "Or is this more information you can't tell us without destroying the world?" I threw all my mocking and skepticism into that last line. If I can just rattle Marth enough -
New Blue answered quicker this time. "I have already told you everything you need to know. YOU destroyed my world. YOU ki-"
And now he's agitated. Perfect. No need to let him finish reminding us what he's already said. "Quite frankly, that isn't for you to determine, Marth" I interrupted, "Given the exuberance with which you sought to introduce your sword to my heart, and your hidden identity, there is clearly a great deal of information we would like to know. Tell us, and then we can decide what we need to know." I was going to say something else, but I noticed smoke coming from the direction we had been walking. There was supposed to be a town that way, and Chrom said they had been having issues with bandits. Doesn't take a genius to figure this out, but why hasn't Frederick said something? Surely he would be paying more attention to our surroundings than my theatrics. Still, I'm not ready for such an interruption quite yet.
Marth's response was far too composed for my liking. "I have proven myself a member of the Ylissean royal family. I have conceded that you are not the Robin of my time. What else would you like to know? My favorite color? My birthday?" Sticking to your story, eh Marth? Well damn, Chrom is stupid and trusting enough to let that work. I thought I had you too, New Blue.
Old Blue had had enough of this conversation. "That's enough Robin, you've had your chance to question Marth. And now I have reached my decision." I didn't think Chrom could sound so authoritative. Kinda hot, actually. "I do not believe that you are an agent of a world-ending evil, Robin." How generous of you, Chrom. He turned to Marth before continuing. "Marth, I respect your courage in journeying to our time to avert the future, but I cannot allow you to kill Robin on mere suspicion. Both of you shall travel with us, unbound and unarmed, to the capital. The Exalt shall decide your fates. I trust there will be no objections?" Chrom finished, shooting me a sideways glare. Evidently, my interrogation had not impressed him much.
"No, Chrom." Marth's response.
Yes, I had promised Chrom I would follow along with whatever he decided, but if Marth was going to be staying with us I would need my weapons. Not a chance in hell he wouldn't try to kill me as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Frederick, I am sure, knew this as well, but my well-being was clearly not high on his list of priorities. I needed my weapons, and I knew exactly how to get them. "Then let us not tarry, Lord Chrom, for it seems there is already a village in need of our aid." I gestured in the direction we had been traveling with a dramatic flourish. It took Chrom a moment for the meaning of the smoke to sink in.
"Gods, Southtown burns! Hurry, we don't have a second to spare!" Man of Action Chrom, in his haste, was forgetting something.
As the others were about to run off, I spoke up. "My weapons, please." It took them all a second to realize I was talking to them. "Or would you have me fight yonder bandits unarmed?"
"Prince Chrom has decreed you are to remain unarmed." True, Freddy, but things have changed somewhat, haven't they?
"He said the same of Marth, yet you have not disarmed Marth. Nor can you afford to, if Southtown is being raided by bandits. Just as you cannot afford to leave me unarmed."
Frederick was about to object when Chrom finally realized why we weren't moving. "Give Robin her weapons, Frederick. You can be suspicious of her after we have dealt with the bandits." Atta boy, Chrom. I'll even forgive you for not noticing how hard Marth had to bite his tongue to keep himself for objecting.
Frederick, for his part, did as he was told, and handed me one sheathed sword and one spell tome. They seemed unremarkable, especially compared to the Blue Boys' gleaming Falchions and Frederick's shining spear, but their weight was comforting all the same.
With that matter resolved, we rushed towards Southtown. One thing about Chrom's group seemed odd: why did only Frederick have a horse? Surely royalty could afford to furnish steeds. Something I should ask about later.
Even with our group mostly on foot, we arrived quickly. Southtown was indeed ablaze, and the bandits running around probably weren't there to help. There were quite a lot of them, but they were disorganized and not expecting any serious resistance. Shouldn't be too difficult for the five of us.
Frederick looked to Chrom. "What are your orders, milord?"
Chrom hesitated to answer. Not good. "There are too many of them for a frontal assault." You bumbling idiot. Then he glanced at me and Marth. "Any ideas?"
Strangely enough, I did have a couple. "They outnumber us, but they aren't expecting a fight, and we have the element of surprise. If we hit them hard and fast we can eliminate a large portion of the bandits before they realize they're under attack. The longer we wait, the more time they have to organize." A simple plan for simple minds. Not even Marth objected, though I could tell he desperately wanted to.
And with that we sprang into action; two idiots, a paranoid brute, and a lunatic following the orders of the world's most knowledgeable amnesic. Together we carved a bloody swathe through the dozen or so bandits milling around the outskirts of Southtown, the lightly armored swordsmen and axemen taken completely by surprise. Frederick and the Blue Boys were as good as I'd hoped, and Lissa proved herself quite adept with her healing staff. I wasn't half bad myself, but something about this seemed off. As familiar as it felt to hold a sword in my left hand and a tome in my right, I couldn't shake the feeling that I used to be much better at this than I am now, which only raised further questions about what I was doing before Chrom and pals found me. Probably wasn't tending sheep. Gotta admit though, shooting lightning bolts and stabbing people was kinda fun.
Yup, I definitely wasn't a sheep-herder.
As expected, the surviving bandits fell back, rallying in the town square. We grouped up to plan the second stage of this battle. I got the ball rolling. "The surviving bandits have fallen back to the center of town. That is where their leader will be. I estimate there are about 10 bandits left, including the leader and two mages I saw running away from our initial charge. We should expect the leader to have his best fighters by his side, as well as hostages." The mention of hostages left an unspoken question Chrom was, to my great surprise, astute enough to notice.
"Our priority is saving civilians, even if it means letting bandits escape." Ohhh, Authoritative Chrom returns. My favorite side of him, though more alcohol and less clothes wouldn't hurt...
The plan we (read: I) came up with was pretty much the same as my original plan, but I made it sound different enough to impress Chrom. We would rush forwards, hacking through every bandit we could find until we ran out of bandits or one of them threatened a civilian. If that happened, we would let them leave in exchange for the hostage. When Chrom expressed concern over Lissa's safety now that we had confirmed the enemy ranks included mages, I heroically volunteered hang back with Lissa while the others joined the melee. As the only one that could strike from a distance, I was the only real option. Marth continued to bite his tongue, and even Frederick seemed convinced I wasn't going to stab Chrom in the back with a lightning bolt.
The bandits' last stand proved anticlimactic. Their leader, an oaf with the most darling of musculature hefting an axe with one hand that I could scarcely imagine lifting with both, died on Chrom's sword after a short and uneventful bout. The other bandit footmen fared even worse against the dashing prince. Their mages used some sort of wind magic, which I discovered was quite painful, but far less so than my own lightning magic. The only noteworthy incident during the battle was when a bandit swordsman that someone – I assume it was Marth – had missed got close to me and Lissa, and I cut him down with my blade even as I lashed lightning against the bandits menacing the others. Well, it would be more honest to say that I dragged Lissa over towards a nearly-dead bandit and let him graze me with his sword before stabbing him through the heart, but the former description sounds much more heroic. Chrom would be sure to know how I put myself in mortal danger to save his baby sister. Things are looking up for Robin!
And then, things got even better.
Our post-battle huddle was missing my least favorite person in the world. Chrom, Freddy, and I split up to look for Marth's body while Lissa helped the townspeople cowardly enough to survive the raid but too stupid to avoid injury completely. We didn't find his corpse, or him. Some of the townspeople mentioned seeing a blue-haired man in blue with a blue sword head east into the woods. The four of us that remained met with the village after concluding our bluemanhunt.
"We cannot thank you enough, Lord Chrom" began the elderly elder's mewling. "We owe you our lives! Please, you and your companions must stay the night in our humble village. A feast for your graceliness is the least we can do." Ugh, that was so sappy it could've been the punchline for a joke about a girl named Willow Rowan Oak. I hope Lissa doesn't talk about her again.
Chrom's response was exactly what I'd expected and feared. "Your generosity is most appreciated, but we must make haste to Ylissetol. The Exalt must know of this raid."
"But milord, you cannot hope to reach the capitol before nightfall."
"Yeah, Chrom" interjected Lissa in her shrill, annoying voice. "We just saved the village! We've earned a night's sleep in a real bed! Tell him Robin!" Blondie turned to me, expecting me to take her side on this. True, I couldn't think of many things more appealing than a good meal, a hot bath, and a warm bed, and most of those I could think of involved any of the aforementioned three plus Chrom naked, bound, and gagged, but it wouldn't do to actually say that.
I intended to deliver this line with more of a grin than a grimace, but hunger, exhaustion, and blood loss had sapped my acting talent, though I don't think Blue noticed. "I cannot remember that last time I slept in a real bed, Chrom, so what's one more night under the stars?" Sorry Lissa, but sucking up to your brother is more important than sucking up to you right now.