Rangiku was a little worried about her captain.
When he'd boarded up all the windows to his office . . . well, that had been a little odd. When he'd started to wear a full suit of armor to every battle—that was just outright strange. But now he'd found the watermelon Hinamori had left him on his desk as a gift, looked at it with suspicion, and thrown it in the trash. Something wasn't right at all.
"Captain, I thought you liked watermelon," Rangiku said cautiously.
"Hmph," said Hitsugaya from behind the stacks of paperwork on his desk. "Not gonna get me that easily."
"Get you?" Rangiku was confused.
"Oh, yes." Hitsugaya slid a stack of paperwork to the right so that he could look at Rangiku—not that it was possible to see very well in the flickering lamplight that now lit his office. "Matsumoto, what happened when I ate that piece of cake from the Shinigami Women's Association bake sale?"
"You got turned into a girl, right? Nemu does tend to get confused about the difference between cooking ingredients and her father's experiments."
Hitsugaya grit his teeth. "No, that happened after I was walking by the twelfth division barracks and the lab exploded, dousing me with chemicals."
"Oh, yeah." Rangiku reflected for a moment. "No, I remember! You fell wildly in love with Nanao."
"No, that was the time I got bitten by the Hollow with the pheromone saliva," Hitsugaya said darkly. "And you and Komamura—"
"Right, right," said Rangiku quickly. "Well, then . . . you got turned into a preschooler! That has to be it."
"No, that was the time Urahara gave Abarai the tainted candy from his store and then Abarai shared it with everyone else."
Rangiku was perplexed. "Did you get cat ears?"
"No, that was the time Aizen released the mosquitoes with the cat-ear virus into Seireitei."
"Hmm . . . I don't think I remember, then," said Rangiku. "What did happen with the cake from our bake sale?"
Hitsugaya's expression grew thunderous. "It was that incident. You can't possibly have forgotten."
"Ohh!" Understanding dawned. "I can't believe I forgot! It was the body-swapping cake." She burst out laughing. "And you and Gin—and Hinamori—and then I—you should have seen the look on your face, Captain! Although technically speaking it wasn't really yours—"
"It was not funny," said Hitsugaya, scowling, and the temperature in the room dropped several degrees.
"Well, anyway, what does that have to do with the watermelon?"
Hitsugaya folded his arms. "I refuse to be subject to these indignities any longer. That watermelon could be some kind of mutant variety created by Kurotsuchi. It could be anything."
Rangiku sighed. "Don't you think you're being a little paranoid, Captain?"
Just then, there was a small explosion from the wastebasket in which the watermelon had been residing.
"Captain?" said Rangiku tentatively into the smoke.
"Matsumoto."
"Oh dear," said Rangiku. "Perhaps I should get Captain Unohana."
A/N: Happy Halloween everyone! Have a crack fic. Review plz?