I almost don't see him there, concealed in the shadows as he is, yet the collective gaze of the curious poliwags is something of a giveaway. He is seated quietly on the edge of the pond, one hand trailing in the water, sending ripples dancing across the surface, disrupting the mirrored image of the stars above. I haven't seen such a sombre expression on his face for well over a year, not since the time he'd asked me if I thought he could ever be a true pokemon master...
"Gary?" I call out to him as I approach, and see his posture stiffen in response. I half-expect him to run away and hide amongst the bushes as he was wont to do when he was younger. He was always a shy child - at least he was before starting on his pokemon journey. The poor boy never had much confidence in his own abilities until I started fostering his interest in pokemon.
He reminded me of myself at that age, absolutely enraptured by the many different kinds of pokemon and their different abilities. I suppose I pushed him a little, hoping that he, unlike his mother, would eventually follow in my footsteps - yet he seemed to push himself even harder, fully determined to be the best trainer around. Quite understandable, I suppose, given that he never really excelled in anything else.
He was so proud when he received his license, and prouder still when he received his starter pokemon and set out on his journey. I can see none of that pride in him now, as he sits so despondently by the water.
"I failed."
He speaks softly, but I can hear the agony he's trying to hide behind a stony facade. Given the circumstances, it isn't so surprising to find him questioning his own worth once more - he had fully expected to win the tournament. He'd rested all his hopes and dreams on that one goal, and had fallen short of his target.
"You didn't fail," I tell him as I halt beside him. He's staring out into the middle of the pond, refusing to look at me.
"I lost the tournament. Didn't even come close to becoming a Master."
"You did well simply to gain acceptance into the League, earning as many badges as you did," I point out reasonably. "And passing three rounds in the tournament itself is no small achievement, let alone capturing and training well so many pokemon. This was only you first attempt, Gary - most new trainers don't accomplish half as much as you have."
"Then how come Ash got further than me?!" he glares up at me, and I can see his eyes glisten with unshed tears. "I have more badges, more pokemon, and he still beat me!" He looks down at the water once more, clenching his fists tightly.
I do see his point. Ash didn't exactly appear to be a good potential trainer when I first saw him. He turned up late, and consequently received a pokemon I hadn't particularly wanted to offer to an inexperienced beginner trainer. He seemed to have little idea of the practicalities involved with pokemon training, and I fully expected him to return within a week to trade that pikachuu back for a more appropriate starter - but he didn't.
"Perhaps if you'd battled his opponents and he'd battled yours, your positions might have been reversed," I suggest. "The matches are drawn by chance, after all."
"That's not the point," he mutters. "I wasn't good enough. I'm never good enough, at anything." He pushes himself to his feet, but I grab his shoulder before he can storm off. He focuses angrily on my hand, but I won't let him go until he's listened to what I have to say.
"So is that it, Gary?" I question him sharply, causing him to blink up at me in surprise. "You didn't win the tournament, so you're going to give it all away, just like everything else?"
He winces at that. It was a harsh blow, and I regret having to deliver it, but I refuse to let him throw away the one thing I know he truly loves to do, just because he's become so used to failing in everything he attempts. I've watched him give up on school and sports, even on making friends, but I will not simply stand by this time.
"Do you want to know how Ash managed to go so far, despite his problems? Do you?" I wait until he nods before continuing. "It's because he never gives up. Every time he suffers a defeat, he persists in trying until he finds a way. He wasn't as skilled as you were when you first started, but he's learned more along the way. He doesn't have many pokemon, but he knows where their strengths and weaknesses lie, and how best to use them."
"So he's basically a better trainer than me," Gary interrupts bitterly, and tries to pull away once more.
"That's not what I said," I sigh in exasperation. Children can be so remarkably stubborn at times. I let go of his arm, moving my hands to rest lightly on his shoulders. He still won't look at me. "You're a very good trainer, Gary, but you could be better still - if you keep on trying. Just like Ash keeps on trying."
He finally raises his head, and I smile slightly as he meets my eyes.
"You... really think so, Grandpa?" he asks tentatively with wide eyes, reminding me of the day he first asked me if I thought he could become a good pokemon trainer. He was as uncertain then as he is now.
"Do you think so?" I ask in return, and his expression darkens with anxiety once more. "If you really love pokemon, Gary, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks besides you."
He looks away, and for a brief moment I fear he'll run away once more - and this time not even those silly cheerleaders his parents hired would be able to restore his confidence in himself again. But they don't have to.
"I think so," he nods decisively, his expression no longer troubled, but instead determined. I release his shoulders as he pulls himself together enough to grin up at me. "I'll beat Ash next time," he promises. "I won't give up until I do!"
I chuckle as I lead him back towards the house. Now he's sounding a lot like another young pokemon trainer I know. They really are quite alike in some ways - and I'm very proud of both of them.
[Storytime][Fanfics][rhionae@hotmail.com]