Title: Compromise
Author: Lynnmyth23
Pairing: Eames/Arthur, and mentions and evidence of Eames/Many others
Summary: A look into what a relationship can be when two people want different things...kind of sad i guess...sorry.
Rating: R: cause random people through my 23 years have told me its better to be safe than sorry...although there is is actual sex, just a vague reference to it.
Warnings: Ummm, cheating partner. And a very, (i hope) in-depth study into relationship negotiations. This is also my first fanfiction that I'm posting thats finished so be gentle with me. Also I'm Canadian so some of our spelling is different for those of you in the US.
Disclaimer: Owned by the brilliant Nolan, and therefore not mine...dammit
Present
I think that monogamy has to be negotiated, through life and through relationships you learn if you want monogamy, if its for you or if you would be willing to be for someone else. If you can handle an open relationship, or if you need to know that your the one and only. It was always a crap shoot when getting into a relationship about whether your wants were the same as your partner, or if you were expecting one thing, and getting another, having to negotiate the slippery slope of compromise or breaking up.
It wasn't a matter of loving someone enough that you can deal with having to change or not, it was if you were the type of person that you can actually deal with the choice you make without damaging who you really are. That was the true test of compromise. Some compromises go beyond the situation and begin to change who you are and how you feel about your partner, making them pointless and damaging.
Sitting here thinking about what he wanted, what he actually needed, and what he was getting he tried to muddle through it to find an actual solution. And he kept coming up with one thing. The deciding factor of course was that he knew that it wasn't only him that was suffering in this compromise.
What had started out as a relationship of sneaking around and random moments on intimacy was now a relationship. Not the type that he thought he would ever be in, but a relationship non the less.
When he started this, whatever it was, with Eames he thought that they would be releasing their frustrations together, and only with each other, although that was never discussed. But given the limited amount of time they had away from the projects that they were doing he assumed that that was the case. Then when it evolved into, what can only be called a relationship, he definitely expected that he was the only one that Eames was seeing.
He was proven wrong however when he found a pair of panties in couch one evening when he was cleaning up. Now they had been pretty adventurous in bed, but wearing and owning womens underwear had never been part of the equation for either of them. So that could only mean one thing. At the time he knew what this meant, that Eames was not only seeing other people but that he was seeing other people and bringing them to Arthur's home.
Talking to Eames about the situation was both more and less awkward and awful than he though it would be.
One year earlier, two months into the relationship
"What is this?" Arthur was normally so unruffled, but now his voice had a slight wobble to it, giving away what he was feeling to the Forger.
Arthur noticed how Eames took a quick glance toward the panties, then to the couch before focusing back on Arthur's face. "Darling, I'm sorry." That was all he said, leaving the situation as it was, without an explanation.
It was then that Arthur knew that while he may have been holding up the faithful end of the relationship it seemed that Eames hadn't been. "How many?" he questioned, no hint of accusation into his once again controlled tone.
"Arthur, you know that what we have is special, its different. But if you were expecting...more...only you, than I have to ask, where was I when we agreed to that?" Eames could be playful, sarcastic, condescending, but he could also be so truthful and to the point that he cut to the bone. Hurting Arthur the only was that he could in this moment. By pointing out the one thing that they had obviously overlooked, or in Arthur's case assumed.
To that the only thing that Arthur could say was "your right." That was that, neither Eames or Arthur continued the conversation, they both knew where the other one was coming from.
Arthur had in that moment realized that this was what he was going to have, that he could have part of Eames, perhaps the most important part of Eames,but that he needed to accept that he would not be the only one that would have Eames.
The look that had been on Eames face when he had spoken was testament to how serious he was, that this was and never will be something that he would do, that he would never promise monogamy.
It continued like it had been, however since finding the panties there had been no more evidence of what Eames did away from Arthur in his apartment. It seemed that when he said he was sorry for that, he meant it, realizing that this was one boundary that Arthur would not accept being crossed again.
That didn't mean that it stopped Thought there were no more signs, no more panties or any other traces there were times when they were both free that Arthur would be alone. When Eames would find his way home only to look at Arthur waiting on the couch, or in the bed. The look was always the same, a silently communication of regret, a little bit of self righteousness, and perhaps some surprise mixed with not a little bit of fear that would ease when he saw him; Arthur was still there waiting for him. Then the look would be gone, Eames leaving the room to take a shower, before joining Arthur on the bed, doing nothing more but snuggling with him on the bed. Eames would hold him more tightly on these nights, not releasing him until morning. After which Eames would decide that enough time had passed between the happenings of the night before to make the morning just for them, sometimes if they had the time, spending the whole day together. Arthur both loved and hated these times.
He knows that in those moments while waiting for Eames to return, and then the nights when all he could do was lay awake in Eames arms he would think about how he could go out and get his own 'company.' Find someone for a single moment and return to Eames, like Eames does with him. To give Eames the opportunity to be on the receiving end of this feeling that Arthur had. But he also knows that he doesn't have it in him to do that, to give that type of pain to Eames. He knew that Eames felt regret and pain for what he does, for those moments with other people, for knowing that Arthur wants it all, but not being able to give it to him. But he also knows that this is what it was from the beginning, and that Eames had never hidden from Arthur. Not what he was doing, or the fact that this is something that he wouldn't change.
So Arthur took the moments, because they had a life together, and most of the time he could pretend that these things, those times when Eames was absent didn't matter, and the morning after when there was almost a desperation in their lovemaking was what they needed to put them back in a balance, to put Arthur back in a state where the others didn't matter.
One year after the beginning of this relationship of understanding and avoidance, everything changed.
Arthur dropped the shirt that he was folding, oddly patterned, bright oranges and blues mixed to create this eye damaging travesty that Eames called a shirt. He may complain to Eames about his shirts but secretly he loved the moments when he could strip Eames of them to leave only his tanned toned skin. Now the shirt no longer had that quality about them, there was no image of him stripping the shirt off to accompany looking at this hideous thing. There was only red, the red of the cheap crimson lipstick that was on the collar of Eames' shirt, the stain creating a garish contrast with the underlying orange.
Suddenly, Arthur accepted all that had happened, really accepted it. He was the point man, he gathers information, keeping it all, nothing unimportant. Even in his avoidance he could, with absolute certainty recall all the thirty-six times in the past year that Eames had come home with the look.
Arthur had never come home with a look, never made Eames think that he was out with someone else, never come home with wet hair smelling of someone elses soap. He had compromised, changed, avoided, accepted Eames lack of change, so that he could be with Eames. Recalling everything that had happened in the past year there had been no compromise on Eames part, at least not in the relationship. However, now that he really thought about it, maybe being in this relationship was the compromise for Eames, after all this whole solidifying of a relationship seemed to be Arthur's doing; his apartment that they were together in that he had invited Eames into, his initiating the beginnings of them actually doing things together outside the bedroom, add to that the fact that he was the one at home alone during those moments. Eames wasn't a relationship guy, or at least not yet, they may love each other but that didn't mean that everything would work out.
Later that same day
"I'm going away for a job Eames, and I would like it for you to be out of the apartment when I get back." Arthur was going to be rational for once, he had a rebuttal for basically anything that Eames could say to him in this moment.
"Alright Darling" was all that Eames said, and considering the past year he thought that there would have been more, more to say, more denials, more questions, or more compromise on Eames' side, but he supposed that this reply was actually what he should have been expecting.
Love wasn't all about sacrifice, about changing who you are and what you want to the point where its no longer you that is in control of your wants. He loves Eames, and he knows that Eames loves him but they want different things...
So, five minutes later he stands by the door with his cases, ready for the job, ready to leave so that Eames can move on. Arthur knows that he's barely holding back tears, his eyes probably glistening, tears of sadness but also acceptance. Looking in to Eames' face he can see that there is a new look, one similar to the one that precipitated this mess, but there was an added emotion, resignation, like he knew that this was going to come.
Arthur figured this would be it, there would be jobs together in the future, needing to see each other, but he knew that they would handle that when the time came. But he also knew that he needed a real goodbye.
Stepping up to Eames, he cupped his stubbled face in his hands, absorbing all the details of his face through sight and touch. He felt it when Eames wrapped his arms around his waist, like he usually would, making this moment all the more bitter sweet. Trailing his eyes from Eames hair past his eyes, for once not reading into what he saw there, he finally focused on Eames lips, leaning forward slightly allowing Eames to make the final move. The kiss wasn't much by their standards but it was the most sincere kiss he had ever given or received.
Just a gentle touch of lips that lingered more than a kiss like this normally would, both of them savouring being in the same space as the other, a goodbye between lovers that both regretted and accepted the loss. Then it was over, Arthur kept his eyes closed for a brief moment after the kiss, taking a deep breath both to calm himself but also to catch a last impression of Eames cologne, cataloguing it in his mind, to remember this moment later, in his dreams.
Arthur opened his eyes stepping away from the moment and from Eames; picking up his bags he opened the door, unable to resist catching one last look at Eames.
Eames was still standing there, his eyes still closed, a single tear slipping past the closed lids. Perhaps a fitting last image for Arthur to leave with.