All reviews, comments and overall opinions are much appreciated!
Disclaimer: I do not own the song Lost in You by Three Days Grace. I also do not own Fruits Basket or any of it's characters. I only own my OC Kitsune Sohma.
Prologue:
Ever since I had been a little girl, all I wanted to be was normal and treated like an actual human being. But when your a Sohma of the Chinese zodiac, you're usually anything but normal and usually treated like a monster, that is unless your in the 'in' crowd with the family. This was especially true for me because all my life it seemed as though normal humans an even my own family shunned me. All because I had been born the fox of of the Chinese zodiac. Now if your good with ancient lore and fairy tales then you already may know this story, if not, I was planning on telling you anyways.
You see, in the old zodiac legend, the fox wasn't invited to the big new years party because it was crafty an tended to steal things that didn't belong to it and cheated other creatures out of their belongings. Therefore, the other zodiac animals told the fox not to come to the party because it would just ruin it like it did everything else. The fox didn't take this well and in short, ended up crashing the party later on, stole all the food, went on a mad rampage and even hurt some of the animals in the process because it was so angry that it had been told to stay away.
Now just because I was the fox of the zodiac didn't mean that was how I acted in real life. I never stole a thing in the entire twenty four years I had lived. I never cheated anyone out of money or even got into a real scuffle over anything. I mean I had crashed one of the Sohma's new years parties once and was now permanently shunned from the Sohma family forever because of it, but I guess even the very world we live in can be cruel to even the most good intentioned people sometimes...
"I always knew that you'd
Come back to get me
And you always knew that
It wouldn't be easy
To go back to the start
To see where it all began
Or end up at the bottom
To watch how it all ends
You tried to lie and say
I was everything
I remember when I said
I'm nothing without you (I'm nothing without you)"
It was a calm Friday evening at the Zodiac Arts and Crafts store. There weren't any customers in site and I sighed heavily as I stood behind the check out counter.
I wonder if I should just close early? I thought to myself as I looked around the store a bit.
There were small shelves of beads, buttons, string and yarn of all colors to my right. On my left there were shelves of ink, different kinds pens along with stylized paper for writing and even large books full of empty paper for writing novels and such. Scattered around the rest of the small space that I called my pride and joy were shelves of different types of paint such as acrylic and oil paint, canvas's, graphite pencils, charcoal, pastel crayons, pastel paper and other artsy kind of stuff for the starving or thriving artist.
Then I turned around to face the back wall. Just above the door to the storage room and to the sides of it was covered in portraits I had painted myself. The wall had pretty much all the animals of the Zodiac painted up on it on various sizes of canvas. My eyes lingered on the most recent one I had done. It was a picture of the dog chasing the fox around a tree in a playful manner. The dogs eyes were full of life and serene memories while the foxes seemed hesitant and unsure of where to run to next in an attempt to get away from the dog.
Shigure... I looked down at the faded blue carpet with nostalgia.
Just as I was about to look back up at the vibrant paintings, I heard the bell ring behind me, meaning that someone had walked into the store.
I cleared my face off all painful memories and turned around with a fake smile on my face.
"Aaya?" I blinked a few times in surprise to see Ayame standing in the middle of the store with a hand on his hip and a smile on his face.
My fake smile soon turned into a real one.
"My dear Kitsune! It's so nice to see you again!" He exclaimed proudly with open arms.
I quickly ran over to give him a tight hug and felt his arms snake around me in return and shortly after he let me go, he placed his hands carefully on my shoulders.
"So Aaya, what brings you here today?" I curiously asked as he looked down at me with a continuous smile.
"Well I need some more fabric for one of my most recent orders at the shop. So I came to the only place I could rely on!" He sounded as enthusiastic as ever.
"Well go ahead, look around. You know where the fabric section is." I smiled at him as he immediately let go of my shoulders and made his way over to the printed and plan fabric rack on the other side of the store.
"You know, you really do have the best fabric here! And such a clear sense of fashion too!" He remarked as he ran his hand over a pink floral piece of cloth.
I couldn't help but keep on smiling as I watched him go through all of the copious amount of various cloth in a caring and quick manner. I was glad I at least had one friend from the zodiac I could trust. Even after I had caused such a mess at the main house and was banned from living on Sohma territory, Aaya still had remained my friend, and so did Hatori, though I did see Hatori less often, but that was only because he was so busy. They were the only ones who knew I was still around and the only ones who promised not to tell any of the others that I still lived so close.
I briefly let my mind linger back to the ones I had left behind. None of them had meant much to me except for Ayame, Hatori, little Kyo... and of course Shigure. But, Shigure was a different matter and I wouldn't allow him to find me. Not after that day...
"Kitsune my dear! What do you think? Pink or lavender?" Ayame was holding up two of the same version of silk cloth but in different colors.
"Depends on what you plan on using it for..." I replied as I walked over to him slowly.
"Well the customer wants a short flaunty dress. One that sways in the wind and makes his woman look beautiful!" Aaya excitingly rambled on and I sighed.
I would never completely understand his idea to create fantasies for men...
"Well, what color is this woman's hair Aaya? Did the customer at least tell you that?" I questioned as I cocked my head to the side a bit, letting my reddish brown bangs fall in my face.
"Blonde is what I believed he said." Aaya looked at me with interest as I smiled back at him.
"Then the choice should be obvious, even for you Aaya... Choose the lavender one. It would go well with her hair color." I answered in a simple tone and quickly took notice of Ayame's excited expression.
"Why of course! Thank you my dear Kitsune!" He exclaimed and placed the pink sheet of cloth back and brought over the lavender one to the check out counter.
I sauntered over to the cash register and took the cloth from him to see the measurements he chose and decide the price of the item.
"So Aaya, did you run out of fabric or something? That's really the only reason you come here nowadays." I said as I carefully folded the fabric into a nice folded bundle for him.
"Oh yes, as a matter a fact we did, but we'll be getting another shipment this week. I just had to come here for that lovely parcel of silk. You see, that's what the customer wanted. And I couldn't agree more with their decision, silk has such an amazing feel to it!" He grinned and I couldn't help but laugh a bit.
"That'll be 2,695.59 yen." I told him just as he took out his wallet.
"Oh I figured it would be more than that for a yard of this wonderful fabric." He remarked as he handed me the money.
"Well lets just say I gave a little discount. I mean, you are a good friend after all." I smiled at him just as I took the money and placed it accordingly into the cash register.
"Well aren't you sweet my dear Kitsune! Thank you so much. Now may I trouble you for a bag to put this glorious luxury in?" He inquired as he grinned back at me.
"Oh! Of course not! Let me just get one from the box behind me." I laughed a bit as I turned around and bent down to find a bag that would accommodate his purchase.
I started to ruffle through the many vivid bags and happened to hear the bell above the entrance to the shop ring again just as I picked out a dark purple bag with swirls and polka-dots on it.
"Aaya, are you almost done? We were suppose to meet Tori back at my place fifteen minutes ago. He's going to be real angry if we don't show up soon." I heard a mans voice whine and I couldn't help but instantly become curious.
I stood up slowly and turned around with the plastic bag in my hand only to let it drop to the floor when I met the man's dark eyes. I could feel my mind start to reel and my hands start to shake uncontrollably. I could feel a rush of anger, yearning and confusion all at once.
Shigure... It felt like someone had just slapped me in the face when I saw the skepticism on his face as he continued to stare at me.
"Aaya! How could you! I told you not to tell anyone! Especially him! I trusted you!" I looked at Ayame with a cold hard glare as he looked back at me with just as much disbelief as Shigure.
"No! Kitsune! I didn't mean for him to come inside! Honest!" He pleaded with me but I continued to glare at him and then reluctantly looked back at Shigure when he called my name.
"Kitsune... Is that you? You look... So grown up." He whispered his words and continued to gaze at me.
I felt a shiver envelop my body and my hands shook more as I clenched them into fists.
"Just, get out!" I cried out as I felt hot tears fall down my cheeks and onto the floor.
Before I could comprehend anyone's next words or questions or even continued pleas, I turned on my heels, ran into the storage closet, and slammed the door behind me. I used my arm to wipe the falling tears and sat down on the nearest closed box in the corner of the small space.
"Kitsune, I really didn't mean for Shigure to come inside. I'm so sorry. Can I come in, please?" I could hear Aaya begging from the other side of the door.
"No! Just, go away Aaya! You broke my promise! Now go away and take him with you and don't come back, ever!" I sobbed out and pulled my knees up to my chest.
"Please, we need to talk." He sounded sincere enough but I was still not letting him in.
"No!" I cried out again and felt my body start to morph as I lost my clothes and became covered in a huge red cloud of smoke.
I felt more tears fall from my now smaller eyes and I flicked my newly grown tail back and forth with angry vigor. I heard the door creak open slowly as I curled up into a ball of orange fur on top of my shed clothes.
"Kitsune? Kitsune...? Oh my dear Kitsune! Are you alright?" Aaya ran over to me, forgetting to close the door behind him.
"Go away Aaya! Get out of here!" I growled at him as I stood up on all fours.
"Kitsune... I really didn't mean for Shigure to come in. I should have hurried up. Please don't be mad." He crouched down and I peered up at him with my ears raised.
I didn't say a thing to him but continued to glare and even raised my tail a bit in animosity.
"He's been in pain for six years Kitsune... ever since you left. He needs you back in his life." Aaya tried a different approach but it only made me become angrier.
"You don't get it do you Aaya? I'll only cause him more pain. It's better I stay away from him then be apart of his life again! Now go away!" I bared my fangs at him and growled loudly, trying my best to hold back any more tears from falling.
Then Shigure ambled into the small dark closet. My eyes widened as he stood above Ayame with a serene look on his face, just like the dog in the portrait right outside the door had had.
"Kitsune..." he barely mumbled my name.
"Get out." I bared my fangs more and tried to be a cold as possible.
Every inch of my body shook when I saw him. My nerves screamed. My heart pounded. My brain lost all sense of reason. Just like in the old days...
"There's no need to be frightened Kitsune. I'm here now." He tried to reach out to touch me but I lashed out and chomped down deep into his soft flesh with my sharp teeth.
He didn't seem to flinch, but Ayame had.
"Shigure!" Ayame cried out and looked over at Shigure who had just bent his head down.
"I'm okay Aaya. She's just angry with me is all." He told Ayame as he looked back at me.
I refused to let go of his hand. I wanted him to be hurt so much physically that he wouldn't dare come back, even mentally. So, I bit down as hard as I could. This time, I could feel him flinch slightly, but he still didn't try to pull his hand away.
"Kitsune... I know you told me, even if I did happen to see you again in the future, that you didn't want me to come running back. You told me to stay away because you said it would be better for me. You didn't want me to end up hurt." He looked down at me like he was ashamed.
I could see the pain in his eyes. He was trying so hard not to cry, but I needed him to. I needed him to cry. I needed him to run away and never come back. It would be better for the both of us...
"But I couldn't help myself. As soon as I saw you, standing there with that exasperated expression... It brought me back to the past. It made me think you'd let me in again..." Shigure continued on as Aaya gripped his shoulder in comfort.
I stared up at him through my bright green orbs. His words were making my heart tingle and my chest heave. I was reliving the past again without even realizing it.
*~Flashback~*
Seven years earlier
"Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost
If you want me to
Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you"
"Kitsune! What happened to your face? Did that gang of girls beat on you again?" Shigure ran up to me just as I took off my shoes before entering the Sohma's main house.
It was a crisp spring afternoon. I was in my last year of high school and had just gotten home.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked, acting as clueless as usual.
"You have a big gash, right here." Shigure raised his hand slowly to my forehead and I winced when he touched it, so I pulled away quickly.
"Oh that? Heh, that's nothing..." I turned away from him, feeling the wound on my forehead with the tips on my fingers.
It was true I had gotten beaten up at school again today, but I wasn't about to tell Shigure that. I tried not to look too shocked when I saw the red liquid running down my fingers; I simply brushed it on my already dirty school uniform.
"You shouldn't let things get that far you know. Why don't you tell a teacher or something?" He suggested as he pulled up beside me again.
"I don't need anyone's help!" I suddenly became angry, lashing out at him.
"But, Kitsune... Everyday you come home with a new bruise or cut. I don't like seeing you getting pushed around. It's not like you to let other people hurt you like that." he put a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes.
"So what? I deserve it. It's what I get for being the fox of the zodiac!" I yelled out again, brushing his hand off of my shoulder as I started to stomp off down the hall in the direction of my room.
Immediately out of no where I felt Shigure grab my hand swiftly and pull me into him. I blushed when I felt my face hit chest and I could hear his heart beating.
"Kitsune. It's not your fault. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You're a human being. So what if others don't accept you for being different. The main thing is, is that, I accept you, and I always will." he spoke softly and I felt him hold me tighter to him when I started to sob into his shirt as I clung to his chest.
*~Flashback End~*
"You always thought that
I left myself open
But you didn't know
I was already broken
I told myself that
It wouldn't be so bad
Pulling away you took
Everything that I had
You tried to lie and
Say I was everything
I remember when I said
I'm nothing without you"
I let go of his hand and glared back up at him.
"Save the memories of our past for yourself. I don't need them, and I certainly don't need you. Now both of you get out!" I growled again, pushing my regret away.
"Shigure, let's just go. It's apparent she doesn't feel the same." Ayame sounded sad as he stood up and tried to pull Shigure away from me as he reached out his wounded hand to touch my furry cheek just before he left.
"I won't tell anyone I saw you. I, I still love you Kitsune. I promise I'll come back soon." I saw a single tear fall from his darkened face as he reluctantly followed behind an equally pained Ayame.
As soon as I heard the door click shut and the bell ring outside, meaning they left the store, a cloud of red smoke enveloped me once again and I clenched my fists at my sides as I felt tears roll down my face again.
No. Don't come back. I'll only be a burden of the past to you. I stood up and started to put the clothes back on my still shivering body.
As soon as I was dressed I let only a few thoughts enter my mind, easily letting myself be put on auto-pilot. I barely remembered locking up the shop and the cash register as I headed back to my small one room apartment for the night. The moon hovered closely above my head and the stars seemed to dance around it wildly as if they were mocking my useless attempt to move my feet any further in the direction of my living quarters.
Why? Why did he have to come back to me? After all this time apart... Why today? I slowly began to attain my reasoning back after I had stopped my thinking process for a bit.
I now found myself sitting on a wooden bench in some abandoned park, halfway on my way to my apartment and halfway on the verge of crying again.
I know it wasn't Ayame's fault that Shigure happened to follow him in. And I know I shouldn't of lashed out at them for trying to get close to me but, if I let Shigure in again... I...
*~Flashback~*
Six years earlier
My feet were pounding against the cold, hard concrete. Snow was falling gracefully from the gray sky. I could feel a few flakes of the icy substance graze my flushed cheeks as I continued to beat down the sidewalk.
Why did I do that? Why did I let my anger get the best of me? I'm usually so tolerant and quiet when Akito picks on Kyo. I usually just watch in silence when he tortures others. Why did I snap so easily this time? I began to question myself when I finally found some refuge from the falling snow in an enclosed birch wood gazebo.
I ran up its creaky wooden steps and sat down on the bench that had been build in the middle of it. I placed my hands unsurely in my lap and looked down at my right palm. It was red from when I had slapped Akito to the floor. I sighed heavily, feeling how ashamed I felt now.
"You stupid little boy! How dare you treat your own family like that! Kyo is a great kid and doesn't deserve the treatment you give him! I don't care if you are the head of the Sohma family! You'll never be anything more than an ignorant child!" I had screamed at Akito when I saw him clench his swollen cheek and smile up at me from the floor.
I turned my open palm over and clenched it into a fist along with my other hand.
Looks like I'll never be going back there again. Serves me right though. I totally ruined their new years celebration... I looked down at my tattered white and red kimono.
It was covered in various foods along with there stained coloring. How I had managed to throw every item of food off that large serving table had been beyond me. I must have shattered every single plate and piece of glassware they had had there too in the state of rage I had been in.
"You and your stupid little parties, they always have to stick to tradition. Well did you ever think about how the outcasts felt? Didn't you think that many for once it would be nice to break tradition? We outcasts have feelings you know!" I hadn't only been standing up for little Kyo when I had said that, but for myself as well.
Maybe I had had enough of the family's crap. Maybe I snapped because I couldn't take it anymore. I guess everyone does have a breaking point... I couldn't help but feel a bit ashamed of what I had done but at the same time, I felt a bit of satisfaction.
*~Flashback End~*
I gazed up at the moon with an emotionless face. I found it kind of funny how all the memories of the past were suddenly flowing back to me, and it was all because I had seen Shigure's serene face today. I had tried my best not to let the memories haunt me over the years but after awhile, they must have gotten tired of waiting to be free again from the back of my mind. They must have wanted to burst out for so long and it had only taken one unexpected and heart wrenching visit from Shigure to give them the strength to break free.
After a while of sitting and reminiscing a bit, I stood up from my seat on the bench and slowly began to make my way to my apartment without a second thought.
It must have been at least eleven o'clock at night by the time I finally entered the confined space I called my home. I felt too emotionally exhausted to hop into the shower and decided I would just take one in the morning. So, I threw on my pajamas and jumped into the warm quilts of my feathery bed.
As my dazed head sunk into my soft bundle of pillows I soon found myself drifting into a welcomed yet uneasy sleep.
*~Flashback~*
Seven years earlier
"Please! Kitsune! You don't have to go! I won't be able to live with myself if you leave!" Shigure begged as he tried to grab my shoulder to turn me around, but I abruptly brushed it off.
"I have to leave. Akito said so. He doesn't want someone like me around. I mean I told him off and put him in his place. Not to mention I ruined his stupid party. So it's no wonder he kicked me out of the Sohma's main house." My voice was filled with unwanted spite.
I didn't want to push Shigure away, but I had no choice but to. He was one of the closest people I had and he meant the world to me, in more ways then one, but those were the very reasons why I had to push him away. I didn't want to hurt him.
"You can come stay with me and Kyo! Akito said you weren't aloud in the Sohma's main house, but he never said you couldn't live with me." He tried to reason with me, but I wasn't hearing it.
"No. You saw me snap, and you can't tell me you're not angry with me for slapping Akito and ruining the new years celebration. So just let me go. I'm not worth it." I kept walking until I heard Shigure speak again.
"No, I wasn't angry with you. I was more surprised than anything. As a matter a fact I was almost happy to see you stand up for yourself. Sure our celebration and Akito's trust were severed, but I believe it was worth it, seeing you stand up for yourself." He confessed as I stood stricken with shock in the middle of the street.
"How could you even say that? I totally destroyed this family even further! Did you see Hatori and Ayame's expressions when I hit Akito? Did you see how little Kyo looked? He was petrified! So what if I stood up for my self. In the end, I still got stepped on and treated like a monster. I let the rage get the best of me. Maybe I really am like the fox in the old stories..." I replied bitterly as I stood with my head down and my fists clenched at my side.
"Kitsune no you're not. You're not a liar or a stealer. You've never cheated anyone out of anything. You have friends who care about you. Hatori and Ayame and even Kyo will still love you just like I do now..." He trailed off and I had the feeling he meant he loved me in a different way, but maybe I had just been imagining it.
I felt a few warm tears inch down my flushed cheeks and I continued to hold my head down so he couldn't see. I wasn't going to let him in. I wasn't going to let him know he had gotten the best of me. I wasn't going to let him know I believed his foolish words. I wasn't going to let him know that to me, he was everything...
"I have to go." I kept the upset emotions from my voice as I started to walk forward and tried so hard to block out his next words, but they still managed to reach out to me.
"You don't have to leave! I told you, you could live with me and Kyo! Kitsune... I don't care what anyone thinks or believes... even Akito! You aren't anything like the fox in the stories! You're more of a human being than any of us! You showed me that it takes real courage to get through the hardships of this damned life! I... I love you Kitsune! So... please don't leave. I'm nothing without you...!" I could hear his shouts reach out to me and grab hold of my already shaken heart.
I found it hard to move for a few minutes. It was like the snow on the ground had frozen my feet to the cement below me and then frozen my will to move forward. I wanted so badly to turn around and run back to him, but that's what he wanted to happen. He wanted me to run into his arms and confess that I loved him too. He wanted me to live with him and little Kyo like a real family. But that was an image of a happy ending, and happy endings only existed in fairy tales. They weren't for those who had dreamed all their lives for a blissful conclusion to a hard life. No, it was just too easy. Especially for the fox of the zodiac...
I love you too... Shigure... Goodbye... I forced my legs to move as more tears fell deep into the frozen wasteland below my feet and I never looked back...
*~Flashback End~*
"Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost
If you want me to
Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you"
I awoke suddenly from my disturbing sleep and had found that my pillow was soiled with salty wet memories. I sat up and wiped my now puffy eyes of any lingering troubles.
Damn memories... I can't even escape them in my sleep... I thought as I stifled a yawn and got up out of my bed.
I tried to forget what I had just dreamed about as I gathered my new clothes for the day from my dresser and jumped in the shower for approximately fifteen minutes. After I had let the hot steamy water beat away most of my fatigue, I put on a pair of loose black slacks and a white blouse and tied my long red hair into a messy bun, letting a few strands fall on either side of my tired looking face.
"I look like crap." I announced out loud even though I hadn't planned on changed anything about my appearance.
I sighed with irritation as I sauntered into the kitchen to grab a quick cup of perked coffee and a few pieces of toast. I knew that it wasn't exactly the most nutritious or most nourishing breakfast in the world like I usually had every morning but it would have had to do for today. After the nerve racking day I had yesterday, I wasn't exactly in the the mood to cook up an omelet or eggs and bacon.
After I was done with my thrown together breakfast I checked the time and decided to head to work early. I locked up my apartment, headed down the stairs in a slow manner and headed out to face the world again.
I had opened up the store at about nine like I usually did. It was now twelve thirty in the afternoon and I had already had a few customers come in. It wasn't the most fast paced store to run, and I rarely saw more than five people in the store at a time, but it believed it was one of the most rewarding jobs ever.
It always fascinated me to see artists and craft makers of all kinds come in. I had the usual weekly customers and then there were the ones who just came in every once and a while, and if I was lucky I would meet someone new along the way. I had the ones who would come in to show me their work and the ones who ever game me a few special pieces they had worked their heart out on. I wouldn't say I wasn't lucky at this point in my life, in fact, I was blessed to be surrounded by something I loved, and that something I loved was this store.
"Thank you for your patronage. I hope to see you soon." I put on one of my charismatic smiles for an older woman who happened to be one my many reliable customers.
She nodded and smiled at me as she took her purchased bag of yarn and string with her and out the door. The bell rang above the door when she left and I sighed heavily realizing that there was no one left in the store. I looked around carefully eying all of my merchandize only to notice that I was almost out of blank ink bottles for writing and doing traditional Chinese art pictures.
Now how did I let that happen? I questioned myself just as I unlocked the storage closet and went inside to get more to put back on the shelf.
As I ruffled through a large box in the corner of the dimly lighted room to find a few bottles of ink, I heard the bell above the entrance door ring.
Perfect time to come in... I sarcastically thought as I attempted to look through another box to my left.
I heard the bell on my desk ring, which meant the person must have required service or was just wondering if anyone was actually in the store so I quickly yelled out in reply.
"I'm in the closet! I'll be out in a minute!" I said just as I had found six packages of unopened black ink.
I smiled with satisfaction as I walked out of the closet, unaware of who was in front of me.
"Hello, welcome to the Zodiac arts and crafts store. How may I help you?" I grinned at the unknown customer with my eyes closed and the ink packages still in my folded arms.
"Oh, I was just looking for a few empty notebooks. Like the ones for writing novels and such. Oh, and if you have of those pens with the cute little bobble heads on them, I'd like to buy a few of those too." I immediately looked up when I heard his voice.
His eyes were smiling at me in a childish way and his smile was even more childish.
"Shigure..." I growled as I let the boxes of ink hit the floor, causing one to break open and spill a dark permanent liquid to spill onto the rug.
I gasped when it started to pool out onto the rug and I jumped up and grabbed the nearest piece of cloth to sponge it up before it started to stain.
"Well that wasn't the nicest way to acknowledge me being here, and you didn't have to pour ink onto the rug either..." He spoke in that un-adult-like tone of his, one that I had become easily annoyed by.
I ignored his chatter as I scrubbed the last of the ink out of the rug as best I could.
Why the hell did if have to come back? I questioned myself as I stood up and threw away the now empty bottle of ink in the garbage.
"It still left a stain you know..." He smiled at me and chuckled as I growled with frustration again.
I continued on trying to ignore him as best I could, not wanting to shout at him and having a repeat of yesterdays events.
"So, cleaning up your shop a bit huh? No offense but it's really not much to look at..." He commented as he looked around with a disappointed look on his face.
I rolled my eyes as I walked past him and started to put the bottles of ink on their rightful shelf. After I was finished restocking the shelf, I quickly grabbed a few blank notebooks and a handful of the stupid zodiac bobble head pens and forcefully pushed them into Shigure's hands.
He blinked a few times and took hold of the items he had requested as I made my way around to the cash register.
"That'll be 700.500 yen." I spoke in an even tone, not bothering to give him a discount.
I watched impatiently as he searched through the pockets of his dark blue kimono in a wistful manner.
"Well would you believe that? I must have left my wallet at home." he chimed gleefully which only fulled my impatience.
"Then just take your crap and get out!" I managed to let a burst of rage out, not caring if he payed for the items or not.
All I wanted at the moment was for him to get his ass out of my store and never come back.
"Huh? Oh, but I have to pay for this! It would be indecent of me not to." He stated as he continued to pretend to look for his wallet, appearing unphased by my anger.
"Look Shigure, I know what you're doing, and needless to say, it's not going to work. Now just take whatever you want and get the hell out of my store!" I locked my angry eyes on his calmer ones and clenched my shaking fists at me sides.
"I don't know what your talking about. I just came here to by some necessities..." He seemed aware that I was onto him but he continued to play dumb.
"Why can't you get that I don't want you in my life anymore? Can't you take a hint? Why don't get anything I say to you?" I glared at him and spoke in a deadly tone.
I was about sick of his immature act.
"The pain of it all
The rise and the fall
I see it all in you
Now everyday
I find myself sayin'
I want to get lost in you
I'm nothing without you"
He carefully placed the items he had intended on purchasing on the counter as he looked back up at me, his face taking a serious nature.
"Kitsune, you're the one who doesn't get what your saying. I mean listen to yourself. Your threats... your shouts... your empty anger... There all classified under one word, denial." He kept his face serious and I had all I could do to keep my jaw from dropping.
He thought I was in denial? Me of all people? I couldn't believe that he was being serious. I thought as I prepared to argue with him.
"You can't tell me I'm in denial. I've been away from all that for six years. If you think I'm the one in denial, you should check yourself out." I replied back with venom lacing my words.
After thinking he couldn't say or do anything stupider, he laughed. Of all the things he could of done, he decided to laugh instead.
"You see? My point exactly. You've been in denial for six long years. Sad to say, but denial never goes away, not until you face it head first. You're just trying to push me away because you can't face the fact that I'm not leaving you. No matter what." He smirked a bit when he saw my face fall.
After all these years he could still read my emotions just as plain as the words on a page. I was almost speechless, almost.
"And what about you? You're saying your not in denial Shigure? I mean look at you! You're back here again, even after I bit you and warned you to stay away!" I laughed coldly and peered down at his bandaged hand.
He just smiled again.
"Again, that's where you're wrong Kitsune. I'm not in denial. I faced that denial a long time ago when I confessed I loved you." His face became serious again and I could help but think back to when I ran away that day.
Now I was at a loss for words because he had one. With his final words, he had broken me. I felt my body collapse and I fell to the floor, my weak knees sinking into the stained carpet. Tears rolled down my sorrowful face and I sobbed.
"I only ran because I didn't want to hurt you! I didn't want you to be entangled in this sorry life of mine. That's the last thing you need Shigure!" I cried out as I noticed him kneel down and grip my shoulder with his bandaged hand.
"Yet again, that's a form of denial Kitsune." he stated as I looked up at him through blurry eyes.
"You don't want to be hurt. You're afraid that if you become happy you'll later on loose the one you love. Trust me, I know. You told me yourself that I always seemed to see right through your defensive wall like broken glass." He smiled slightly as he pulled me into him.
I sobbed into his shirt and he held me tightly to him.
"But trust me when I say, I don't plan on leaving you anytime soon. I already lost you once and It took me six years to find you. I'm not about to let you go again." He continued to hold me close as I slowly stopped crying.
I pulled away for a brief second.
"How can I be so sure? How can I know that you won't leave me?" I questioned him, trying to make myself let go of the unsureness I was feeling and believe in his kind words.
"Because Kitsune, I'm still lost in you." He pulled me close again and kissed my lips ever so slightly, still smiling as I kissed him back.
Thank you Shigure...I'm nothing without you...
"Somehow I found
A way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost
If you want me to but
Somehow I found (somehow I found)
A way to get lost in you (a way to get lost in you)"