Who says that you can't love someone without falling in love? Although, that's not really the way it happened, either. When the dishes are all done, Maya's asleep upstairs in bed, and you're both lying under the Christmas tree (and don't mention how much an actual evergreen cost in L.A., please; you're from Connecticut and you needed a real tree), staring up through the lights and the tinsel and the sparkly crystal angel ornaments twirling on rotators hooked up to the light strings, well, it's more than just perfect. It's beautiful and heart-stopping and wonderful, and somehow her lips touch yours and you're kissing through pine-scented air with a stray bow that wouldn't stick crushed under your shoulder. When you come up for air, there's tinsel in your hair and its shine is reflected in her eyes.

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

You lie in bed and talk about when she came up to see you in New York that one Christmas when Maya was two or three. You'd bundled the little girl up in one of those baby star snowsuits and plopped her on top of a big mound of snow, and she'd laughed as the soft snowflakes tangled in her eyelashes and tumbled off her cheeks. Just because you knew she'd love it, you'd made Naomi roll snow with you, ignoring your soaked gloves and snow in your boots, because Maya ran around and got in the way and ate half the carrot before you could get it into the snowman's head, but it was the most beautiful snowman you'd ever seen and you gave Maya your onyx and silver pendant as a substitution for the rock she lost, because one-eyed snowmen are scary, but snowmen with beautiful black-and-silver eyes are just beautiful. You've always been her favourite Aunt Addie, and that's one of the reasons why.

Naomi kissed your cheek just before you herded the baby inside the warm house with promises of hot chocolate with three big marshmallows and whispered, "Thank you."

In bed tonight, she kisses you again, but it's not on your cheek and she doesn't have to say a thing.


And it starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The sex is slow and satisfying. Before, you never thought that Naomi would be someone you'd sleep with, but it happened sort of suddenly one night in college and you've always treasured that part of your relationship. When you both got married, all that stopped, but when she held you the night after Bat Girl you realized that the feelings were still there, and so was the technique. She has this way of flicking her tongue against your nipple that makes you gasp. When you go down on her, you know exactly where to put your tongue to make her shriek, almost gasp, in ecstasy. Women just know. It's one of the things that you missed when you were married, although if you'd been asked, you would never have admitted it.

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

Maybe it's a hurt/comfort thing. She's been so good at the cuddling; more so than anyone else you've been with. Naomi never seems to move and never squirms; she'll fall asleep with her arms around you and never let go. She has these elegant artist's hands, so different from your surgeon's hands but so much the same, too. When you put your hand against hers, your fingers are longer, but hers are more shapely, and her hands are softer. Yours, however, are gentler, and when she strokes your hair, you feel tingles all over. When you stroke the side of her cheek, she almost purrs.


And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

One Saturday, she showed up at your door at six AM with a basket full of breakfast goodies, and even though your eyes were bleary and your red hair was a rat's nest, you followed her out onto the deck to watch the sun rise over pastries and strong coffee with a kick. She'd held your hand and you'd talked about men, even though you were almost completely focused on her beauty in the minted new light.

"Sometimes, I wonder what they're doing, you know? Mark, Derek . . . is Derek still with Meredith? Is Mark still full of self-loathing? I've been really good about looking forward. Do you think it's stupid to look back?"

She considers; the sea breeze blows her blue-black curls back from her face and swirls them gently behind her. "I don't know if it's stupid. I think it can be damaging. I also think that no one can help looking back. I see Sam and his eyes are so closed to me, but I remember how I used to feel about him and I know he remembers, too. You take a piece of everyone and everything with you. It's just part of going through life."

You sigh, twirl the stem of your plastic goblet of orange juice in your hand. "You're always so wise."

She leans over and kisses you; you taste blueberry muffin on her lips. "No. I'm just always right."

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

You came home crying one day because you'd lost a patient in Charlotte King's hospital and she'd been extra bitchy, and sometimes, you have fragile days where you can't handle the every day scrapes. She gets that. She gets what it's like to feel like you've had your psyche scrubbed with a Brillo pad. She wraps her arms around you and kisses your hair and whispers endearments into your ears, and you know – no matter who you take care of that day, she's always there to take care of you. When she melts into a puddle over Maya's report card or Sam's insensitive comments, you're there to cuddle her to sleep, too.


And it starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile, baby
Just take your time now
Holding me tight

The office might know about your relationship with Naomi, but no one ever says anything and you're not about to talk about it. It's best friends, yes; but it's more than that, too. It's not about the sex. It's not about the kissing. It's not about anything like that. You're lovers in the best sense possible – you are best friends and soulmates, and co-dependent on each other's love. You know that whatever happens in life, the other will be there. That's why no one thinks it's strange. No one gives it another thought. The best friends are those friends who appreciate each other on all levels.

It's being able to follow each other's paths without directions. It's being able to kiss each other and feel a glow instead of a spark, because the spark's already lit the glow inside. It's about knowing someone inside out and being completely comfortable with that person.

Falling in love; no, you never had to. You loved her from the start, and you'll love her at the end.

Wherever you go
I always know.