Chapter One – Beginnings
Although she didn't know exactly how this Tardis worked, her hands flew over the controls, eager to travel among the stars again.
He remembered her. Maybe not fully, not completely, but she was there, in his heart, as he would always be in hers. Her eyes found Ashildr across the console, and they both broke into identical grins.
"So, where do you want to go?" she asked, her face barely containing her smile as she paused in anticipation above the keypad for the coordinates.
"Anywhere! Although I've lived for billions of years, I've never had this freedom! The only constant was that time was moving forward, but now even that is gone! I want to see everything!" Ashildr beamed, holding the Tardis manual close to her chest.
"Well, we do have all the time in the world. We know for certain that I die, which means that I will eventually make my way back to the trap street through Gallifrey. We could see everything if we wanted to!"
"It certainly sounds like a start! But there is one thing I was worried about. You and the Doctor have said your goodbyes, and you know him. He is nothing if not tenacious, and we don't know if he will still want to find you. Do you think you will be able to stay away from him?" Ashildr's smile dropped, and she looked at Clara questioningly, her eyes suddenly containing a deep sadness that only came with a long life.
Clara closed her eyes. She loved him so much, he was the best friend she had always wanted, and even though they hadn't been friends long, he was the most important person in her life. But they were dangerous together, a poisonous combination. So focused on saving the other, they were each driven to extremes. She loved him, but she wasn't exactly healthy. She knew that about herself, and had known for some time.
Ever since Danny's death, she had lost a part of herself. She was no longer the girl with the leaf, she was now a soldier, just like he had been. But not in a good way. She was reckless, throwing herself into danger, running to embrace it. Running away from the fact that he was gone. The Doctor was the perfect person to do that with, because he did the exact same thing. They were always running.
She was at the end of her life now. It was a long end, but she would make sure it wasn't painful. If she had an eternity to meet her death; she had a heartbeat. She would make sure that the last beat of her heart would mean something.
Whilst her retreat into herself over the past year hadn't been the healthiest for her mind, she had still helped millions of beings, and that was the person she had always wanted to be. She was going to help people the only way she knew how – by being the Doctor.
But, she wouldn't let him find her. She didn't know if he would look for her, well, she didn't think he would but he did surprise her sometimes. He knew her as Clara, so she would have to become someone else so he couldn't look for her.
"I think that I need to stay away from him. We are not good for each other, or the world. One day our paths will probably cross, but I think that we need to move on. My heart it still breaking that he won't remember everything we shared together, but we have said our goodbyes, and for once I think that he isn't broken because of it, which keeps me going."
"What shall we do if we do see him again?" Ashildr asked, more settled now Clara had established her feelings.
"Well there isn't anything we can do about it, but I just hope he finds someone in between our parting of ways – I just don't want him to be lonely, I know what it does to him. I keep thinking about his time in the confession dial, and I just can't handle it. He forgave me once when I tried to do something unforgivable, and it proved to me what we meant to each other, but the fact that he stayed in that… torture chamber for billions of years kills me." Clara took a deep shuddering breath, before calming down and asking "Do you ever regret losing your name?"
Ashildr blinked rapidly in reaction to this segue, "Um, well I miss my name sometimes. I don't remember anything anymore, but I can remember things like the smell of home, the feel of my father's hand. But I don't regret changing it. I became someone else, and I needed to solidify that in a clear way for my own peace of mind. Why do you ask?"
"I'm thinking of changing my name. I can't let him find me before the time is right, and covering up who I am should prevent him from investigating" Clara replied, smoothing the skirt of her waitresses outfit.
"What name were you thinking?" Ashildr asked excitedly, leaning forward over the console, the smile back on her face.
"I'm not sure. I have a few ideas, but I don't want to sound too up myself" Clara replied, pulling at her dresses hem, embarrassment tainting her voice.
"Well let's hear them, I'm sure they'll be great! What is your favourite one?"
"I thought that perhaps I could be called the Guardian? I always wanted to help people, and my main job with the doctor was saving him. I don't want to be Clara anymore, I want to be someone more."
"I think that it is a great name. But I just want to make sure that you aren't trying to bury what you are. Every time I tried to do that, I could keep it down for a few years – at one point decades – but it would always explode out of me. I want to make sure you will be okay." Ashildr said, moving around the console to hold Clara's hands warmly.
"I think I'm going to be okay. I have a purpose now. I know how everything is going to end and I'm okay with that. I know this sounds weird, but I kind of knew it would end this way, that I would go too far. But now everything has slowed down, and I know that I need to reach a place where I am not self-destructing, even if it is on my way to imminent death."
"Well okay then Guardian, let's go! The universe awaits!" Ashildr cried, spinning around the room in glee, laughing as she went.
Clara laughed along with her, before pausing and saying "That reminds me, what do you want to be called? Are you still 'me'?"
"I think that I want to be called Ash. Now that I'm travelling with a human, I think I want to be one again, and that means connecting to a part of me I left behind a long time ago."
"Okay then! Ash and the guardian travelling through space and time! I have no ideas where we should go, and neither do you, so let's do this the Doctors way and put it at random!" Clara said, turning off the coordinate's keypad and flipping the switch that randomized their location. Immediately the rotor began to wheeze, and the two women giggled in wonder as their new life began
Okay, well there is the first chapter! I am writing this fic because I LOVE Clara, and I am so glad she got a better death than the raven because she so deserved it (I mean meaningful BTW). This situation is far better than I had hoped! I am going to be trying to explore the characters of both (although with an emphasis on Clara) but despite the fluffiness of this chapter, it's going to be decidedly darker than Doctor who – although not as dark as my other doctor who fic 'fear' which was so messed up I just stopped and was like 'What the hell is wrong with my brain?' so no fears ;)