Author's Note: ok, so the second part of this first chapter went into a direction I didn't actually mean for it to go but it went there anyway. For the first time I'm actually a little afraid to post it. review? your thoughts are very needed and remember, if you hate Vanessa please don't read. you're honestly not going to find anything thing that you like in any of my stories. If you do read it and you like it let me know. oh, and I have to mention I don't really have a beta so i'm sorry if there are errors.

-Manda

Jenny had complained nonstop about her hair with every step she'd taken walking up the stairs from the subway, Dan had tormented her as only an older brother could have making her only complain more. His children's bickering beside him couldn't have brought a bigger smile to Rufus Humphrey's face as they walked to the Brooklyn loft. After spending a night at the Van der Woodsen pent house with the women he'd been in love with most of his life with her two children, his two was oddly enough everything that Rufus Humphrey could have wanted. Watching Jenny and Eric laying on the floor playing monopoly while Serena laid in Dan's lap reading a book and watching the fire was comforting. Now listening to the two bicker and complain as they always had as they headed back to the place they'd grown up in he knew that somewhere along all of the mess-ups he'd gone right with something. He had a son who may have been too smart for his own good at times, but none the less was a pretty good kid. A daughter who had her rough ups and downs but he understood that growing up without a mother around at a school where mean girls and rich bitches ruled everything Jenny was doing the best she could to be normal. He'd done a pretty good job so far, there hadn't been anything majorly wrong with the way he was raising his kids. That was something that he could pride himself on. Even in the days of slight confusion after learning of the sun he'd never had a chance to meet.

They weren't his little children anymore, the children he'd attempted to teach how to play football or took to the playground while their mother had her 'days of dark art' as she'd liked to call them. Those were some of the days he remembered the best, the days he watched them grow up alone in front of his eyes. Thinking back to it now he should have known Allison wasn't ever going to last as being a full time mother. She hadn't been cut out of the job in the first place. Now it was to be Alex's job to deal with her, to hope that she didn't make the same mistake with the that child that she'd made with her oldest two. Speaking of the children they'd raised, they were growing up now. he was still having a hard time trying to think of what it would be like with his eldest child and only son away at college in the fall. It meant Rufus would be stuck with a teenage daughter and the misfit that was like having a second one. Yes, at least Rufus knew that Vanessa wouldn't be leaving come fall. He didn't have to worry about Jenny completely losing everything when Dan left.

Being the father that he was Rufus didn't exactly always see the slight line between getting along and treading water that Vanessa and Jenny's friendship had become. He didn't like to know that a guy had come in the path of the girls he still looked at as the innocent six and four year old making mud pies in central park from so many years before. It was hard to believe of the pair that had once been so close suddenly being so dislodged by one boy.

"Dannnnnn stopppppp"

Hearing his daughter complain Rufus came out of his thoughts only to find his son holding the door of the building shut and causing all three of them to stand out in the rain.

"Oh come on Jen, it's not like you're going to melt. Standing in a little bit of water isn't going to kill you, you're not Blair Waldorf, if you were then you could be worried you'd melt."

Shaking his head as he listened to the two argue back and forth he stepped in front of Dan and pulled open the door to the apartment standing back so that they could run ahead of him up the stairs. They did exactly that without a complaint. He walked up the stairs behind them slowly only to find them yield at the door and music already coming from inside the apartment. It could only mean one thing.

"Alinas Morissette?"

He heard Jenny question as she turned to look at Dan who was already nodding his head.

"Her anger music, at least she's off the sad stuff"

As Dan mumbled Rufus unlocked the door and ushered the kids in the house everyone dropping their bags beside the door as Jenny and Dan went off in a dash to Dan's room. Vanessa's erratic mood swings were something both Humphrey kids were doing almost well with, dealing with how she went from having her highest highs to the lowest of lows. Rufus had seen them too, as she worked. She wasn't the same Vanessa she'd been before her broken heart, the evidence was written all through her hazel eyes.

In their mad dash to Dan's room Jenny had stopped short feet before the door causing Dan to turn around and look at her for a moment, it not registering what she was doing. Silently Jenny was pointing to the bathroom door. Dan traced his steps back beside his sister to lean enough to peer into their small blue tiled bathroom. An odd place for anyone to be asleep but after spending a few nights at the Abrams apartment it only seemed like Vanessa was taking a few lessons out of Ruby's books. Leaning against the cool tiled wall Vanessa had her head in her knees but all sounds made them bet that she was asleep, there wasn't any sobbing coming from her, a relief from previous days. Not speaking, just nodding their heads in agreement once they both walked into the bathroom beside each other and took seats beside the tub on the floor sandwiching Vanessa in between them. It took longer than brother and sister had expected for hazy eyes to blink open and attempt to focus on them.

"What time is it?"

Blinking a few times Vanessa yawned clamping her hand over her mouth for a second before looking back and forth and settling on resting her head on Jenny's shoulder.

"Almost two o'clock in the afternoon"

Dan said as he brushed a piece of hair behind his best friend's ear as her eyes shut. She'd hadn't been herself since she'd dragged herself into his window two days after Jenny's sweet sixteen. Even if it was only a week ago she still hadn't been the same. She still refused to tell him all of the reasons behind her hysterics, the only thing he could really gather was that she and Nate were defiantly over. From Gossip Girl's latest spotting he'd been frolicking around with Blair like he'd never even had a relationship with Vanessa in the first place. For being one of the good guys Nate sure had a strange way of showing it. Dan wasn't even sure how he was supposed to be toured Nate anymore, the guy that was supposed to be one of his good friends had a bad habit of double crossing all the females in Dan's life.

"I got here at ten and came straight in here because I felt like I was going to be sick. I guess I just fell asleep. I guess I was a little tired, I feel fine now. It's probably just something I ate last night. I don't know, I just don't feel like myself."

Jenny was still sitting with her arms around their best friend trying to consol her, between Dan and Jenny they'd done plenty of that in the past week. A vibrating above their heads made Vanessa's head snap up and her hand fly to grab it before the phone fell from the ledge of the sink above. She took one look at the number and both Dan and Jenny could see the slight image of panic in her eyes. Confusion slightly swept them both up as they looked at one another.

"I have to take this"

Her voice was nearly a whisper as she looked at the phone only, allowing Dan and Jenny to give one another a strange look. Vanessa was suddenly awake and alert out of her sleeping mode. Knowing what Vanessa meant they both stood up one at a time and started to leave the room leaving Vanessa by herself on the floor of the bathroom.

"I'm gonna go check gossip girl"

Piping up Jenny reached the door first throwing a look to Dan to leave Vanessa alone. From the look on Vanessa's face he knew she was waiting for him to leave too. He nodded his head and stupidly pointed to the door as he walked out and shut it behind him. Standing outside the door Dan and Jenny listened for a moment, to figure out what was going on with her, the water in the sink suddenly running prevented them from hearing anything that was going on inside of the room. Dan shrugged his shoulders and headed into the kitchen as Jenny went to get her lap top. Even after all the trouble she'd gotten into due to gossip girl Jenny couldn't seem to leave any of it alone.

"Where's V?"

Dan sat down and looked at Rufus as the words left his mouth. Raising his hand he pointed down the hall as he watched his father for a moment.

"Phone call"

He shrugged as Rufus brushed it off and started to clean up the kitchen that hadn't been touched in a day, it seemed like lately they were living half at Lily's.

"Ok, gossip girl has a new spotted of the week"

Sitting up on one of the stools and placing her lap top down on the counter top Jenny didn't take her eyes off of the screen to look at her father or brother, she just began to ramble off the newest announcement gossip girl had posted on where everyone was in their lives.

"He and Blair were at some restaurant opening, ew, parade that you're a manwh… hi daddy."

Rufus clearing his throat made Jenny stop in her sentence and look up at him, her blue eyes shown with a fake innocence to them that made Dan snicker and try not to laugh himself. Typical.

"Complains about my dress, Chuck being Chuck, You looking for a jo…"

Before Jenny gets another word out of her mouth slamming from the bathroom door made them all jump as quick walking approached the room faster than normal pace. They all turned to look at Vanessa who had her hood up over her head. She wasn't any longer on the phone but she hardly stopped for small talk, Vanessa was on a direct line to the door regardless of any distractions that might have been around the room. She seemed frazzled and out of it as the three watched her with confused expressions. Vanessa was usually the most put together during the day, suddenly she was acting far from that.

"I'll call later"

Almost in a mumble she shut the door behind her just as fast as she'd gotten into the room leaving all three of the Humphrey's watching after the door for a moment. Dan was the first to shake his head, he was starting to get used to his best friend's secrecy. It seemed like Vanessa didn't tell him very much anymore something that if he let it bother him he'd be up for hours without sleep at night. Vanessa hadn't ever been an open book like most people would have thought by looking at her.

"Everything ok with her?"

Rufus asked breaking the silence as both Dan and Jenny looked at one another not knowing exactly how to respond to the question asked. They didn't know what was going on with her but she certainly didn't seem like herself.

"She's just having a rough time with the breakup"

Shrugging it off Dan pulled a bag of chips from the table and opened them.

"The last of GG's update is Vanessa being doomed boring as she headed to a doctor's office… I can't believe she is picking on me and my sweet sixteen again. It's been almost a week, isn't it time for someone to have a new scandal?"

She complained as she shut her lap top and leaned back on her stool reaching for the chips in Dan's hand.

"Speaking of scandals, talk to mom lately? She's not still inspecting us to come to Hudson this summer is she really? I don't think that will be exactly comfortable."

With a quick glance to his father to make sure the topic of conversation wasn't one that was going to taint the mood of the day he looked back at Jenny hoping she had the answer to his question. The thought of having to spend even part of the summer with his mother, Alex, and another illegitimate sibling, it apparently was just the year for new and old siblings popping up out of the woodwork.

"Well if she is expecting us to be there at least she's past the throwing up stage, I can't believe she waited that long to tell us. What does she think are, some distant family members?"

Jenny was far from happy from the newest predicament, the fact that she and Dan hadn't been the first two to know. Rufus had just shaken his head at the news. He didn't put being selfish past Allison anymore, she'd been selfish enough to leave her children without much notice.

"Know what, I'm so sick of a people hiding things lately, that's all anyone seems to do anymore."

Speaking her mind again she laid her head down on the counter as Dan and Rufus both looked at her. They both knew it was just the way life worked.

She was numb, her mind was absolutely numb. She'd thought she hadn't had anything left in her stomach before she'd gotten the phone call she defiantly didn't have anything left in her stomach after it. Vanessa wasn't ready for any bit of reality to touch her, she just wanted to escape, escape and get far away for as long as she could. His place, it was the only escape she could think of. It wasn't as though it was his lips she craved on her neck or anywhere else on her body, it was just the only thing she could get. Using him was the only thing she could think of to do. He could help her get away from it all and he'd use her just the same. If she closed her eyes she could already feel the liquor sliding down her throat, burning all the way down as it went. It was the only thing she could think of to do to make it all go away for a little while. The problem wasn't one that would just go away if she blinked her eyes and took a swing, even if it cleared away her thoughts for a little while it was worth it. Anything to not have to linger on anything, just to pretend everything was ok and normal sounded good.

Pulling the black hood from over her head soon as she was outside of the door she knew she was safe from any gossip girl spies. With her hand she wiped away any lingering mascara from the tears that had escaped and slid down her cheeks as she'd sat as calm as she could on the subway. She didn't bother to knock as she twisted the door handle of the room he locked himself away in most hours of the day. Walking in on him and a 'client' wouldn't have fazed her if that's what she walked into. She couldn't have cared less if he was in the room with four girls around him, she didn't want him in that way she just wanted him to numb her feelings for a while. She pushed the door in and stepped though, on first step she could smell the smoky air coming from what she assumed must have been his bedroom. Not that that was the only room in the house Chuck limited his 'activities' to.

Dropping her sweatshirt on the floor beside the couch she grabbed the crystal bottle of vodka off of the glass table and poured herself a glass. Holding it up to the light she debated her moves for a few moments watching the illumination bounce off the glass. Her better judgments were telling her to put down the glass and go home where she belonged. Yet, it was the dominating judgment that won out as she brought the glass to her lips and downed it without stopping letting it cause a fire in her throat as it went. It felt good to think of only the liquor as she found her way to Chuck's room, the door slightly ajar.

"I knew you'd be back for more"

Much as she resented his voice and everything else about him she looked straight at him as he stared her down in the mirror. She kept telling herself that she was only there to make herself feel better, she couldn't go home or she'd end up droning in her own pain and mistakes. Placing the crystal glass down on his bureau she started to feel the liquor seeming to start taking affects as it mixed with the fumes from the blunt in Chuck's hand. Vanessa ran a hand through her semi wet hair and made her way to his bed.

She slipped closer to him to straddle his lap as his hands slipped under her shirt to touch her skin. Vanessa didn't pale to pull away for even a second, anything for something that wasn't what she'd been dealing with all day. It didn't matter if it was three o'clock in the afternoon or midnight Chuck was always ready and for once she was ready too. She could feel exactly how ready he was against her lower abdomen; generally she would have been completely disgusted. This time, it was exactly what she'd needed.

"I don't want to talk, I don't want to hear your thoughts. I just need you to make me forget."

With her voice one that she hardly recognized she didn't pay much attention to her conscience that was begging her to stop self destructing. With her best attempts to droned the voice out she took the paper rolled hash out of his hand and brought it to her lips as he reached forward tugging at her shirt to take it off, his mouth slipping messily along the hallow of her neck and down to the lace of her bra. Chuck Bass wasted no time when a female was placed in front of him. He was like a rabid dog with a piece of meat.

"That I can do"

His voice was husky as she pushed the robe he'd had on off, it didn't take seconds for him to pin her down on the bed on her back. Vanessa held tightly to the rolled paper in her hand taking puffs from it whenever she could coherently think. Her shirt was off, her sweat pants were being slipped off all has his mouth slipped further down her body. Her mind wanted to race and remind her that what she was doing was wrong but with every inhale her thoughts got further and further away. With every time his hot breath made its way to places that made her forget a twinge of guilt hit her harder, she knew in the morning she'd regret it all.

Everything was moving fast, just as she'd known it would, just as she wanted it to. For being her escape he was working well. His mouth was all over the place, his body falling into an easy rhythm, it was all just there. They weren't the ones either of them wanted, they were just the ones they had to make do with.