Part 1 (of 2) of a sequel to my one-shot "Worst Possible Day" although you don't really need to read that first.
Disclaimer: I don't own CM.
Penelope Garcia still remembered everything about that day. It was one of those experiences some good some bad – in this case bad, terrible, catastrophic – that stuck with you for years to come. One of those days when everything changed and you realised with blinding clarity that you were with the wrong person, doing the wrong job, fighting for the wrong cause. It had been when she finally realised that Kevin Lynch could not replace Derek Morgan in her heart no matter how hard he tried to or how hard she tried to convince herself.
It was also the day she realised that she was too late. Derek Morgan was with someone, the archetypical playboy was with someone and it was more serious than his usual flings of fancy. Laying eyes on the pair for only a few seconds she had seen the intimacy and known that she could not and would not be the one to destroy his first attempt at a real relationship in years and possibly destroy their friendship in the process if he didn't see her in the same way.
It had crushed her to pretend nothing had been going on and for a while she had had to pull out all the stops, acting like everything was only a little bit off kilter because her and Lynch weren't together, not because her heart was broken by her best friend. The profilers in her friends knew something wasn't quite right but she could be a damn good actress when she tried and this was one of those times. She did not flinch when he mentioned his girlfriend by name, did not run away from team nights out for fear of seeing them together, instead going knowing they would be there and steeling herself for it. And she paid for it, her mask did not slip but her heart continued to break into smaller and smaller pieces until she hit rock bottom.
She had never thought she would ever reach this point before. Her outlook on life and her belief in all things good never allowed her to even contemplate it. She wasn't naive, she knew she would not always be happy but this feeling off utter helplessness and complete desolation was not one the lost chance of loving Derek Morgan. She had his friendship, loyalty and his own version of love for her, and she had more than some women could ever imagine. She may not be with the man she loved but she was his best friend. And although it still stung she knew she'd rather have that and him in her life, blessing her life with his kindness and need to protect rather than live without him wondering how he was and what he was doing. She picked herself from the worst place in her life, dusted her bruised ego and prepared herself for just another day at the office.
But that morning she pulled out her killer heels, slipped into her red and purple patterned dress, left her hair in loose curls with one of her butterfly slides holding it to the side and slicked her ruby red lipstick over her lips, smiling at her reflection as she put on her red framed glasses and her ensemble of jewellery. Today this was not all for show, today this was her. She was back.
She truly smiled more that morning than she had in the last few months. She knew she still loved Morgan and she knew it would still hurt to see him with...Paula...but she refused to let it be what ruled her mood, her behaviour, her life. She was officially in charge again and she couldn't be happier.
Walking into the BAU she threw a playful smile at the security guard, smiling at his somewhat bashful reaction before turning swiftly on her heel, bag flung over her shoulder once more as she strutted along the corridor.
When walking by the bull pen she caught Morgan's eye and winked at him, laughing slightly as he smiled at her with that Derek Morgan smile that caused those butterflies in her stomach to flutter once more. But she didn't stop, just kept on towards her office and began to work knowing that at some point that day she would be paid a visit by the Girls.
"Garcia?" JJ asked as her and Emily peered into the depths of her office.
"You want something sweet peas?" Came a voice from behind them and they both jumped slightly. She chuckled at their reactions and headed past them into her office. "So what can I do for you my girlies?"
"Don't take this the wrong way but, what happened?"
She just shrugged and smiled, " I realised I have it a lot better than most and I have him as my best friend and that me hiding behind a mask and acting my butt off wasn't helping me. I don't want love, or lack-there-of to rule my life. I'm in charge one hundred percent again, and do you know what? I don't know why I didn't do this earlier. You know me: girl power and all that, this should have been my first thought. But here we are now, and only time will tell just how much better or worse this'll be. But I know that I want to try, that I want to have fun."
The two looked at her in awe of the true Garcia logic, smiles stretching across their faces as they realised that their friend was back. Well and truly back.
"Well then, Miss I-have-a-new-lease-on-life we're going out tonight." JJ said indicating the three of them. "Hit the town, have some drinks, laugh at pick up lines we get fired at us, dance and celebrate, because this is great Pen." She said with feeling.
"Really great." Emily echoed, the same strength to her voice. "So you better make sure you bring that camera of yours and we'll make us some memories, eh?"
"Sounds like a plan my darlings." She replied, looking forward to it already. "Now shoo, Genius needs peace to work." She said with a chuckle.
As they left they shared a look and a smile, both so glad that Penelope Garcia was back and she was not holding anything back any longer. They knew that they both wished she had told Morgan, but what she said now made sense: she had him as her best friend, it was the next best thing she could ever hope for and no matter what happened they'd still have their connection that way. They were envious of her bravery; she was going to be strong through him and Paula all the while she was in love with him. But if they were honest she'd been a little bit in love with him since the very beginning. They thought it was reciprocated too, but they would stay out of it. It wasn't their place, they had their friend back in full force and that was all that mattered. They'd work on her love life later, right now it'd still be too raw.
She heard the distinctive 'Morgan knock' and her heart fluttered slightly before she got it under control.
"Good afternoon Handsome." She said with a smile as she spun around on her chair to see him.
"Well good afternoon to you too, someone is very happy today." He observed with a smile of his own and she understood what he hadn't said: that he had noticed she hadn't been quite herself for the last while.
"Is there a problem with a girl being happy Agent Morgan?" She asked with a teasing grin.
"Not at all, not at all." He replied with a shake of his head. "It's good to see." He said almost softly and she had to change the conversation quickly before this went somewhere she wasn't ready to go yet.
"What can I get for you Hot Stuff?" She asked, spinning back around and poising her fingers over her keyboard at the ready. He relayed a list to her and she complied before shoo-ing him out much like she had done to the girls earlier. He left with a smile on his face at her banter and she sighed. That hadn't been that bad, in fact it had been a lot easier on her heart than when she was forcing herself not to think about it. This new perspective was definitely working for her.
The night out with the girls was just what she needed: chatting, laughter, dancing, jokes and cocktails. Definitely the best they'd had in a long time as the reconnected and all allowed themselves to be completely themselves. They went back to their High School Days, taking hundreds of photos, most under the influence of many margaritas, and they pulled out the old songs, requesting them from the owner so that they could break out their teenage dance moves, surrendering to their inner teen and laughing hysterically at each others' moves and music taste.
They all left, slightly buzzed off of the alcohol but apart from that and sore cheeks from smiling so much they remained unscathed. It had been the best night out they'd all had in a long time and they promised it would become a much more regular thing.
Part 2 coming a.s.a.p.