"Jake you have got to get your shit together. We can't keep up this routine!" Embry said.

"Don't make us get Sam to call your dad" pleaded Quil.

What they didn't understand was this was the only way that I could survive. I didn't have a choice, but to be here every afternoon and night. I needed to be here. It was the only place that I had any hope of finding her again.

We were sitting on our log at First Beach. The whole gang had come down to the beach to hangout and I was finally going to ask her to be mine. I knew that it was cheesy, but I wanted to be with her and be allowed to love her as I wanted to love her. Together we had finally torn down the walls that she had built to protect herself from feeling anything. I thought that now would be the beginning of many perfect afternoons at First Beach.

"Bella –"

"Jake –"

We both interrupted each other.

"Go ahead Bells"

As she started again I became lost in the depth of her eyes, the curve of her cheekbones, the color of her lips.

"- gotta leave."

At those two words I came back to the here and now trying to figure out what she was saying without asking her to repeat herself. My face must have given me away because she started again, but this time she wouldn't look at me.

"I fell in love Jake. He is everything I could want in my other half. I told him that I would be home this afternoon so we could go out to dinner. I gotta leave. "

And with that she quickly got up from our log, scurried towards her car and ran out of my life. I just stayed seated on our log watching her. I couldn't do anything. I was too shocked to make my legs work to chase after her and ask her to listen to what I had to say. My body was betraying me in the worse way, by forcing me to stay still when all I wanted, needed to do was get down on my knee in front of her and offer her the ring.

I sat on our log for the rest of afternoon and well into the evening. The guys all tried to get me tell them what had happened, why Bells had run off. Unfortunately, all I could do was sit there staring out towards to ocean with the ring box in my hands. When it got dark, I continued to stay stationary. The guys had to carry me back to my house. Sitting on the couch in the living room was when they made the mistake of trying to take the ring box from my hands.

I flew off the handle at that moment. I started screaming and throwing glasses and kicking the furniture around the house. Most of the guys got the hint and took off before they got caught in the crossfire. Only Embry and Quil stayed. I raged like that for hours. Finally when I started calming down I made my way to the liquor cabinet. Fortunately, or at least I thought so, the thing was fully stocked since my dad had decided to cut back. I grabbed 3 bottles and quickly left the house and made my way back down to the beach. I took up on our log and began to drink, making sure never to set down the ring box. After that night it became my routine. I would try to drink myself to death every day. Starting in the afternoon I made my way to our log and sat and drank, continuing until I couldn't keep myself awake. Eventually I would return home, attempt unsuccessfully to sleep, and repeat. I would always return to our log with her ring in hopes that she would return to me.

"Why can't you just leave me here?" I begged "She's going to come back."

"Jake – " Embry started.

At that moment she walked down the beach looking even more beautiful than I remembered. Her cheeks held a perfect blush tone and her hair seemed longer. I took in a deep breath to try and see if I could take in her cherry blossom smell. I stood, dropping my bottle so that I could make my way to her when I saw the one thing I knew I was going to see, but didn't want to. She was walking and laughing hand in hand with him. I picked up my bottle, took another swig and braced for the impact that I was sure was going to happen when she finally saw me. At least I was too far gone to think that it could get any worse. I was gonna go out and try to be kind, but I knew that I would fail. At least I had my drinks, her ring, and my memory of her.