I have this headcanon explaining how Ezra looks at every scar he gets and the distinction between physical and emotional pain. This will also serve as a bit of a test run, because I plan on making one other one-shot based on another headcanon of mine (I don't know if I'll do more, but I know I have one other that I'd like to try to make into a one-shot).
It had been a month since Ezra had joined the Ghost crew and Hera had decided that it was finally time to get him a routine checkup. She brought him to the med bay, got him set up, and allowed the medical droid to do its job.
It began doing the necessary procedures and for the most part he was looking healthy, thin but healthy. The droid was starting the preparations for a ling exam, but when Ezra removed his top for the robot, Hera was concerned to say the least. Scars and bruises covered the teen's body. Ezra could see the troubled look on Hera's face and knew what she was concerned about.
"There's no need to worry Hera." Ezra clarified. "Let's remember, up until a month ago I was living on the streets of Lothal. Some are from beatings while others are from me just being clumsy. I do not see these as a problem."
"But you shouldn't even have them to begin with." Hera stated with a motherly tone. "You're just a child."
"As true as that may be, I need them. I need their memory."
Hera gave Ezra a look of confusion at his statement.
"They are a reminder. They remind me that I am a survivor. That I'm still alive."
Hera knew couldn't argue with that kind of logic, as her expression changed from concerned and confused to an understanding smile.
Once the initial recovery from the battle with the Inquisitor, and Kanan's capture as a whole, both Kanan and Ezra were finally able to observe the other thoroughly in person. Kanan reassured Ezra that he was fine, physically and mentally. And while Ezra was healthy, Kanan's main concern was with his scar, of which Kanan studied carefully.
"And what about you?" Kanan asked with a chuckle. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Of course I'm sure, you know me." Ezra stated. "I don't really die that easily. I've survived through too much to die now."
"Yeah, but you didn't exactly walk out of there unharmed either."
"You mean this?" Ezra asked pointing at the two scars. "Sure, it hurt, but I'm alive. Plus, it makes an amazing trophy."
"Trophy?"
"Yeah, I mean you know that my scars are memories of what I've lived through. This scar, while it is permeant, is an excellent example of that. I'm lucky that I didn't lose my head, and I'm proud of it."
Kanan shook his head at Ezra's notion, with a smug grin on his face.
"You are one strange kid, do you know that?"
"I learned from the best."
"What do you mean he's gone?" Kanan yelled. "I know he's been feeling guilty lately, but he never showed any sign that he wanted to leave."
It had been a little over a month since the events of Malachor and Ezra had not been seen much of since. Kanan was adjusting to his new found disability so he couldn't say that he had even sensed Ezra in close proximity lately either. Apparently, Ezra's guilt had driven him to secluding himself off to the world as much as he could manage. However, everyone made sure to make the effort to check on the teen to make sure he was alive and somewhat well. If anything, they were more concerned that Ezra was still with them and that he didn't disappear, or worse die, because of the guilt. When Hera had went to check on Ezra that morning and found him missing, everyone was on high alert.
"He's just gone Kanan." Hera anxiously replied. "I don't when and I don't know exactly why. All I know is that he's been mumbling, mostly in his sleep, about how he didn't belong with us. How he belongs by 'his' side. How Ezra is owned by 'him'. Who exactly this person is, I don't know. I'm worried Kanan. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to him. We have to find him."
Kanan's hands grabbed Hera's shoulders in an attempt to help soothe her, before pulling her into a comforting embrace. She was anxiously shaking, refusing to cry in front of Kanan, but slowly accepted his gesture.
"We will Hera. We will."
Kanan released her once she had calmed down.
"Why don't I try to go look for him? Maybe I'll have some luck."
"Are you sure? Are you sure you can handle it?"
"I can handle it Hera, don't worry. I've got a pretty good sense of perception. It's not perfect, but it's good enough to sense generally where everything and everyone is. I'll find him."
Kanan gave her a confident and comforting smile. Hera knew she could rely on Kanan, and it's not like he would listen to her if she told him no. So giving Kanan her blessing was the least Hera could do.
Kanan exited the Ghost and stepped into the warm afternoon air of Atollon. The first thing he did was try to sense where Ezra was and see how far Ezra could be. He first focused on the Ghost, in the event that Ezra was still on the ship and was just hiding really well. When he didn't sense Ezra on the Ghost, Kana shifted his focus to the planet. It took a few minutes, but when he finally felt Ezra's presence, Kanan let out a sigh of relief. Ezra hadn't gotten too far, about a mile passed the barrier, and there were no krykna around him.
It didn't take long before Kanan got close to Ezra's location. Ezra appeared to be taking a break from his escape, giving Kanan the impression that Ezra hadn't been running for too long considering where Ezra was found at. Kanan tried to approach Ezra without startling him. Unfortunately, Ezra would notice Kanan, but too little too late. Before Ezra had a chance to run, Kanan had grabbed him by the arm before yanking Ezra closer to him. Both of Kanan's hands firmly grabbed onto Ezra's shoulders, while Ezra tried squirming away from him.
"Let me go!" Ezra screamed.
"No, I won't let you go." Kanan yelled back. "What has gotten into you Ezra?"
"I have to go!"
"No you don't. I know you have been guilty, but this is not the way to handle it. And who is it you plan on running to? Who do you thing owns you?"
Ezra refused to answer his mentor, not wanting to reveal his secret. Kanan was not about to let Ezra deny him, not after a month of personal solitary confinement.
"Who owns you?" Kanan repeated.
"Maul!" Ezra finally admitted.
This took Kanan of guard. The fact that Ezra said that Maul was the one who owned him, rocked Kanan to the core.
"Why would he own you?"
The slight hitch in Ezra's emotional state emitted terror, panic, and an unusual sense acceptance.
"I'm scarred Kanan." Ezra admitted.
"What are you talking about?" Kanan asked. "Hera told me that you didn't have a scratch on you."
"Not that kind of scar Kanan. I'm emotionally scarred."
Kanan was confused. Kanan didn't see how an emotional scar meant that Maul owned Ezra.
"You've been scarred before physically, and emotionally at least once. How is now any different?"
"Because emotional scars show ownership Kanan. Once you show that you've been emotionally damaged, you become owned. They control you. And Maul did just that."
"That doesn't make any sense Ezra. If showing your emotional damage give a person ownership, then why don't I 'own' you when you were emotionally compromised by the news that your parents died?"
"Because you didn't cause it. The Empire did. They did not see me emotionally unstable. You did. Maul is the only person who has caused it to see my emotional pain."
Kanan could feel Ezra's turmoil coming to the surface. The pain barely able keep itself contained.
"He manipulated the situation and got the ball rolling. I was so naïve and he wormed his way inside of my mind. I connected with his story, and I couldn't stop myself from sharing my own. My distain and bitterness slipping out. He started it, he witnessed the beginning, and now I am his possession."
Kanan did not utter a word as he pulled Ezra into a strong embrace. He didn't show any sign of a reaction as Ezra's emotions stained his shirt.
"I hate emotional scars." Ezra admitted. "I hate them so much, and I refuse to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing them. You guys helped me through my parents' death, but I was alone with Maul. And because I was stupid enough to trust him, to open my scar up to him, I caused so much pain. You're blind, and the scar Maul had ripped open has officially taken hold. I have to go. I am his prize."
Kanan didn't say a word, unsure of how to approach Ezra's words at first.
"You aren't going anywhere." Kanan stated. "Yes you made a mistake, but this is not entirely your fault. We are here to get you through you're guilt and we will not let you fall into his hands. Let me take on your scar and maybe we can get through this."
Kanan let go of Ezra, who looked at his bandaged eyes. The conflict within Ezra was suppressed, not wanting to disappoint his master, but Maul's supposed power over Ezra still lingered.
"I can't promise anything, but I'm willing to take your help."
I hope the ending came out okay. I know I wasn't entirely sure how to end it, but I think what I have works. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a review. I appreciate everyone who's read through this little one-shot regardless of whether or not you review, follow, or favorite this story.