.
.
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Lost In You
I miss you, my darling, as I always do.
July, 2004
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Droplets of red fall from above, glistening in the moonlight.
The moon was full today, he noticed. The second full moon this month.
What was it called again?
Yes.
The blue moon.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Letting out a silent sigh, he pushed himself away from the trunk, flinching in the process. He remembered when he was alien to pain. If he was his old self, he would have stopped moving by now because every inch was dreadful.
Painful.
Drip.
He readied himself to jump to another branch casting a short glance behind him to make sure nobody was following. His right hand found his left arm and he clutched it tightly.
Painful.
Drip.
He went from branch to branch towards his destination; the one place he never wanted to return to, but he always did in the end.
Simply because she was there.
He had a choice. He could've left. They held anything against him no more. Not his sister. Not anyone.
Not anyone, but her.
- "Because I want to protect that person."
Yes.
What a noble man you are.
But what are you to protect now that she's gone?
I am trying, though. At night when I am alone, I call for you, and whenever my ache seems to be the greatest, you still seem to find a way to return to me.
He stopped in his tracks as he stared at the sight before him. Almost all the lights were out at this time of night. It was two o'clock in the morning, he noted. Again, he looked behind him.
There's nobody there.
Drip.
Drip.
He continued on absently until a familiar voice stopped him from his tracks.
"Natsume?"
He froze.
Did he …
"What are you doing here in the middle of the night? Shouldn't you be in - "
A gasp.
"Natsume, you're bleedi - !"
He quickly turned to hush her. "I'm fine," he said through his teeth. Annoying little girl. Must she always be this loud?
Confusion and worry flashed through her face. She paced towards him and reached for his left arm. He flinched. "How can you be fine when you're bleeding this much?" she asked, alarmed.
Hyuuga Natsume looked away.
Get out.
Get out of my sight.
"We've got to get you to the hospital!"
You're not real.
"I don't need to," he answered as he started to walk away from her, only to be halted again by her touch.
"Of course you do! You're losing too much blood! You can die!" she reasoned, trying to look into his eyes, but he continued to look away.
He refused to look at her. To look at those chocolate eyes that always showed the concern and love he didn't deserve.
- "You can't protect everyone."
No. Just her. You couldn't protect her.
"Natsume," she pleaded, her voice sounding softer. "Please come with me. We have to get your would treated."
He sighed. Arguing with her wouldn't work. "I told you." But he still didn't want to go. "I don't need to."
She held his hand and looked into his eyes. Inevitably, he found himself looking back at hers. "Natsume …"
He held her hand back. Tight. So tight that it seemed he hadn't for a long time. "I'd rather stay here with you."
I stop when I reach you and take you in my arms. I long for this moment more than any other. It is what I live for, and when you return my embrace, I give myself over to this moment, at peace once again.
Painful.
He ignored the pain. He was with her. That was what mattered most.
I am here to love you, to hold you in my arms, to protect you. I am hear to learn from you and to receive your love in return. I am here because there is no other place to be.
He walked to the Sakura Tree and sat on the ground slowly; her hand still in his.
"Natsume …" she started again with worry in her auburn eyes.
"I'll be fine …"
He will be fine.
Soon.
Eventually.
"… Because you are here."
She raised her right hand and caressed his face gently.
He smirked. "You really do have a knack of taking in lost puppies, don't you?"
She smiled back. "Are you saying you're a lost puppy?"
He closed his eyes.
"No."
He looked up at the sky, feeling raindrops fall. He closed his eyes and felt her hands slip away.
Because eventually, you disappear.
And I watch with breaking heart as you slowly fade away. I find myself straining to remember everything about this moment, everything about you. But soon, always too soon, your image vanishes and the fog rolls back to its faraway place and I am alone.
Dying, he thought, wouldn't matter much to him.
- "As long as she is here."
He looked to his left and the figure of the girl that once sat beside him was no more. He reached to the ground and felt hard marble against his palm. Slowly, he traced the letters written on it.
SAKURA MIKAN
Forever in our hearts.
1988-2003
He smiled to himself.
"I'm not a lost puppy."
If dying could be this peaceful, he wished she died the same way.
" … just lost in you."
At last.
We can be together.
Message in a Bottle (1998)
FIN
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