-Thank you to my beta Bruised Reed without whom you would be forced to endure misspelled words and missing punctuation!
-I gave Nate the second most common pronunciation error among young children, the substation of "f" for "th". So if you can't figure out what he's saying you might want to switch you letters back.
-Set during "New Order Part 2" in season eight
Sam stares at the image in the mirror transfixed. Long hair, she hasn't had that since her Plebe summer at Academy. And she's never worn a nightgown like this. The room is cold, much too cold for the nightgown, but also colder than Colorado gets unless you are up in the mountains. Why would she go into the mountains? And why didn't she bring a warmer nightgown?
She leaves the room and walks through the cabin. As soon as she leaves the bedroom she knows where she is, but she can't figure out why she's here. It's not like the Colonel hasn't invited her up to the cabin plenty of times, but she's never accepted, she's not allowed to accept.
"Hey, I thought you'd never wake up," The Colonel says smiling at her.
"Mom!" the little boy says running to embrace her. He's a lot older than he was the last time she remembered him, but she has no trouble recognizing him.
"What is going on, Sir?" she asks trying to figure out what her last memory actually is.
The Colonel smiles at her, "Sir? Come on Sammy, we're not going back to that now are we?"
Crap, her last memory is a replicator ship. It's just another way of trying to fill the hole in her heart. Just another game of pretend. This Colonel isn't HIM anymore than Pete was when she was dating him. This is even worse, because at least Pete was himself, was real. Pete never wore his face.
"Fifth, this isn't…real," she says.
The Colonel smiles at her, "Come on, we left all that behind, remember? The Stargate wasn't conducive to family life. Why don't we head back into the cabin and have some fish for breakfast?"
"Ah! See! That just proves it, there are no fish in Ja…The Colonel's lake!" she exclaims.
"It would have been much easier if you had just accepted this, Samantha," he says as his face transforms from Jack's to Fifth, and the little boy dissolves into thin air.
Jack walks down the hallway trying to look as casual as possible but he's worried. When Teal'c, Daniel, and he saved Carter from the replicator, Fifth she'd been strange, distant, cool, and worried. Completely unwilling to look him in the eye. Daniel and Teal'c had seemed extra protective of Carter. He was pretty sure something had happened in the two months he had been frozen in Antartica with the knowledge of the Ancients in his head, and he wanted to know what that something was.
He walks into Carter's lab and sees…a little kid coloring on her lab bench.
"Ah hi, where did you escape from?" he asked in surprise.
The kid giggles at him, "Silly, I didn't escape."
"Does Carter know you're in her lab?" Jack asks.
The kid nods without looking up.
"Where is Carter?" he presses further.
"Sam be back soon. Don't leave the room. Don't touch nofin'," the kid repeats automatically.
"That sounds like pretty tough instructions to follow for one so little. I have trouble following directions like that myself sometimes," Jack says.
"Sam tells you what to do?" the kid asks in surprise.
"Sometimes, although she's really not supposed to," Jack says leaning over the table in a conspiratorial whisper. "So how do you know Sam? Are you the nephew she talks about?"
"No, Sam's taking care of me 'til my Dad gets unfrozed. Or if my Dad don't want me she'll take care of me forever," the little boy says.
Suddenly Jack takes stock of the kid before him. Really takes in the details, and he sees himself in the eyes, Charlie in the posturing.
"Your Dad's frozen huh?" he tries to ask casually but his voice sounds forced to his own ears.
"Yeah, wif a bunch of stuff in his brain fat don't belong. Uncle Daniel says it's just as well since fere wasn't much in fere before," the kid says going back to coloring.
"Did he now?" Jack says allowing a slight laugh, "How old are you?"
"Free and a half," the boy says.
"And your mother, Laira right?" he asks. The boy looks up at him in a way the clearly shows he's right, and the boy is surprised, "What happened to her?"
The boy's face goes grave, "She died."
"Oh God," Jack says walking around the table and scooping the child close to his heart. The kid doesn't whimper, murmur, or cry. "It's ok to cry, buddy," Jack says.
"Done cryin'," the boy says.
"Ok, that's fine too," Jack says, pulling him away. "What is your name?"
"Nafavin," he says, "It means 'fafer's gift', and Mom says I'm a great gift given by my fafer."
"Your brother…Garan right?" Jack asks.
The boy nods.
"He ok? I mean somebody taking care of him?"
The boy giggles, "he's a grown-up. He's married."
"Hmm…married doesn't always mean grown up, and not all grown up people are married," Jack says.
The boy laughs. Just then Sam came around the corner. "Sorry it took me longer than I expected Nate," she stops cold when she sees Jack. The boy slams into her wrapping himself around her legs. She reaches down, and places him on her lab bench holding him to her.
"Sir…you've met Nathavin?" she stammers, and he can tell that there is another question layered in the one he asked.
"Yes, I think I've gotten to know him better than he's gotten to know me," Jack says answering the question Sam hadn't asked.
She smiles at him, "Nate, I think you should go have lunch with Uncle Danny," Sam says to the boy.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" he wails, "I'm not hungry," he says pulling himself closer to her.
"Well, I guess Uncle Danny will just have to let you have ice cream them," she says.
He stops and looks at her. "Can I have ice cream wif you instead Sam?"
"No sweetie, I need to talk to…to…I need to talk for a little bit about something very important. I promise we'll do something fun after," he says.
The little boy looks suspiciously at her, "Will you be all right Sam?"
She holds him tight, "I promise I'll be alright. Nothing dangerous. You'll be with Uncle Daniel the whole time. I'll be safe."
A worry begins to gnaw at Jack when he sees his son so worried. He rolls the word son over and over in his mind. It still stings a little. The word has been associated with pain for so long that it will take awhile before the word makes him happy again, but he can already feel it is going to make him happy.
Sam puts Nate on her hip, and they walk to Daniel's office in silence. Jack touches his son's head. The short hair pricking his fingers. He longed for the physical contact all the more since his son was so desperate for it.
Sam smiles at Daniel as she enters the room, "Daniel could you and Nathavin get an ice cream cone while uh…while we talk."
Daniel looked a little scared, but he smiled at Jack.
"You're not going to cry this time right?" Sam asks the boy in her arms.
He shakes his head reassuringly. Daniel still looks dubious. Sam sighs, "How about we all go to the mess. We'll sit at different tables until we're done chatting, and then we'll join you," she says.
Daniel nods.
When they get to the mess Sam makes sure it is Daniel that hands Nate the ice cream cone to help him curry the child's favor.
When Sam and Jack sit down he tries to give her his award-winning smile to calm his nerves, but he knows it's failed before it is half formed. "So my kid's got Daniel scared," he says.
"He freaked out a little when, Daniel watched him last. He's…a bit clingy," she says not looking at Jack.
"How did Laira die?" he asks.
"She was pretty far gone when she got here," she says softly, "we think it was some kind of cancer. Nate refused to leave her bed the whole time she lived after coming through. Actually, even after she died. Teal'c finally had to physically drag him out of the bed."
"Crap," he says closing his eyes.
"Sorry, not the right way to introduce you to your son," he says softly.
"No, information I need to know," he says, "How long has he been here?"
"He arrived two days after you were gone. So…two months, and two days."
"Sam, I'll never be able to thank you for taking care of him," he says in the most serious voice she has ever heard him use.
"Jack, you don't have to take him. I'd be more than happy to continue…I mean right now he's technically my foster child, but I always planned to adopt him if you didn't want him. That's why I didn't want you to tell him you were his father until we'd talked. If you don't want to take him, I'd love to…" she says. Jack smiles; he knows what she really means. That her heart is breaking, and she isn't sure if she can give him up.
"I definitely want him. He's my son. But I've seen the way he is attached to you. I don't think it would be in Nate's best interest to just drag him away from you. I think we're going to have to work out something gradual, maybe keep a sort of joint custody thing," he says.
Sam's face instantly lights up, but she tries to keep it cautious, "Joint custody?" she asks.
"Yeah, millions of divorced couples manage," he says.
"We're not divorced sir," she says.
"Right, that should make it easier. We are friends, we actually like each other, we've never thrown anything at each other, so sharing a kid should be easy," he says.
"Never, thrown anything at each other, Sir?" she says raising an eyebrow.
"That was an isolated incident on another planet, and I still maintain I was under the influence of alien technology," he begins pointing at her.
"You were not under the influence of alien technology, you were just bored, Sir," she responds.
"I thought you would catch it," he mutters. "Ok, so we've barely thrown anything at each other, but this is going to work."
"I've never thrown anything at you, Sir," she says with a smirk on her face.
"Well, then clearly you win," he says returning her smirk. "I was thinking I could spend a little time with him today. I'm on leave for a couple of days," he begins.
"They have a habit of doing that when we come back from the dead," she says with a grin.
"Right, but I thought we could stay on base so it's not too scary for him. Then if he does have a freak out we can drop by your lab. Give you a chance to get some work done," he says.
"I don't mind him in my lab, I still get work done."
"He's been with you at work the whole time he's been here?" Jack asks.
"Well, besides the vacation days," she says.
"My kid got you to take vacation days? He must have some kind of magical powers," Jack says. Sam laughs. "Seriously though Sam, I can't thank you enough."
She nods, somehow feeling bashful with his thanks.
"How is Pete with him?" he asks.
"Pete and I broke up," Sam says softly.
"God, my kid didn't split you up did he?" he asks concerned.
"No, no," she says shaking her head, "I just came to my senses."
Jack pauses for a minute absorbing it, "I thought Nate could stay with you tonight. Then tomorrow I could get a room set up at my house, and he could stay with me tomorrow night. Hold it. Do I still have a house? I wasn't declared KIA was I?"
"No, we didn't give up on you for a second," she says looking right into his eyes, "SG-1 made sure your house was kept up."
"Thanks again," he says with a smile.
She hates to bring it up when he is being so grateful, but she has to know. "Sir, how come you never…I mean…"
"How come I didn't check on Laira?" he asks, "I never imagined I'd have a kid."
"Laira told me you guys were trying to have a baby," she says, and he is wounded by the accusation in her voice.
"One time, we tried once," he says.
"I don't know who your health teacher was, Sir, but it only takes once."
"Sarah and I tried nine years to have Charlie, and ten years after for another kid. I never thought, after just one time," he closes his eyes, "I never told Laira. I didn't want to break her heart. She wanted another baby so bad, and I wanted another baby too," he closed his eyes, "I've always wanted another kid. I wanted to believe it could happen as much as she did. But realistically…I gave up hope of having another kid a long time ago. I guess maybe…maybe I didn't want to go back and find out I wasn't having another kid. Just like how I asked Sarah to stop showing me the pregnancy tests until we got one with a different result."
"That must have been horrible, Sir," Sam says softly, "it must have made it even worse when Charlie died."
"Nothing could make a child's death worse," he says.
"No I suppose not," she says. "Sir, how do you know it wasn't just Sarah?"
"The doctors always said it was both of us," he says slowly, his words sounding heavy.
"Sir, you'd been in a sarcophagus before you were on Edora, right?" she asks.
He nods.
"Sarcophagus heal," she says.
He shakes his head, "I probably should have thought of that."
She waits awhile before she continues, "He's got a bag in my room. Spare set of clothes, snacks, toys, he's got a baseball. I told him about all kinds of things you liked."
"Thanks for talking me up, that will help," he says with a sad smile.
"Laira talked you up too," she says, "He's pretty excited to meet his dad. He treats that baseball like a stuffed animal. He carries it everywhere like a security blanket,"
"I can't believe I've had a son for more than three years, and never knew it," he says with a touch of despair in his eyes.
"What counts is from here on out," she says softly.
"Well, should we rejoin the group?" he asks.
Sam nods.
Daniel is sitting next to Nate who is chomping on an ice cream cone.
Jack sits down on the other side of him, and Nate reaches out his arm to Sam. Daniel scoots over, leaving room for Sam to slip in between Nate and himself. As soon as Sam sits down Nate reaches his arms around her. Jack reaches out to hold the hand with the ice cream far enough away to protect her uniform.
The hug done Jack looks at his son, and says, "My name is Jack."
The boy's eyes grow wide, "Was you froze?"
"I was until Daniel and Teal'c saved me," he says.
"And then Jack saved me," Sam says.
"You're not going off world again?" Nate asks suddenly panicked scooting closer to Sam.
"Not right away, no." The kid still looks panicked.
"She's safe," Jack says looking at the kid.
"You my Dad?" the boy asks.
"Yes," Jack says. The boy slides over so he is cuddled, smushed against Jack's side without it really being a hug.
"You have a cabin in Minnesota," the boy informs him.
"Yes, sometime we'll go up there," Jack says.
"Can Sam come too?" Nate says looking worried.
"I don't think that would be a good plan, Sam has a lot of work to do," Jack says being careful not to look at Sam. He's invited Sam to the cabin many times, but he always knew she wouldn't say yes. Panic covers Nate's face. "You like Sam a lot don't you?" Jack asks.
The boy looks scared. He's doesn't want to offend his new father. Or the woman who has been safety to him since his mother died.
"I know you like her, that's good. Shows you have taste," Jack says venturing a smile at Sam, "Sam and I were talking about sharing you. Sometimes you would live with me, and sometimes you would live with her. What do you think about that?"
He smiles up at his Dad, putting one sticky ice cream hand around his father's back.
"We thought you could hang out with me today, and then you could sleep at Sam's house tonight, how does that sound to you?"
He smiles, and leans his head against his father, "You like the Twins," he whispers trying to draw a line of connection between himself and the father he doesn't know.
"I do, and I heard you had a baseball, maybe we'll go up and play catch after you finish your ice cream," he says.
The words ice cream remind Nate of his forgotten treat, and he takes a long lick of it before he says with mouth full, "I don't know how to play."
"That's ok," Jack says, "I'll teach you."
"What if I'm no good," the boy asks.
"Well, that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is whether or not you have fun," Jack says, "and if you don't have fun we'll just do something else. I already know you like coloring."
Nate grins at him taking another big lick of the ice cream.
"What is your favorite color?" Jack asks.
"Green," Nate says.
"No kidding? I told you this guy has great taste! My favorite color is peridot," Jack says.
"What is that?" his son asks with a little giggle.
"It's a very special, very amazing shade of green," Jack says. "What's your favorite animal?"
Nate lights up, "We don't have that many animals where I came from. Sam took me to the zoo. I LOVED the zoo."
"Nice," he says.
"But my favorite animal," Nate says grabbing his father's arm so he could interrupt him "is a dog."
"Wouldn't you know it," Jack says leaning conspiratorially toward his son, "that's my favorite animal too. Maybe you and I will have to get a dog someday."
"You got Cassie a dog once?" he asks.
"Yeah, I told her every earth kid should have a dog. You know Cassie?"
"I haven't met Cassie. But she talks to me on the phone," his voice gets softer, and he burrows further into his side, "She's an o'fan. Her first mommy and daddy died so she got another mommy and that one died too. Uncle Danny is an o'fan too, his parents died when he was little. I like it when he talks about it, but I still don't like it when Sam leaves me with him."
Jack gives Daniel a look of profound gratitude. The man doesn't talk about his parent's death with anyone. He hasn't relived that experience since the Gatekeeper forced him to. But Daniel's been relieving it for Jack's son's sake.
"Sam is a half o'fan. Her mommy died when she was little, but her Daddy is still alive. Sam didn't know if you were an o'fan. Are you?" he says.
"My parents both died when I was a grown up," Jack says.
"Your son dieded too," Nate says very seriously.
"Yeah," Jack says closing his eyes.
"It was an accident," Nate says leaning into Jack, "You miss him."
"I do," Jack says, and he decides he will have to tell his son what really happened, but not now.
"I should probably get back to work," Daniel says.
"I should to," Sam says. "He hasn't had lunch, and after that ice cream he probably won't want it for a while. But he doesn't always know when he's hungry, so if he hasn't eaten in the next couple hours you should put food in front of him. He usually takes a nap around this time, but with the sugar it might be later or not at all. He should be fine even if he doesn't have a nap. Here is his base ID if you want to take him topside, let's see, what am I forgetting?" she asks.
"Whatever it is you are only a phone call away," he says.
"Right, and you've done this before," she says with a smile.
"It's been awhile," he says.
Sam turns to Nate, "I'll be right here if you need me, but you are so brave you won't need me right?"
Nate nods.
"Good boy. You be a good boy for your Daddy," she says kissing his forehead.
"Sam," he whines clinging to her.
"Tell you what, bud," Jack says, "How about we swing by Sam's lab once every hour you go without crying or begging to see her."
"How long is an hour?" Nate asks dubiously.
"It's about how long it's been since I met you," Jack says.
"Ok," Nate says giving Sam one last tight squeeze.
Jack remembers how frustrated Charlie was when he first taught him to play catch. It took him so long to learn how to make it easy for a kid to catch a ball.
"Ok, I'm going to throw it to you now," he says to Nate, "catch," he waits a second before he throws the ball. It lands right in Nate's open hands, and then bounces out. On the bounce Nate slams his hands shut, but they are open again before the ball bounces back down into them. It's all about the timing, Jack thinks to himself. Something about the delay in a child's brain and the expectation in the words. Jack didn't know why it worked, but he did know how to make it work.
"I catched it!" Nate says in surprise and shock.
"You did, awesome job!" Jack exclaims. "Can you throw it to me now?"
Nate nods, and makes a wild throw that ends just beyond his own feet. He looks at it with a frown. "Sorry I wasn't quite ready, can you throw it again?" Jack asks.
Nate chucks the ball harder this time, and it's a wild throw which bounces on the ground far out of Jack's reach. Jack makes a big show out of diving for it. "Oh, I missed that one! You're way better at this than me, Nate!" Jack exclaims.
Nate giggles, knowing his father is pulling his leg. Jack smiles at him. Filled with pride for his son already.
After a game of catch, they visit Sam, and Nate needs no more than one safe secure hug. Then they have lunch and a nap in Sam's quarters, which look more like a kid's room, than a room at a military institution.
When he wakes up Jack is just looking at him.
"What you doing?" Nate asks in confusion.
"Watching you sleep," Jack says.
"Why?" Nate says.
"Parents do things like that when they love their kids. And I've missed a lot of nap times," he says softly, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," he says softly, "I didn't know you existed."
Nate sits up crawling onto his father's lap trying to offer him comfort, "Mom said it was her fault you weren't 'round. She said you didn't want kids. Said you only helped her make me, because she wanted me so much. She said she never told you, because you were saving the world, and that was more important."
"Well, your mother was wrong. Very, very wrong. First of all, I wanted you every bit as much as she did. Maybe more. I thought I couldn't have kids, and I am so glad I was wrong. And you are way more important than saving the world, don't you ever forget that," he says kissing his son's head.
He leans into his father, "Sam saves the world."
"That she does," he says.
"Sam won't tell me what happened when she was gone. But I can tell by her face," he clings closer to him. "Fat somefing bad happened."
"Sam's fine," he says trying hard not to think about what Sam had looked like when he found her, laying motionless on the floor discarded by a replicator. He'd thought for one horrible second that she'd died. He'd felt unbelievable panic.
"Saving the world is dangerous," his son says. He knows that he can't lie to his son.
"Yeah, buddy, but nobody is in danger right now, ok?" he says softly.
Nate nods.
At six o'clock Jack and Nate arrive in Sam's lab. "Hey, I didn't know what time you were planning on leaving, if we're early…" Jack starts.
"No, I got a lot done today," she says with a smile, "I'll be done in a few minutes."
"Did you have fun today?" she asks Nate.
He nods, "Daddy wanted me," he whispered.
Sam looks at Jack, as she speaks to Nate, "your Daddy wanted you more than you can imagine."
"All right buddy," I'm going to head out," he says picking his son up, "I love you so much," he says with a big squeeze, "and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Sir," Sam says.
"Thank you again, Samantha," he says. And she is left staggered and wondering what he meant by the use of her first name.