A/N: This is my first Sanvers story. Please, review and let me know what you think. A few notes! First, all italics/bolds are thoughts/memories. Second, please enjoy!
"You're going to be a great mom"
Those were Maggie's last words when she left her apartment, when she left her life. She not only broke Maggie's heart, but she also broke her own in the process. It wasn't an easy decision to make; it was one of the hardest decisions of her life. She loved Maggie with all her heart, she still does. And yet, she still let her go.
She sat at the bar counter, the same bar that Maggie brought her to when they first met. This place was full of happy and sad memories, full of firsts. She looked to her right and saw the table where she had the life-changing conversation with the detective. Then she looked to her left, to the pool tables, where she kissed her for the very first time.
"This is Safe Haven…a place people come to be themselves"
She looked back at the drink she has been nursing for the past thirty minutes, lost in thought. She didn't know why she kept coming here. Some part of her came because she hoped to see Maggie again, even if it was from a distance. She hasn't seen her since they parted ways. All these memories were overwhelming, but it was all she had left from her time with her. She hid all their pictures that were left in the apartment; she tried not to look at the pictures in her phone…at least not that often. Every time she thought of her she reminded herself of the reason this happened:
"I don't see myself as a mother"
Children. She wanted children, Maggie didn't. Maggie never told her directly she was against the idea, but she didn't have to. She implied it, which was enough to put doubts in Alex's mind. At this point she thought that maybe having children was a mistake as long as she had her lover back. But doing that also meant ignoring her heart and her desire to have a family with the woman she love.
"I love you, Danvers"
God. "I love you too, Mags", she whispered moving her thumb up and down her drink. She missed her so much. It has been months since she pushed Maggie out of her life. "Five months, 2 weeks, 6 days, 2 hours", she whispered once again looking at her watch.
Her phone rang. She took it out of her jacket's pocket and saw it was the DEO.
"Danvers", she answered in robotic trance.
"Hi to you too", Winn said, "We have a situation over at National City Bank. Apparently aliens think it's cool to steal money and have a dance off in the middle of the building"
"Winn", Alex said frustrated while paying the bartender, "Now is not the time"
"I know, I know…just trying to cheer you up. Supergirl will be there as soon as possible; she's currently dealing with another situation. But your team needs your assistance at the scene ASAP"
"Roger, on my way", Alex said ending the call and exiting the bar through the back door.
"What's the situation", Alex said calmly as she walked towards her team, "Do we know what type of aliens we are facing?"
"No, ma'am", one of her men said while she finished adjusting her body armor. This has become her norm lately, be in as many missions as possible to keep her mind occupied and not think about the detective.
"Copy. We need to proceed with precaution; we don't know what they are capable of. So, team one, I need you to take the south entrance and see if you can get a clear view on what they are up to in there. The rest of you are coming with me through the north entrance. Make sure you set your guns to stun"
After giving clear instructions of the mission at hand, both teams separated and went towards their respective entrances. Once Alex and her team reached the north entrance, all she was able to see were huge spikes around bulky bodies. She looked around and counted only four aliens in the premises. They continued slowly and quietly, concealing their movements as much as possible.
"Jason, see if you can get a clear shot with your rifle", she whispered to the man at her right. He nod and slowly moved into position. The rest of the team stayed behind waiting for their sniper to shoot. Suddenly, Alex sees movement on the distance towards another of the entrances. She forgot to cover the east entrance, or at least block it. "Fuck", she whispered under her breath. This is what happens when her head is not fully on the mission at hand.
"Danvers, it looks like the NCPD is here", the sniper whispered, "You want me to still take the shot?"
NCPD. She grabbed her rifle and looked through her scope, looking around to see if the person that haunted her every hour of every day was on the other side of that room. All she could see where uniformed cops, not a sign of the detective. She lowered her rifle sighing in relief and started looking around the room. She noticed her other team was also hesitating to take the shot. Still, there will be collateral damage if she decided to give her snipers the order to shoot; she needed to make a more direct approach at the situation. She signaled her sniper to stand down and directed her team to slowly go forward to take a safer shot and not hurt any innocent bystanders in the process. One of the aliens heard them and turned around towards them.
"You fools!", he shouted, throwing spikes their way. They all jumped out of the way, rolling back to their feet.
Alex raised her rifle and started shooting at the perpetrator but the bullets just ricocheted from his body. "This is not good", she said grabbing her laser handgun and shooting him. It was useless. The alien laughed and started throwing spikes towards her without giving her any time to react properly, but she felt someone push her out of the way and she landed face first on the ground. She heard a scream, a very familiar scream that sent chills down her spine. She raised her head from the ground and saw Maggie on the other side of the room, a spike going through the right side of the chest. Alex could only see red, there was too much blood leaving the wound. She raised her rifle and started shooting at him while running towards the detective.
"Jason! Take charge! I need to get her out of here!"
Supergirl blasts into the building just in time and starts fighting the aliens, throwing two of them out of the building and the other two running towards them. Alex takes this chance to lower her rifle and sprints the rest of the way towards Maggie.
"No", she whispers as she quickly kneels besides the detective, inspecting her wound. It was really bad. She knew that if she tried to take the spike out now that she could bleed to death. She needed to get her to the DEO as quick as possible. She needed a vehicle now; also needing one of her men to drive her back to headquarters so she kept pressure on the wound.
"TOM!", she screamed in desperation. The man ran towards her noticing the state the detective was in. "I'll get the vehicle, Danvers. Just get her out of the building"
Carefully, she lifted Maggie's limp body bridal style and noticed how light she felt. She tried to keep her composure, to stay calm, but she felt the warmth of Maggie's blood saturating her uniform. She saw the vehicle parked right outside with Tom waiting at the back of the van.
"I tried to make a bed back here with the seat cushions, it's the best I could do", he said while assisting the agent with Maggie. As soon as the detective was lying on the makeshift bed, Alex took a seat beside her on the vehicle floor. Tom closed the doors and ran towards the driver's side. He closed the door and started driving towards the DEO as fast as he could.
On the back, Alex kept pressure on the wound with one hand, while the other started to check for other wounds. Maggie was still unconscious and was looking rather pale with the loss of blood.
"Mags, I need you to stay with me", Alex whispered holding back her tears, "I need you to wake up and tell me how stupid I was, to scream at me, to slap me. You can do whatever you want to me, but please, I need you to open your eyes"
Alex started to cry. She slowly moved her free hand towards the other woman's head and started to caress her hair. "Did you know you're the love of my life? How much I love you? How much I have missed you all these months?"
She moved forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, "I need you, baby". She placed another gentle kiss on the woman's cheek, "Why did you have to save me? Why did you have to risk your life for me?". She caressed her cheek with her free hand and smiled sadly, "Come back to me".
Alex felt the vehicle stop and she dried her tears while she waited for Tom to open the door. She looked down at Maggie one more time and felt her heart break even more. The woman she loved may not make if after tonight and she felt that she wasted all these past months apart from her, time she could have spent with her, probably to find a solution to the children issue. And now it was probably too late.
"Boss, you ok?", she heard Tom say holding the door with one hand and a stretcher with the other. She looked at him wondering when did he open the door. "Yeah, can you help me get her on that stretcher? We need to be very careful not to worsen the wound"
He nodded; holding the detective by her legs while Alex carefully lifted her up from the shoulders. They slowly walked down the van and placed her on the stretcher. He went and closed the door while Alex pushed the stretcher with urgency towards the elevator.
Alex walked from one side of the room to the other impatiently. The med bay felt foreign to her right now, she needed to know how Maggie was doing. The detective was rushed into emergency surgery three hours ago, and still no news on how she was doing. Kara sat in silence, looking at her sister walk nervously around the room.
"Alex, you need to calm down", Kara said calmly.
The agent looked at her sister like she had grown another head, "Are you kidding me right now?! The woman I love could die and you are telling me to calm down!"
Kara took her glasses off and looked intently at Alex, "You say you love her, but you let her go?"
That made Alex stop. She turned towards Kara, her face expressionless.
"Alex, I wanted to ask you something since you made your decision. But you need to promise me you wont bite my head off", Kara whispered.
"Ok, I'm listening", Alex said walking closer to her sister, stopping a few feet away from her.
"Why didn't you go after her? I told you not to let her go"
Alex looked down at her boots, analyzing carefully her sister's question. "I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? I thought that letting her go was the right decision". She looked up to Kara, unshed tears in her eyes, "And you are right, I should have gone after her. We should have talked more about our issues. We should have found another solution instead of breaking our hearts the way we did"
Kara stood up and closed the distance between them, placing her hands on her sister's shoulders, "We all make mistakes, Alex. Maybe, after all of this, you can sit down and talk to her. If there is a solution for your problems, you can both patiently find it. And if there is hope for you two getting back together once again, take it".
Tears started to fall from the agent's eyes and she started to look around the room, except at her sister's eyes. "What if she doesn't want me back?"
"You would never know unless you ask, sis", Kara said pulling Alex into a tight hug. That's when Alex lost it; she started crying hysterically, "Sshhh, we'll find a way to make this right. You have to stay positive, Alex"
After six hours of surgery, Maggie was moved into her own private room. Alex walked in with a bag in hand. While Maggie was still in surgery, she went to her apartment to shower and change. She packed a small bag with clothes and essentials enough for a few days, and came back to the DEO. She asked the on-duty nurse to place an extra bed in the room, that way she could stay close to the detective. Alex placed her bag besides the spare bed and walked towards Maggie's, sitting down on the chair next to it. She took a moment to look at her, still looking very pale. Her hair was a mess, but she still believed she looked beautiful.
"I always loved your crazy hair, makes you look adorable", Alex whispered with a sad smile, reaching for Maggie's hand. She held it softly and with care, like if she was made of the finest porcelain. She quietly moved the chair closer to the bed and laid her head on the mattress, careful not to disturb her. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the other woman's breathing, never letting go of her hand.
"Danvers, what are you looking at?", Maggie asked moving around the kitchen. Alex walked closer to the other woman and slowly embraced her from behind.
"Was just admiring your crazy, morning hair", she said placing a soft kiss on the detective's shoulder.
Maggie turned around in Alex's arms and smiled, "You don't know what you're saying"
Alex closed the remaining distance and kissed her softly, pulling her even closer. She felt Maggie circle her arms around her and deepen the kiss. Alex smiled, breaking the kiss. "Oh, I know what I'm saying. You look adorable"
Alex opened her eyes, tears slowly starting to form. She lifted her head to look at a sleeping Maggie, caressing her hand softly. "Baby, please wake up", she whispered, letting her tears fall, "Even if you never take me back, you need to wake up. I need you".
The agent looked down at their intertwined hands, the same hands that five months ago wore engagement rings. "You were supposed to be my wife by now. And I ruined our happiness because I wasn't patient enough".
Alex slowly let go of her hand and stood up from the chair. She started passing around the room, playing with her necklace.
"I want you"
She kept playing with her necklace, now holding on to the rings attached to it. She felt her heart brake all over again. She could still see how broken Maggie was, how her eyes showed so much love and sadness, how vivid and painful that memory was. That night, after Maggie left, she grabbed the rings and put them both on her necklace to remind herself of what she had lost, the pain she felt, and how she broke the heart of the woman she still loves.
"Alex?"
The agent came to a complete stop. The voice was weak, but it still made her heart skip a few beats. She turned around and saw Maggie wide-awake, looking at her surprised. She started to walk slowly towards the detective's bed, to emotional to utter a word, taking a seat right next to the bed. Slowly, she reached for Maggie's hand and held it gently.
"Mags?", she whispered looking down at their hands, drawing small circles with her thumb.
"Please, look at me", she felt Maggie squeeze her hand lightly and she move her gaze towards the detective's face. They stared at each other in silence.
"Why, Mags. Why did you do such an irresponsible thing?", Alex asked tears forming once again in her eyes.
The detective smiled sadly, "I couldn't let you die, Danvers. It's as simple as that"
Alex smiled sadly at the hidden humor, very well welcomed. She let her tears fall freely, whipping them away with her free hand, "Always the humorous one, Sawyer". She looked back up at Maggie and noticed that the color was slowly coming back to her. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I was stabbed by an alien", she joked weakly, "But I would do it again"
Alex frowned at the comment, "Mags, it will destroy me if something like this happens to you again". She looked down at her hands and whispered, "I can't loose you".
Maggie tried to keep the tears at bay, but she was too overwhelmed with everything that was happening, they were getting too hard to hold back. Seeing Alex again after many months, seeing how a vicious alien almost killed her, she couldn't let the love of her life die that way. Her reaction was automatic, she had to save her at all costs…even if it meant loosing her own. She looked up and saw the torrent of emotions all over Alex's eyes, so much love in them, after all this time. The detective pulled at Alex's hand softly, trying to get the agent to come closer to her. Alex took the hint and moved closer to the bed, taking a seat at the soft mattress. She moved her hand to caress Maggie's cheek and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Alex moved her gaze down, locking her gaze with Maggie's. What she saw there broke her heart all over again, and it was all her fault.
"I'm so sorry, Mags", Alex cried softly, "This should have never…"
The detective's lips interrupted the agent as she softly kissed her, using her good arm to keep herself balanced. Alex moved her arms around Maggie, holding her close, deepening the kiss. The detective overwhelmed with emotions broke the kiss, unable to hold back her tears. Alex brought her closer to her, holding her while Maggie cried. This was too much for the both of them.
"I'm so sorry", the agent kept saying, "Please, forgive me"
After Maggie calmed herself, she placed a gentle kiss on the agent's neck enjoying the familiar scent. "There is nothing to forgive"
Alex closed her eyes and kissed the other woman's head, playing lightly with her hair. "I didn't fight for you, I let you go. We should have found a solution"
The detective pulled away slowly looking at the agent. She placed her good hand on Alex's cheek and studied the other woman's eyes. "Solutions can be found in time. But I won't lie, you hurt me deeply"
A tear escaped the agent, which Maggie caught with her thumb and whipped away softly. "I know, Mags" She closed her eyes, "I have failed you miserably".
Maggie kissed the agent's cheek, "You just did what you thought was right". The detective laid back down on the bed, being careful with her wounded arm. She softly pulled the agent towards her with her good hand, "Come lay with me"
Alex looked at the other bed shyly, "But I got one for myself". Then looked back at the detective, "I don't want to hurt you"
Maggie smiled tiredly, "I'm not going to lie, I sleep better when you're close to me". She pulled again and the agent complied, laying next to her.
"What are we doing, Mags?", Alex asked caressing the detective's cheek.
"I don't know", she said kissing the agent's hand, moving closer to her, "We can figure this out, but all I want to do right now is sleep in your arms"
Alex giggled, carefully pulling the detective closer to her. After a few minutes, she felt Maggie fall into a deep slumber. She kissed her forehead and closed her eyes, holding Maggie through the night.