Vampires Suck Fan-Fic (only posted here as there is NO VAMPIE SUCKS archive).

SPOILERS FOR VAMPIRES SUCK! If you haven't seen the movie yet don't read yet! Tis only fair! My story may not be as funny but this was my starting point.

WARNING! It may get a bit…steamy in some places but it's a sex-scene so the rating M is very important here! Also this is my first time at a sex-scene type and it's also meant to be funny along with the movie (he he). Please don't be harsh : (

What if Edward DID have sex with Becca?

"I wanna try something…" he said, trailing off and looking deep within my eyes.

I stuttered quietly to myself this feels like in a movie when a guy is about to kiss the girl!

"I heard that" he muttered.

I whirled round in shock. "But, but, but" I stammered while he watched in amusement. "You can't read my mind!"

"Becca, I was joking, but what were you thinking?" he asked. I glared at him. He chuckled and became still again. I looked down and looked up again to see him right in front of my face; our noses were almost touching…

"Your nose is huge!" I blurted out, unthinkingly.

"Becca, will you just shut up?" he joked. I rolled my eyes.

He leaned in again and I grabbed my mask again.

"For god's sake Becca, just let me kiss you already!" he said, exasperatedly and ripped the mask off my face and pulled my lips to his.

The moment our lips touched, I was on fire. The passion deep within me rose so it was caught in my throat. I kissed him more roughly…which made him pull away.

"That was amazing!" he squealed, like he was toddler. "I've never gone to first base before." He explained. Now that turned me on big time.

"Now let's go all the way!" I gasped and literally leapt across my bed and threw him against he headboard, kissing my way along his neck and grinding against him.

He held up his ring as if in an attempt to propose but I grabbed with my mouth and spat it on the floor.

"Becca, my instincts urge me to kill you!" Edward gasped out, I didn't blame him, I was kissing his throat so fiery I was scaring myself slightly. But I'd promised myself I'd hump the shit outta him. So here I was.

"I don't…mind!" I gasped. As long as I was with him, in my room, naked with him I didn't really care. If he bit me then I'd be a vampire – whooo!

But next thing I knew I felt my lamp contact my head and I was on the floor. I got up and looked around. Edward was holding the remains of my lamp which he'd smashed to my head.

"Oh yeah, I like it rough!" I gasped but then spotted my broken lamp.

"You broke my lamp!" I huffed in annoyance.

He shrugged and went to get up. "I should go."

I pushed him back onto my bed and slammed my bedroom window closed.

"You're not going anywhere, bad boy!" I said and pulled off my long white nightly I was wearing to hide my sexy underwear.

I was wearing black leathered underwear with flashing arrows on my bra and undies as well as suspenders and killer heels. I waltzed up to him and went to kiss him.

"No!" he said but was cut off when he caught my hurt look.

"Becca, we need to take things slow." He said. I glared at him.

"I'm sorry.." he said but I turned my back on him.

"Becca…" he said but I decided to take it so he couldn't deny me.

"If you loved me then you'd have sex with me" I said, the childish moan I'd inherited from my mom coming through. He sighed and sat back down on the bed, watching me.

He sighed in defeat and I sighed as well, sitting beside him. "You've now totally put me off now." I said, sighing. His face fell.

I got up, deciding I'd better get out of the tight underwear and reached for my nightly. But as I reached over, I felt a cold hair running his hand up my thigh. I immediately turned back on. I looked towards him in confusion.

"Becca, I'm ready to do this. I can do this. I'm a hundred year old virgin and I am finally ready-" he pulled me into his arms. "-to get laid." He finished and kissed me forcefully.

But I broke away chuckling. "and I thought the film '40 year old virgin' was funny!" He mock-glared at me but I shrugged.

"Are you sure?" we both asked each other at the same time. He nodded.

"Ok then…"I said.

"Take your shirt off but make it look sexy" I ordered him. He hurried to but he looked like a 10 year old boy stuck in his shirt rather taking it off. I sighed, and freed him from his shirt. He didn't have all his weird 'bling' underneath but his six-pack spoke for him. It was better than Jacob's hairy one anyway.

He shuffled forwards slightly and undid his belt, he was obviously nervous. My serious face came on. "Edward, you don't need to worry this is my first time too."

He nodded and in a few short minutes he was un-dressed down to his pants which showed no signs of being turned on. Time for me to change that.

"Do you know what a boner is, Edward?" I asked.

He shook his head. "It's the sign that the man is horny. Let me try and perk you up a bit."

I traced my fingers up from his ankle all the way to his ever-shallow pants. I was slightly confused on how I was going to do this; my nerves would run out soon.

(A/N – the sex-scene starts here by the way and is more tender – love and gentle parts- than funny as well.)

I decided that I'd try kissing and stripping to see if that made something happen. I made Edward lay down and I hovered over him, so my panties were near his genitals.

I started kissing him softly from his forehead to his neckline, running my hands along his muscular chest and tightening my legs round his. I rubbed myself on him and ground against him, wondering if anything would happen. But after a minute of kissing him and I started kissing more downwards I heard him moan softly. I didn't look up at him, I carried on kissing downwards, getting ever closer towards his tenderness.

He moaned more edgily after that, rubbing his hands across my back and I loved how his hands paused when he came close to my butt or bra strap.

"Un-do my bra" I whispered huskily to him, fingering the edges of his tight underwear. I poked his penis and had to doge it as it whipped up in the air in arousal. Edward's hands froze as he felt what was happening to him.

"That is an erection Edward" I explained. He looked…aroused. I decided to strip, so I un-did my bra and ripped it off, rubbing my chest to Edward's.

His hands obediently went to my breasts; touching them carefully and watching them harden slightly at his touch. He shocked me by grabbing one and squeezing it hard. I gasped and felt a tingling in my lions.

Edward then surprised me even when he spoke. His voice had hardened and made me shiver in pleasure. "Oh,…myyy good!"

I kicked the heels off, un-did the suspenders and slivered out of my panties and breathed in relief that it was off; they had been so tight…

Edward was looking down me in shock, staring from my breast in his hand down my back to my bare bottom. He looked at me and then kissed me furiously.

"Ooooh, Edwaardd.." I moaned as his hands trekked down my back to my butt. He ran his hands over my ass and pinched it slightly. My body reacted by grabbing his boner in his pants. He gasped and then…starting writhing underneath me.

My sexy façade had come back. "ooohh, do you want it bad booy?" I asked, my tone taking a turn for the sexiest. He nodded wildly.

I pulled his crackers down and saw the beauty that was his penis. .big. a part of my brain was thinking how the fuck is that supposed to fit inside me?

But I kept it cool and grabbed it and started shafting my hand up and down, up and down, up and down…

He was now shaking quietly quite a lot now; his arousal was controlling him as he controlled his pleasure. He moaned softly and only made me tingle more. I felt his hand creeping down my back and down towards my entrance. His fingers froze when he was just about to touch the delicate folds of my clit. He shrugged it off and dug his hand in carefully. I almost screamed.

He grinned at me and removed his fingers and pulled his pants right off. He then shifted himself so I was below him and he was hovering above me instead. He kissed me deeply before he met my eyes.

"I'm worried…" he trailed off. Oh god, screw the I'm a vampire and it may kill you crap!

"Just do it Edward."

He sighed and slowly directed his hard erect penis into my vagina. I gasped, I felt like I couldn't breathe. To answer my earlier question – I didn't think he could fit inside me.

"Hang on, just…stay like that, my body needs to adjust." I stammered in short breaths. Edward eyes were glazed over and he was looking at the headboard above me.

A few minutes passed and I nodded. He slowly drove himself further inside me. I screamed in pleasure. My orgasm was going to come quick then…

Edward's breaths were haggard as if he were in shock. "Are you ok?" he asked. I chuckled.

"I'm fine."

He thrust himself in and out, thrusting harder and more determined each time. I whimpered as I felt my climax coming. I felt myself go wet and my legs wrapped themselves round his and I lifted myself off the bed every time he thrust in.

"Ahh, ohh Becca, you are so…" Edward seemed quite speechless; he didn't seem to understand it at all. I was thrilled; I was shagging the vampire I was in love with. I felt a warm liquid flood my insides and gasped. Edward could…release?

After about (I checked my clock) ten minutes, he took a staggering breath and slowly removed himself from me. He collapsed on top of me and we spent several minutes trying to get our breaths back.

Edward was the first to speak. "I cannot believe I did that!"

Somehow that registered in my brain as hilarious and I had to cover my mouth to stop me screaming in laughter.

"I love you Becca." He said, stroking my face and kissing my cheek. I calmed down and rolled on top of him.

"Can we do it again?"

He groaned.

Edward decided after the second session of 'making love' (he called it) he left for a change of clothes. I went and had a shower, cleaned all traces of my night of passion from Edward off me. No doubt my dad would try and laugh at me about it. Well, he was shagging a plastic doll! I had a proper human ma (nah Vampire) man for me!

I got changed and also thought of changing the bed sheets as well. I checked if the coast was clear and gathered them in my arms and raced downstairs to the washing machine. I chucked them in as well as the appropriate cleaning materials and clicked Wash.

I ran upstairs and tidied my room quickly, spraying my arousal round to cover any scents and hovered round. I was so paranoid that someone would find out what happened. But then I stopped. What if I was pregnant?

20 minutes later, I hurried back from the store, slamming the door shut and went to the bathroom. I ran out.

"EDWARD!" I yelled. He was in my room in a second.

"What, love?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant."

oooooohhhh should i continue? sorry if it was trashy but i thought id try something new. not saying im proud of it though.