For the Twin Exchange: November 2012.
Prompt: Thestrals.
Pairing: Hermione/Sirius.
A/N: This is my first try on the Twin Exchange so take it easy :) This fanfiction is slightly dark, well as far as I think of it. When I was writing this, I was listening to very emotional songs so if you want to listen to them while you're reading, go ahead. Here are the songs: 9 Crimes (Damien Rice; duh, it's the title of the fic), My Immortal (Evanescence; can't have an emotional party without her), Our Solemn Hour (Within Temptation), Forsaken (Within Temptation), I Need a Doctor (Dr. Dre; Censored Version), Running Up That Hill (Placebo), Enjoy the Silence (Anberlin; yup). So… enjoy the one-shot!
(Bolded= Present, Italics= Flashbacks)
Sirius Black knelt at the grave, holding his head in his hands, letting rough tears rip through his eyes. In the distance, he was aware of the winged skeletal horses flying high in the sky. He bit tightly on his bottom lip as he tried to withhold the tears from falling any further. He was alone now, forever.
Sirius Black had only committed nine crimes in his lifetime.
The first was letting her get away.
It was finally happening.
"Okay, Sirius, I am so excited that I finally get to tell you this but… Ron proposed! And you're invited to the wedding." Hermione's eyes lit up with a smile, the way that he'd always loved but had never told her about. Sirius bit his bottom lip to hold back the anger that quickly welled up in his stomach and wanted to swell to the top until he was yelling.
"Congratulations…" he spoke quietly, looking to the floor of the quiet Grimmauld Place. There was a long silence.
"You don't sound that happy for me, Sirius," she said, her voice searching, searching for some sign of happiness for her. Another pause.
"It's just… 'Mione, we just got out of a war. So many of our friends just died; Remus, Tonks, Fred, hell, even Snivellus. Can't you just let us all finish mourning first?" Sirius spoke so quietly that she almost didn't hear his words.
"Harry, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, they're all happy for us. Why can't you?" she felt tears prickling in the corner of her eyes. "We want you there, regardless if you approve or not. Please, Sirius."
"But I don't approve! Shouldn't I be entitled to an opinion about this?"
"Well then, maybe Ron and I wouldn't like 'your opinion' at the wedding then!"
"Maybe I don't even want to go to the bloody wedding anyways!"
"Fine! Consider yourself uninvited then!" her yell echoed in the empty room.
"FINE!" he huffed and Hermione stomped out of Grimmauld Place, her anger clear on her face, but what Sirius didn't see were the tears that spread down her face as she slammed the door behind herself. A cold breeze spread on the outside as Hermione collapsed against the door, tears staining her cheeks.
A loud knock on the door woke Sirius from his long drunken sleep. He blinked his eyes open and clumsily made his way to the door. "'Ello?" he slurred.
"You prat!" a push landed on Sirius's stomach, sending him a few feet away on the ground. The figure stepped into Grimmauld Place as he squinted to make out the shape and was frustrated to see that it was none other than his godson, Harry Potter.
"You know that Hermione has been crying her eyes out because of you?! She came to my house last night, a sobbing mess. And when Ginny and I asked her what was wrong, all she said was 'Sirius'. What did you do to her?!" Harry roared at his godfather, struggling to get up off the floor.
"Okay, okay, I will explain it to you, just no more pushing the old man," Sirius said, finally finding his feet to stand. He guided his godson to the couch, offered him some firewhiskey (to which Harry quickly denied, but seeing as Sirius had drunken the entire bottle, there wasn't much to drink anyways), and told him the story.
"What I don't understand is why you weren't happy for her. I mean I get that you have this sort of father-daughter relationship with 'Mione, but shouldn't you be genuinely happy that she and Ron are getting married?" Harry asked him.
Sirius shook his head to himself. He personally had no idea why. The father-daughter relationship would make sense but what he felt with Hermione was in no way, fatherly. His feelings toward Hermione were just confusing. They weren't fatherly and he knew that he had some kind of attraction towards the young muggle-born, and it was in no way friendly either.
The silence was deafening and Harry stood, putting a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "Whatever it is that you feel for Hermione, you should come to the wedding. It would make her happier if everyone that she loved was there… and… apologize to her, okay? I don't want to have to deal with your smelly drunken breath again," he smiled and for a moment, Sirius thought that Harry was James again. He smiled at the ground and with a pop, Harry apparated away.
The next day, Sirius flooed to the Burrow and apologized to Hermione and Ron. Then, a few weeks later, he was one of the groomsmen at their wedding. But he just couldn't leave her alone anymore.
The second was falling in love with her.
It was a month after Hermione Granger became Hermione Weasley that Sirius realized it.
She had been sitting at the dining table of the Burrow, looking through letters of mail that the owls had just delivered. Sirius was sitting across from her, scribbling a letter to Harry, who was on an anniversary vacation with Ginny in France. Every once and a while, Sirius would peek up at Hermione to see how she was doing and he finally stopped writing when he heard her gasp.
"'Mione?" he asked quickly looking up and seeing her hold her mouth, staring at a letter. It was when he saw a tear escape her eyes that he stood and took the letter from her grasp.
'Dear Missus Hermione Jean Granger-Weasley,' it read, 'We are sad to proclaim that your father, Dr. Thomas Adam Granger, and your mother, Missus Anne Elizabeth Smith-Granger, have been found in Australia, under the names of Wendell and Monica Wilkins, and are deceased, under the influence of the Killing Curse. The Ministry gives their condolences of your loss.'
Sirius's eyes widened. He'd remembered that Hermione had told him that she'd let her parents live happily in Australia with no memory of her because they seemed genuinely happy and without a care in the world. They didn't have to suffer with the worry for their daughter or with thoughts of magic. His eyes looked back towards Hermione and she just broke down.
Tears. So many small, large, medium sized tears fell down the face of Hermione Weasley, and though they stained her beautiful face, they made her so much more… than she was before. Tears landing on her face like rain upon the window of an automobile that she liked to tell him so much about.
"Do you want me to get Ronald or something?" he managed to say, his eyes never leaving her face. She shook her head quickly.
"Sirius, please apparate me to Grimmauld Place. I don't want anyone to see me like this," she choked out. He quickly nodded and grabbed his wand out of his back pocket. With a flash, he apparated the two of them to Grimmauld.
For hours, Sirius just simply held Hermione as she cried. There was no speaking. Just the two of them crouched together on the couch as she gripped his shirt and cried into it. This continued for another few hours.
It was when she left that Sirius finally realized what it was that he felt for Hermione. He was falling in love with her, except for the fact that she was married.
The third was stealing her away.
With a loud shriek of frustration, Hermione chased after Ron in a fury. "How dare you! Lavender? Again? How dare you, Ronald Weasley!" she screamed after him as he grabbed his jacket and stormed downstairs.
"Well what do you want me to do? Wait for you to come home every day after you make ten times more money than I do? No, no, I have to do something!" he yelled as he sorted out his things.
"Oh, so you want to do something? So you decide to do Lavender Brown? She's married to Seamus. Not to mention we are married!" she argued.
"Yeah, well it's not like that anymore. At first we were happy, you know, having sex at least every day. You actually looked at me with a smile on your face but now it just looks like we're some old married couple that constantly fights ALL OF THE TIME!"
"Don't use that tone with me, Ronald! You brought this on yourself. You think that I wasn't trying to make this work between us! You don't put an effort into it at all! You don't put an effort into anything except for having sex with Lavender!"
"Well then, maybe that's the problem. I enjoy being with Lavender far more than spending even a minute with you." And with that, he slammed the door of the Burrow behind himself.
A loud pop interrupted Sirius's midday nap. He jerked awake to see a teary Hermione. He felt awful already. It seemed like every single time that he saw the beautiful girl, she was always crying, which wasn't very often, she was just going through something bad now. She quickly walked towards him on the couch where he'd fallen asleep. She curled up next to him until she stopped crying a few minutes later.
"What happened?" he finally asked when she stopped crying.
"I-It's Ron. He cheated on me. He had an affair with Lavender Brown," she sniffled, burying her face deeper into his shirt.
"Isn't she Finnigan's girl?"
"Yup, they just got married a few weeks ago."
"Well, I guess it's not going too well if Seamus's girl is already jumping into Ron's covers." Hermione gave a small snort at that.
Suddenly, Sirius stood up from the couch with a grand smile on his face. Hermione slumped over onto a pillow, her face in a frown. "What are you planning, Sirius Black?" she asked with a curious look at that grin.
"We're going to have a smashing party, just the two of us, maybe some weird lollipops that I found in the back of the cupboard this morning, and a bottle of firewhiskey," he didn't even wait for her to reply, just ran off into the kitchen in search for the lollipops and firewhiskey. Hermione smiled to herself. This certainly was going to be a night that she wasn't going to forget.
A few minutes later, Sirius returned with a dusty jar and a bottle of the alcohol. "Here," he said handing her the bottle. He swiped some dust off the top of the jar, revealing some Dum Dum lollipops.
"American candy? When did you get that?" she asked warily eying the jar.
"Eh, I think James gave it to me at some point when he and Lily visited there for a few weeks… maybe fifteen, twenty years ago?"
"Fifteen or twenty? That is crazy, these lollipops are about my age. It cannot be healthy to eat them."
"That is exactly why we have firewhiskey with us to wash it down," Sirius grinned. Hermione thought of this for a little bit before grabbing the jar out of his hands and unscrewing it. There was a puff of dust as she blew on the top of them. She searched the jar, grasped the purple lollipop, took of the wrapper, and popped it into her mouth.
"Hey! How rude! I want the grape lollipop," Sirius pouted like a child which made her smile.
Hermione grinned, took the lollipop out of her lips, took a swig of the firewhiskey, and held the lollipop out to Sirius. "Well then… go ahead. Take a lick," she smiled seductively. Sirius paused as he felt the mood start to change in the room. He grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey from her hands and took a long drink before setting it down on the ground. Looking at the lollipop, he licked it suggestively, making Hermione laugh.
"So this is what it feels like! Being seduced by the Greatest Woman-Pleaser that ever stepped in Hogwarts," she let out a giggle. Taking another lick of the grape lollipop, Sirius smiled.
"Oh, the party hasn't even started yet," he said standing up from the couch, making his way to the stereo on the counter. Pressing a few buttons, a loud tune rang out in the living room of Grimmauld Place, and soon loud laughter joined it.
Sirius was dancing like a crazy man on the counter of the kitchen.
And Hermione loved it.
She held her stomach as loud laughs flew out of her lips. "Stop, stop, please! I can't laugh anymore! When will you learn you can't party like you used to?" another laugh escaped her lips and Hermione didn't notice that Sirius had stopped dancing and was making his way back to Hermione.
With a rough attack, Sirius connected her lips with his. She tasted of grape… and victory.
A few weeks later, Hermione finalized her divorce to Ron and started dating Sirius. It was a year later that Sirius proposed and Hermione was getting married for the second time.
The fourth was letting another person die for him again.
"Okay, 'Mione! I'm heading out again!" Sirius yelled out.
Hermione darted down the stairs of Grimmauld Place. She quickly searched for her husband and when her eyes met his, she smiled, opening her arms to hug him. She held his face in between her hands. "I love you so much. Be careful, okay? I get that you want to catch this guy but think about Harry and your safety, okay?" she asked him before kissing him lightly on his lips.
He pulled away gasping and unwillingly. "Okay. I will. And I love you too. You and our little child," he said crouching down on the group, putting his cheek against Hermione's belly.
After Hermione and Sirius got married, Sirius had decided to pursue a career and became an Auror. It was hard for Hermione but they still got to see each other every day and he was always so happy when he got home. It was a few weeks afterwards that Hermione found out that she was pregnant with Sirius's child and he couldn't have been more frightened in his life. But they swore that they were going to get through it all, together.
With a few more kisses, Sirius apparated away to a muggle club for his Auror patrol. He was quickly met by Harry Potter. He patted his married godfather on the back. "Hey Sirius. You ready?" he asked him.
Sirius and Harry had been assigned as partners and were currently tracking an ex-Death Eater that Sirius suspected killed Hermione's parents. As soon as he proves that he was the Death Eater, Sirius planned on watching the jerk take the Kiss.
But when they stepped into the club… that's when it all went terribly, terribly wrong.
Sirius awoke with a loud ache in his head. He quickly shifted his eyes and saw Hermione sitting by his bedside. "You're awake," she spoke with a sigh. She came towards him with a sad smile.
"Hermione? What happened?"
"I don't know. I just got a call from Kingsley, telling me that you were at St. Mungo's. And I was so scared. I didn't want to lose you too," she said, her eyes looked so… sad.
"Wait… me too? Who else did we lose, Hermione?"
She was quiet. And he just couldn't take it.
"Who else? TELL ME!" he yelled his voice harsh. And she just started to break. Tears fell down her cheeks at his harsh tone and the weight of everything.
"H-Harry… H-Harry's dead."
The world just seemed to stop.
And that's when he remembered everything. They had walked into the club to find that they were ambushed by at least ten other Death Eaters. Sirius and Harry had jumped into action. He vaguely remembered one of them speaking about Hermione and her parents. Then he just snapped, casting a Killing Curse at the man. The Death Eater had dodged it and sent one straight back at Sirius which he hadn't seen. And he thought that he wasn't going to see Hermione ever again. He was never going to see their child. They weren't going to grow old together. But then, Harry jumped in front of Sirius, the killing curse hitting his godson instead of Sirius.
The fifth was allowing himself to do this to her.
For months, Sirius just wasn't himself anymore. He got madder and angrier at things and he just broke down. Why? A week after Harry's death, Sirius and Hermione woke up in a bed full of blood. Sirius had already been feeling horrible about Harry's death but then, it just broke. His brain was on hyperdrive and they discovered that the blood was coming from Hermione.
"The baby…" her eyes widened as she spoke the two words and Sirius was quick to floo them to St. Mungo's.
It was a few hours later that it was discovered that Hermione had had a miscarriage. She cried for hours, days, maybe even weeks. But Sirius wasn't there to hold her or comfort her. He was in the study, using firewhiskey to knock himself out. He'd lost two of his loved ones in less than a month. One was his godson that he loved like a son. The other was a son or daughter that he had created, he and the one he loved more than anything.
It was a few weeks after the miscarriage that everything just fell apart. It was the night of Harry's funeral and Sirius just couldn't feel anything other than the pain of loss and misery. That night Hermione and Sirius argued so much more than they had ever done before.
"I just don't understand why you didn't go to the funeral! You just stayed home and got drunk and cried!" Hermione's yell rang throughout the house.
"You don't understand, okay? He was my son, maybe not by blood but he was my son. I can't see him in a casket, not moving. It's like James all over again, but I didn't even get to go to that funeral, did I?" Sirius yelled back.
"Don't you dare talk to me as if I was the one who put you in Azkaban, Sirius Black. Where is the man that I married? Huh? The one that I created a child with?"
"He's dead along with his godson and unborn child. I have nothing to live for anymore. Just the memory of Harry jumping in front of me. I wouldn't have casted that spell if it wasn't for you! YOU AND YOUR BLASTED PARENTS!" he yelled at his wife. With a loud smack, Hermione's hand shot across Sirius's face. For a second, she just stared at him and that's when it all happened.
Sirius gripped her hand that she slapped him with, then his arm. He dragged her into their bedroom, the bed that they'd loved each other in, but also the bed that their child died in. He pushed her down on the bed, holding her arms tight above her head. She struggled against him. "Sirius! Stop it! Sirius!" she screamed. He tore at her top, letting the shreds fall on the ground.
"Stop it!" she squirmed against her husband. "Sirius, please. You're hurting me. Stop!" She yelled, her tears prickling at her eyes. His fingers trailed to her skirt and it met the same fate as her shirt. "Sirius, please don't do this. I love you but if you do this, you're going to throw away everything that we ever had. Then Harry and our child, they're really dead. Stop, please!" At that statement, Sirius looked up at Hermione's face and he saw her tears, the scratches where his hands had met her skin, and the bruises at her wrists. He'd almost done it. He'd almost…
He dropped her arms and she quickly ran out of his hold, grabbing a blanket, not even trusting her nearly naked form before him. She covered herself with the blanket and backed into the corner, sobbing. Then Sirius began to cry too. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, 'Mione. Please don't leave me. Too many people are leaving me. Just don't, please."
He'd fallen asleep like that, crying. When he woke up, Hermione was gone. Everything of hers was gone. Her clothes, her toothbrush, and even things that were going to be the baby's was gone. The only thing that she left in clear view for him was the jar of lollipops.
On the bed, where they had so many memories, she'd left a grape lollipop.
The sixth was never searching for her.
For days, he just sat on that bed and thought about what he'd done. It was horrible. How could he? He'd vowed on their wedding day that he would always love her and would never do anything to hurt her but yet, he'd done exactly that and betrayed her. He'd almost… raped her. Like some kind of monster.
Sirius held himself tightly tearing at his skin, leaving dark scratches on his skin. He'd lost so many people and he blamed it on the war but the one person that he lost was all because of him. He didn't know what was going through his brain. He was so focused on his grief, he didn't even think about Hermione's. She had a right to be even more devastated than him. Their baby had died inside of her. He should have been there for her, to comfort her, and make her feel safe but he did quite the opposite.
He'd driven her out of his life.
The seventh was having the nerve to ask her to fall in love with him again.
When Sirius next saw Hermione, it was a year after she left him. They were still technically married but he hadn't seen her since she left. He was just starting to get better, just starting. He was walking through Diagon Alley to have lunch with George when he'd heard her say: "Sirius?"
He could've known that voice anywhere. He quickly spun around towards the sound of her voice and was surprised to see Hermione. "'Mione…" he said, but then he realized who she was holding. In her arms was a child, a small brown-haired baby.
"Hi… I haven't seen you since I left, and I saw you here… I don't know what I was thinking. You must be waiting for someone, I'll just… go," she smiled to herself. But before she could turn away, Sirius stopped her.
"Who is this adorable little baby?" he asked her after a long pause.
"This is my daughter, Aludra," Hermione smiled at her kinda-sorta husband.
"Eta Canis Majoris," Sirius quickly said, as the words popped into his head. Aludra was a star in the constellation Canis Majoris, along with the star Sirius. When he looked at the baby in Hermione's arms, the child's eyes opened to reveal gray eyes much like his own.
"Is she mine?"
"… Yes."
There was a pause and then Hermione found herself in between Sirius's arms. "Sirius, um, you're squishing Aludra and me," she managed to choke out and Sirius smiled as he released her. But then, things started to get very 'Sirius.'
"I'm really sorry, Hermione. I just got so caught up in Harry's death and I completely forgot about you. If you could ever forgive me, I would love to be Aludra's father and be in your life too. What do you say, 'Mione? Fall in love with me again?" he proclaimed.
Hermione nodded, happy tears welling up in her eyes. "I never stopped," she smiled. His lips met hers in a happy embrace as she held their child and he held her. It was a loving moment only to be interrupted by—
"Hey Sirius. You ready to eat something?" George's voice rang out. Sirius turned and made a face. "What? Oh, am I ruining a happy moment?"
Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed.
The eighth was building a family with her and being happy for once in his life.
People think that Sirius was the most happy when he was surrounded by James, Lily, and Remus. But they were wrong. Not that Sirius didn't love them all but he was always the one that screwed up and had sex with women, and in their minds that's all he would be.
But with Hermione, everything was different.
She truly believed that anything he wanted to do could be done with some hard work and that's one of the reasons that he loved her. It had been a little over a year since Sirius and Hermione had made up and Hermione was back living in Grimmauld with Sirius and they had made one of the rooms a room for Aludra. Currently, they were expecting another child, this time, a boy.
"I love you so much, 'Mione. I can't imagine a day without you or Ally," he spoke sweet words to his wife as they sat on the couch. So much had changed since she was crying into Sirius's shirt on this very couch now cuddling with her husband on it.
A few months later, James Harry Black was born and the couple welcomed their new son with open arms.
The ninth was remaining after she left.
"'A year ago, Hermione Granger-Black died, at the age of thirty-two, when an ex-Death Eater casted the Killing Curse upon her when she was least expecting it. Mother of two children, Aludra and James, and wife to Sirius Orion Black, the Golden Trio member will be missed by many thankful wizards and witches around the world. We lift our wands to you, Hermione. And we wish your family our deepest condolences.'"
Sirius Black held the newspaper tightly in his hand as he crouched at the foot of the gravestone. He let a small chuckle escape his lips. "You still have them wrapped around your finger, 'Mione. The public still loves you even in death," he spoke quietly.
"I love you and I miss you so much. You know, when we got married, our vows were 'until death do us part' but the one question I have is: what am I supposed to do now that death has parted you from me but not me from you? I want desperately to join you where you lay but I know that you would kill me if I did," he smiled to himself.
He wiped at some stray tears. "I still love you, I will continue loving you until I join you wherever you are, and I'll love you then.
"You see, I've committed nine crimes in my life. And I wouldn't redo a single one of them because each one led me to you."
As Sirius Black knelt at his deceased wife's grave, the thestrals flew up in the sky, following one who had loved another from death to the afterlife.
A/N: Okay! I hoped you enjoyed it! And those who may have been hoping for another chapter of I Hunger For you, the next chapter is coming up soon! ~thegirlwrappedinfire~