I've never considered myself a proud man. I don't stand on ceremony, or waste precious time stroking my own ego. However, there is one thing I am proud of, perhaps unreasonably so, and that is the fact that Azazel saw something good enough in me to call me hers.
That isn't where I want to go with this. I don't want to talk about Az and I. I suppose it felt like a good way to give some context. You see, I always thought there was no deeper love than the love I have for Azazel. I thought our love was the greatest of loves, for I know it could move mountains if we asked it to. However - what I see between Kaija and Elias - it cannot be explained through words alone. There is no need to ask it to move mountains - they part when they feel it coming.
None of that makes my love for Az any less. Our love is important. It is passionate. It is also a quiet love, one that does not call attention to itself, nor does it need to. It is fueled by small moments and kind acts. We found each other, and we help each other through this life. Kaijia and Elias, though - they were given to each to change lives, both their own, and the lives of others.
That kind of love frightens me. It is too strong to be contained within two bodies. That kind of strength can lead to revolution or reckoning. If I were a praying man, I'd be praying for the former. As it is, I'm placing my bet on the latter.
Don't misunderstand me. I am happy for Kaija and Elias. I have never seen such joy emanate from the very soul of even one person, let alone two, as the joy I see spilling outward from those two when they are together. Elias is finally living, and Kaija is fully alive. My fear is grounded in the knowledge that this newfound life of theirs will likely not last for long, and it's ending will be dangerous for both Kaija and Elias, and the world.
Lord War knows. He revels in the fact that he will be their undoing. I have heard him gleefully plotting it often. It makes me sick. Elias will not sit down this time. He will not cower or bow. He will not allow himself to fade into the shadow of a man he was for so long before Kaija came and made him alive again.
I'd almost rather that the Disciplines take Kaija than that she is taken by War - for two reasons. The first being that the Disciplines offer Kaija a far kinder death than the one she would eventually suffer at the hands of War. The second being that Elias would tear this world apart before he saw Kaija as one of War's brides.
There seem to be no good options, but that doesn't deter either of them in the slightest. I sometimes think them insane, and other times, insanely courageous. My only option is to watch this all unfold, help if I am able, and pick up the pieces of whatever is left after all is said and done. Until then, I will try to drive out my fear, and enjoy the fact that I have the honor of witnessing one of the most powerful loves this world has ever known.